My biggest fear when it comes to marriage:
Why unnecessarily spewing your feelings at someone is not a good idea:
Stories of my life:
And just as a fun after-thought because we all know it's true:
Monday, January 31, 2011
Comical Truth
By: Monica
My biggest fear when it comes to marriage:
Why unnecessarily spewing your feelings at someone is not a good idea:
Stories of my life:
And just as a fun after-thought because we all know it's true:
My biggest fear when it comes to marriage:
Why unnecessarily spewing your feelings at someone is not a good idea:
Stories of my life:
And just as a fun after-thought because we all know it's true:
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Men: True Romantics at Heart?
By: Monica
I don't doubt the idea of this article one bit. Though 373 couples and a handful of questions won't cover the scientific specifications of factuality, the argument holds water. I think females' doubtful and negative nature(when it comes to their own love life) is to blame. Check it out to see what you think.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/why-men-are-more-romantic-than-women-2439559/
P.S. Yes, I HAVE noticed that it's a Yahoo! article. I guess they can't be wrong 100% of the time...
I don't doubt the idea of this article one bit. Though 373 couples and a handful of questions won't cover the scientific specifications of factuality, the argument holds water. I think females' doubtful and negative nature(when it comes to their own love life) is to blame. Check it out to see what you think.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/why-men-are-more-romantic-than-women-2439559/
P.S. Yes, I HAVE noticed that it's a Yahoo! article. I guess they can't be wrong 100% of the time...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Categorical Couples
By: Kelly
1 and 1- horrible match. The entire relationship is based on context and the passion, while the strongest of any relationship combination, is based completely on a lie. Hugely obsessive relationships like this have a tiny chance of lasting long term, unless they adapt. More on this once we get to 1-3's.
2 and 2- bad match. This relationship will suck because obviously neither person will really care. There is no passion. This is borderline friends with benefits, or the types of people who marry for financial reasons only. However, due to the consistency and drama-less state of this relationship, it actually has okay odds of lasting.
3 and 3- excellent match. The relationship is a great balance because both parties are wary of context and as a result they will be more consistent than a couple with 1's but will still have passion unlike 2's because they care more than anyone else. They will play the game with each other but it will not be a drama-filled relationship because they will both be too cautious/in control to make rash mistakes frequently in a fit of emotion like 1's are prone to do. Lack of communication is a 3-3's biggest trip up. They run the risk of misinterpreting a situation, but due to their pride, they keep it to themselves or pretend it doesn't bother them. As long as they can avoid this road block, a 3-3 has the best odds at lasting.
1 and 2- horrible match. 2's will not work with anyone else besides a 2, and even then it is a hollow shell of a relationship. Obviously a relationship cannot be truly successful if one of both of its members doesn't care enough about the other person. In this case, it will be especially one-sided and horrible because one person will be completely starry-eyed and will view the other person as a god, while the 2 won't give a crap at all. Abusive relationships are generally 1-2's or 2-2's. The extremes are such polar opposites that a 1-2 has almost zero odds of lasting.
2 and 3- bad match. Again, because there is a 2 it can't really ever work and will be one-sided. This kind of relationship would be very rare because of a 3's nature. A 3 is known for being perceptive and cautious and therefore wouldn't get in a relationship with someone who didn't care enough about them. However, we're all human so it's possible for a 3 to make a mistake and end up with a 2, although I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take long for a 3 to catch on and end the relationship, which is why it too has almost zero odds of lasting.
1 and 3- good match. This is probably the most common type of relationship actually. Because statistically, I would be willing to bet 1's are the most common category out there. This just makes logical sense because on the spectrum of caring, they fall in the middle with 2's caring less and 3's caring more. And when it comes to perceptiveness and observation, they also fall in the middle because 2's don't care enough to pay attention and 3's are masters at it. So you might think 1-1's are the most common but they actually aren't. They are the way most relationships BEGIN but most evolve into one of the other combinations. This is because once in a relationship, context gradually slips away and the only way to survive is to adapt. So some 1-1's become 1-3's, as one person takes on the role of the "responsible" one who keeps the relationship grounded and acts as watchdog for any signs of trouble, allowing their partner to be the "emotional" one. Some 1-1's become 1-2's, if one person doesn't deem the relationship worthy of taking on that "responsible" role, at which time they become a 2. It's also possible for a 1-1 to become a 2-2, if the couple stops caring simultaneously, although I'm somewhat skeptical about how possible this is. Anyway, 1-3's have a pretty good chance of lasting, although there will be a lot of strain on the person doing all the heavy lifting (the 3).
1 and 1- horrible match. The entire relationship is based on context and the passion, while the strongest of any relationship combination, is based completely on a lie. Hugely obsessive relationships like this have a tiny chance of lasting long term, unless they adapt. More on this once we get to 1-3's.
2 and 2- bad match. This relationship will suck because obviously neither person will really care. There is no passion. This is borderline friends with benefits, or the types of people who marry for financial reasons only. However, due to the consistency and drama-less state of this relationship, it actually has okay odds of lasting.
3 and 3- excellent match. The relationship is a great balance because both parties are wary of context and as a result they will be more consistent than a couple with 1's but will still have passion unlike 2's because they care more than anyone else. They will play the game with each other but it will not be a drama-filled relationship because they will both be too cautious/in control to make rash mistakes frequently in a fit of emotion like 1's are prone to do. Lack of communication is a 3-3's biggest trip up. They run the risk of misinterpreting a situation, but due to their pride, they keep it to themselves or pretend it doesn't bother them. As long as they can avoid this road block, a 3-3 has the best odds at lasting.
1 and 2- horrible match. 2's will not work with anyone else besides a 2, and even then it is a hollow shell of a relationship. Obviously a relationship cannot be truly successful if one of both of its members doesn't care enough about the other person. In this case, it will be especially one-sided and horrible because one person will be completely starry-eyed and will view the other person as a god, while the 2 won't give a crap at all. Abusive relationships are generally 1-2's or 2-2's. The extremes are such polar opposites that a 1-2 has almost zero odds of lasting.
2 and 3- bad match. Again, because there is a 2 it can't really ever work and will be one-sided. This kind of relationship would be very rare because of a 3's nature. A 3 is known for being perceptive and cautious and therefore wouldn't get in a relationship with someone who didn't care enough about them. However, we're all human so it's possible for a 3 to make a mistake and end up with a 2, although I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take long for a 3 to catch on and end the relationship, which is why it too has almost zero odds of lasting.
1 and 3- good match. This is probably the most common type of relationship actually. Because statistically, I would be willing to bet 1's are the most common category out there. This just makes logical sense because on the spectrum of caring, they fall in the middle with 2's caring less and 3's caring more. And when it comes to perceptiveness and observation, they also fall in the middle because 2's don't care enough to pay attention and 3's are masters at it. So you might think 1-1's are the most common but they actually aren't. They are the way most relationships BEGIN but most evolve into one of the other combinations. This is because once in a relationship, context gradually slips away and the only way to survive is to adapt. So some 1-1's become 1-3's, as one person takes on the role of the "responsible" one who keeps the relationship grounded and acts as watchdog for any signs of trouble, allowing their partner to be the "emotional" one. Some 1-1's become 1-2's, if one person doesn't deem the relationship worthy of taking on that "responsible" role, at which time they become a 2. It's also possible for a 1-1 to become a 2-2, if the couple stops caring simultaneously, although I'm somewhat skeptical about how possible this is. Anyway, 1-3's have a pretty good chance of lasting, although there will be a lot of strain on the person doing all the heavy lifting (the 3).
New Categories and Quantum Mechanics
By: Kelly
One of the questions that has always bothered me is how do you know when to hold on and to let go? To what degree should you care about certain things? In a previous post, I basically said that the way you answer those questions defines you as either a Dumper or a Dumpee. Today I am going to go beyond that simple principle and flesh out the details. There are three types of people (in this context; these have no relation to the three categories of guys we usually use): (1) those who get in a relationship because they care SO much, (2) those who end a relationship because they care too little, and (3) those who will make or break a relationship because they care TOO much. Personally, I fall in the last category so I'm biased in believing it is the best for a person's well-being.
Let's examine the three categories in terms of how they would handle breakups. Obviously, #2 would be the easiest- they genuinely would be the person who does not feel strongly enough towards the other person to continue their relationship, and as a result they suffer very little when it ends. Life would be a breeze if we didn't care about anything and everything glazed off of us because our skin was made of wax and our eyes were glazed over in a continual state of indifference. But I hate breezes and I hate people like that. You just want to shake them and say WAKE UP you don't see the craziness and beauty of life that you're missing. Give me a thunderstorm or a baking 90 degree day any time but that weather that is perfectly nondescript and God forbid, pleasant, annoys the crap out of me. Go one way or another so I know whether I should wear a jacket or shorts.
So that leads us to categories 1 and 3. If a person is naturally inclined toward Category 1, they are used to exposure and vulnerability and taking chances. If (2) comprises the heart breakers, (1) makes up the risk takers. They are used to extreme fluctuations of sadness and joy. While they are in those states, they are immersed fully and deeply but once they are over, it's as if it never happened. It has to be this way. If the pain of previous experiences was forever fresh in their minds, they would never be able to put themselves on the line like that again. These people, like myself, are in Category 3. We just care too damn much and having someone see that, including ourselves, is one of our greatest fears. So we play it safe and pretend to be 2's when we really care more than 1's. When going through a breakup, a 3 would rather die than complain or let any pain show, but on the inside it lingers as a dull, repressed pain that a 1 couldn't begin to imagine. Some Category 3's could learn from 1's and 2's with this advice: "The point is to reflect on the past, to learn from it, but never to dwell on it. You'll go crazy living in your memories like that."
So while breakups are pretty much always a lose-lose situation, let's view the categories in terms of sustaining happy relationships to see which category is the best for the couple. When a Category 1 is in a relationship, it consumes them completely. Love makes them blind to anything else and being away from their partner for minutes at a time is like agony. Obviously, this isn't healthy. No one should be that dependent on any one person for their happiness. Plus it is impossible for it to last. No one can maintain that level of passion forever. Admiration is a finite resource if it is fueled by context, which it always is with Category 1's. Use it all up quickly in the beginning and you'll soon realize nothing is there to maintain the relationship long term. Eventually the illusion will be shattered. There is even a word for it in German, as described by John Green:“Weltschmerz. It’s the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be…Because everyone thinks it should be possible to just keep falling and falling forever, to feel the rush of air on your face as you fall, that air pulling your face into a brilliant goddamned smile. And that should be possible. You should be able to fall forever.”
Stability and consistency are a good thing. However, of course there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and that leads to Category 2. Category 2's relationships are completely lukewarm. They are the couple who has been dating for a month and no one even noticed a change in their behavior towards one another. There is no spark, nothing. Because they need their partner too little. What about Category 3's? These are the people who are constantly on the edge of their seat re-evaluating their relationship to see where it's going. They have to be in tune with what is happening because their main priority is being able to figure out what is going to happen so they will be prepared to react however they want. This is the most healthy way to operate because it keeps you on your toes and keeps things interesting and you will be prepared for whatever comes.
Let's compare a relationship to quantum mechanics (Yes, I'm serious. I know, only me). There is a paradox that was devised by the Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935. In it, a cat, along with a flask containing a poison and a radioactive source, is placed in a sealed box. If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. Before the box is opened, the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead, not both alive and dead. It's kind of confusing but you really don't need to fully understand the paradox to grasp the metaphor I'm getting at. Basically, my point is that we should treat relationships like Schrödinger's cat- the box is always closed because we can never truly understand or see another person for their full thoughts, feelings, and motivations so it is best to assume the relationship is both alive and dead.
Now, there is a very important clarification to this. I am in no way saying that a couple should always view their partner with suspicion and mistrust. Quite the opposite. Just because you can't see into the box doesn't mean you should become obsessive about the outcome. You cannot change whether the cat is dead or not so just trust that it will be alive while understanding that at any time, that counter can detect radiation and things will end, shall we say, badly. It will give you a heightened appreciation for the relationship if you never lose sight of how precious and rare it is.
But all of the above applied to how individuals fair in a relationship. What about the well-being of the couple? Not all couples are made up of two 1's, two 2's, or two 3's and that complicates things a little. The next post will be dedicated to breaking those down in a pretty simple fashion.
One of the questions that has always bothered me is how do you know when to hold on and to let go? To what degree should you care about certain things? In a previous post, I basically said that the way you answer those questions defines you as either a Dumper or a Dumpee. Today I am going to go beyond that simple principle and flesh out the details. There are three types of people (in this context; these have no relation to the three categories of guys we usually use): (1) those who get in a relationship because they care SO much, (2) those who end a relationship because they care too little, and (3) those who will make or break a relationship because they care TOO much. Personally, I fall in the last category so I'm biased in believing it is the best for a person's well-being.
Let's examine the three categories in terms of how they would handle breakups. Obviously, #2 would be the easiest- they genuinely would be the person who does not feel strongly enough towards the other person to continue their relationship, and as a result they suffer very little when it ends. Life would be a breeze if we didn't care about anything and everything glazed off of us because our skin was made of wax and our eyes were glazed over in a continual state of indifference. But I hate breezes and I hate people like that. You just want to shake them and say WAKE UP you don't see the craziness and beauty of life that you're missing. Give me a thunderstorm or a baking 90 degree day any time but that weather that is perfectly nondescript and God forbid, pleasant, annoys the crap out of me. Go one way or another so I know whether I should wear a jacket or shorts.
So that leads us to categories 1 and 3. If a person is naturally inclined toward Category 1, they are used to exposure and vulnerability and taking chances. If (2) comprises the heart breakers, (1) makes up the risk takers. They are used to extreme fluctuations of sadness and joy. While they are in those states, they are immersed fully and deeply but once they are over, it's as if it never happened. It has to be this way. If the pain of previous experiences was forever fresh in their minds, they would never be able to put themselves on the line like that again. These people, like myself, are in Category 3. We just care too damn much and having someone see that, including ourselves, is one of our greatest fears. So we play it safe and pretend to be 2's when we really care more than 1's. When going through a breakup, a 3 would rather die than complain or let any pain show, but on the inside it lingers as a dull, repressed pain that a 1 couldn't begin to imagine. Some Category 3's could learn from 1's and 2's with this advice: "The point is to reflect on the past, to learn from it, but never to dwell on it. You'll go crazy living in your memories like that."
So while breakups are pretty much always a lose-lose situation, let's view the categories in terms of sustaining happy relationships to see which category is the best for the couple. When a Category 1 is in a relationship, it consumes them completely. Love makes them blind to anything else and being away from their partner for minutes at a time is like agony. Obviously, this isn't healthy. No one should be that dependent on any one person for their happiness. Plus it is impossible for it to last. No one can maintain that level of passion forever. Admiration is a finite resource if it is fueled by context, which it always is with Category 1's. Use it all up quickly in the beginning and you'll soon realize nothing is there to maintain the relationship long term. Eventually the illusion will be shattered. There is even a word for it in German, as described by John Green:“Weltschmerz. It’s the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be…Because everyone thinks it should be possible to just keep falling and falling forever, to feel the rush of air on your face as you fall, that air pulling your face into a brilliant goddamned smile. And that should be possible. You should be able to fall forever.”
Stability and consistency are a good thing. However, of course there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and that leads to Category 2. Category 2's relationships are completely lukewarm. They are the couple who has been dating for a month and no one even noticed a change in their behavior towards one another. There is no spark, nothing. Because they need their partner too little. What about Category 3's? These are the people who are constantly on the edge of their seat re-evaluating their relationship to see where it's going. They have to be in tune with what is happening because their main priority is being able to figure out what is going to happen so they will be prepared to react however they want. This is the most healthy way to operate because it keeps you on your toes and keeps things interesting and you will be prepared for whatever comes.
Let's compare a relationship to quantum mechanics (Yes, I'm serious. I know, only me). There is a paradox that was devised by the Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935. In it, a cat, along with a flask containing a poison and a radioactive source, is placed in a sealed box. If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. Before the box is opened, the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead, not both alive and dead. It's kind of confusing but you really don't need to fully understand the paradox to grasp the metaphor I'm getting at. Basically, my point is that we should treat relationships like Schrödinger's cat- the box is always closed because we can never truly understand or see another person for their full thoughts, feelings, and motivations so it is best to assume the relationship is both alive and dead.
Now, there is a very important clarification to this. I am in no way saying that a couple should always view their partner with suspicion and mistrust. Quite the opposite. Just because you can't see into the box doesn't mean you should become obsessive about the outcome. You cannot change whether the cat is dead or not so just trust that it will be alive while understanding that at any time, that counter can detect radiation and things will end, shall we say, badly. It will give you a heightened appreciation for the relationship if you never lose sight of how precious and rare it is.
But all of the above applied to how individuals fair in a relationship. What about the well-being of the couple? Not all couples are made up of two 1's, two 2's, or two 3's and that complicates things a little. The next post will be dedicated to breaking those down in a pretty simple fashion.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MOI.
By: Monica
So, beginning of the second semester. ‘Bout time I posted this, eh?
First thing’s first. My room when I get up at 5:30 in the morning and search blindly for my stuff. I swear, it’s only this bad during finals week!
Then I brush my teeth and take a shower. That’s all I care to do at 6 AM. Voila! Our lovely bathroom:
Then I wait for the elevator in our Snoopy themed lobby. (Soon to be “Under the Sea” themed! Everybody say it with me, “Ooooh! Aaaah!”)
And this is where I am expecting to see a letter from you very soon.
And this is the front desk, which I pass at least 50 times a day.
And here are the rocking chairs in front of the dorm building. Don’t ask.
Too specific? Okay, I’ll try to just include the (somewhat) important details.
So, this is the path I take to all of my classes… la-lala-lala…
And here is where I sit everyday at 7AM…
See the guy in the picture giving me the evil eye? You can thank him for no other pictures of my classes located in the music school. He yelled at me for taking a picture of him. When I attempted to politely explain that I was just taking a picture of the general area, he scoffed and told me to be more considerate of others. When I showed him the picture, he said it was fine but that I should, “watch where I point that thing.” Watch where I point that thing? ALL I WANNA DO IS SHOW MA FRIEND WHAT MY COLLEGE LOOKS LIKE. GIVE ME A BREAKK.
This is the only other picture of the music school I could take. Welcome to my My Music Theory/ Skills Ensemble/ Scales Class/ Studio Violin/ Experiencing Music classroom. Yes, I have all those classes in one room.
Where I live for 5 hours a day.
What I see/pass all day, errday.
Two roads diverge on a college campus. And I take the one less traveled by… which, ultimately, leads to my reoccurring death every day. Orchestra rehearsal, I loathe you. (That is Nicole, my awesome roommate!)
GUSMAN HALL. The other place I live (unwillingly, of course). Four hours of orchestra practice is not exactly “fun”. (No cameras allowed inside, which is too bad because it is pretty impressive.)
The campus restaurant aka where Senior Undergrads enjoy their last year of having money.
My Heaven when it rains.
My favorite place on campus, naturally.
The walk of shame. It’s the path I take to get my ass kicked by college mathematics.
The Mother of all Libraries: Richter. I’ve only been in here twice. Once to look at Top Secret Files, another because I took a wrong turn when trying to find Starbucks.
Math class…
As you can see, we are way too overpopulated at this school.
My vacation house.
Okay, I am done with this. If you want to see more, Kelly, you will just have to come down and visit me. I have been yelled at for trying to photograph too many buildings. (Probably because they are all fancy schmancy on the inside and no one likes to share.)And, just so you know, I am expecting to see your side of town in return, on this blog. This was tedious!
So, beginning of the second semester. ‘Bout time I posted this, eh?
First thing’s first. My room when I get up at 5:30 in the morning and search blindly for my stuff. I swear, it’s only this bad during finals week!
Then I brush my teeth and take a shower. That’s all I care to do at 6 AM. Voila! Our lovely bathroom:
Then I wait for the elevator in our Snoopy themed lobby. (Soon to be “Under the Sea” themed! Everybody say it with me, “Ooooh! Aaaah!”)
And this is where I am expecting to see a letter from you very soon.
And this is the front desk, which I pass at least 50 times a day.
And here are the rocking chairs in front of the dorm building. Don’t ask.
Too specific? Okay, I’ll try to just include the (somewhat) important details.
So, this is the path I take to all of my classes… la-lala-lala…
And here is where I sit everyday at 7AM…
See the guy in the picture giving me the evil eye? You can thank him for no other pictures of my classes located in the music school. He yelled at me for taking a picture of him. When I attempted to politely explain that I was just taking a picture of the general area, he scoffed and told me to be more considerate of others. When I showed him the picture, he said it was fine but that I should, “watch where I point that thing.” Watch where I point that thing? ALL I WANNA DO IS SHOW MA FRIEND WHAT MY COLLEGE LOOKS LIKE. GIVE ME A BREAKK.
This is the only other picture of the music school I could take. Welcome to my My Music Theory/ Skills Ensemble/ Scales Class/ Studio Violin/ Experiencing Music classroom. Yes, I have all those classes in one room.
Where I live for 5 hours a day.
What I see/pass all day, errday.
Two roads diverge on a college campus. And I take the one less traveled by… which, ultimately, leads to my reoccurring death every day. Orchestra rehearsal, I loathe you. (That is Nicole, my awesome roommate!)
GUSMAN HALL. The other place I live (unwillingly, of course). Four hours of orchestra practice is not exactly “fun”. (No cameras allowed inside, which is too bad because it is pretty impressive.)
The campus restaurant aka where Senior Undergrads enjoy their last year of having money.
My Heaven when it rains.
My favorite place on campus, naturally.
The walk of shame. It’s the path I take to get my ass kicked by college mathematics.
The Mother of all Libraries: Richter. I’ve only been in here twice. Once to look at Top Secret Files, another because I took a wrong turn when trying to find Starbucks.
Math class…
As you can see, we are way too overpopulated at this school.
My vacation house.
Okay, I am done with this. If you want to see more, Kelly, you will just have to come down and visit me. I have been yelled at for trying to photograph too many buildings. (Probably because they are all fancy schmancy on the inside and no one likes to share.)And, just so you know, I am expecting to see your side of town in return, on this blog. This was tedious!
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