"Does rejection always mean she's not interested?"

By: Kelly

I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news in response to this question. The good news is that no, rejection doesn’t always mean she’s not interested. The bad news is that, if she agrees to go out with you it doesn’t necessarily mean she IS interested either. Discouraged? Wondering why girls are so messed up in the head? Don’t worry; I’m going to explain.

First off, let me clarify what I mean by rejection. I see rejection as any negative response to a romantic advance by a guy. Here are a few examples:

Example 1: It could be a girl turning her head away when a guy tries to kiss her.

Explanation: When girls reject physical advances, there are two possible reasons- 1) she rejects you because she doesn't want to look easy and feels like the respectable thing to do is to show some restraint or 2) she's just not ready. Either way, you should never push a girl because you think she might secretly want it- we pretty much have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to feeling pressured for sexual advances. If the timing doesn't feel right to us, we'll make it obvious so don't worry yourself about our reasoning or our intentions- just be patient. Girls know guys have no self-restraint, but they also know relationships are all the more special when you take your time getting to know a person- if you put everything out there (emotionally and physically) right away, it's not as special.

Example 2: It could be a girl ignoring a guy at a party who is clearly trying to catch her eye, and she talks to her girl friends instead. This form of rejection can have multiple meanings- sometimes girls do things like this because they really aren't interested and sometimes she does them because she's almost TOO interested (aka playing hard to get). I'll get to a better explanation about why girls play hard to get after this last example.

Example 3:Then there are the more obvious rejections- a girl turning down a guy's offer for a date. A verbal "no" always means no. Girls don't turn down dates with guys they really like unless they have to because of prior engagements- and then they will make that very clear to the guy and usually try to reschedule. So if a girl turns you down for a date with little explanation, she means it, so do yourself a favor and move on.

Okay, now let’s deal with a rejection along the lines of the less-obvious Example 2- Like I said, this form of rejection doesn't always mean she doesn't like you. This is usually the case, but not always. Sometimes a girl feels like she has to hide her interest because she thinks it is so obvious already. She thinks that her intense feelings for you shows every time she looks at you, or thinks you’d have to be deaf to not hear her heart pounding every time you are around. Girls sometimes forget that boys aren’t as observant as they are so they feel like they have to hide their feelings twice as well. Why can’t she just tell you she likes you, or at least be brave enough to show it? There are several possibilities. One is that she is worried that you don’t like her as much as she likes you and is afraid of driving you away. Again, she doesn’t want to look too easy. Another is that she doesn’t trust you yet and is scared of being rejected. She finds herself falling for you hard, but isn’t ready to be vulnerable around you because she’s scared you’ll exploit it and take advantage of her. Remember, you are just as responsible for every move any other guy has made against a girl- if someone has treated her like crap, you’re going to have to work twice as hard to prove that all guys aren’t like that. It isn’t fair, but that’s the way it is. Sometimes she hides her true feelings to protect her heart. And sometimes she does it because she's testing YOUR devotion to her- sometimes girls are selfish and want to know that you'll fight for them and won't give up. I know, we are mean.

Now for the second situation- you DON'T get rejected: She accepts your offer to go out sometime and you are immediately transported to cloud nine, believing that her acceptance means she’s into you. Not always the case. There are a million different reasons why a girl might accept an offer to go out on a date. Doc Love outlines some of them through a hypothetical situation with the imaginary couple Tom and Caprice. Read on:
“Tom, like most men, believes that only the first scenario from the list of possibilities below applies to him. With his inflated Interest Level rocketing through the ozone, Tom can't see any other scenario being possible.

The First Date Possibility Factor (as applied to Tom and Caprice):
1.Caprice wants to marry Tom and overpopulate the earth with his offspring
2.Caprice wants Tom to fill in for her boyfriend who is in Hawaii for six weeks
3.Tom's brother is a carpenter and Caprice needs a new roof
4.Caprice cannot stand to be alone
5.Caprice wants to go to a 'Stones concert with Tom - Tom's first and last date
6.Everybody who is anybody will be at the party Tom is taking Caprice
7.Caprice loves trendy restaurants
8.Caprice loves Porsches
9.Tom has the best dope in town
10.Tom's brother is the busiest casting director in Hollywood
11.While she is out with Tom, she might meet someone else she likes with a newer Porsche
12.Caprice can only have one date with Tom because she just received her Ph.D. in Loving Relationships and she is moving to New York in three days to start a new career as a radio talk show host. She will tell him all this after her belly is full of lobster and Dom Perignon. By the way, the name of her radio show is "Why Do Men Play Games and Use Women?" - this title sounds fair and objective to a man-hater.”

As we’ve said before, a woman’s greatest asset is her sex appeal and women do use it to their advantage, even for the most unromantic, practical purposes. However, they can't be vilified for this because men do it too, in different ways. They use every cheap trick they can to get what they want. One of my friends has a male friend who is a doctor and after a long day of work, he "forgets" to take off his lab coat when stopping at the local bar to get a drink on the way home. Why? It is a chick magnet- same as babies and puppy dogs. Neither men nor women are above using every trick in the book to get what they want.

I would also add that sometimes girls just want a chance to get out and do something fun and don’t view dating as such a serious thing as other people do. For some girls, it isn’t a make-or-break, let’s find the love of my life, situation. It’s more casual than that. And some girls might say yes out of pity- they aren’t interested at all but they know you’re a nice guy so they decide the right thing to do is to give you a chance. I’m not sure if this is the “right” thing to do or not, because I think 9 times out of 10 the guy just ends up disappointed and it’s almost a form of leading him on. But on the other hand, if a guy is THAT interested in a girl, he generally won’t care if he’s being viewed as a charity case as long as he’s given a chance to make her think differently. Regardless of whether girls should say yes out of pity, they do it sometimes and it’s important for guys to remember that so that they aren’t blinded by their egos when date night rolls around.

So what’s a guy to do? How can he tell if a girl means what she says? Unfortunately, it’s one of those things you usually have to learn the hard way. Don’t give up on her so quickly if you really think the two of you are good together- she might just think so too. But you also have to be ready to have your ego take a hit if she really just isn’t that into you. Don’t assume anything with girls; they love to prove you wrong and surprise you. It’s how we keep you on your toes ;) Can’t live with us and can’t live without us…

Articles of inspiration:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/2.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/4.html

Let's Get This Straight...

By: Monica

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned the faultiness of the Yahoo! Personals section; feeding the public the assumed answers to people's general questions about relationships. But what good is wrong advice? It's not, so I have decided to correct it.
Below, I will post excerpts from an article designed to help you stay away from "bad men" and then state as to why the information is complete bogus:

"You go out with the girls in hopes of catching the eye of your future Prince Charming and securing that fairytale ending, but sometimes dating trials run amuck, leaving you with an experience that you wish you could have skipped out on."

Me: I go out with the girls to have a fun time. I go out with the girls to spend time with them. I go out with the girls thinking the night is about us and, if some guy catches my eye (not the other way around), I can figure if I'm invested enough to give it a shot. Once I give it a shot, I never regret it. What I do not do is go out with the girls thinking I'm going to meet my future husband and, when some random guy hits on me (the type that didn't catch my attention first), immediately change my Facebook status to "in a relationship" and go steady with him before I even know what his last name is. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.

"The Cheater
This guy plans dates with multiple girls at a time even when you've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks at minimum. He claims he's keeping his options open, but what that really means is that he has commitment issues and that he's somewhat of a player. This guy definitely is not ready to be in a monogamous relationship, so get out before you get hurt. Keep your eyes peeled for his constant checking of text messages and any smirks that may cross his face while he responds."

Me: First off, if a guy tells you he's keeping his options open while you're in a relationship with him, he's not cheating. He's being honest. It's your decision whether to stay wih him or not. He is not going through the effort of hiding it from you or making you think you are the only girl he likes. Secondly, if a guy has commitment issues and is a "player", that does not qualify him as a cheater. True, he's not ready for a monogamous relationship, but the guy described above doesn't have a problem telling you that. Finally, if he indiscretely smirks when text messaging another girl in front of you then, again, he's not hiding it. In that case, he's not a cheater, just an asshole.

"The Liar
Like the cheater, this guy won't be straight up with you. He'll ignore certain topics you bring up and will try to immediately change the subject. If he can't look you in the eyes when you ask him what he did that day, then there's a problem. This should send you running in the opposite direction before he ends up lying about something much more serious than his daily routine. Obviously this guy has major skeletons in his closet, and you won't want to stick around long enough to find out what they might be. "

Me: For a guy to be labeled a "Liar", in my book at least, he has to be a good one. A guy that makes obvious mistakes while lying, such as avoiding eye contact and immediately changing the subject, is definitely not a pro. Therefore, he has probably only lied in this manner to you. This is a bad thing because he is being untruthful, but on the bright side, if he didn't care he either would not bother hiding it, or would not be as nervous around you when in the act of lying. Bottom line, to be called a "Liar" he needs to know how to lie.

The rest of the categories that I do agree with, such as "Poor Hygiene", "Mama's Boy", the "Cheapskate", and "Innaproriate Commentary", are so painstakingly obvious that it is almost insulting to women's judgement to even mention them.

At least Yahoo! got one thing in this article right, "Confidence is the ultimate form of sexiness."

Why Women Love Men

By: Kelly

I’m feeling grateful today so I think I’ll make a list (this will be my last list-y post for a while, I promise) outlining why I am eternally thankful God made men (for many other reasons apart from the obvious ones). So here is a list of the things I love about men that women are sorely lacking in (I kept it personality-wise because I think it applies to more women that way. Each girl has her own physical preferences but these are pretty universal):

1. Men don’t really complain. This is my absolute FAVORITE thing about men. I pity them so much for having to marry women who almost always turn into complete wives. You’re probably thinking, umm duh if a woman gets married she becomes a wife. But a while back, a friend of mine and I deemed any woman who bitches about the littlest things and loses all sense of fun in a relationship a “wife”. This is a theme that TV show and movie creators understand all too well because plot lines and jokes center around this ALL the time. Just look for it next time you’re watching a sitcom or a chick flick- I guarantee it will come into play. But it really isn’t funny- women really do bitch way too much. Men, on the other hand, suck it up and deal with their problems without whining about it.

2. Men love to spoil their women. When they fall, they fall hard and really do treat their partners like they are the center of the universe whereas many women remain self-centered. Women have a sense of entitlement about them that makes them expect men to fawn over them and worship them while men usually have a quiet humbleness about them. Even the most prideful players and big shots out there are often “conquered” by a woman that they treat with the upmost respect and love.

3. Men tell it like it is and are drama-free for the most part. They don’t really beat around the bush. This sometimes comes across as insincerity and offends more sensitive women but it’s just their nature, and frankly, it makes a lot more sense than the twisted way women think. Women tell more white lies and twist the truth, causing all kinds of problems in friendships and relationships. Men don’t do this and that’s probably why you see catfights so much more often than you see men fight with each other. Men get over things by hitting each other, beating each other in games, or having a good yelling match. Once the situation is resolved, it’s forgotten. Women on the other hand, hold grudges and keep secrets; they spread gossip and hide their feelings. Women complain that men don’t know how to express their feelings but oftentimes women just don’t want to see what’s right in front of their faces.

4. All the chivalrous things they do- holding doors open for women, paying for meals, driving women places. Sure this stuff is less common now as women have proven they should pull equal weight in relationships, but the fact that most men still offer to do these things is what matters.

5. Making us laugh- guys are just funny. Women in general are more uptight while men see the world with a simplicity that allows them to make light out of any situation. They aren’t afraid to look foolish in public and they make jokes out of themselves- something most women will never do.

6. The way they make us feel- women hide their admiration of men while men are pretty open about it- sometimes too open with strangers. However, in general women love the attention men give them. It makes us feel valued, special, beautiful, young, and full of life and love to offer. They take the initiative and usually have to be the first to bear their souls and risk getting hurt or embarrassed- and that’s no easy thing to do. Some girls take advantage of this or underestimate how hard it can be, but I know I’m very thankful of it and always take it into consideration when “letting someone down easy”.

7. Doing all the stuff I would never do- changing tires, mowing the lawn, fixing things around the house. Thank God they know how to do those things because I would be totally lost on my own.

8. They are easy to please. They live for the simple pleasures in life and don’t ask for much. They’re pretty easily satisfied and will show you their appreciation in the best ways. Women are much pickier and harder to please. We are more likely to use our biting words to hurt than to praise and don’t always think before we speak. But men seem to understand this and always forgive us and welcome us back with open arms.

9. Protecting us- whether it be through their jobs as soldiers, policemen, or firefighters, or just as the “man of the house” all women love to feel safe because of the strong men around them. It warms our hearts to see their self-sacrificing brave natures come into play.

10. Okay, so like I said- there’s also the obvious reasons.

Zits

By: Monica

I have grown up reading the Sunday comics and, throughout the years, Zits and I have become best friends. Through all my awkward pubescent years, embarrassing moments, typically "crazy" parents, and high school drama, Jeremy was always there experiencing the same things. Due to our close relationship, he has agreed to help me explain some aspects of teenage life using his as an example.

One thing that drives people like me crazy is when teenagers think their relationship is "grown up". You are in HIGH SCHOOL. Despite the example Romeo and Juliet set, deep love is very rare. So, assume yours is not an exception. This means that, unless you are in a private setting and your partner is up for it as well, heavy make-out sessions are not advised.



Ladies, wonder why guys always say we're complicated? Maybe this will give you a hint. Any girl that denies she does this to ANY extent at all is lying. It's not a bad thing. Girls just like to over-analyze everything. That's what we do.



This goes with the PDA in front of friends and others. There is a reason people procriate in the privacy of their own home, or, atleast somewhere where no one else can see them. Other people DO NOT want to see it. Plain and simple. Friends might not tell you that your make-out sessions are gag worthy but be assured that when you're not around they make sure to voice how revolting it truly is.



Now, anyone else notice that it's ten times more interesting talking to someone through technology whether it be texting, AIM, or MySpace? Talking in person can be awkward and choppy, especially when your mind is searching for "chat worthy" topics to discuss. However, when conversing through some form of texting, the conversation is almost always engaging and entertaining, often lasting for hours on end.



I have already established that "love" is usually not actual LOVE in high school. However, infatuation does happen every so often. All of us have had that crush that you secretly steal glances at during the boring lecture in math class, or take a certain route in the hallway just so you can pass them, or put that extra "umph!" in the outfit you're wearing to a party when you know they're going to be there. But, again, it's not LOVE. Teenagers, mostly guys, think with their "other head". Check out the comic strip below and notice where Jeremy's "heart" is kept. That's right, in his pants. Enough said.

10 Tips for Guys

By: Kelly

Alright so now it is time for me to give some advice to the guys out there. Some of these tips were hard for me to write because many of them seem counterintuitive to many women. We THINK we like a lot of these things, but when we actually experience them in real life, the outcome is very different. So here are some things that, while they may be commonly used ways to "get a girl", are still very flawed. This could almost be seen as a how-to list for a guy who wants to be in Category 1, because no Category 1 guy would do any of the following things (with the possible exception of #8). However, I don't think anyone can really "become" a Category 1, you just are one. Regardless, if you want to up your game (by which I do not mean get with more chicks, but rather have a more nuanced understanding of The Game), read on.

1.Don’t stare. Eye contact is very important and is definitely an effective way to show your interest in a girl, but it has to be used wisely. It’s a powerful tool but it loses any effectiveness when it is over-used. Sure, it can be flattering to know a guy is looking at you but it can also make us really uncomfortable. If we aren’t interested in you, it can actually be really annoying and I know it’s harsh, but even a little creepy. The only exception is if you’re drop dead gorgeous. Just kidding (well kind of). Otherwise, it just comes off as stalker-ish. So play it cool, don’t look at us too much. It makes us interested when a guy seems to be ignoring us. Actually, it drives us kind of crazy. And then when you finally DO look at us, it is 100 times more satisfying than being looked at by the guys who stare all the time.

2.Don’t rely on the internet. Especially when you’re first getting to know the girl. It might seem a lot easier to do it when you have some time to think about what you’re going to say and less intimidating to risk getting rejected by a screen then a pretty girl but it messes things up in the long run. Think about it, what if that girl ends up being “the one”? Maybe guys don’t think about “the one” as much as girls do, but still, what if she is? Do you really want to have to say you first got to know her through something as lame as AIM? Talk to her in person. Otherwise you look kind of cowardly and it might make it awkward when you finally do see her in person. She’ll have a much stronger emotional connection with you if you strike up a conversation in real life and not through a text message.

3.Do not pretend to be interested in the things we like just to impress us- we can usually tell when you’re just trying to placate us. Obviously the football player isn’t all of a sudden interested in Japanese anime. It might seem like an easy “in” with a girl, but it can backfire later when she gets to know you better. Tell us you think it’s cool that we’re interested in the things we like but admit you don’t know anything about it. We’ll respect you so much more for it.

4.Do not call us pet names like baby, hun, sweetheart, or gorgeous unless it is done in the context of mindless flirting or joking. It positively screams player which is not a good thing to us. It shows us you’re used to sweet-talking women and means you’re underestimating our intelligence. Sure, if you like her, you can compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful but you better make sure to do it in a creative/funny/genuine way that won’t come across as something that’s going to be followed up with a “so my place or yours?”. Even if that’s what you’re thinking, don’t let on. Don’t tell us we look “good”. It makes us feel like a piece of meat or makes us think you aren’t smart enough to come up with a better adjective.

5.For the love of all that is holy- please, please, please do not wear Axe. All those years since you hit puberty, the commercials lied to you. Women do not throw themselves at you when you smell like B.O. or a middle school locker room (trust me, no girl wants to relive this memory). Do yourself a favor and buy something a little less over the top and a little manlier.

6.Don’t lie to us. We will find out and then the trust is gone and can almost never be earned back. This is THE worst thing you can ever do to a girl.

7.Don’t brag about your social life or immediately start sniggering away like an idiot with your friends as soon as you see us. It’s so obvious that you’re trying to look like you’re the life of the party or always busy. And if you have to make it look like you are, that implies you clearly aren’t.

8.Don’t tell us we’re wrong. Remember a bunch of posts back when I accused men of always needing their egos stroked? Well I might have forgotten to mention that women are the same way in different words. Men need to feel strong, competent, and in control. Women need to feel loved, intelligent, and beautiful. We ALWAYS think we’re right. Okay, maybe we need to feel in control too. So just go along with it even if we’re way off base. Unless you’ve got a really good comeback of course; those should never go to waste.

9.I really shouldn’t even have to say this but I still see it ALL the time. Don’t use really immature ways to tell a girl you like her. Don’t ever do it through a friend and don’t tell her about “this girl you just can’t seem to stop thinking about” and then think you’re revealing this big romantic secret when she realizes it’s her. If she doesn’t ask you who it is, you know you’re screwed because she’s already figured it out and is postponing the inevitable because she’s less than thrilled. Even if she does ask, there is still a high possibility she’s just trying to get it over with quick, like ripping off a band aid. Sorry, but that is just never a good way to tell a girl you like her.

10.Don’t be all up in her grill, yo. I don’t care who you are or how much you like her- give her time to miss you. If you call, text, or visit her all the time she’ll lose interest really fast and perceive you as “easy”. You’re probably thinking, “Wait- I thought men were the hunters.” Yes, they are, but so are women to an extent, especially the really good ones *Sleazy wink* It’s just that paradox of The Game that you have to play it cool and not let on how infatuated you really are because it drives women away. We aren’t nice when you give us power so if you hand over the reins, we will try to break you. I wish we knew better but we just don’t. So give shawty some space. (I have never spoken in this gangster slang in my life, btw. I’m using it partly for comedic effect, and partly because I’ve been listening to Drake. Regardless, that is clearly a sign that this post is getting way too long. Sayonara. Or should I say, peace up, A town down. The kids still say that, right?)

Overrated vs. Underrated

By: Monica

As we all know, the dating advice Yahoo! provides in the "Personal" column usually does not qualify as "top- notch". Yet, I read them anyway for the pure sake of entertainment. Today, however, was one of the few days I agreed with what some random person conjured up about what men like. So, here I am, sharing my entertainment of the day with you; courtesy of Yahoo! Personals.

"Dating 101: What Do Men Find Romantic?
Guys Reveal What's Overrated vs. What's Underrated

Overrated: Love letters

Underrated: Romantic texts

If a guy sits down to write you an actual love letter, he's doing it to impress you. If he sends you a text out of nowhere telling you he's thinking about you, he's doing it because he can't help himself.

Overrated: The smell of your perfume

Underrated: The smell of your hair

There's nothing wrong with the subtle application of the right perfume, but catching a whiff of that clean-yet-flowery girl-hair smell beats any fragrance.

Overrated: Humoring him by watching the game

Underrated: Doing your own thing while he watches the game

If you truly enjoy gorging on hot dogs while watching sports, that's great. But if you're doing it solely for his sake, there's no need to bother -- he knows that you're a girl. And he likes that.

Overrated: Ballroom-dancing lessons

Underrated: Surfing lessons

Most any guy would love being active and learning new things with you. But if he has to worry about his footwork and balance, he'd rather not have to be wearing shimmery shirts while doing it.

Overrated: Double dates

Underrated: Going to parties together

Double dates are often a little awkward. Seeing an entire party's worth of guys look jealous when he walks in with you is always totally awesome."

It Takes Two

By: Kelly

Now there are many different types of couples out there- many more categories than there are for men or women as separate genders. Each relationship is unique, but each fits in at least one category and probably several. Here is a list of some of them with examples either from people I know or from movies:

“The Best Friends” An example of this couple is my friend Ciara and her boyfriend Jacob. He will always be her best friend first and her boyfriend second. They love to do silly childish things together: play-wrestle, call each other names, bake, etc. just like best friends might do. Another good example of this type is Lorelai and Luke from Gilmore Girls. In one episode, despite the fact that they’ve broken up and are mad at each other, Lorelai goes to Luke in desperation because he is the one she always went to when she had a broken heart. Like the best friend he was, he comforted her no matter what happened between them.

“The Private Couple” This is the couple that seems reserved in public- the opposite of The Lovebirds. The fact that they don’t display their affections publicly however, does not mean that they are any less in love. Quite the opposite. If anything, they consider their love too intimate and special to be displayed just anywhere. They don’t need to always be touching one another to have a strong connection. In fact, this is the type of couple who can just look into one another’s eyes and feel the heat just as much as other couples would feel by kissing. The best example I have for this one is (don’t shoot me) Alice and Jasper from Twilight. There is a scene in one of the books where the Cullens are reunited. The different couples greet each other in similar ways- by embracing. Alice and Jasper stand out however, because they simply look at each other. It is an intense scene and one gets the impression that they have the most interesting relationship out of all the couples in the books.

“The Lovebirds” This is the passionate couple every high school student has had the misfortune to have a locker next to (think Josh and Lana in The Princess Diaries). They are so wrapped up in each other that they are oblivious to everyone else around them and continue to suck face much to everyone else’s chagrin. Basically, a PDA alert should follow them wherever they go.

“The Newlyweds” This is the couple who is in that initial lovey-dovey stage where their partner is all they seem to care about. They isolate themselves unintentionally by being completely wrapped up in each other. They idolize one another and are, quite frankly, revolting to outsiders. They call each other pet names, talk in baby voices, and refuse to even imagine that their partner could ever be wrong. They are the couple who has the phone conversations “No, you hang up first”. An example of this category would be Ron and Lavender in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Newlyweds and Lovebirds are two categories that almost always overlap.


“The Classic Couple” This is a couple that is very difficult to describe because the only distinguishing feature is that they seem to be made for each other. This is the ideal relationship where they can ask “Where have you been all my life?” without sounding cheesy. Their relationship just seems to have a flow and rhythm to it and they make love look completely effortless. They bring out the best in each other and compensate for each other’s weaknesses. Many couples fall into this category, particularly couples that end up getting married.

“The Fighters” This is the couple that loves to fight simply to fight. They scream at one another and pick each other apart, but it seems to add excitement to the relationship because it ends up bringing them closer together in the end every time. Think of the make-up sex jokes associated with this couple and it starts to make some sense. This is the couple where, after a heated fight, the negative energy just seems to completely dissipate and they can go to one another without a single word and know that the other is sorry. The best example is Holly and Gerry in P.S. I Love You.

“The Competitors” This is a very difficult category to explain and could be easily confused with “The Fighters” although they are completely different types of couples. A couple falls into this category if both partners are naturally “competitors” when it comes to romance. So, the male is going to be in Category 1 or a high Category 2 and the woman is going to be the equivalent of that. (Women can only be Category 1 or 3 because women don’t put on fronts about “having game” the way Category 2 males do. They don’t fake expertise when it comes to relationship issues- either they have it or they don’t.) This is any couple who finds the chase more exciting than the kill. In order to keep their relationship interesting, they are constantly exercising a battle of wits and take turns “fighting” for power. The terms used for this category are bound to sound warped and insane to any outsiders, but for insiders, it makes total sense. An example of this couple, in my opinion anyway, would be Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or possibly the Date Doctor and Eva Mendez’s character in Hitch.

“The Star-crossed Lovers” This is the couple that seems to have all odds stacked against them and doesn’t seem to be meant to be, yet they keep getting drawn back together. They break up and get back together constantly and their best friends learn to just roll their eyes and ignore the drama. These couples may take years to get it together but sometimes it does happen. The best example I have for this category is one of my English teachers and her husband. They were high school sweethearts but had some problems and continually broke up over the course of ten years. She never would have dreamed he was “the one” but in the end, their relationship stood the test of time and now they are happily married with their first child.

“The Old Married Couple” This one needs little explanation. This is the couple who either is old and married or just acts like it. They know each other well enough to anticipate the other’s every move and bicker with each other on a daily basis. Yet they love each other dearly and always become those cute old couples in the rocking chairs at Cracker Barrel that everyone “awws” about.

“The Unequal Couple” Barring the moral implications of the name, this is a couple where one person is “better” than the other who is “undeserving”. This can come in many different forms- one partner can be far superior physically, as far as wealth goes, intellectually, or as far as maturity levels go. For whatever reason, one partner has the upper hand and would normally not consider dating said partner. This is not a good pairing because it always leaves one person feeling inadequate and insecure about the relationship. My example for this one is more obscure, but it comes from the book An Abundance of Katherines which is about a nerdy boy who is constantly dumped by girls named Katherine, essentially because they aren’t “on his level”. However, this couple is not the same as the pretty cheerleader who falls for the math geek- because in some cases, these relationships are equal. What one lacks in appearance, they might make up for in wit. As long as the relationship is balanced and each person’s strengths and weaknesses are roughly equal, this relationship is not “unequal”.

“The Blind Couple” This is the couple that isn’t actually together yet but everyone knows they should be and eventually will be. It is so completely obvious to the rest of the world but they are blind to the possibilities so they continue to be friends, coworkers, etc. This is used all the time in television shows and a good example is Jim and Pam from The Office.

“The Abusive Couple” This is obviously not a good couple. This can either be physically abusive or mentally. Either way, it is essentially the opposite of The Classic Couple in that they bring out the worst in each other and tear each other down instead of building each other up. Rather than compensate for each other’s weaknesses, they exploit them.

10 Tips for Women

By: Kelly

This is a list of things I sincerely wish women would stop doing- for the sake of my sanity, their respectability, and men's happiness. This list of "don'ts" is not universal and some of the things I warn against do work on men- but only on the stupid ones, in my humble opinion. If a guy is interested in you as a result of any of the following things, fine, go for it if you really want to. But there are many women out there who isolate themselves because of some of these actions. There are many pretty girls out there who are always sought after by the guys but that have no real girl friends. They think it's because all the girls they know are jealous of them, but it goes deeper than that. So if a) you are tired of always ending up with the wrong types of guys, b) are lacking any female friends or c) can't seem to make a relationship last, look at this list and see if you do any of these things. If so, you might have found the root of the problem.

1.Stop the giggling. It is beyond annoying. It doesn’t make you look cutesy or happy, it makes you look high/ditzy/flighty. You can laugh at a guy’s jokes if they’re truly funny but you start to sound like a drunken chipmunk when the laughter turns to giggling.

2.Keep your hands to yourself. I actually think it’s okay for a guy to touch a girl when he’s talking to her- with certain limits of course and only under very specific circumstances. He can brush his knee against hers, or touch her back or arm. But girls should never do this in a public place (where people you know are around) with guys that aren’t their boyfriends already. The simplest gestures will make you look like you have a flashing neon sign over your head declaring that you are open for business. Sure, the guy might like it but the smart guys will see it as a warning sign that you are a loose cannon and not one to be trusted around other guys. And the other girls in the room will immediately lose respect for you. Not out of jealousy, even. I’ve seen it happen with guys that disgust me and it still makes me look down on a girl. So respect yourself enough to have some restraint.

3.Don’t use the whiny voice and play the “victim”. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Everyone has either been guilty of or a witness to one of the following lines: “Sstttooppp *giggle* you are sooo annoying” or “Why do you have to be like that?” or “Omg, why are you always so mean to mee?” Even the most intelligent girls sometimes melt like a candle when the right guy applies the heat. But it’s not attractive at all and puts them off in an instant as soon as you start talking like a 3 year old.

4.If you want a guy to respect you, stop dressing like a whore. It’s like one of my favorite comedians Dave Chappelle once explained- that is so confusing for guys. It would be like seeing someone dressed up as a policeman on the street and running up to him to ask for help and getting a cold, “I’m not a policeman so I can’t help you.” Essentially, it’s a costume. This goes back to something I said a long time ago- the message you think you’re sending with your clothes (I look pretty) translates to “I’m a slut”. It brands you as a throw-away. Again, respect yourself more than that. Remember, it is ALWAYS better to leave a little to the imagination.

5.Stop blaming yourself and over-analyzing. This is a hard one because I’m guilty of it. But it’s so true what Steve Harvey, author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man says. Sometimes it really isn’t about you, the woman. Sometimes the guy has too much going on in his own life and can’t handle a relationship. So many times women tear themselves up trying to figure out what they did wrong when it wasn’t their fault at all and blow the situation out of context. So try to sit back and relax and move on once it’s all said and done. Stir up some healthy anger against the guy rather than yourself- it’ll help.

6.Don’t get ahead of yourself. Women are so fast to jump into a relationship and get carried away. The poor guy is thinking this is a casual relationship and you’ve already got your kids names picked out to match his last name. This will spook him. One of my friends made this mistake- she fell for a guy she barely knew and started getting all jealous every time he was with another girl. She even went as far to drive 30 minutes to hang out at the restaurant where he worked just to see him. Obviously, it didn’t work out between them. Don’t get too attached too quickly- go at a slow pace. The best things are worth savoring, and if he is “the one” you’ll be glad you took the time to find out without making assumptions.

7.Don’t be obvious. The hair twirling and the eyelid batting went out of style along with the poodle skirts back in the 50’s. Unfortunately, they were replaced with the myspace lip pout and matching peace sign fingers in cell phone mirror pictures. STOP IT. You do not want to look like a Miley Cyrus wannabe.

8.Don’t be a snob. While guys love to see confidence in a girl, they will never take a second look at you if they can see up your nose because you’re so busy holding it in the air. Guys like genuinely nice girls who are kind, compassionate, and just plain happy. They love to see you smile. And snobs are too good to smile in the company of their inferiors whereas happy girls don’t care who sees- in fact, they hope everyone does so that they can pass it on to someone else.

9.Don’t act stupid on purpose. This goes along with #1 and #3 but is so important that I’m clarifying it a third time- guys like smart girls, not bimbos. They aren’t going to be flattered by your compliments about “how much they know”. Chances are, they’d rather be learning from you.

10.Leave the drama for yo’ momma. Guys are not interested in girls who are complete emotional roller coasters. They don’t want to be the one you vent to, the one you take your anger out on, none of that. They don’t want to see you upset or angry. Tears kind of freak them out. Go to your gay friends or your girl friends for a good cry fest. Being a drama queen comes off as catty and high maintenance. Like Steve Harvey, has said, men are always thinking ahead just like women are (albeit sometimes subconsciously) and they picture what kind of home environment you would create. If you act like you’re bipolar, they’re going to think “Ugh- I’d be coming home to THAT? No thank you.” So pull it together ladies, otherwise your man is going to cancel his subscription. Because guess what? He doesn’t need your issues.

"Just Dance, Gonna Be Okay..."

By: Monica

Time to break down the basics for all of you guys who don't seem to understand why you can't get the girl to dance with you or you don't know how to approach her in general. From a girl's point of view, this is "how it goes down":

1. Just like in life in general, the shy ones are the easiest to reject. We figure they've been through this situation a million times and, therefore can handle the rejection without making a big deal or making us feel guilty about it. Lesson learned: When approaching a girl to dance, always do it with confidence. This way she'll know you plan to take the lead on the dance floor and she won't have to carry the burden of "un-awkwardizing" the situation. You ask, therefore you take responsibility. Act like you know what you're doing.

2. Here's a little trick I've noticed over the years: When asking her out to the dance floor, hold your hand out infront for her to take. I know it may sound a bit old school but this makes it much harder for her to decline the offer. If you're just standing there she can say, "no thank you," or, "I'm tired,", etc. but if your hand is there in offering, she can't ignore it and decline. That would be too awkward for her to reject because she knows it would be rude. Therefore she is inclined to take it and figures one little dance wouldn't hurt compared to the jerk you might think she is if she didn't accept.

3. It is much easier for a girl to decline a dance if she feels no emotional connection with you. Just like it makes it a bit easier for a mother to get an abortion if she and her husband don't know it's a boy named Michael who will join his highschool football team and become a successful lawyer. Just like it's much easier for someone to accuse a stranger of wrong doing than their own friend. Just like it is for someone to not be as aware of their manners or actions infront of those they do not know than infront of their friends and family. Get the point? In essence, you'll probably never see them again. To you they are just another person. Therefore, introduce yourself. Tell her your name. Something creative is always a surprise factor that will not let her have enough time to make up an excuse, but a normal, "Hey I'm Josh, wanna dance?" is emotional attachment enough for her to feel guilty if she declines.

4. This is an important one: Don't keep coming back for dances. She'll figure she already granted you a couple,there is no obligation for her to grant you another one. She doesn't owe you anything anymore. Essentially you set yourself up for rejection by portraying yourself as the annoying kid who has a mega crush on her. The more you ask, the greater your chances are for a "no thanks, my feet hurt". If she really enjoyed herself that much, next time have her come to you. If she doesn't, figure it's her loss and move on.

5. This last one happens more often than you think: It's not you, it's her. In this situation, she doesn't decline because she doesn't want to dance with you. Quite contrary, maybe she really does. Yet, maybe she is insecure with herself or her dancing skills and doesn't want to embarrass herself infront of you. In this scenerio, there is not much you can do. If a little coaxing doesn't work, I'm afraid it's a lost cause. So, again, move on and cough it up to her being the one who's missing out.

Nature’s Cruelest Double Standard

Posted By: Kelly

This is a post about nature’s cruelest double standard- that women have to be the bearers of morality when it comes to sex. They are the ones who aren’t supposed to have dirty thoughts while it’s not only accepted in men, but to be expected. Girls are “whores” and “sluts” while guys are “players”. Why? Because girls are supposed to be the responsible ones who can exercise self-restraint and temptation. This isn’t unfounded- it’s unfair but it makes sense. That’s just the way we are; it’s our genetic make-up. Guys brag about their sexual escapades like they are telling about the number of free throws they made while girls hide them in shame, along with the STDs. This is explained perfectly by the Rule of Three which is described in American Pie 2:

Kevin: "Hey, Vicky only slept with one guy since we went out. I mean, that like makes me 50% of her entire guy related life."
Stifler: "You *******. She didn't sleep with one guy. She slept with at least three."
Kevin: "What?"
Stifler: "When a girl tells you how many guys she slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you ******* learn anything at college?"

New scene:
Jessica: "Look, he did not sleep with three girls, okay. Much like Sly and the Family Stone aren't gonna dance on in here and gang bang me between the Afros and the bell bottoms, okay. It's not gonna happen. Kevin Meyers did not sleep with three girls at Michigan."
Vicky Lathum: "But why would he lie to me?"
Jessica: "It's not a lie. It's an adjustment. Alright, it's the rule of three."
Vicky: "The rule of what?"
Jessica: "Three."
Vicky: "A guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three. Then you get the real total. So if Kevin's saying it's been three girls, it's more like one, or none."
Jessica: "None?"
Vicky: "Rule of three. It's an exact science, consistent as gravity."


If there is a video out there that describes the sad, sad nature of this societal fact, it is collegehumor’s The March of Shame (sorry, embedding was disabled):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MM3KkF5urY&feature=fvst

But still, there are women out there who fight the current and argue that women shouldn’t have to be the holy, righteous ones. They admit that they have dirty thoughts and don’t think sex is anything for them to be ashamed of. An example is Denise, from the movie P.S. I Love You:

Denise Hennessey: [Denise is admiring Ted as he walks by] Ooohhh, he's delicious isn't he? I'd serve coffee on that ass.
John McCarthy: Do you have to be so vulgar about men? Like they're pieces of meat?
Denise Hennessey: I'm sorry, John. I forgot you're sensitive about your flat ass.
John McCarthy: You know, Denise, that's why you're not married. Women act like men. Then they complain men don't want them.
Denise Hennessey: Oh, is that why? 'Cause I thought it was something different. I thought that it was 'cause I deserved the best and he's out there. He's just with all the wrong women. And let me be clear. After CENTURIES of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the *DIVINE* right to stare at a man's BACKSIDE with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to!

Essentially Denise is saying, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

John Green and Science is Sexy

Posted By: Kelly

In an earlier blog, Monica alluded to the fact that the two most commonly made mistakes in relationships are being overly clingy and trying too hard. Normally, I associate these mistakes more with girls but it can work for either gender. John Green explains them both in about a minute in this video. You should definitely check it out from about 1:24 to 2:40:



That clip is made of pure win.

On a completely different note, I’ve always viewed romance as more of a science than an art form. I know this exposes me as someone who is clearly not a romantic, in the typical sense of the word at least. I understand that calling romance a science somewhat defies the very definition of romance, because people don’t normally correlate say, biology to sexiness. But it’s true in the sense that masters of relationships become experts through observation, noticing and analyzing patterns, experimentation, etc. The following is a short list of things I think every healthy relationship is built upon, in the form of horrible science metaphors. Bear in mind that I never learned a single thing in chemistry so these have no validity whatsoever. Enjoy.

1.“The spark” or if we really want to use a science metaphor, energy. Some people are critics of “the spark” and say that it doesn’t exist and isn’t necessary for a good relationship. However, I think it’s absolutely vital. It’s what draws you in to another person, and makes you focus on them above anyone else. This is the first step in any relationship, what creates the intrigue. Even after old friends become lovers, they make this transition because of a new spark that they didn’t see or have before.

To further divide this, there are two types of romantic energy- potential and kinetic. If someone sees potential energy in a prospective partner, it means they can see many positive signs that indicate that that person might be good for them. Said person might possess a good amount of “turn ons” or they might have interests, mindsets, or a background that you find intriguing.

The problem with potential energy however, is that it doesn’t always evolve into kinetic energy the way it is supposed to. This is the example of the couple that just can’t seem to make it work- they have too many differences that divide them that one or both aren’t willing/are unable to reconcile to make the relationship work. Both people see the way things could be, and sometimes are, but at the end of the day both are dissatisfied because they are essentially searching for an ideal that just cannot be found in each other. Or, one partner is not willing to step up to the plate and truly commit to the relationship. A relationship like that will never have anything more than potential energy.

In successful relationships, kinetic energy develops where the couple learns how to exercise healthy give-and-take in a symbiotic relationship that is in perfect harmony- or at equilibrium.

2. The second thing necessary for a healthy relationship is the one everyone always quotes- trust. To go along with my ridiculous science metaphor, we’ll say that trust is like a covalent bond that holds molecules together. Or do those hold atoms together? Whatever. The point is, once a relationship begins, trust quickly becomes absolutely essential and is the glue that holds people together.

There's more to my list but this post is long enough for one day :)

Part three of this blog is a quote someone posted on facebook that I liked that also pertains to this blog:

Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal! Under the arm to be protected, & next to the heart to be loved.

If You Like It Then You Should've Put A Ring On It

By: Monica

Contrary to the title of this post, sometimes men just don't want to put a ring on it. Period. And it's not because they don't like you.

How many ladies out there have a guy that swears she is his world and loves her like no other, yet he refuses to "make it official"? Let's just say, many. This leaves most women completely confused as to what the guy can possibly be thinking. Plus, with their friends insisting this means he's with another woman and that they desrve better yadda yadda, the guy doesn't have a chance to explain. Ladies, you have to be patient. Most of them are not that great with words and emotions to begin with. Throw the ingredient of hurting the girl they love into the mix and you bake them a cake of disaster. They just need time to work through the batter.

So, let me dispel a myth: If a man loves you but doesn't want to marry you, it does not mean he's having an affair.

Now, don't get me wrong. That could very well be the reason, but don't instantly jump to a conclusion and go around pointing the finger because if you are afraid of losing him, that's a sure way to do it.

Now, what are those other reasons that keep a man from marrying his anxious fiancee?
Well, for one, fear. Not fear of spending the rest of his life with the one he loves, but for not being able to spend the rest of his life with the one he loves. Everyone hears of those couples that date happily for seven years and then decide to tie the knot. Four months later, they're not happy and they're not a couple.
Another reason could be two things: Either his parents did not have a good marriage and he does not want to encounter the same problems, or his parents had a very successful marriage that he doesn't want to have to try and live up to. He'd rather set his own barlines without his family comparing his older family to his newer one.
Then there is the classic reason that most guys in this position give: "Everything is good now, why change it?" This reason pretty much relates to the first one except that fear is not the dominant emotion. Many men just don't like change. Plain and simple.

Depending on how long the female is willing to wait, guys will take advantage of the extension of time. It's like when a paper is due and you forgot to finish so your teacher extends the deadline another week. Then you end up waiting until the night before to actually finish up. This is the same deal. They know it's for the better but can't get themselves to take that step. Therefore, it's up to the ladies. What will the confused fiancee do? Go with the flow? Leave him? Present an ultimatum? Personally, I believe the last one is not a good idea. I see it as forcing the guy into marriage. If he's not completely for it, why go through with it? It's a recipe for disaster. I can almost gurantee that if he agrees, it's because he doesn't want to lose you. Therefore, that is a HUGE sacrifice on his part. But do you really want to put him through that? I wouldn't. Marriage for the sake of being married as a title means nothing unless both people are 100% thrilled and determined that it is what they want.

Playboy Controversy

Posted By: Kelly

I'm not a huge hater of Playboy. I do think it degrades women, but I personally am not about to go burn a copy of it ceremonially in the name of feminism. However, I do admire the feminists out there who speak out against it.I came across this article and a criticism of it on http://www.feministing.com. The faulty logic used in that article was begging to be called out on, so I can’t help but add my two cents. Below are excerpts from the article, some really amusing commentary other people had to say, and a bit of my own thoughts. You should probably read the article before the rest though, to grasp the big picture.

www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/11/03/exclusive-joanna-krupa-posing-naked-playboy-new-form-feminism/

The magazine's December cover girl, bikini model and "DWTS" star Joanna Krupa says, “I think they suffer from lack of knowledge and tunnel vision. How many of those self-important, so-called ‘feminists’ have been on the set when a celebrity shot a Playboy spread? There you go. What is feminist about discriminating a photo shoot just because it involves female (partial) nudity that happens to give men pleasure? Pathetic”

Perfect responses from commenters on feministing.com:

“Let me unbunch my panties so I can effectively debunk this idea that feminists are too uptight to see how empowering posing for magazines like, Playboy and Maxim are for women.” –Samhita

“Oh it HAPPENS to give men pleasure. i get it. so like...the nudity isn't the POINT of why it's in playboy, DUH! It just is this accident that men happen to be pleasured by it. I get it. -djkb

“There are several great reasons why female celebs line up to shoot Playboy: finally a woman gets paid more than a man for comparable work, she gets to set the rules, gets to be in a real team work with other women, as many key positions at Playboy are in fact held by women!" Krupa adds.

“Yes, as long as you're naked and objectified, you are equal and can 'set the rules'! Pardon me if I don't break out the 'Feminism: Mission Accomplished' banner and the noisemakers.” –ak33yu

“Women hold some of the key positions in Playboy? THAT IS SO COOL AND FUTURISTIC. I bet Playboy thought of hiring women in senior positions all by themselves, too. No thanks to those mean feminists bitching about their job equality and workplace dynamics.” -jumpcannon

“Women make the rules when they pose, do they? So if I wanted to pose in my plaid, flannel jammy bottoms in my unmade bed with my cat, that would fly? Right-o. Sign me up.” -FrumiousB

The women in the photo shoots might feel empowered by their work but the women who are married to men who read Playboy sure as hell don't. While men have the right to complain about the idealistic standards set for men in Twilight, women also have the right to complain about the unrealistic, idealistic standards set for women in Playboy. And sorry, but at least Twilight has about a hundred more words in it than Playboy does. Plus, like, a plot.

So is it hypocritical that actresses like Kate Winslet and Halle Berry can win Oscars after having performed intense sex scenes, and yet nobody seems to attack them with the anti-feminist tag?

Oh no you didn’t just touch Kate Winslet *snaps in z formation*

“Kate Winslet and Halle Berry are incredible actresses who have a great ability at doing a variety of roles. Yes, they've done sex scenes, they've done nudity, but that alone is not the reason they won Oscars. They are extraordinarily talented.” -dame_elphaba

“Our society is used to judging content by its package and label. The word 'Playboy' alone doesn't exactly give most women a warm, fuzzy feeling, yet many of the Playboy photos end up in the most praised photo and art magazines and in critically acclaimed photo exhibitions,” Krupa said.

Right, and that’s great. But Playboy doesn’t exist to be artistic. That’s not why it sells and that isn’t its purpose. Its purpose is to sell sex appeal in its most narrow form with cookie cutter models with absolutely no variety. Beauty is diverse and comes in all kinds of packages but Playboy only recognizes one package. This is a horrible mindset and eating disorders, plastic surgery, and low self-esteem all result from it. Is this Playboy’s purpose? Probably not intentionally, but it is supporting the mindset nonetheless. Put a big girl on the cover of Playboy. Just once. Prove me wrong.

“It simply comes down to ‘sex sells.’ Same goes for fashion magazines. You see A-list celebs and models already going topless in European fashion mags like Vogue.”

So is America behind the times?

“Every country has its own culture and sensitivities. It is obvious the Europeans are less sensitive to nudity in the media but more sensitive to violence instead, and in America it appears to be the other way around,” she added. “I’ve never heard of children being psychologically scarred by looking at a naked body, but we all know that watching violence has a desensitizing impact on children. Nudity is natural, after all.”

I agree that America is behind the times and that nudity is natural. For some reason, America never got past the “Victorian era” of its own that Europe was able to move on from. Sexuality is one of the most hypocritical topics in America. We have scantily clad women in every single movie and television show, yet we support abstinence in all of our health classes without even teaching about contraception. Women of every age, size, and shape in Europe are comfortable with themselves enough to go to the beach practically naked but this isn’t the case in America. I think this is partly because of the mindset that Playboy fuels. Women are ashamed of their bodies because everywhere they go, they only see the one “ideal” type being promoted. In Europe, nudity doesn’t discriminate- it’s everywhere and in every form so it's dealt with maturely and tastefully. It's the same scenario as the differences in drinking in Europe and America.

I’ll end this post with a comment by Nicole that really sums up my thoughts on the topic eloquently:

“Please tell me when the rest of the population will FINALLY understand that this is what is incompatible with feminism - the beauty standard, NOT the beauty? I love the female form (and the male). I think erotic art can be beautiful. I watch porn. I'm a member of a feminist burlesque troupe - I think burlesque is hot and love to participate in it. I'm very sex-positive, I'm for all things sexy and think our media is f***ing starved of real sexuality.
What isn't hot is when pornography caters to the straight white male fatphobic ageist gaze, and THAT's what sucks about Playboy. Not the models. We have no problem with them. We support their right to get naked and yes, we understand why they do it and think they should be allowed.”

Women Bend, Men Break

Posted By: Monica

Every now and again I will run into someone who "Gets it". Or, atleast part of it. Yet, they are also able to view the world from a different perspective than me. Whether it is because they are older, the opposite gender, living under different situations, I always manage to learn something new. Yesterday was one of those days.

I am an avid viewer of the Tyra Banks Show. She is an extremely good representation of how powerful a woman can be. As it so happened, Jamie Foxx (who I believe is phenomenal in all the facets of his career) was a guest on the show. The two began conversing about intuition and how it plays a major role in women's lives. This is when Jamie Foxx introduced the concept that "Women bend, Men break". "Aha!" moment, anyone?

Check this out: (from 3:00- 4:35)



I will take that concept farther and say that you can only bend something to a certain extent. What happens when it bends too far? It snaps back with full force!

Why You Don't Have to Be a Wallflower

Posted By: Kelly

Okay, so if you got anything out of Monica's last post it should be: Chasing boys is very bad. It is ineffective, makes you look pathetic, and generally drives them away. However, the extreme message that can be taken from this is that girls should never make the first move- they should be satisfied just standing off to the side near the punch bowl at the metaphoric dance, waiting for their prince to come and sweep them off their feet. This is a very old-fashioned idea and I don't think it has much merit. You don't have to be a wallflower. Guys are flattered when they think a girl is interested in the same way that girls are flattered when approached by guys. How you express this interest however, should have varying levels of subtlety depending on the category you are pursuing.

-Category Three guys can be very shy and sometimes oblivious, so it's okay to give them a little nudge here and there to get the ball rolling, so to speak. This is the category it is most acceptable to be "forward" with because, let's face it, most of them aren't used to it. What females may view as obvious signs may be obscure hints to them. So with Cat. 3, sometimes you really have to spell it out. They will grow to worship you and admire your confidence.

-Category Two guys- This is generally the category you won't need to be forward with. Category Two guys are the arrogant woman-lovers, so chances are, they will come to you before you come to them. They probably will say yes to you if you make the first move, but this is a very bad idea because it gives them leverage. They gain the dominant role, and it is never good to put power in the hands of the already arrogant. They respect you less and view you as "easy" and good for a hook-up, but not a relationship. The more you play hard to get, the crazier they will be about you. However, you have to know your own limits because the distinguishing characteristic between Cat. 1 and Cat. 2 is that Cat. 2 guys DO give up and DO move on if they sense a situation is hopeless. So know when to run and when to let them catch you.

Category One guys are the prince charmings that are worth waiting for, for every girl who plays The Game. Interacting with guys like these require insanely subtle hints from both sides. In general, it's not good to be forward with Cat. 1, because by definition, they are used to being pursued and you will not help yourself by being part of the crowd. Do something to stand out- ignore him when every other girl is throwing themselves all over him, treat him like a casual friend, or even call him out on something he does that might be stupid or wrong. (Think Gigi in He's Just Not That Into You). This last trick also works really well on Category Two guys- for some reason they love it when you're mean to them.

Every category has a small handful of guys who are blind to the perfect opportunity (you) that is in front of them (In the majority of cases however, he really isn't that into you because you aren't right for each other. Knowing the difference is crucial but so few people can recognize it). The Category Three "nerd" might be too absorbed in his textbooks to ever expect a girl to be interested in him. The Category Two "player" might be busy chasing other girls for all the wrong reasons. The Category One master might just be so out of practice with real love, and might have become so jaded to it, that he can't even recognize it when it's right in front of his face. The best thing to do in all three of these cases, is to get the guy's attention long enough for him to focus on you, and then drop it- leave, make an excuse to go to the bathroom, turn and talk to another friend. He will wonder what just happened and start scheming ways to see you again. Guaranteed.

He's Just Not That Into You

Posted By: Monica

I apologize in advance for the length of this post. Most of it is dialogue though, so it shouldn't be that hard to get through.

A couple of nights ago I sat down to write today’s post while the television created aimless noise in the background. The title of the movie caught my attention as the words appeared on the screen: He’s Just Not That Into You. Immediately I was intrigued. The title sounded like something pulled right out of my ramblings, so I tuned in to see what this film was about. Needless to say that by the end I had deleted all my previous work on the post and was furiously typing away with a cheeky grin spread across my face. This is why:

(Warning: If you have not seen the movie, watch it now or this post will not make sense.)

Alex and Gigi. Two people cannot possibly have more opposite personas.

Side Note: Kelly and I were ecstatic that we had finally found a perfect example of a Category One.

Alex is a man who knows how to work the ladies. His knowledge allows him to move from female to female without truly getting attached because his match has not walked into his life as of yet. He willingly shares his advice with others in hopes of saving them from becoming love sick fools. Gigi, on the other hand, is the epitome of a love sick fool. She dates around in order to find her perfect match. However, she finds that men run from her, or avoid commitment, but she does not understand why. How is it possible that such butting personalities become perfect for each other? Well, I for one am a firm believer in the theory that opposites attract. This is one of those ideal cases. But this discussion is for another entry. Right now, I want to tend to Alex and his beautifully quotable phrases.

I see a bit of Alex in myself. The way he dissected the behavior of the “Tom Cruise” at the bar and the interaction between the female who would not give the light of day to the man who, in turn, gave her everything. Alex is the guy who just doesn’t do relationships. He’s too good for them. He can anticipate every move the female makes and, in turn, becomes bored as each relationship becomes monotonous. In accordance, I feel that he and I would see eye to eye. Perhaps that is the very reason each word he spoke held such truth to me. Let’s have some examples:

*Gigi went to a bar where she expected to see Conor, a guy she had a date with a week prior to going to the bar but instead, she gets some advice from his friend, Alex*
Alex: Look. You seem like a good girl so I'm just going to be honest with you. Conor is never going to call you.
Gigi: Oh really? How do you know?
Alex: Because I'm a guy. And it's just how we do it.
Gigi: But he said it was nice meeting me.
Alex: Ha- I don't care if he said you're his favorite female since his mommy and Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by. Okay, Gigi? And he didn't call you.
Gigi: But maybe he did call, and I? didn't get the message. or maybe he lost my number, or is out of town, or got hit by a cab, or his grandma died?
Alex: Or maybe, he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again.
Gigi: Yeah... but my friend Terri once went out with a guy who never called. And she totally wrote him off. Over a year goes by--
Alex: Right.
Gigi: --and she ran into him, and it ended up that they--
Alex: Your friend Terri's an idiot. And she's also the exception. By the way. The rare exception.
Gigi: Okay. Okay. But what if I'm the exception?
Alex: No, you're not. You're not at all. In fact, you're the rule. And the rule is this--if a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Yeah.
Gigi: Always?
Alex: Yeah, always. Look. I know what blowing off a woman looks like, okay? And trust me, I do it early and I do it often. So trust me when I say, if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, then he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.
*silence*
Gigi: Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about.

*The next day when Gigi is talking about her epiphany with her co-workers/girlfriends*
Gigi: All of my friends used to tell me these stories about how things might work out with these dipshits because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dipshit just like mine and that girl ended up married and living happily ever after. But, that's the exception, and we're not the exception. We're the rule.

As you can see, Alex tells it like it is. In turn, females can learn how men truly think in these situations.
Here is another one of my favorites which also handily confirms my explanation of Clinginess:

*Phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi is asking Alex for advice about a guy named Gerald.*
Gigi: So we meet at happy hour, and he is completely charming.
Alex: Let me guess, he said, "the only thing happy about this hour is you."
Gigi: He might have used some derivative of that. Uh. Um. So he said that he's going to call. But then he gives me his card, and he says--
Alex: Oh, he's not interested.
Gigi: You don't even know if he's called.
Alex: Well, did he?
Gigi: No! But, I honestly think that--
Alex: Okay. Gig. He-is-not-interested. If a guy gives you his phone number instead of taking yours, he's not interested.
Gigi: Oh, he took mine first. But then he gave--
Alex: And also, if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he WILL see you. Heh. I, I once called fifty-five Lauren Bells until I got the right one.
Gigi: That's cute. What happened?
Alex: Oh, as it turned out, her ass looked really huge in the daylight.
Gigi: Aha is it your sensitivity that makes you so popular with women?
Alex: Don't call him. He doesn't like you.
Gigi: Well, don't tip-toe around my feelings.
Alex: Ah, well, I'm just trying to help.
Gigi: I know. Thank you.

Moral of the story: If a guy is INTO you, he will make it happen. Though I must say there is ONE exception to this rule. The Extreme Category Three. But, unless the love of your life is the guy who sits in the corner analyzing black holes in space, you are the rule. Not the exception.

Next. Guys make up the lamest excuses to be with a girl for one night. As long as she doesn't call him on his bluff THAT night, he's good to go. That's why it's handy to have an Alex in any woman's life.

*Another phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi was making out with this guy and when she asked about the second date, he said he was leaving the next day and would be out of touch. SO she decides to run into the guy's bathroom and call Alex to ask him about it*
Gigi: Okay, I'm making out with this guy--uh PG stuff--and he mentioned that he's going out of town so he's going to be out of touch.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: But maybe he IS going out of town.
Alex: To where, New Guinea? Where's he going that he's going to be out of touch?

*Gigi opens the door and asks him where he's going out of town when he answered a little hesitantly*
Gigi: Pittsburgh.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: So what, now I'm just supposed to run from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh, yeah.
Gigi: Well, I mean, I'm in his bathroom right now. So what should I do?
Alex: Well, you've gotta get out eventually but, uh, I'd take my time in there. I'd let him sweat.

Finally, the last crucial scene (pertaining to Alex's helpful hints).

*Talking about a girl and two guys a few feet away from them at the bar when the hotter guy walks away*
Alex: Now, check out droopy dog on the other side. This guy's going to be buying her drinks all night and she's going to insist that there's no "spark".
Gigi: Maybe there's not. You need a spark.
Alex: No, the "spark" thing is shit.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Bull shit.
Gigi: Enlighten me.
Alex: Guys invented the "spark" so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a "spark". And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: Oh really? So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or phone bill because secretly you kind of love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're going to make it?
Gigi: May...be?
Alex: And let me guess. When you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling, constantly pacing back and forth and staring at your phone for days even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Ha. Okay, yeah?
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama! But you've got to be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her. Probably one with smaller pores and bigger implants.

So Ladies, if you walk away with anything from this post let it be these wise words from Alex: "If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will." and "Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone."