"Does rejection always mean she's not interested?"

By: Kelly

I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news in response to this question. The good news is that no, rejection doesn’t always mean she’s not interested. The bad news is that, if she agrees to go out with you it doesn’t necessarily mean she IS interested either. Discouraged? Wondering why girls are so messed up in the head? Don’t worry; I’m going to explain.

First off, let me clarify what I mean by rejection. I see rejection as any negative response to a romantic advance by a guy. Here are a few examples:

Example 1: It could be a girl turning her head away when a guy tries to kiss her.

Explanation: When girls reject physical advances, there are two possible reasons- 1) she rejects you because she doesn't want to look easy and feels like the respectable thing to do is to show some restraint or 2) she's just not ready. Either way, you should never push a girl because you think she might secretly want it- we pretty much have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to feeling pressured for sexual advances. If the timing doesn't feel right to us, we'll make it obvious so don't worry yourself about our reasoning or our intentions- just be patient. Girls know guys have no self-restraint, but they also know relationships are all the more special when you take your time getting to know a person- if you put everything out there (emotionally and physically) right away, it's not as special.

Example 2: It could be a girl ignoring a guy at a party who is clearly trying to catch her eye, and she talks to her girl friends instead. This form of rejection can have multiple meanings- sometimes girls do things like this because they really aren't interested and sometimes she does them because she's almost TOO interested (aka playing hard to get). I'll get to a better explanation about why girls play hard to get after this last example.

Example 3:Then there are the more obvious rejections- a girl turning down a guy's offer for a date. A verbal "no" always means no. Girls don't turn down dates with guys they really like unless they have to because of prior engagements- and then they will make that very clear to the guy and usually try to reschedule. So if a girl turns you down for a date with little explanation, she means it, so do yourself a favor and move on.

Okay, now let’s deal with a rejection along the lines of the less-obvious Example 2- Like I said, this form of rejection doesn't always mean she doesn't like you. This is usually the case, but not always. Sometimes a girl feels like she has to hide her interest because she thinks it is so obvious already. She thinks that her intense feelings for you shows every time she looks at you, or thinks you’d have to be deaf to not hear her heart pounding every time you are around. Girls sometimes forget that boys aren’t as observant as they are so they feel like they have to hide their feelings twice as well. Why can’t she just tell you she likes you, or at least be brave enough to show it? There are several possibilities. One is that she is worried that you don’t like her as much as she likes you and is afraid of driving you away. Again, she doesn’t want to look too easy. Another is that she doesn’t trust you yet and is scared of being rejected. She finds herself falling for you hard, but isn’t ready to be vulnerable around you because she’s scared you’ll exploit it and take advantage of her. Remember, you are just as responsible for every move any other guy has made against a girl- if someone has treated her like crap, you’re going to have to work twice as hard to prove that all guys aren’t like that. It isn’t fair, but that’s the way it is. Sometimes she hides her true feelings to protect her heart. And sometimes she does it because she's testing YOUR devotion to her- sometimes girls are selfish and want to know that you'll fight for them and won't give up. I know, we are mean.

Now for the second situation- you DON'T get rejected: She accepts your offer to go out sometime and you are immediately transported to cloud nine, believing that her acceptance means she’s into you. Not always the case. There are a million different reasons why a girl might accept an offer to go out on a date. Doc Love outlines some of them through a hypothetical situation with the imaginary couple Tom and Caprice. Read on:
“Tom, like most men, believes that only the first scenario from the list of possibilities below applies to him. With his inflated Interest Level rocketing through the ozone, Tom can't see any other scenario being possible.

The First Date Possibility Factor (as applied to Tom and Caprice):
1.Caprice wants to marry Tom and overpopulate the earth with his offspring
2.Caprice wants Tom to fill in for her boyfriend who is in Hawaii for six weeks
3.Tom's brother is a carpenter and Caprice needs a new roof
4.Caprice cannot stand to be alone
5.Caprice wants to go to a 'Stones concert with Tom - Tom's first and last date
6.Everybody who is anybody will be at the party Tom is taking Caprice
7.Caprice loves trendy restaurants
8.Caprice loves Porsches
9.Tom has the best dope in town
10.Tom's brother is the busiest casting director in Hollywood
11.While she is out with Tom, she might meet someone else she likes with a newer Porsche
12.Caprice can only have one date with Tom because she just received her Ph.D. in Loving Relationships and she is moving to New York in three days to start a new career as a radio talk show host. She will tell him all this after her belly is full of lobster and Dom Perignon. By the way, the name of her radio show is "Why Do Men Play Games and Use Women?" - this title sounds fair and objective to a man-hater.”

As we’ve said before, a woman’s greatest asset is her sex appeal and women do use it to their advantage, even for the most unromantic, practical purposes. However, they can't be vilified for this because men do it too, in different ways. They use every cheap trick they can to get what they want. One of my friends has a male friend who is a doctor and after a long day of work, he "forgets" to take off his lab coat when stopping at the local bar to get a drink on the way home. Why? It is a chick magnet- same as babies and puppy dogs. Neither men nor women are above using every trick in the book to get what they want.

I would also add that sometimes girls just want a chance to get out and do something fun and don’t view dating as such a serious thing as other people do. For some girls, it isn’t a make-or-break, let’s find the love of my life, situation. It’s more casual than that. And some girls might say yes out of pity- they aren’t interested at all but they know you’re a nice guy so they decide the right thing to do is to give you a chance. I’m not sure if this is the “right” thing to do or not, because I think 9 times out of 10 the guy just ends up disappointed and it’s almost a form of leading him on. But on the other hand, if a guy is THAT interested in a girl, he generally won’t care if he’s being viewed as a charity case as long as he’s given a chance to make her think differently. Regardless of whether girls should say yes out of pity, they do it sometimes and it’s important for guys to remember that so that they aren’t blinded by their egos when date night rolls around.

So what’s a guy to do? How can he tell if a girl means what she says? Unfortunately, it’s one of those things you usually have to learn the hard way. Don’t give up on her so quickly if you really think the two of you are good together- she might just think so too. But you also have to be ready to have your ego take a hit if she really just isn’t that into you. Don’t assume anything with girls; they love to prove you wrong and surprise you. It’s how we keep you on your toes ;) Can’t live with us and can’t live without us…

Articles of inspiration:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/2.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/4.html