By: Monica
Contrary to the title of this post, sometimes men just don't want to put a ring on it. Period. And it's not because they don't like you.
How many ladies out there have a guy that swears she is his world and loves her like no other, yet he refuses to "make it official"? Let's just say, many. This leaves most women completely confused as to what the guy can possibly be thinking. Plus, with their friends insisting this means he's with another woman and that they desrve better yadda yadda, the guy doesn't have a chance to explain. Ladies, you have to be patient. Most of them are not that great with words and emotions to begin with. Throw the ingredient of hurting the girl they love into the mix and you bake them a cake of disaster. They just need time to work through the batter.
So, let me dispel a myth: If a man loves you but doesn't want to marry you, it does not mean he's having an affair.
Now, don't get me wrong. That could very well be the reason, but don't instantly jump to a conclusion and go around pointing the finger because if you are afraid of losing him, that's a sure way to do it.
Now, what are those other reasons that keep a man from marrying his anxious fiancee?
Well, for one, fear. Not fear of spending the rest of his life with the one he loves, but for not being able to spend the rest of his life with the one he loves. Everyone hears of those couples that date happily for seven years and then decide to tie the knot. Four months later, they're not happy and they're not a couple.
Another reason could be two things: Either his parents did not have a good marriage and he does not want to encounter the same problems, or his parents had a very successful marriage that he doesn't want to have to try and live up to. He'd rather set his own barlines without his family comparing his older family to his newer one.
Then there is the classic reason that most guys in this position give: "Everything is good now, why change it?" This reason pretty much relates to the first one except that fear is not the dominant emotion. Many men just don't like change. Plain and simple.
Depending on how long the female is willing to wait, guys will take advantage of the extension of time. It's like when a paper is due and you forgot to finish so your teacher extends the deadline another week. Then you end up waiting until the night before to actually finish up. This is the same deal. They know it's for the better but can't get themselves to take that step. Therefore, it's up to the ladies. What will the confused fiancee do? Go with the flow? Leave him? Present an ultimatum? Personally, I believe the last one is not a good idea. I see it as forcing the guy into marriage. If he's not completely for it, why go through with it? It's a recipe for disaster. I can almost gurantee that if he agrees, it's because he doesn't want to lose you. Therefore, that is a HUGE sacrifice on his part. But do you really want to put him through that? I wouldn't. Marriage for the sake of being married as a title means nothing unless both people are 100% thrilled and determined that it is what they want.
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This may be true. But what makes a women want to press on to be married? Not all women may be that way, but the majority are. Only reason that i could think of is that its their childhood dream like the movie Bride Wars. And if you've seen it you know how that ended. Another reason could be the parental push for grand children but that really isn't a good enough reason to get married. Or could it be that women need a security blanket? In that case women never really "trust" the men they love. All they want is to push for more and more making women insatiable. No wonder some guys out there don't want to get married.
ReplyDeleteI agree that many women view marriage as a "security blanket". That is completely true. Yet, though there are many women out there that press for marriage, I wouldn't say it is the majority. I'm certainly not in that group and neither are most of the girls I know. In fact, I would say that, in this modern day and age, women have come to accept marriage at a later time in life.
ReplyDeleteI (Kelly) would add to this that it's just evolutionary for women to want marriage. Men are programmed to look for all the possibilities- to spread their genes along through whatever means possible. Women on the other hand, are programmed to be monogamous because way back when that ensured the best chance of the baby surviving. It might sound like a cop-out, but we're just born that way. Now that I've said that, I'll fully admit that I've never once pictured my "dream wedding". In fact, I'm kind of dreading having to have a wedding at all. I'd much rather elope, personally.
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