By: Kelly
According to society, falling in capital-L love is the equivalent of having a magical spell placed on you. Being In Love is seen as a force as omnipotent as the Holy Spirit itself. Love swoops down on you and fills you with a sense of blissful peace and certainty, changing your life forever. Except, just as it is with the Holy Spirit, love is more about believing and accepting than it is about anything else. The power comes from your thoughts and feelings and what you choose to do with them, not some ethereal presence.
Sometimes you fall in love very quickly but more often than not, it happens so gradually you didn’t even realize it is happening. Sometimes we fall in love because we desperately want to and sometimes we fight it tooth and nail. How can all of these things be possible? Because love is nothing more or less than the sum total of thinking and feeling. This means that there is no single uniform force called “love”. Everyone approaches it from a slightly different perspective. As Chuck Klosterman, author of Killing Yourself to Live says,
"…I have never understood the concept of infatuation. It has always been my understanding that being ‘infatuated’ with someone means you think you are in love, but you’re actually not; infatuation is (supposedly) just a foolish, fleeting feeling. But if being ‘in love’ is an abstract notion, and it’s not tangible, and there is no way to physically prove it to anyone else… well, how is being in love any different than having an infatuation? They’re both human constructions. If you think you’re in love with someone and you feel like you’re in love with someone, then you obviously are; thinking and feeling is the sum total of what love is. Why do we feel an obligation to certify emotions with some kind of retrospective, self-imposed authenticity?"
His point is, love is completely subjective. And that isn’t sacrilegious. Some people will say, "Love doesn't exist!" just as they say the Holy Spirit doesn't exist. I would say, you're right. There is no actual thing called love just as I personally don't believe there is an actual Holy Spirit. However, I would quote the best line in any book ever (Dumbledore in HP#7) and say, "Of course it's happening inside your head but why on earth should it mean that it is not real?"
Because love is subjective, it means we have power and control over our own lives. It means that if a relationship doesn’t work out, there is a chance to get back out there and find love again. If we take it back to the Holy Spirit analogy, some people seem to welcome the Holy Spirit into their lives every single Sunday. They mess up every week, beg for forgiveness, and start anew. As long as they are still capable of believing and accepting the Holy Spirit, they can do it as many times as they need to. Love is the same way.
However, just as the most zealous churchgoers tend to be the ones who are “saved” again week after week, the people who worship the idea of being saved by love fall in and out of it so often. Just as people are quick to criticize those Christians that are fickle in practicing what they preach, it tarnishes the name of love to use the word so carelessly. We should be sparing with the word “love” so that we know it actually means something when we do use it.
Most people would be horrified to know that I can’t remember the first time my boyfriend told me he loved me. But guess what? I don’t remember the first time I told him I loved him, either. For us, it wasn’t necessary to make this grand profession to one another. We showed each other through our actions and after a while, the L-word just naturally slipped into our conversations from time to time like it was the most obvious thing in the world that we love each other. We never say “I love you” before we say goodbye. Because it is implied in everything else we say and do. I don’t need him to reassure me that he thinks I’m beautiful and that he loves me, or any of that other crap because it emanates from every look and gesture. As Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows through it.” So for the love of Love, don’t wear it on your sleeve.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Guys be Trippin'
By: Kelly
I have something to say to all the guys out there who create barriers and complications in their relationships because of mind-altering substances.
First of all, we don’t want to be buzz kills, party poopers, or kill joys. Usually when something bothers us, we keep it to ourselves for precisely this reason. We don’t want to seem like we are getting upset over something meaningless and we certainly don’t want to stop you from having fun.
However.
It’s not meaningless. When you are drunk, high, tripping, or rolling, you are not you. I don’t buy it when people say drinking alcohol or doing drugs brings out your true personality without the inhibitions you normally put up. Those inhibitions are your common sense and your ability to care about other people. Call me crazy, but I think those are important things to have. When you’re fucked up, you say and do things brashly without worrying about how its going to affect other people. You are somewhere else, on a different brain frequency, and you can’t intercept or send signals to someone on a normal frequency without them getting crossed or lost altogether.
There is no more lonely feeling in the world, quite frankly, than being with someone who is constantly on this other brain wave. By choosing to do get fucked up, you are ostracizing the other person from yourself, and you from them. You might say, “I’m really not that different! I’m just more laid back, more relaxed!” But the other person swallows a little harder every time you forget something yet again and every time you let a rude comment slip. “I forgot you were coming over. I’m so sorry.” Or, “Why would you say that, that’s just dumb.” The little things build up.
“You just don’t understand,” is another common excuse. “If you knew how it felt, you wouldn’t resent me for it.” Sorry, but this is not going to check out either. Trust me, I understand that reaching that other state of mind with someone can be one of the most intimate experiences you can ever have. It’s one of my best memories, in fact. But there is a difference between smoking with your boyfriend because it feels good and because you want to, and doing it because you feel like you have to in order to connect with him. No guy should ever put a girl in that position.
I was put in that position and I learned that it’s ostracize, or be ostracized. The second I know you’re drinking or smoking, I am not going to talk to you until you come back to reality. If I do otherwise, I’m just going to end up feeling disappointed and alone.
I’m not saying a guy can’t drink or smoke with his friends or his girlfriend. But if you live a different lifestyle than the one your significant other wants to live, there are going to be problems. She might go along with it for a while but eventually, you’re going to have to choose between your way of life and her. If not, she’ll choose for you. I guarantee it. And when she does, don’t you dare go to your friends and say, “She just wouldn’t let me have any fun!” Because it’s the farthest thing from the truth.
I have something to say to all the guys out there who create barriers and complications in their relationships because of mind-altering substances.
First of all, we don’t want to be buzz kills, party poopers, or kill joys. Usually when something bothers us, we keep it to ourselves for precisely this reason. We don’t want to seem like we are getting upset over something meaningless and we certainly don’t want to stop you from having fun.
However.
It’s not meaningless. When you are drunk, high, tripping, or rolling, you are not you. I don’t buy it when people say drinking alcohol or doing drugs brings out your true personality without the inhibitions you normally put up. Those inhibitions are your common sense and your ability to care about other people. Call me crazy, but I think those are important things to have. When you’re fucked up, you say and do things brashly without worrying about how its going to affect other people. You are somewhere else, on a different brain frequency, and you can’t intercept or send signals to someone on a normal frequency without them getting crossed or lost altogether.
There is no more lonely feeling in the world, quite frankly, than being with someone who is constantly on this other brain wave. By choosing to do get fucked up, you are ostracizing the other person from yourself, and you from them. You might say, “I’m really not that different! I’m just more laid back, more relaxed!” But the other person swallows a little harder every time you forget something yet again and every time you let a rude comment slip. “I forgot you were coming over. I’m so sorry.” Or, “Why would you say that, that’s just dumb.” The little things build up.
“You just don’t understand,” is another common excuse. “If you knew how it felt, you wouldn’t resent me for it.” Sorry, but this is not going to check out either. Trust me, I understand that reaching that other state of mind with someone can be one of the most intimate experiences you can ever have. It’s one of my best memories, in fact. But there is a difference between smoking with your boyfriend because it feels good and because you want to, and doing it because you feel like you have to in order to connect with him. No guy should ever put a girl in that position.
I was put in that position and I learned that it’s ostracize, or be ostracized. The second I know you’re drinking or smoking, I am not going to talk to you until you come back to reality. If I do otherwise, I’m just going to end up feeling disappointed and alone.
I’m not saying a guy can’t drink or smoke with his friends or his girlfriend. But if you live a different lifestyle than the one your significant other wants to live, there are going to be problems. She might go along with it for a while but eventually, you’re going to have to choose between your way of life and her. If not, she’ll choose for you. I guarantee it. And when she does, don’t you dare go to your friends and say, “She just wouldn’t let me have any fun!” Because it’s the farthest thing from the truth.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
For All You Writers Out There...
By: Monica
Just a clever quote making a crucial point :)
“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.
So write with a combination of short, medium, and long sentences. Create a sound that pleases the reader’s ear. Don’t just write words. Write music.” — Gary Provost
Just a clever quote making a crucial point :)
“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.
So write with a combination of short, medium, and long sentences. Create a sound that pleases the reader’s ear. Don’t just write words. Write music.” — Gary Provost
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Just a Little Somethin'
By: Monica
Sometimes I wonder about the little things that irk us throughout the day and make our seemingly burdened situations even more burdened. There are all sorts of minor improvements that could make life a more joyous state, or perhaps a bit more bearable at the very least. I want glasses that don’t slip off my nose and typewriters that don’t actually involve me having to type. I want pre-washed fruit and cows not to fart methane gas so I don’t have to concern myself with how much pollution they are contributing to the already global problem. I want potato chip bags to close themselves after I’m done taking a handful so I don’t have to worry about them staying crispy and fresh. I want for mechanical pencils to never run out of lead. I want shoes to tie themselves and for high heels to feel like sneakers. I want my car keys and cell phone to float around at my side so I never lose track of them. I want airplanes to let me pick my seat when I get on them. I want carpets to never scrunch at the corners of my bed. I want band-aids to stay on and ibuprofen to work within the first five minutes and maybe for life to be a little less complicated.
But, then again, these little hindrances define our humanity. Life is filled with the emotions we exchange with our fellow human beings. And animals. And, most importantly, ourselves. How your nose wrinkles every time you prevent your glasses from slipping off of your face. The determined look you get when typing vigorously. The way you care to run the apple under warm water before drying it off and handing it to me. The laugh you emit when you find out that cows fart methane gas. The scowl you throw me when you bite into a stale chip because I failed to close the bag correctly. The trip to the store to buy more lead for my mechanical pencils—and another bag of chips—thus forcing me to interact with society. The way you offer me your arm to lean on when my heels start to cut off the circulation in my feet. Your relieved expression when I find the car keys wedged in the backseat of my van. The excitement of searching for my assigned seat on an airplane. 46 ABC… 47 ABC… 48 ABC. Your sigh when I ask you to help me straighten out the carpet for the fourteenth time this month. When you hand me a Superman band-aid because you noticed my Ninja Turtles one is coming off. When you pack a bag of ice for my head and tell me pointless stories until I fall asleep. These are the countless emotions we pass through each other on a daily basis. This is the beauty of life’s complexity.
Sometimes I wonder about the little things that irk us throughout the day and make our seemingly burdened situations even more burdened. There are all sorts of minor improvements that could make life a more joyous state, or perhaps a bit more bearable at the very least. I want glasses that don’t slip off my nose and typewriters that don’t actually involve me having to type. I want pre-washed fruit and cows not to fart methane gas so I don’t have to concern myself with how much pollution they are contributing to the already global problem. I want potato chip bags to close themselves after I’m done taking a handful so I don’t have to worry about them staying crispy and fresh. I want for mechanical pencils to never run out of lead. I want shoes to tie themselves and for high heels to feel like sneakers. I want my car keys and cell phone to float around at my side so I never lose track of them. I want airplanes to let me pick my seat when I get on them. I want carpets to never scrunch at the corners of my bed. I want band-aids to stay on and ibuprofen to work within the first five minutes and maybe for life to be a little less complicated.
But, then again, these little hindrances define our humanity. Life is filled with the emotions we exchange with our fellow human beings. And animals. And, most importantly, ourselves. How your nose wrinkles every time you prevent your glasses from slipping off of your face. The determined look you get when typing vigorously. The way you care to run the apple under warm water before drying it off and handing it to me. The laugh you emit when you find out that cows fart methane gas. The scowl you throw me when you bite into a stale chip because I failed to close the bag correctly. The trip to the store to buy more lead for my mechanical pencils—and another bag of chips—thus forcing me to interact with society. The way you offer me your arm to lean on when my heels start to cut off the circulation in my feet. Your relieved expression when I find the car keys wedged in the backseat of my van. The excitement of searching for my assigned seat on an airplane. 46 ABC… 47 ABC… 48 ABC. Your sigh when I ask you to help me straighten out the carpet for the fourteenth time this month. When you hand me a Superman band-aid because you noticed my Ninja Turtles one is coming off. When you pack a bag of ice for my head and tell me pointless stories until I fall asleep. These are the countless emotions we pass through each other on a daily basis. This is the beauty of life’s complexity.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Conversations with A Long Distance Couple 2
Last one, I swear.
On “how was your day”?
Him: I didn't ask about your day
Him: i DON'T GIVE A SHIT
Him: lololol
Him: keep going
Him: jk
Him: I'm so fucking pissed.
Me: Why?
Him: Work. I covered for someone and it was the worst day ever. The boss was being a bitch.
Him: But I'm not gonna bring that home.
Him: Honey, how was your day?
On idealism:
Him: I just put you on a pedestal.
Me: One day when we aren't together anymore you'll see clearly.
Him: One day *if* we're not together.
Me: Maybe you still will one day even if we are together.
Him: You should be worried if I don't put you on a pedestal
Me: I guess i just don't think that way
Him: Yeah I'm the naive idealist. You're the cold-hearted realist.
Him: What do you think 90% of lucid dreamers are trying to do? FLY!...and then try to have sex.
Me: How did that work out for you?
Him: It didn't. I always lost control when I started talking to my fantasy woman. Too hard to focus and produce dialogue for two people.
Me: Why didn't you skip the talking?
Him: You're forgetting this is my pathetic fantasy. It couldn't just be a hook up.
Him: See, dreaming can be cool. Do you still hate it? Because I'm going to bed.
Me: Even if I could control it, I would still hate the idea of dreaming.
Him: What could be wrong with hallucinations and amnesia while comatose?
Me: Forced escapism.
On political arguments:
Him: Fuck the state. I don't think in legal terms.
Me: I think you would probably live a different life if that were true.
Him: How so?
Me: *list of illegal activities he does only in the comfort of his own home and hides*
Him: Psh.
Me: Wow you're right what a startling and convincing response. What was I thinking?
Him: THE WORLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF WE JUST ABOLISHED THE STATE YOU GUYS I'M SUPER SERIAL.
Him: You mad bro? Oh you're mad.
Him: Unless the author is referring to emperors in general...BUT IT'S NOT THE FUCKING PRAETORIAN GUARD.
On parting:
Him: Bye. Maybe I'll talk to you again sometime.
On male dominance:
Him: I want some fasces or a toga
Me: Planning on fratting it up?
Him: No but fasces would be cool as hell to play with.
Me: Bundle of sticks symbolizing power?
Him: Don't forget the axe. Lictors were the body guards that certain roman officials were entitled to have. They were granted imperium, or the power to command men and the rods and axes symbolized their authority to punish or execute according to the law.
Me: So you would like to pretend you have imperium?
Him: No I just wanna hit stuff.
Me: From my experience, it deviates from the same impulse.
Him: *sends me picture of a girl with huge boobs holding a giant fish she just caught. He had recently changed his profile picture to one of him holding a slightly smaller fish* This girl I hate just changed her picture to that.
Him: I feel like it's a challenge.
Me: Well I don't think your boobs will ever be the size of hers.
Me: Oh, you meant the fish.
Me: This guy is destroying me. He just said the only difference between me and a cadaver is that the cadaver is probably good enough looking to make it onto a crime investigation show.
Him: Lol
Him: i mean, I'm gonna kick his ass
On clingyness:
Him: (types a ton of stuff that I don't respond to)
Him: Keeps talking...feels pathetic...
Him: Wall of text...neediness levels rising...
On pretending to dump me:
Me: Have you been skiing before?
Him: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW. IT'S OVER.
Me: Understandable.
Him: Oh God, *mutual friend* just IMed me saying "hey you"
Me: She probably just wants to have sex. But why is that an "Oh God"?
Him: Hey you? That's an annoying thing to say.
Me: Good to know the things that annoy you >:)
Me: Speaking of which, like omg did you get football tickets?
Him: I'm dumping you.
And just proof that we have the occasional cutesy conversation and aren't as dysfunctional as I made it appear:
Me: Still feeling like shit?
Him: Well now that you're talking to me
Me: Lol
Him: I feel much better.
I didn't want to repulse you with the lovey dovey stuff haha.
On “how was your day”?
Him: I didn't ask about your day
Him: i DON'T GIVE A SHIT
Him: lololol
Him: keep going
Him: jk
Him: I'm so fucking pissed.
Me: Why?
Him: Work. I covered for someone and it was the worst day ever. The boss was being a bitch.
Him: But I'm not gonna bring that home.
Him: Honey, how was your day?
On idealism:
Him: I just put you on a pedestal.
Me: One day when we aren't together anymore you'll see clearly.
Him: One day *if* we're not together.
Me: Maybe you still will one day even if we are together.
Him: You should be worried if I don't put you on a pedestal
Me: I guess i just don't think that way
Him: Yeah I'm the naive idealist. You're the cold-hearted realist.
Him: What do you think 90% of lucid dreamers are trying to do? FLY!...and then try to have sex.
Me: How did that work out for you?
Him: It didn't. I always lost control when I started talking to my fantasy woman. Too hard to focus and produce dialogue for two people.
Me: Why didn't you skip the talking?
Him: You're forgetting this is my pathetic fantasy. It couldn't just be a hook up.
Him: See, dreaming can be cool. Do you still hate it? Because I'm going to bed.
Me: Even if I could control it, I would still hate the idea of dreaming.
Him: What could be wrong with hallucinations and amnesia while comatose?
Me: Forced escapism.
On political arguments:
Him: Fuck the state. I don't think in legal terms.
Me: I think you would probably live a different life if that were true.
Him: How so?
Me: *list of illegal activities he does only in the comfort of his own home and hides*
Him: Psh.
Me: Wow you're right what a startling and convincing response. What was I thinking?
Him: THE WORLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF WE JUST ABOLISHED THE STATE YOU GUYS I'M SUPER SERIAL.
Him: You mad bro? Oh you're mad.
Him: Unless the author is referring to emperors in general...BUT IT'S NOT THE FUCKING PRAETORIAN GUARD.
On parting:
Him: Bye. Maybe I'll talk to you again sometime.
On male dominance:
Him: I want some fasces or a toga
Me: Planning on fratting it up?
Him: No but fasces would be cool as hell to play with.
Me: Bundle of sticks symbolizing power?
Him: Don't forget the axe. Lictors were the body guards that certain roman officials were entitled to have. They were granted imperium, or the power to command men and the rods and axes symbolized their authority to punish or execute according to the law.
Me: So you would like to pretend you have imperium?
Him: No I just wanna hit stuff.
Me: From my experience, it deviates from the same impulse.
Him: *sends me picture of a girl with huge boobs holding a giant fish she just caught. He had recently changed his profile picture to one of him holding a slightly smaller fish* This girl I hate just changed her picture to that.
Him: I feel like it's a challenge.
Me: Well I don't think your boobs will ever be the size of hers.
Me: Oh, you meant the fish.
Me: This guy is destroying me. He just said the only difference between me and a cadaver is that the cadaver is probably good enough looking to make it onto a crime investigation show.
Him: Lol
Him: i mean, I'm gonna kick his ass
On clingyness:
Him: (types a ton of stuff that I don't respond to)
Him: Keeps talking...feels pathetic...
Him: Wall of text...neediness levels rising...
On pretending to dump me:
Me: Have you been skiing before?
Him: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW. IT'S OVER.
Me: Understandable.
Him: Oh God, *mutual friend* just IMed me saying "hey you"
Me: She probably just wants to have sex. But why is that an "Oh God"?
Him: Hey you? That's an annoying thing to say.
Me: Good to know the things that annoy you >:)
Me: Speaking of which, like omg did you get football tickets?
Him: I'm dumping you.
And just proof that we have the occasional cutesy conversation and aren't as dysfunctional as I made it appear:
Me: Still feeling like shit?
Him: Well now that you're talking to me
Me: Lol
Him: I feel much better.
I didn't want to repulse you with the lovey dovey stuff haha.
Conversations with A Long Distance Couple
Cont'd. Really, I'm just posting these for myself to look back on. You may or may not find them amusing.
On marriage:
Him: Lol love
Him: Who said anything about love
Him: I was talking about marriage
Me: I should just pretend I didn't understand her little sex talk and be like, "Mom I thought I wasn't supposed to have sex unless I was married."
Me: Joking aside, I mentioned to her that i'd rather elope than have a wedding and she said she would kill me.
Him: Your mom would kill you for running off with me?
Me: Supposedly
Him: Isn't that what you're doing come fall?
Me: i don't think we're running off anywhere.
On changing for other people:
Me: I'm not going to try to be liked. I either will be or I won't be.
Him: Jesus, I tried to make you like me
Me: But I liked you all along
Him: Psh, like that mattered. You're about as readable as a brick wall. Or maybe I'm as literate as a dog.
Me: It doesn't seem fair that I've always been cynical and will only become more so as I age. Maybe I'll be naive and sweet someday.
Him: And on that day I will dump you
Him: Oh I have a problem with you. You're too normal and rational. I need you to be ridiculous like a girl.
Me: I actually got a little panicky at the thought of having to do that. But if that's what you want...
Him: No, hell no. And I'm not sure you could do it.
Me: I couldn't. Not for an hour.
Him: :)
On lesbians:
Him: Strong independent women are always lesbians or stuck up in real life
Me: :(
Him: Besides you of course
Me: Uh-huh.
Him: <3
Him: Whoops meant to send that to Phil
Him: You shoulda stayed friends with her. You could be hitting that.
Me: Blah I can't compete with a lesbian just go have your threesome with her and her girlfriend.
Him: What no. I want to have a threesome with you and her.
On being shallow:
Him: What would you think of me getting my head shaved?
Me: I'm not sure I could look at you with a straight face and I might make you paper bag it during sex.
Him: What. You're so shallow.
Me: It'd only be shallow if I dumped you. I'd just tell people you had cancer.
Him: Well I wouldn't get it all the way shaved. Just a crew cut.
Me: Oh well that's different. Get it cut however you want.
Him: Are the sorority girls at least attractive?
Me: By normal standards they'd be like 7's/8's. Here they're like 12's.
Him: What are you on your scale:
Me: In their own minds, all girls oscillate from 0 to 10 depending on the day. Uh, i mean I would never attach a number to myself. That's degrading. And shallow.
Him: I'm kinda shallow. If you were fat, we would be friends.
Me: Well yeah, I would say the same. So I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Him: Obviously you're a woman
On fighting:
Him: Are you following this?
Me: Thanks I'm actually not retarded.
Him: Really I couldn't tell. What with going to see a shitty CGI circlejerk of Spielberg's.
Me: Lol
Him: Omg we were fighting and you ruined it. Now we have to go back to being abnormal and never fighting.
Me: I done answered wrong. You went from a drunken confession of your feelings to setting a break-up date in the future.
Him: Why?
Him: Talk to me.
Him: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS DAMN IT.
On marriage:
Him: Lol love
Him: Who said anything about love
Him: I was talking about marriage
Me: I should just pretend I didn't understand her little sex talk and be like, "Mom I thought I wasn't supposed to have sex unless I was married."
Me: Joking aside, I mentioned to her that i'd rather elope than have a wedding and she said she would kill me.
Him: Your mom would kill you for running off with me?
Me: Supposedly
Him: Isn't that what you're doing come fall?
Me: i don't think we're running off anywhere.
On changing for other people:
Me: I'm not going to try to be liked. I either will be or I won't be.
Him: Jesus, I tried to make you like me
Me: But I liked you all along
Him: Psh, like that mattered. You're about as readable as a brick wall. Or maybe I'm as literate as a dog.
Me: It doesn't seem fair that I've always been cynical and will only become more so as I age. Maybe I'll be naive and sweet someday.
Him: And on that day I will dump you
Him: Oh I have a problem with you. You're too normal and rational. I need you to be ridiculous like a girl.
Me: I actually got a little panicky at the thought of having to do that. But if that's what you want...
Him: No, hell no. And I'm not sure you could do it.
Me: I couldn't. Not for an hour.
Him: :)
On lesbians:
Him: Strong independent women are always lesbians or stuck up in real life
Me: :(
Him: Besides you of course
Me: Uh-huh.
Him: <3
Him: Whoops meant to send that to Phil
Him: You shoulda stayed friends with her. You could be hitting that.
Me: Blah I can't compete with a lesbian just go have your threesome with her and her girlfriend.
Him: What no. I want to have a threesome with you and her.
On being shallow:
Him: What would you think of me getting my head shaved?
Me: I'm not sure I could look at you with a straight face and I might make you paper bag it during sex.
Him: What. You're so shallow.
Me: It'd only be shallow if I dumped you. I'd just tell people you had cancer.
Him: Well I wouldn't get it all the way shaved. Just a crew cut.
Me: Oh well that's different. Get it cut however you want.
Him: Are the sorority girls at least attractive?
Me: By normal standards they'd be like 7's/8's. Here they're like 12's.
Him: What are you on your scale:
Me: In their own minds, all girls oscillate from 0 to 10 depending on the day. Uh, i mean I would never attach a number to myself. That's degrading. And shallow.
Him: I'm kinda shallow. If you were fat, we would be friends.
Me: Well yeah, I would say the same. So I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Him: Obviously you're a woman
On fighting:
Him: Are you following this?
Me: Thanks I'm actually not retarded.
Him: Really I couldn't tell. What with going to see a shitty CGI circlejerk of Spielberg's.
Me: Lol
Him: Omg we were fighting and you ruined it. Now we have to go back to being abnormal and never fighting.
Me: I done answered wrong. You went from a drunken confession of your feelings to setting a break-up date in the future.
Him: Why?
Him: Talk to me.
Him: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS DAMN IT.
The Conversations of a Long Distance Couple-Sex
Apart from when we're pretending to be jealous of each other, sex comes up a lot for a couple who can't have it.
Me: You better tell me when that becomes all you care about.
Him: What, sex? I'm about five years too late.
Me: We were never pathetic virgins though.
Him: Yeah, I was just an asshole and you were stuck up.
Me: We've changed so much.
Him: Well in the future assume first, ask questions later.
Him: Like if you're wondering if I want to have sex.
Him: I think I understand music now.
Me: Haha what, sexual frustration?
Him: Basically.
Him: Nothing you could do could make me leave you.
Me: Challenge accepted. Just kidding, but really it would be quite simple. What did I read today? "Men need to learn that they are always slave to their penises far more than we are", or something like that.
Him: Lol BS, you need my cock.
*five minutes later*
Him: Okay you were right.
Him: *not paying attention, thinking about fucking you*
Me: I just downloaded Bon Jovi. I deserve to be with an ogre forever.
Him: Well I don't listen to music so you're good
Me: ummm I also love American Idol? And type likee thiss?
Him: You better put out
Him: This is your cutest picture.
Me: haha thanks
Him: It's not really a compliment is it? It could be a terrible picture but relative to the others, it could be the cutest.
Me: Jerk.
Him: I'm a jerk for pointing out the flaw in my compliment?
Me: Idk I'm supposed to call you names and pretend to be offended. Flirting 101. I don't make the rules.
Him: Sorry. If you insist, we can do that. As long as you continue to gratify me sexually.
Me: lol I've never wanted to do that, it's just a societal habit. Flirting vapidly I mean, not gratifying you. I'm good with that.
Him: (talking about a friend's mom) She waited on me hand and foot like you need to do for me.
Me: Bullshit, you won't let me.
Him: Bullshit, you just sit there and tell me to make and bring you food.
Me: Well, yeah. Can you imagine me surviving in the 50's? I cannot.
Him: You can't cook, I'm pretty sure you hate laundry. I think you like baking but that's just because you're a fatass. Can you sew?
Me: No but I'll clean sometimes and watch kids and provide sexual favors so I'm a keeper.
Me: You better tell me when that becomes all you care about.
Him: What, sex? I'm about five years too late.
Me: We were never pathetic virgins though.
Him: Yeah, I was just an asshole and you were stuck up.
Me: We've changed so much.
Him: Well in the future assume first, ask questions later.
Him: Like if you're wondering if I want to have sex.
Him: I think I understand music now.
Me: Haha what, sexual frustration?
Him: Basically.
Him: Nothing you could do could make me leave you.
Me: Challenge accepted. Just kidding, but really it would be quite simple. What did I read today? "Men need to learn that they are always slave to their penises far more than we are", or something like that.
Him: Lol BS, you need my cock.
*five minutes later*
Him: Okay you were right.
Him: *not paying attention, thinking about fucking you*
Me: I just downloaded Bon Jovi. I deserve to be with an ogre forever.
Him: Well I don't listen to music so you're good
Me: ummm I also love American Idol? And type likee thiss?
Him: You better put out
Him: This is your cutest picture.
Me: haha thanks
Him: It's not really a compliment is it? It could be a terrible picture but relative to the others, it could be the cutest.
Me: Jerk.
Him: I'm a jerk for pointing out the flaw in my compliment?
Me: Idk I'm supposed to call you names and pretend to be offended. Flirting 101. I don't make the rules.
Him: Sorry. If you insist, we can do that. As long as you continue to gratify me sexually.
Me: lol I've never wanted to do that, it's just a societal habit. Flirting vapidly I mean, not gratifying you. I'm good with that.
Him: (talking about a friend's mom) She waited on me hand and foot like you need to do for me.
Me: Bullshit, you won't let me.
Him: Bullshit, you just sit there and tell me to make and bring you food.
Me: Well, yeah. Can you imagine me surviving in the 50's? I cannot.
Him: You can't cook, I'm pretty sure you hate laundry. I think you like baking but that's just because you're a fatass. Can you sew?
Me: No but I'll clean sometimes and watch kids and provide sexual favors so I'm a keeper.
The Conversations of a Long Distance Couple-Jealousy
By: Kelly
I thought I’d give you a snippet into my relationship by copying and pasting some of our online conversations from the summer. I'm not including anything personal and we're both open people so none of this will be soul-bearing or deep I'm afraid. But honestly, that would be boring. I’m showing you the funny/extreme examples so try not to judge too harshly. We’re more normal than we seem, I promise. (Actually that’s a complete lie) I tried to categorize them to give it the semblance of organization. Disclaimer- 99% of what we say to each other is sarcastic or a joke so bear that in mind.
On pretending to be jealous:
Me: I got the guy at Dunkin Donuts to put my application on the top of the pile
Him: slut
Me: I didn't do anything
Him: Were you showing shoulder!
Him: NECK
Him: LEG
Me: Shit you're right I have to go find a funeral pyre.
Me: NO TALKING ABOUT OTHER WOMEN
Him: eh fuck this I'm gonna go watch porn. Jk. Let me rave about your beauty.
Me: Shut up. Don't even think about it…
Him: flaxen hair of golden spun
Me: GO
Him: Eyes like diamonds glittering in the light
Me: WATCH
Him: A smile more blinding than the sun
Me: PORN
Him: You better not be fucking a bunch of guys in D.C.
Me: I'm not going to be learning any moves from these kids. I doubt they know their basic anatomy. One of the professors was trying to make a point and used a relationship and sex as an analogy and then he looked around and thought again and was like, "Well maybe you can relate that to literature."
Me: (discussing how I listen to the music of a mutual friend) He has a good voice.
Him: *gets jealous*
Me: There's no attraction there. Get thyself to sleep.
Him: *gets suspicious*
Me: You're right, I'm just waiting for you to leave so I can talk to him.
Him: YOU'RE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW ADMIT IT.
Me: He's still #2 most important to me, after my sister (talking about my dad)
Him: YOUR MOTHER BORE YOU.
Him: Wait wait wait. More than me?
Me: Lol your daddy has to be the most important man in your life until you get married.
Him: Why are you talking to strange boys?
Me: Because I'm a dirty whore.
I thought I’d give you a snippet into my relationship by copying and pasting some of our online conversations from the summer. I'm not including anything personal and we're both open people so none of this will be soul-bearing or deep I'm afraid. But honestly, that would be boring. I’m showing you the funny/extreme examples so try not to judge too harshly. We’re more normal than we seem, I promise. (Actually that’s a complete lie) I tried to categorize them to give it the semblance of organization. Disclaimer- 99% of what we say to each other is sarcastic or a joke so bear that in mind.
On pretending to be jealous:
Me: I got the guy at Dunkin Donuts to put my application on the top of the pile
Him: slut
Me: I didn't do anything
Him: Were you showing shoulder!
Him: NECK
Him: LEG
Me: Shit you're right I have to go find a funeral pyre.
Me: NO TALKING ABOUT OTHER WOMEN
Him: eh fuck this I'm gonna go watch porn. Jk. Let me rave about your beauty.
Me: Shut up. Don't even think about it…
Him: flaxen hair of golden spun
Me: GO
Him: Eyes like diamonds glittering in the light
Me: WATCH
Him: A smile more blinding than the sun
Me: PORN
Him: You better not be fucking a bunch of guys in D.C.
Me: I'm not going to be learning any moves from these kids. I doubt they know their basic anatomy. One of the professors was trying to make a point and used a relationship and sex as an analogy and then he looked around and thought again and was like, "Well maybe you can relate that to literature."
Me: (discussing how I listen to the music of a mutual friend) He has a good voice.
Him: *gets jealous*
Me: There's no attraction there. Get thyself to sleep.
Him: *gets suspicious*
Me: You're right, I'm just waiting for you to leave so I can talk to him.
Him: YOU'RE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW ADMIT IT.
Me: He's still #2 most important to me, after my sister (talking about my dad)
Him: YOUR MOTHER BORE YOU.
Him: Wait wait wait. More than me?
Me: Lol your daddy has to be the most important man in your life until you get married.
Him: Why are you talking to strange boys?
Me: Because I'm a dirty whore.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Lesson Time
By: Kelly
Now that I've been in a relationship for a semi-decent amount of time, I thought I would impart my vast bank of knowledge on you. Because you know, life is completely different once you have a boyfriend. Except not at all...Still, I guess I can tell you what I've learned. It isn't groundbreaking stuff; most of it is really obvious. But it's the kind of stuff that I always used to subconsciously doubt in the back of my mind so maybe I can lend it some more credibility. Because I'm so credible.
Lesson #1: Remember when I complained about the way girls invade your privacy once you get a boyfriend? How I bitched about the way they swarm around you with their incessant congratulations and badgering about how the two of you got together? I got what I wanted pretty quickly because everyone shut up pretty fast. In fact, it turns out what people do later is even worse than their original reactions to your changed relationship status. After you've been dating your significant other for a month or so and they see that you are still blissfully happy but not nauseatingly so, the subject of your relationship becomes completely taboo. If you dare bring him up, even in the context of the conversation, you get reproachful looks and hasty topic changes. I wish I could understand this but I really can't. Is it because they don't have what you have? Is it because back when they were congratulating you, they never really expected your happiness to last? Is it because they no longer feel needed by you and feel threatened by your non-dependence on someone else? Because at least if I were dependent on my boyfriend, I would run to my friends at the first sign of trouble because I would need comforting and another crutch to lean on. Whatever, the world may never know.
Lesson #2: Relationships are very anti-climactic in the best possible way. Before you have a real one, they're just this enigmatic concept that seems to transcend human understanding. Sure on paper a relationship is two people who share common values, enjoy spending time together, and are attracted to one another, but in reality, there must be something more MAGICAL than that. Relationships are christened with mystical holy water of which only taken people can be blessed. But no, it turns out relationships are no different than any other aspect of life- strange, wonderful, complicated, and painful from time to time. Relationship relationships aren't all that different from the other types you've had throughout your life and they aren't something of which to be scared. Your partner should be your best friend first and your lover second. As long as the foundation is something familiar and stable, nothing will be too foreign to you to handle. Sure it will feel like work sometimes and you'll hate it but nothing worthwhile comes easy in this life.
Lesson #3: Except, I lied. There is something unique about relationships, obviously. While the thrill of the chase is the uncertainty and the newness, the thrill of a relationship is the certainty and the familiarity. You're probably saying, duh. But what was revolutionary about this to me was that I could actually enjoy the benefits of a relationship as much as the benefits of the chase. When you're single, you revel in feeling special because you're the object of the attention of a bunch of guys and are owned by no one. When you're taken, you revel in feeling special because of that attention from the same guys except you are even more unattainable to them because there is no hope for them whatsoever. AND you get extra attention from a guy who worships you because he won what he thinks should be un-winnable. It's disgusting, the lengths a girl will go to in order to have her ego flattered. (I seem to recall saying the same about guys in one of my first posts...) I always thought I would be bored and dissatisfied because I'm the girl that runs away and analyzes but now I honestly believe every girl has the possibility and likelihood of finding someone who she will one day allow to catch her. The warm fuzzy feelings are just as good as the pulse and mind racing ones. And that still boggles my mind on a daily basis.
Lesson #4: All that garbage about the importance of communication? 100% true. A relationship won't survive a week if you let your pride get the best of you and you refuse to talk about something. Otherwise resentments just build up and build up and it doesn't take long for them to completely halt everything. Granted, in my relationship tension is generally released when my boyfriend drunk texts me and if he weren't so blunt the rest of the time, I would see that as highly dysfunctional. But luckily he is very blunt. He never hesitates to tell me something because he thinks it will hurts my feelings. And as a result, I know everything he says is real. When he compliments me, I know it isn't fake flattery but completely genuine and therefore much more valuable. Me? I tend to not tell him the good or the bad and hold onto all of my cards which is probably bad, but I'm working on it.
Lesson #5: Sex doesn't change a thing. I was warned by multiple friends that it would mess everything up based on their personal accounts but honestly, all sex does is enhance the way things already are. If there are insecurities there, they will be exacerbated. If there is manipulation or uncertainty, it will multiply after sex. But if things are generally good and you are confident in yourself and your relationship is healthy, it isn't going to change a thing. You will be amazed. I think parents and society brainwash girls into thinking the second they have sex, they are going to feel guilty, dirty, used, and hurt but it definitely doesn't have to be that way. The only reason a girl would feel that way is if she had sex with a guy as a favor to him or for some other equally stupid reason (everyone else is doing it, to make a guy like you more, etc.) As long as you do it because you want to enjoy it selfishly in addition to it being a way to get closer emotionally to your partner, you'll feel no regret; in fact, you'll feel empowered. Don't let sex become another mind game. It's way too good for that.
Now that I've been in a relationship for a semi-decent amount of time, I thought I would impart my vast bank of knowledge on you. Because you know, life is completely different once you have a boyfriend. Except not at all...Still, I guess I can tell you what I've learned. It isn't groundbreaking stuff; most of it is really obvious. But it's the kind of stuff that I always used to subconsciously doubt in the back of my mind so maybe I can lend it some more credibility. Because I'm so credible.
Lesson #1: Remember when I complained about the way girls invade your privacy once you get a boyfriend? How I bitched about the way they swarm around you with their incessant congratulations and badgering about how the two of you got together? I got what I wanted pretty quickly because everyone shut up pretty fast. In fact, it turns out what people do later is even worse than their original reactions to your changed relationship status. After you've been dating your significant other for a month or so and they see that you are still blissfully happy but not nauseatingly so, the subject of your relationship becomes completely taboo. If you dare bring him up, even in the context of the conversation, you get reproachful looks and hasty topic changes. I wish I could understand this but I really can't. Is it because they don't have what you have? Is it because back when they were congratulating you, they never really expected your happiness to last? Is it because they no longer feel needed by you and feel threatened by your non-dependence on someone else? Because at least if I were dependent on my boyfriend, I would run to my friends at the first sign of trouble because I would need comforting and another crutch to lean on. Whatever, the world may never know.
Lesson #2: Relationships are very anti-climactic in the best possible way. Before you have a real one, they're just this enigmatic concept that seems to transcend human understanding. Sure on paper a relationship is two people who share common values, enjoy spending time together, and are attracted to one another, but in reality, there must be something more MAGICAL than that. Relationships are christened with mystical holy water of which only taken people can be blessed. But no, it turns out relationships are no different than any other aspect of life- strange, wonderful, complicated, and painful from time to time. Relationship relationships aren't all that different from the other types you've had throughout your life and they aren't something of which to be scared. Your partner should be your best friend first and your lover second. As long as the foundation is something familiar and stable, nothing will be too foreign to you to handle. Sure it will feel like work sometimes and you'll hate it but nothing worthwhile comes easy in this life.
Lesson #3: Except, I lied. There is something unique about relationships, obviously. While the thrill of the chase is the uncertainty and the newness, the thrill of a relationship is the certainty and the familiarity. You're probably saying, duh. But what was revolutionary about this to me was that I could actually enjoy the benefits of a relationship as much as the benefits of the chase. When you're single, you revel in feeling special because you're the object of the attention of a bunch of guys and are owned by no one. When you're taken, you revel in feeling special because of that attention from the same guys except you are even more unattainable to them because there is no hope for them whatsoever. AND you get extra attention from a guy who worships you because he won what he thinks should be un-winnable. It's disgusting, the lengths a girl will go to in order to have her ego flattered. (I seem to recall saying the same about guys in one of my first posts...) I always thought I would be bored and dissatisfied because I'm the girl that runs away and analyzes but now I honestly believe every girl has the possibility and likelihood of finding someone who she will one day allow to catch her. The warm fuzzy feelings are just as good as the pulse and mind racing ones. And that still boggles my mind on a daily basis.
Lesson #4: All that garbage about the importance of communication? 100% true. A relationship won't survive a week if you let your pride get the best of you and you refuse to talk about something. Otherwise resentments just build up and build up and it doesn't take long for them to completely halt everything. Granted, in my relationship tension is generally released when my boyfriend drunk texts me and if he weren't so blunt the rest of the time, I would see that as highly dysfunctional. But luckily he is very blunt. He never hesitates to tell me something because he thinks it will hurts my feelings. And as a result, I know everything he says is real. When he compliments me, I know it isn't fake flattery but completely genuine and therefore much more valuable. Me? I tend to not tell him the good or the bad and hold onto all of my cards which is probably bad, but I'm working on it.
Lesson #5: Sex doesn't change a thing. I was warned by multiple friends that it would mess everything up based on their personal accounts but honestly, all sex does is enhance the way things already are. If there are insecurities there, they will be exacerbated. If there is manipulation or uncertainty, it will multiply after sex. But if things are generally good and you are confident in yourself and your relationship is healthy, it isn't going to change a thing. You will be amazed. I think parents and society brainwash girls into thinking the second they have sex, they are going to feel guilty, dirty, used, and hurt but it definitely doesn't have to be that way. The only reason a girl would feel that way is if she had sex with a guy as a favor to him or for some other equally stupid reason (everyone else is doing it, to make a guy like you more, etc.) As long as you do it because you want to enjoy it selfishly in addition to it being a way to get closer emotionally to your partner, you'll feel no regret; in fact, you'll feel empowered. Don't let sex become another mind game. It's way too good for that.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Selfishness of Love
By: Kelly
So I recently finished reading Atlas Shrugged and all I can say is, wow. I always joke that becoming a radical is an integral part of the college experience but I honestly think Rand is misinterpreted as extreme by people who haven’t read her work. She’s not “conservative” by today’s standards; she doesn’t fit into any mainstream ideology. She just trumpets rationalism and individual freedom above all else. I’m not going to get into the politics of it all (even though it’s tempting) but I wanted to post some of her quotes about love and relationships. Her opinions on romance reflect her entire life philosophy.
Arguably the most famous line of the whole book is the solemn promise that defines Rand’s moral code:
“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
This is where people incorrectly perceive Rand as celebrating “greed” and “selfishness.” She makes a convincing argument that these terms have been twisted to mean something else and that in reality, it is our greed and selfishness that is the saving grace of humanity. We call our values “values” for a reason- in order for them to have meaning, they must be earned. In order for us to live by our values, we can never just give or take based on need. Love is not an act of charity. She says, “The symbol of all relationships, the moral symbol of respect for human beings, is the trader. We, who live by values, not by loot, are traders, both in matter and in spirit. A trader is a man who earns what he gets and does not give or take the undeserved.”
How exactly is love a transaction? The price we pay is our emotional attachments and the reward is “the joy we receive from the virtues of another.” Therefore, she turns the popular idea of morality on its head. In reality, love requires no sacrifice and it is not unconditional. Real love is NOT blind, contrary to popular opinion. One of the most asinine characters in the book illustrates this popular notion in the following dialogue:
“I want to be loved for myself- not for anything I do or have to say or think. For myself- not for my body or mind or words or works or actions.”
“But then…what is yourself?”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask it.”
Later on, the same character says, “Love is its own cause! Love is above causes and reasons. Love is blind. But you wouldn’t be capable of it. You have the mean, scheming calculating little soul of a shopkeeper who trades, but never gives! Love is a gift- a great, free, unconditional gift that transcends and forgives everything. What’s the generosity of loving a man for his virtues? What do you give him? Nothing. It’s no more than cold justice. No more than he’s earned.”
I always hated when people said, “If you loved me, you would ______.” That is someone demanding you live for them rather than for yourself on the basis of nothing. That suggests that love is unthinking and irrational. A man who sacrifices his values, or anything he deems just and good, for the sake of someone else, has committed the greatest of follies.
It is the just nature of love that makes it beautiful. When we love, we are celebrating ourselves. We’re saying, THESE are the qualities and ideas that I hold most dear. When I look at you, I see the embodiment of the traits that I’ve chosen to govern my life. In order for the words “I love you” to have any significance, the “I” has to hold meaning. Otherwise, who cares? This is why pride is important and not something of which to be ashamed. Rather, “pride is the recognition of the fact that you are your own highest value, and like all of man’s values, it has to be earned.”
She says that any time we doubt ourselves, “every feeling of inferiority and secret unworthiness is man’s hidden dread of his inability to deal with existence.” We reject our ability to live, to fight, to make decisions and face the consequences- in essence, what it means to be human. This is why honesty as key. Honesty is “the recognition of the fact that the unreal is unreal and can have no value, that neither love nor fame nor cash is a value if obtained by fraud.” She says there can only be freedom in honesty. “People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I've learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person's view requires to be faked.”
She also says that our physical and emotional desires are permanently intertwined. Our rejection of one set results in a failed attempt to compensate with the other. By choosing to live in a constructed dream world rather than having the strength to face life as it is, we make ourselves slaves to a delusion and live a veiled existence. If we reject our physical desires and the material world, we search for solace by seeking an alternative emotional release. An example is the woman who receives no sexual fulfillment from her husband and throws herself into church or work. If we ignore our emotional desires, we turn to physical pleasures for an escape. An example of this is the man who cannot face the broken feelings of his family and turns to drugs, alcohol, or an affair for temporary satisfaction. Unless the twin desires remain intertwined as they are meant to be, you can never be satisfied. And they can only remain intertwined if you accept the responsibilities of observing, analyzing, and responding to the world around you, even when it’s hard and it hurts. Rand says, “Only the man who extols the purity of a love devoid of desire, is capable of the depravity of a desire devoid of love.”
This connection between the physical and the emotional is best described in this quote, which also sums up the point of this post:
"Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person's sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves. No matter what corruption they're taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment - just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! - an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience - or to fake - a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values - and can be nothing else."
So what is the application of this knowledge, that love is selfish? It’s not to say that in a disagreement with a significant other, you demand my way or the highway. It doesn’t mean you should only consider what you want, rather than what the other person wants. This is the standard definition of selfishness, not Rand’s. Instead this allows us to recognize that the reason you "put others before yourself" is because seeing the person you love unhappy will make YOU unhappy. At the end of the book, two characters that are in love face a dilemma. The man is wanted by the police and when his lover goes to him, she is tailed and they arrest him. Before the police arrive however, he tells her that she must pretend she hates him and had every intention of turning him in. If the police were to find out that he loves her, they would torture her to get him to obey their commands. He says that if that ever happened, he would kill himself immediately because he would rather die than see her in such pain. Rand’s point is, that would be an entirely selfish act of love. If you choose to honor the wishes of someone else because you love them, it is not a sacrifice. It means that the joy you receive from seeing them happy is greater than the joy you would receive from pursuing your own desire. The benefits outweigh the costs. Or in the example I just used, the costs of seeing your lover suffer is not worth the benefits of staying alive. I’ll end this with a conversation I had a while ago with my boyfriend. He was asking me about this guy I used to like and why it didn’t work out. I told him, “He was too selfish to care about me.” He smiled knowingly and said, “I’m too selfish not to.”
So I recently finished reading Atlas Shrugged and all I can say is, wow. I always joke that becoming a radical is an integral part of the college experience but I honestly think Rand is misinterpreted as extreme by people who haven’t read her work. She’s not “conservative” by today’s standards; she doesn’t fit into any mainstream ideology. She just trumpets rationalism and individual freedom above all else. I’m not going to get into the politics of it all (even though it’s tempting) but I wanted to post some of her quotes about love and relationships. Her opinions on romance reflect her entire life philosophy.
Arguably the most famous line of the whole book is the solemn promise that defines Rand’s moral code:
“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
This is where people incorrectly perceive Rand as celebrating “greed” and “selfishness.” She makes a convincing argument that these terms have been twisted to mean something else and that in reality, it is our greed and selfishness that is the saving grace of humanity. We call our values “values” for a reason- in order for them to have meaning, they must be earned. In order for us to live by our values, we can never just give or take based on need. Love is not an act of charity. She says, “The symbol of all relationships, the moral symbol of respect for human beings, is the trader. We, who live by values, not by loot, are traders, both in matter and in spirit. A trader is a man who earns what he gets and does not give or take the undeserved.”
How exactly is love a transaction? The price we pay is our emotional attachments and the reward is “the joy we receive from the virtues of another.” Therefore, she turns the popular idea of morality on its head. In reality, love requires no sacrifice and it is not unconditional. Real love is NOT blind, contrary to popular opinion. One of the most asinine characters in the book illustrates this popular notion in the following dialogue:
“I want to be loved for myself- not for anything I do or have to say or think. For myself- not for my body or mind or words or works or actions.”
“But then…what is yourself?”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask it.”
Later on, the same character says, “Love is its own cause! Love is above causes and reasons. Love is blind. But you wouldn’t be capable of it. You have the mean, scheming calculating little soul of a shopkeeper who trades, but never gives! Love is a gift- a great, free, unconditional gift that transcends and forgives everything. What’s the generosity of loving a man for his virtues? What do you give him? Nothing. It’s no more than cold justice. No more than he’s earned.”
I always hated when people said, “If you loved me, you would ______.” That is someone demanding you live for them rather than for yourself on the basis of nothing. That suggests that love is unthinking and irrational. A man who sacrifices his values, or anything he deems just and good, for the sake of someone else, has committed the greatest of follies.
It is the just nature of love that makes it beautiful. When we love, we are celebrating ourselves. We’re saying, THESE are the qualities and ideas that I hold most dear. When I look at you, I see the embodiment of the traits that I’ve chosen to govern my life. In order for the words “I love you” to have any significance, the “I” has to hold meaning. Otherwise, who cares? This is why pride is important and not something of which to be ashamed. Rather, “pride is the recognition of the fact that you are your own highest value, and like all of man’s values, it has to be earned.”
She says that any time we doubt ourselves, “every feeling of inferiority and secret unworthiness is man’s hidden dread of his inability to deal with existence.” We reject our ability to live, to fight, to make decisions and face the consequences- in essence, what it means to be human. This is why honesty as key. Honesty is “the recognition of the fact that the unreal is unreal and can have no value, that neither love nor fame nor cash is a value if obtained by fraud.” She says there can only be freedom in honesty. “People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I've learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person's view requires to be faked.”
She also says that our physical and emotional desires are permanently intertwined. Our rejection of one set results in a failed attempt to compensate with the other. By choosing to live in a constructed dream world rather than having the strength to face life as it is, we make ourselves slaves to a delusion and live a veiled existence. If we reject our physical desires and the material world, we search for solace by seeking an alternative emotional release. An example is the woman who receives no sexual fulfillment from her husband and throws herself into church or work. If we ignore our emotional desires, we turn to physical pleasures for an escape. An example of this is the man who cannot face the broken feelings of his family and turns to drugs, alcohol, or an affair for temporary satisfaction. Unless the twin desires remain intertwined as they are meant to be, you can never be satisfied. And they can only remain intertwined if you accept the responsibilities of observing, analyzing, and responding to the world around you, even when it’s hard and it hurts. Rand says, “Only the man who extols the purity of a love devoid of desire, is capable of the depravity of a desire devoid of love.”
This connection between the physical and the emotional is best described in this quote, which also sums up the point of this post:
"Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person's sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves. No matter what corruption they're taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment - just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! - an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience - or to fake - a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values - and can be nothing else."
So what is the application of this knowledge, that love is selfish? It’s not to say that in a disagreement with a significant other, you demand my way or the highway. It doesn’t mean you should only consider what you want, rather than what the other person wants. This is the standard definition of selfishness, not Rand’s. Instead this allows us to recognize that the reason you "put others before yourself" is because seeing the person you love unhappy will make YOU unhappy. At the end of the book, two characters that are in love face a dilemma. The man is wanted by the police and when his lover goes to him, she is tailed and they arrest him. Before the police arrive however, he tells her that she must pretend she hates him and had every intention of turning him in. If the police were to find out that he loves her, they would torture her to get him to obey their commands. He says that if that ever happened, he would kill himself immediately because he would rather die than see her in such pain. Rand’s point is, that would be an entirely selfish act of love. If you choose to honor the wishes of someone else because you love them, it is not a sacrifice. It means that the joy you receive from seeing them happy is greater than the joy you would receive from pursuing your own desire. The benefits outweigh the costs. Or in the example I just used, the costs of seeing your lover suffer is not worth the benefits of staying alive. I’ll end this with a conversation I had a while ago with my boyfriend. He was asking me about this guy I used to like and why it didn’t work out. I told him, “He was too selfish to care about me.” He smiled knowingly and said, “I’m too selfish not to.”
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Saturday May 7th /Sunday May 8th
The next morning I still felt sick so I stayed at the hostel and read while the others went and hiked up another volcano and saw a torture chamber for political prisoners. When they got back, we got lunch and then did some souvenir shopping in the handicraft markets in the city. I just got a decorative plate to give to my parents to hang in the kitchen where they display items from our travels. I saw a little boy with what I assume was elephantitis- his head was four times the size it should have been and his mother was holding him in her lap and supporting his head. It was terrifying and sickening and horribly depressing to see…There were also lots of children running around who belonged to the people who worked at the market. One boy was making different things out of long reeds of grass with quick, nimble fingers. He gave Destiny and I these beautiful detailed hearts intertwined with sculpted flowers. By this time, we literally had enough money to pay for the bus to get to the airport so we couldn’t pay him but we gave him some mango and a hug and he didn’t seem to begrudge us the cash. He seemed to be enjoying himself, just giving out the stuff he made. Later on he gave Jeff a cricket he made and Jeff gave him some money so I felt a little better.
Once everyone had their purchases, we got on a bus to Managua. We got to the bus station after dark and it was the only time I actually felt unsafe because even the Managuans will tell you what a dump the city is and to get in and out as quickly as possible. We were looking for the bus to the airport and even though it didn’t take us more than two minutes, in that time three guys tailed us. I didn’t see because I was walking really quickly behind Jeff but Carolanne and Matt were trailing behind. Apparently a woman was motioning to them and they mistook her for begging when she was trying to warn them about being pickpocketed. Carolanne is diabetic and was wearing her insulin pump and they must have mistaken it for a camera or some other expensive technology because they took it and ran. She was really upset because it was an $8,000 device. Luckily it was the last day and she had a loaner with her for traveling, but it was still really unfortunate. The bus took us to the airport and I had a semi-decent conversation with the man sitting next to me in Spanish. By semi-decent, I mean I used about fifteen words in Spanish, understood nothing that he said, and did a lot of nodding and smiling.
Then we were at the airport and found Rachel sitting at a table at a restaurant looking dirty, exhausted, and very dazed. She could barely talk when we found her and she just sputtered about how happy she was to see us. Mike walked over a little later from the corner where he had been napping and we found out that after we had split up to get back to Nicaragua from Costa Rica, they had had a really hard time hitch hiking back and had been accidentally taken to the middle of nowhere to a pineapple packing plant. They ended up spending the night in the same hotel we had all stayed at together. The next day they made it to Playa Madera and stayed there for the rest of the trip. I couldn’t help but feel satisfied that we had done so much more than the “adventurers” who left us so many times because we weren’t going their pace. Fake instance of karma, to be sure. We boarded the plane, flew home, said our goodbyes, and my dad drove Destiny and I home. Words can’t describe how anxious I was for that plane to touch the ground so I could get home and shower and drink gallons of water and bask in the air conditioning.
Things I learned from the trip:
-I would be the first to die in a disaster situation. Like, I would be the first to give up and lay down rather than try to walk to safety. Or I would be the first to drink the salt water and choose hallucinations rather than reality.
-I don’t want to study abroad in Africa anymore I don’t think. I was considering it for a while, and I still want to make it out there, but not in the romantically simplistic and wild way I was picturing before. I realized it’s not particularly romantic doing the things I had to do and even though I proved I’m strong enough to do it, there were too many instances when I was unnecessarily unhappy for me to want to go traipsing through the African jungle.
-Momento mori. You’re just constantly reminded of your mortality when you can feel your body screaming at you to stop or you have to constantly search for clean water.
-You can’t really escape your humanity. One of the reasons I went on the trip was so I could appreciate all I have and have a better idea of how people in other parts of the world live. I definitely think I did that, but the problem is it can never really stay with you, that appreciation. You might think of it every now and then, but for the most part, once you’re home you slip back into your old expectations and forget about what you saw. I was shocked by how quickly this happened once I got home. I was marveling at all of the possibilities my kitchen held and then when I went to take a shower and found my shampoo was gone, I was livid. Then I remembered I spent a whole week without shampoo, and that most people don’t even have shampoo, and couldn’t help but laugh at myself because no matter what you do, you can never be 100% compassionate. It would drive you insane, feeling bad for everyone all the time.
-The little things truly are what matters. It was really amazing, being forced to take the time to marvel at a sunrise or to gaze at the stars. Gulping down water after a vigorous hike- even finding a hike to be therapeutic. Laughing with friends, appreciating the kindness of strangers, feeling the thrill of not having a plan or knowing where your next ride or meal would come from. That is the spirit of adventure.
Once everyone had their purchases, we got on a bus to Managua. We got to the bus station after dark and it was the only time I actually felt unsafe because even the Managuans will tell you what a dump the city is and to get in and out as quickly as possible. We were looking for the bus to the airport and even though it didn’t take us more than two minutes, in that time three guys tailed us. I didn’t see because I was walking really quickly behind Jeff but Carolanne and Matt were trailing behind. Apparently a woman was motioning to them and they mistook her for begging when she was trying to warn them about being pickpocketed. Carolanne is diabetic and was wearing her insulin pump and they must have mistaken it for a camera or some other expensive technology because they took it and ran. She was really upset because it was an $8,000 device. Luckily it was the last day and she had a loaner with her for traveling, but it was still really unfortunate. The bus took us to the airport and I had a semi-decent conversation with the man sitting next to me in Spanish. By semi-decent, I mean I used about fifteen words in Spanish, understood nothing that he said, and did a lot of nodding and smiling.
Then we were at the airport and found Rachel sitting at a table at a restaurant looking dirty, exhausted, and very dazed. She could barely talk when we found her and she just sputtered about how happy she was to see us. Mike walked over a little later from the corner where he had been napping and we found out that after we had split up to get back to Nicaragua from Costa Rica, they had had a really hard time hitch hiking back and had been accidentally taken to the middle of nowhere to a pineapple packing plant. They ended up spending the night in the same hotel we had all stayed at together. The next day they made it to Playa Madera and stayed there for the rest of the trip. I couldn’t help but feel satisfied that we had done so much more than the “adventurers” who left us so many times because we weren’t going their pace. Fake instance of karma, to be sure. We boarded the plane, flew home, said our goodbyes, and my dad drove Destiny and I home. Words can’t describe how anxious I was for that plane to touch the ground so I could get home and shower and drink gallons of water and bask in the air conditioning.
Things I learned from the trip:
-I would be the first to die in a disaster situation. Like, I would be the first to give up and lay down rather than try to walk to safety. Or I would be the first to drink the salt water and choose hallucinations rather than reality.
-I don’t want to study abroad in Africa anymore I don’t think. I was considering it for a while, and I still want to make it out there, but not in the romantically simplistic and wild way I was picturing before. I realized it’s not particularly romantic doing the things I had to do and even though I proved I’m strong enough to do it, there were too many instances when I was unnecessarily unhappy for me to want to go traipsing through the African jungle.
-Momento mori. You’re just constantly reminded of your mortality when you can feel your body screaming at you to stop or you have to constantly search for clean water.
-You can’t really escape your humanity. One of the reasons I went on the trip was so I could appreciate all I have and have a better idea of how people in other parts of the world live. I definitely think I did that, but the problem is it can never really stay with you, that appreciation. You might think of it every now and then, but for the most part, once you’re home you slip back into your old expectations and forget about what you saw. I was shocked by how quickly this happened once I got home. I was marveling at all of the possibilities my kitchen held and then when I went to take a shower and found my shampoo was gone, I was livid. Then I remembered I spent a whole week without shampoo, and that most people don’t even have shampoo, and couldn’t help but laugh at myself because no matter what you do, you can never be 100% compassionate. It would drive you insane, feeling bad for everyone all the time.
-The little things truly are what matters. It was really amazing, being forced to take the time to marvel at a sunrise or to gaze at the stars. Gulping down water after a vigorous hike- even finding a hike to be therapeutic. Laughing with friends, appreciating the kindness of strangers, feeling the thrill of not having a plan or knowing where your next ride or meal would come from. That is the spirit of adventure.
Thursday May 5th and Friday May 6th
The next day we woke up at five and headed for the border. Jeff was furious when we were told we had to pay $12 each to cross the border but eventually we did and exchanged our money and took a bus to San Juan del Sur. Then we alternated between walking and hitching rides to Playa Madera. The area looked the way I pictured California to look and it was on the Pacific Coast so I don’t think I’m too far off. We went to the Surf Camp Hostel and met up with Matt and Carolanne who had managed to make it all the way there the night before and had spent the night. We debated getting a surf board but Jeff wasn’t a fan of beaches so we decided to climb on the rocks, swim, and eat and then head out. It was the most gorgeous beach I’ve ever been to and it was a super relaxed atmosphere with tons of surfers lounging around in hammocks and playing guitars. We walked around the rocks and looked at crabs and sea urchins in the pools of water and then got pina coladas and hamburgers and got in the water with the waves crashing over us. Then we split into groups again, this time Jeff and Carolanne were together and Matt, Destiny, and I were together. We walked a while before being picked up by a couple living in London with a second house in Nicaragua. The man was from Sweden and the woman was from New Zealand. They dropped us off in Rivas and we took a bus to Granada where we met Jeff and Carolanne at the coolest hostel we had been to by far, called the Bearded Monkey. It was half inside and half outside with all kinds of cool wall paintings and hanging chairs and pools of water. Unfortunately, I was getting really sick and laid down on the bed in our room and passed out. The sun from the beach gave me a migraine and my body felt broken in like a hundred places from all the activity. Plus eating the fruit and drinking the water was catching up with my digestive system, which was pretty miserable. So while everyone else was enjoying happy hour and taking advantage of the free wifi, I slept like a baby. They went out and got dinner and brought me back something and then we all went to sleep.
The next day we wandered through the markets of Granada which had stands with every type of food imaginable: fruits, vegetables, grains, breads baked in the shapes of animals, and all types of meat including enormous decapitated pig heads. One thing that was really popular down there was this drink that was sold in plastic bags with ice. It was called cacao and was similar to chocolate milk but better. After perusing the market, we decided to visit the Pueblos Blancos (white towns) between Granada and Masaya. We took buses to them and at one of them there was an extinct volcano with a huge lake in the center that beat the lake at the top of the Volcano Maderas a thousand times over. We took a little taxi up to the top of the volcano and then hiked down the lip to the lake to go swimming. It was completely deserted and ridiculously beautiful. The hike back up wasn’t fun but we got some cokes at a restaurant up there and rested up a bit before heading to the next village. There we saw a sloth hanging from a tree in the middle of the park and went to a restaurant for lunch where we got tripe soup. I’ve never thought Latin Americans were particularly good at making soup and this was just their usual broth with a heaping pile of cow intestines in the center. It was revolting. I ate a few spoonfuls of the broth but that was it. I had already been feeling so sick that I had no appetite to begin with. Jeff wolfed his down while Matt and Carolanne made a valiant effort before giving up and Destiny was the only smart one who ordered the roasted chicken. After that, we got on a bus to Masaya and found a cheap hotel. I was feeling really sick once again so I slept while they went out and got dinner and looked at the town.
The next day we wandered through the markets of Granada which had stands with every type of food imaginable: fruits, vegetables, grains, breads baked in the shapes of animals, and all types of meat including enormous decapitated pig heads. One thing that was really popular down there was this drink that was sold in plastic bags with ice. It was called cacao and was similar to chocolate milk but better. After perusing the market, we decided to visit the Pueblos Blancos (white towns) between Granada and Masaya. We took buses to them and at one of them there was an extinct volcano with a huge lake in the center that beat the lake at the top of the Volcano Maderas a thousand times over. We took a little taxi up to the top of the volcano and then hiked down the lip to the lake to go swimming. It was completely deserted and ridiculously beautiful. The hike back up wasn’t fun but we got some cokes at a restaurant up there and rested up a bit before heading to the next village. There we saw a sloth hanging from a tree in the middle of the park and went to a restaurant for lunch where we got tripe soup. I’ve never thought Latin Americans were particularly good at making soup and this was just their usual broth with a heaping pile of cow intestines in the center. It was revolting. I ate a few spoonfuls of the broth but that was it. I had already been feeling so sick that I had no appetite to begin with. Jeff wolfed his down while Matt and Carolanne made a valiant effort before giving up and Destiny was the only smart one who ordered the roasted chicken. After that, we got on a bus to Masaya and found a cheap hotel. I was feeling really sick once again so I slept while they went out and got dinner and looked at the town.
Wednesday May 4th
The next day we woke up around six and decided to go see this waterfall that we thought was right down the road that Matt really wanted to see. First we got breakfast from this little buffet line that was really good. Breakfast generally consisted of eggs, plantains, beans and rice, and either mango or pineapple juice or coffee. We realized the waterfall was farther away than we thought and so we faced the same dilemma as before- to hitchhike or to take a bus. Mike and Rachel immediately took off and hitched a ride and we took the bus. When it dropped us off, we walked down a dirt road that was supposed to lead to the waterfall and was dotted by lots of Costa Rican houses. It was a cool little road because it was certainly not a touristy spot and was pretty too. We asked people how far it was to the waterfall but determined that Nicaraguans have no perception of time or distance because throughout our entire trip, the answer was always “media hora” or “diez kilometers.” The road ended up being insanely long and we walked ten miles just to get to there. We tried hitching rides but no cars seemed willing to pick up five dirty teenagers. One truck dropped a crate of pineapples and we were so hungry and thirsty that Matt actually peeled off the exterior with his teeth and we all ate some. At one point in our walk towards the end when we were really desperate, we saw Mike and Rachel in the back of a pick-up truck, grinning maliciously at us as we trudged up the hill. We tried to signal the truck to stop since we all could have fit in the back but they didn’t, and Mike and Rachel did nothing to stop them. Jeff took off running after the truck all the way up the hill but it was no use. I was livid.
Once we got there, our hopes were dashed because it was a national park, which we weren’t aware of, and those cost a lot of money. The ranger told us it would be $10 each and we all just sat there forlornly for a good 15 minutes, unable to muster the energy to go back down but very unwilling to shell out so much money (remember, we had been arguing with each other over 50 cent bus rides so $10 was almost unthinkable in Nicaragua). Finally the ranger charged us each $1.60 and told us if we were stopped to pretend we were some of the American volunteers they took on to do research in the summers. We happily agreed and entered the park. It was my favorite nature walk because it wasn’t grueling or hot and it was very beautiful. There were thermal pools that we swam in and bright blue streams that met orange streams and intertwined while maintaining their individual colors. We found Mike and Rachel when they were on their way down when we were on our way up. We agreed to meet them back in Nicaragua later if possible. We made it to the waterfall where an enormous congregation of Costa Rican policemen and women were gathered taking pictures of themselves next to the waterfall. We took a few pictures and moved on without them noticing or caring about us. We hiked down and out a separate way than the way we came and tried to find a ride but had to resign ourselves to walking once again. We were walking through farmland and asked a man in his yard for directions. He dropped his tools and promptly began leading us. We found out through Carolanne that he actually owned the entire valley. Everything that we could see and more was his and had been in his family since silver was used as currency. His family had bought it for less than 200 pesos and he was immensely proud of all his crops as he showed them to us. But the road he brought us to was just being put in and was a construction zone. He was really angry that it was cutting through his farm. He waved goodbye and told us it would be about a 30 minute walk. Right. So we started trudging up the hills and were really exhausted when Matt began singing “The Bear Necessities” from the Jungle Book and we all chimed in. After a short while we were over the moon to see a truck stop to let us climb in the back. We laughed in that way you do when you’re so tired everything is hilarious and it was like biting into that mango again- nothing felt as good as sitting in the back of that truck looking at the green valley with the wind in your face.
After we were dropped off, we got something to eat and split up into two groups to try to hitch hike our way back to Nicaragua. Matt and Carolanne went together and Destiny, Jeff, and I made up the other group. We hitch hiked with one man for a while and then hitch hiked with a taxi the rest of the way to Liberia and then took a bus to La Cruz. It was too late to cross the border so we got a room in a hotel for $5 each. We stumbled upon a carnival in the town center and found out we’d missed the bullfight by just a few minutes. Destiny was so elated to be at a carnival that she jumped in the now empty pin where people were gathered and danced around. She was asked if she was high by the Nicaraguans. Jeff opened his backpack and got out his swim trunks saying, “I have red shorts. Want to be the bull, Destiny?” So he jumped down there too and waved them around while Destiny snorted and pawed the ground and charged to her heart’s content while I filmed the whole thing. Then we watched the mariachi band for a while and rode the swings before getting ice cream and heading back to the hotel to shower for the second night in a row and sleep. (in real beds!)
Once we got there, our hopes were dashed because it was a national park, which we weren’t aware of, and those cost a lot of money. The ranger told us it would be $10 each and we all just sat there forlornly for a good 15 minutes, unable to muster the energy to go back down but very unwilling to shell out so much money (remember, we had been arguing with each other over 50 cent bus rides so $10 was almost unthinkable in Nicaragua). Finally the ranger charged us each $1.60 and told us if we were stopped to pretend we were some of the American volunteers they took on to do research in the summers. We happily agreed and entered the park. It was my favorite nature walk because it wasn’t grueling or hot and it was very beautiful. There were thermal pools that we swam in and bright blue streams that met orange streams and intertwined while maintaining their individual colors. We found Mike and Rachel when they were on their way down when we were on our way up. We agreed to meet them back in Nicaragua later if possible. We made it to the waterfall where an enormous congregation of Costa Rican policemen and women were gathered taking pictures of themselves next to the waterfall. We took a few pictures and moved on without them noticing or caring about us. We hiked down and out a separate way than the way we came and tried to find a ride but had to resign ourselves to walking once again. We were walking through farmland and asked a man in his yard for directions. He dropped his tools and promptly began leading us. We found out through Carolanne that he actually owned the entire valley. Everything that we could see and more was his and had been in his family since silver was used as currency. His family had bought it for less than 200 pesos and he was immensely proud of all his crops as he showed them to us. But the road he brought us to was just being put in and was a construction zone. He was really angry that it was cutting through his farm. He waved goodbye and told us it would be about a 30 minute walk. Right. So we started trudging up the hills and were really exhausted when Matt began singing “The Bear Necessities” from the Jungle Book and we all chimed in. After a short while we were over the moon to see a truck stop to let us climb in the back. We laughed in that way you do when you’re so tired everything is hilarious and it was like biting into that mango again- nothing felt as good as sitting in the back of that truck looking at the green valley with the wind in your face.
After we were dropped off, we got something to eat and split up into two groups to try to hitch hike our way back to Nicaragua. Matt and Carolanne went together and Destiny, Jeff, and I made up the other group. We hitch hiked with one man for a while and then hitch hiked with a taxi the rest of the way to Liberia and then took a bus to La Cruz. It was too late to cross the border so we got a room in a hotel for $5 each. We stumbled upon a carnival in the town center and found out we’d missed the bullfight by just a few minutes. Destiny was so elated to be at a carnival that she jumped in the now empty pin where people were gathered and danced around. She was asked if she was high by the Nicaraguans. Jeff opened his backpack and got out his swim trunks saying, “I have red shorts. Want to be the bull, Destiny?” So he jumped down there too and waved them around while Destiny snorted and pawed the ground and charged to her heart’s content while I filmed the whole thing. Then we watched the mariachi band for a while and rode the swings before getting ice cream and heading back to the hotel to shower for the second night in a row and sleep. (in real beds!)
Tuesday May 3rd
The ferry docked in San Carlos as the sun came up. We got off and walked through the crowded market streets to an immigration office so we could get the documentation to go to Costa Rica after getting some breakfast. Matt hit it off with the Nicaraguan receptionist (unintentionally- he was just being his natural friendly self and making conversation) and ended up getting a free coke, all her contact information, and an invitation to her house for dinner that night. We offered to meet up with him later, all of us grinning to ourselves as we observed but Matt very nicely told her he needed to go with the group. We exchanged our Nicaraguan cordobas for Costa Rican collones and boarded a boat that would take us down the San Juan River and into Costa Rica. We had some ice cream and saw some monkeys in the trees on the shore. After an hour or two we arrived and went through another office to get our passports stamped. We realized we didn’t really have a plan for Costa Rica which was more problematic than it was in Nicaragua because things are much more spread out in Costa Rica. We spent most of the day debating what to do and waiting for the bus. At one point we were trying to find the bus station and accidentally followed a little girl back to her school. We ate lunch and I had a hamburger, already resigning myself to my American habits since I wasn’t very impressed by the local food. Everyone had a taste and declared it the best hamburger they’d ever had.
Mike and Rachel and Carolanne were in favor of hitchhiking to the next city, Los Chiles, but when we asked about it, people said no one did it and it would be difficult. Jeff wanted to wait for the bus and after a tense argument, Mike and Rachel decided to go their own way hitch hiking. We waited for the bus and watched an adorable little boy kick a Coca Cola bottle around and a pack of stray dogs defending “their land” from another pack. We also spent half an hour in an internet café and shot off quick emails to our parents letting them know that we were okay. The bus that we eventually boarded was filled with school children in uniforms. We were on the bus for quite a while and I was shocked at how far they had to travel to go to school.
Eventually we got there and actually met up with with Rachel and Mike, who I honestly thought we wouldn’t see again until the airport. Looking very smug, they told us how they had been there for hours and had already showered and gotten a beer to share. They snuck us into their hotel room and while Destiny and I were taking our first real shower, the others except for Jeff went out to get some food. When we got out of the shower, Jeff hightailed it to the bathroom and all of a sudden I understood what everyone meant when Jeff disappeared and everyone said he was “going volcano.” Destiny and I could hardly stifle our laughter and choked out that we were getting something to eat and would be back soon. I did not feel comfortable walking around a city at night at all so I quickly pulled Destiny into the restaurant right next to the hotel where we got French fries and beef empanadas. Outside we could see a man with a baseball bat on the next corner which scared the living daylights out of me. When we left I was all for running as fast as we could the 100 yards to the hotel but Destiny hissed at me that we would look suspicious so we walked quickly back and I don’t know if he saw us or not. Still resentful towards Mike and Rachel for their unnecessary spiteful attitudes, I refused to ask for a spot on the bed and they certainly didn’t offer to share it with anyone else so even though we could have easily fit one or two more people on the bed, or could have at least distributed the sheets and pillows, they took it all and the five of us slept on the tile floor with our packs as pillows. I was able to sleep by throwing my few articles of smelly clothing on the floor and lying on them.
The best thing about the trip was that the previous situation was generally so bad that I was always happy to move on to the next thing. I didn’t have a bed to be reluctant to leave so as soon as the sun was up, I was happy to get going. And generally at the end of every day, I was so tired from hiking that I didn’t care about my sleeping conditions.
Mike and Rachel and Carolanne were in favor of hitchhiking to the next city, Los Chiles, but when we asked about it, people said no one did it and it would be difficult. Jeff wanted to wait for the bus and after a tense argument, Mike and Rachel decided to go their own way hitch hiking. We waited for the bus and watched an adorable little boy kick a Coca Cola bottle around and a pack of stray dogs defending “their land” from another pack. We also spent half an hour in an internet café and shot off quick emails to our parents letting them know that we were okay. The bus that we eventually boarded was filled with school children in uniforms. We were on the bus for quite a while and I was shocked at how far they had to travel to go to school.
Eventually we got there and actually met up with with Rachel and Mike, who I honestly thought we wouldn’t see again until the airport. Looking very smug, they told us how they had been there for hours and had already showered and gotten a beer to share. They snuck us into their hotel room and while Destiny and I were taking our first real shower, the others except for Jeff went out to get some food. When we got out of the shower, Jeff hightailed it to the bathroom and all of a sudden I understood what everyone meant when Jeff disappeared and everyone said he was “going volcano.” Destiny and I could hardly stifle our laughter and choked out that we were getting something to eat and would be back soon. I did not feel comfortable walking around a city at night at all so I quickly pulled Destiny into the restaurant right next to the hotel where we got French fries and beef empanadas. Outside we could see a man with a baseball bat on the next corner which scared the living daylights out of me. When we left I was all for running as fast as we could the 100 yards to the hotel but Destiny hissed at me that we would look suspicious so we walked quickly back and I don’t know if he saw us or not. Still resentful towards Mike and Rachel for their unnecessary spiteful attitudes, I refused to ask for a spot on the bed and they certainly didn’t offer to share it with anyone else so even though we could have easily fit one or two more people on the bed, or could have at least distributed the sheets and pillows, they took it all and the five of us slept on the tile floor with our packs as pillows. I was able to sleep by throwing my few articles of smelly clothing on the floor and lying on them.
The best thing about the trip was that the previous situation was generally so bad that I was always happy to move on to the next thing. I didn’t have a bed to be reluctant to leave so as soon as the sun was up, I was happy to get going. And generally at the end of every day, I was so tired from hiking that I didn’t care about my sleeping conditions.
Monday May 2nd
The next morning we got up at five and followed the guide we hired to the base of the Maderas Volcano which got a 4/5 for difficulty levels of climbing. I had serious doubts that I could do and was really worried about ruining the hike for everyone else by going too slow or needing to turn around halfway up, but when I suggested I wait for them at the hostel, Mike convinced me to do it. Once we got to the base and began hiking, my confidence rose because it was much more gradual than the trail we had taken to the waterfall the day before. For about an hour, we took frequent breaks at Destiny’s request but then realized it would be better to go at a slow pace continuously than to keep stopping. I led the way behind the guide to set the pace since I was the novice and that worked well. We saw all kinds of wildlife- Nicaraguan blue jays, giant electric blue cicadas, and some kind of lemurs. About halfway up the landscape changed with the altitude into wet tropical forest. We were traipsing through mud and mist and even though this was when most people started to find the hike arduous, I was in my element because I guess my inner redneck loves mud. We became concerned because we were really low on water and still had a ways to go, but we decided we’d be okay because there was a lake at the top of the crater (the volcano was dormant) that we could draw water from to purify with iodine. So at that point our motivation to get to the top was somewhat stronger. When we finally made it, two of the guys attempted to swim in the lake but it was almost complete mud with maybe ten inches of water on top. We filled our bottles and cleaned the water with iodine. It was still a murky brown but I really did not care.
We had to get going quickly because we needed to be back in the village by 3 to return the motorcycles so we wouldn’t have to pay even more money for them (we were already anticipating fees for minor damage to the bikes and didn’t want to deal with late fees). We split into two groups because Mike realized he had left his retainer on a rock when we had stopped for a snack on the way up. He and Jeff were experienced hikers and had no trouble getting back to the spot and finding it. They beat us back to the hostel by two hours while our well-meaning guide took us on a much longer route down the volcano that was supposed to be easier. Altogether, the hike took about eight hours. At the bottom we ate some mangos we found on the ground and nothing in my life has ever, or will ever, compare to the sensation of biting into that juicy fruit. We hadn’t eaten breakfast before the hike and had climbed the volcano on an empty stomach so finding those mangos was heaven.
We didn’t have time for a shower, just a quick rinse off before we rushed off to return the bikes. All of our money went to paying for those bikes but I thought it was worth it. We got more money from an ATM and we spent very little from that point on. After taking care of that, we caught a bus to the shore and ate a quick dinner before getting on a nine hour ferry across the lake to San Carlos so we could cross the border into Costa Rica. For “first class” we paid $6 and were on the top level of the ferry with benches with leather seats that, while not air conditioned, at least kept the bugs out. That was when we found out about Osama bin Laden and I was mad that I was missing America’s irrational reaction to his death. I slept surprisingly well for the full nine hours, though I was nauseated by my own stench at that point.
We had to get going quickly because we needed to be back in the village by 3 to return the motorcycles so we wouldn’t have to pay even more money for them (we were already anticipating fees for minor damage to the bikes and didn’t want to deal with late fees). We split into two groups because Mike realized he had left his retainer on a rock when we had stopped for a snack on the way up. He and Jeff were experienced hikers and had no trouble getting back to the spot and finding it. They beat us back to the hostel by two hours while our well-meaning guide took us on a much longer route down the volcano that was supposed to be easier. Altogether, the hike took about eight hours. At the bottom we ate some mangos we found on the ground and nothing in my life has ever, or will ever, compare to the sensation of biting into that juicy fruit. We hadn’t eaten breakfast before the hike and had climbed the volcano on an empty stomach so finding those mangos was heaven.
We didn’t have time for a shower, just a quick rinse off before we rushed off to return the bikes. All of our money went to paying for those bikes but I thought it was worth it. We got more money from an ATM and we spent very little from that point on. After taking care of that, we caught a bus to the shore and ate a quick dinner before getting on a nine hour ferry across the lake to San Carlos so we could cross the border into Costa Rica. For “first class” we paid $6 and were on the top level of the ferry with benches with leather seats that, while not air conditioned, at least kept the bugs out. That was when we found out about Osama bin Laden and I was mad that I was missing America’s irrational reaction to his death. I slept surprisingly well for the full nine hours, though I was nauseated by my own stench at that point.
Nicaraguan Adventure
Buenos dias el mundo! I have returned from my weeklong adventure through Central America. If I were to choose only three words to describe it, they would be “test of limits.” The whole thing felt, and continues to feel, like a sluggish dream of heat and color. Hopefully by writing it down, I can separate some of the memories better for myself and will have something something to look back on later since I'm not one for picture taking. (though I've already stolen everyone else's pictures from the trip) I'll start out by telling you about the people I was with, and then I'll make a post for each day and describe what we did. As I get to the last few days, the descriptions will get much shorter because I got sick towards the end and remember less. Anyway, vamonos!
My friend Destiny is in this outdoor adventure club at UF called OAR that does trips all over the world and the United States. They're all experienced hikers, climbers, skiers, kayakers, etc. Destiny really wanted me to come and the plane ticket roundtrip was about $200, and I was promised I'd spend less than $100 while I was down there so I said what the heck, why not, and went for it.
The group consisted of:
Jeff, the group leader. He was 5’7’’, tanned, with the facial features of a Stone Age homo sapien. Looking at him you would never guess he was 28 years old and a world traveler because he was very gentle and shy. Jeff wore one pair of jeans and one shirt for the entire trip. Champ.
Mike, the asshole. Over 6 feet, loping gait, rodent-y eyes that are always scanning the situation for an opportunity to seize. Objectively good-looking, but unattractive personality. He has hitch-hiked across the United States and has been skydiving hundreds of times.
Matt, the angel. Crinkly blue eyes, ruddy complexion, full beard. Matt is a nurse in the psychiatric ward so every time one of us was close to an emotional breakdown, he talked us through it. He’s one of those people everyone instantly trusts upon meeting because you can just tell he has a pure soul. I don’t know what we would have done without our group cheerleader.
Rachel, the fake hippie. Cropped red curls, pale freckly skin, thin, vacant eyes. Hard to gauge her personality because I got the impression she hasn’t figured one out yet. She seemed to be stuck in the middle school stage where you define yourself by the fads of your friends. Plus, she was just really daft….
Carolanne, the linguist. Sturdy build, not very distinguishable. Very nice girl, monotone voice, bit of a blinking problem. She spoke Spanish for the group the majority of the time.
And then there was Destiny and I. I don’t even want to try to characterize us.
Map following our route:
Sunday May 1st:
So our plane left at midnight. First funny thing that happened was we had to fill out immigration forms and Destiny needed her passport which was in her bag in the overhead compartment. I had the aisle seat so I offered to get it. One of the flight attendants was coming and I didn’t want to be in his way so I grabbed her wallet out of her bag and attempted to toss it to her (somehow I thought this would save time and get me to my seat faster?) but instead I apparently nailed the Nicaraguan man who was sitting between us right in the head. I felt terrible but I just broke into a fit of nervous laughter and squeaked out an apology. Luckily he was really nice and found the whole thing amusing.
We arrived in Managua at 2 am and were planning on crashing at the airport until sunrise because Managua isn’t safe to travel at night but shortly after we had all laid down to get some rest, a taxi driver came over and persuaded us to accept a ride. We piled eight people into a five-seater with Mike sitting in the front seat with me on his lap and everyone else crammed in the back. We drove like that for two hours and saw lots of strays, drunks, and prostitutes.
Our plan was to catch the first ferry to Isla de Ometepe, the island in the Lake of Nicaragua, so the driver dropped us off at the shore. The moon and stars were visible and the lake was a black mass lapping at the sand. Rachel and I looked for a spot to pee and had to settle for a shadow behind a house because there were no trees and it was almost all open space. We rejoined the group, next to a tent adjacent to the fence of the dock. A woman was sitting in the corner and after a moment, I realized she was sitting next to a closed casket. Apparently someone she knew had died and she was transporting the body to the island.
We had about an hour before sunrise by that point so we all lied down on these metal benches and tried to get some rest. I just kept stealing glances at the woman in the tent whose face was bathed by the moonlight and I could see her lips moving as she muttered some prayer over the body. It was surreal.
Finally, the sun came up and we milled around on the beach waiting for the ferry. We discovered a monkey in one of the trees we had been sleeping next to and had a good time observing him. People started to gather on the beach pretty quickly, to collect lake water for baths and to set up to sell their wares. There was a thin horse and its foal wandering around as well.
The ferry came and I couldn’t tell you how long the ride was because we all passed out. Once we got to the island, we got breakfast. My omelet was probably the best thing I had on the whole trip. Then we debated what to do next. Our group was torn between trying to hitch rides around the island and renting motorcycles. Eventually, we decided against the motorcycles due to lack of experience and were walking through the town to get our bearings when one of the guys from a motorbike place approached us and convinced us to try them out. Each of the guys took one with a girl on the back but that left one girl left over to ride a bike herself. Destiny wanted to do it and picked it up really quickly, and then we were on our way to visit a waterfall. The road was pretty rough and even Matt, who I was riding with and who had been riding bikes since he was five, found it difficult. At one particularly gravelly part, we actually tipped over and hit the ground. Matt’s elbow and my hand got cut up. Destiny had a few nasty falls, one in which her bike hit a tree and her face hit the handlebars. Her chin was bruised and there were some busted capillaries in her nose but thankfully she was fine, just shaken up. Matt rode our bike up to the others and Destiny and I walked up, leaving the other bike in the forest. We got picked up by these two British surfers who were going to hike up as well. We met up with the others and started the hike up.
It was grueling for me because it was my first real hike in years and I hadn’t established a steady pace that worked for me so I found myself gasping for breath trying to keep up. It was very steep and by the time we reached the top we were drenched in sweat and I was beyond exhausted. We stripped to our underwear and jumped in the water. Once we felt refreshed and rehydrated, we started our hike back down but came across five or six wild horses on the path. Every time we approached, they became skittish and pawed and snorted nervously. A couple of times they actually almost charged at us and we went running for 20 yards or so. Rachel had this incredibly annoying way of pretending to be “zen” and sitting in trees in yoga poses, but then three seconds later she would chirp, “Can you take a picture of me like this for facebook?” When this horse situation happened and everyone was muttering insults about the horses, she put on her holier than thou voice and said, “Guys, shh, they can hear you. Just ask the universe for what you need and she will give it to you.” And she then proceeded to pick up a palm frond and wave it around all airily like a Wiccan or something and the horses actually began to move. It was such a ridiculous situation that I could not stop laughing. Every time the horses stopped, Mike would bellow, “Rachel move out of the way, I’m getting a rock!” and then they would paw in his direction and he would take off running for cover. Eventually the path widened and we inched our way around them and FINALLY made it out. We rode to the hostel where we crashed for the night after getting a quick dinner from a nearby restaurant.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Something to Contemplate
By: Monica
With that said...
I'd go with the former. But that's only because Pride & I have an irrevocably monogamous relationship.
With that said...
I'd go with the former. But that's only because Pride & I have an irrevocably monogamous relationship.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Hello Blog!
By: Monica
It is officially cramming time for finals. For the next two weeks, my brain will be on constant fast forward and, at the end, I WILL CRASH. Wish me luck!
P.S. Oh, and Kelly is going to have a couple of adventures this summer and promised me she would blog about them. So we will hold her to that, won't we? YES.
It is officially cramming time for finals. For the next two weeks, my brain will be on constant fast forward and, at the end, I WILL CRASH. Wish me luck!
P.S. Oh, and Kelly is going to have a couple of adventures this summer and promised me she would blog about them. So we will hold her to that, won't we? YES.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Self-Realization
By: Monica
It was about three in the morning last night. I had chugged a vanilla coke ensuring I would not be able to submit myself to the relief that is sleep. And so, being that it was 3 AM and I needed to be annoying in some way, I began to complain to my roommate, Nicole.
Me: "I will never have a relationship."
Nicole: *attempting to off-the-cuff reassure me* "Don't worry, you have time. You'll find somebody."
Me: "No, that's not the point. I'm sure I could, I just don't want to."
Nicole: "You don't want to?"
Me: "No. I feel like I have to in order to be "happy and successful" in life but, in reality, I always shy away from it. A guy can like me, and I can like him back, and I will still deny it. There has to be a reason for that. Maybe something in my childhood wired me to be like that?"
Nicole: "That's a possibility but I'm not really the one to assume that, if you are a certain way, it's because of your childhood."
Me: "But, I mean, it's the only reason I can think of. The human race is predetermined to WANT a relationship and WANT romance and WANT somebody that will believe they are special. I don't. I've never moved past friendship because I never felt the need to. People cough it up to me being scared or nervous into getting involved. No, that's not it. I'm not scared. I'm not nervous. I just don't want to be attached. You think it's a commitment issue?"
Nicole: "Maybe. I'm sure you are not the only one that feels like this, though. I'm sure there are other people out there that have the same opinion."
Me: "Maybe. I have yet to find one. I just feel so selfish. I don't want to have to say, 'this is the right person'. I don't want to be exclusive. I just want to have a close friendship with somebody. A VERY close friendship. You'd think it would be easy to find a guy who wants the same thing, but it's not. Guys can sometimes be more romantically inclined than girls. And those who think like me are just assholes. One-night-stand fanatics. Until, of course, they find the right girl and then become completely enamored. There is no in-between."
Nicole: "Again, I'm sure you're not the only one out there." *searches something on Google* "Have you ever heard of an aromantic? Not a-space-romantic. Aromantic, one word."
Me: "Um, no. But that sounds like someone who is thoroughly disgusted by relationships in any way. I LIKE the idea of having someone for yourself to confide in. I LIKE seeing people extremely happy with someone else. I bring people together, for Heaven's sake! I love it! Just not for me."
Nicole: "Exactly. Listen to this definition: 'An aromantic is one who may or may not be repulsed by relationships and romance in general, but in relation to themselves or themselves in reality, it is not a desire. This does not mean that an aromantic is incapable of having a romantic relationship. However, the lack of desire to have a romantically exclusive relationship plays a large role in the love life of an aromantic. Many will not have a relationship until well into their twenties or beyond. This is by choice and does not mean they do not have relationships of other sorts.' Sounds kind of like you, eh? They even have a forum."
Me: *still a bit skeptical* "Maybe."
At this point, I was intruiged. I started up my computer and read a couple of entries until I was sure that this was a label for me. Here is the post that convinced me so:
"I've been calling myself aromantic not because I don't understand or am incapable of romance. I've had crushes, even mutual ones, but I avoided relationships because it's the idea that I really like, not the reality. The thought of being in a relationship had definite appeal, but the thought of giving up my privacy appalled me (and it had already begun--the guy and I had only hung out once or twice before I had people who were only acquaintances sitting me down and begging for all the details of my fledgling love life). The cons vastly outweighed the pros.
But I've also realized that there are MANY different kinds of attraction, and trying to lump them all into either "sexual" or "romantic" only compounds the confusion. Looking back, I honestly don't know if I have ever experienced true romantic attraction. But I have experienced intellectual attraction, and aesthetic attraction, and hero-worship, and a sort of maternal attraction when someone is feeling badly and I desperately want to comfort them. The symptoms might be similar to those of romantic attraction, so much so that I presumed I was feeling romantic attraction when really I was just flattered that someone cute, nice, and smart was giving me the time of day. :P But when I thought about it, I realized that romance really wasn't what I wanted.
I don’t crave that type of arrangement, I only see it as a possibility and not one that’s very likely, as there aren’t many people who would be compatible with me, or that I would feel I wanted that type of relationship with."
And so I have atleast a somewhat understanding of my thoughts and actions: my lack of interest in an exclusive relationship, my happiness in others' relationship successes, my bipolar personality towards those I am attracted to, and my extremely diverse "taste" in guys.
Just hoping this will maybe help some of you understand yourselves, as well as others, more deeply. If someone doesn't see themselves in a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean they are afraid.
It was about three in the morning last night. I had chugged a vanilla coke ensuring I would not be able to submit myself to the relief that is sleep. And so, being that it was 3 AM and I needed to be annoying in some way, I began to complain to my roommate, Nicole.
Me: "I will never have a relationship."
Nicole: *attempting to off-the-cuff reassure me* "Don't worry, you have time. You'll find somebody."
Me: "No, that's not the point. I'm sure I could, I just don't want to."
Nicole: "You don't want to?"
Me: "No. I feel like I have to in order to be "happy and successful" in life but, in reality, I always shy away from it. A guy can like me, and I can like him back, and I will still deny it. There has to be a reason for that. Maybe something in my childhood wired me to be like that?"
Nicole: "That's a possibility but I'm not really the one to assume that, if you are a certain way, it's because of your childhood."
Me: "But, I mean, it's the only reason I can think of. The human race is predetermined to WANT a relationship and WANT romance and WANT somebody that will believe they are special. I don't. I've never moved past friendship because I never felt the need to. People cough it up to me being scared or nervous into getting involved. No, that's not it. I'm not scared. I'm not nervous. I just don't want to be attached. You think it's a commitment issue?"
Nicole: "Maybe. I'm sure you are not the only one that feels like this, though. I'm sure there are other people out there that have the same opinion."
Me: "Maybe. I have yet to find one. I just feel so selfish. I don't want to have to say, 'this is the right person'. I don't want to be exclusive. I just want to have a close friendship with somebody. A VERY close friendship. You'd think it would be easy to find a guy who wants the same thing, but it's not. Guys can sometimes be more romantically inclined than girls. And those who think like me are just assholes. One-night-stand fanatics. Until, of course, they find the right girl and then become completely enamored. There is no in-between."
Nicole: "Again, I'm sure you're not the only one out there." *searches something on Google* "Have you ever heard of an aromantic? Not a-space-romantic. Aromantic, one word."
Me: "Um, no. But that sounds like someone who is thoroughly disgusted by relationships in any way. I LIKE the idea of having someone for yourself to confide in. I LIKE seeing people extremely happy with someone else. I bring people together, for Heaven's sake! I love it! Just not for me."
Nicole: "Exactly. Listen to this definition: 'An aromantic is one who may or may not be repulsed by relationships and romance in general, but in relation to themselves or themselves in reality, it is not a desire. This does not mean that an aromantic is incapable of having a romantic relationship. However, the lack of desire to have a romantically exclusive relationship plays a large role in the love life of an aromantic. Many will not have a relationship until well into their twenties or beyond. This is by choice and does not mean they do not have relationships of other sorts.' Sounds kind of like you, eh? They even have a forum."
Me: *still a bit skeptical* "Maybe."
At this point, I was intruiged. I started up my computer and read a couple of entries until I was sure that this was a label for me. Here is the post that convinced me so:
"I've been calling myself aromantic not because I don't understand or am incapable of romance. I've had crushes, even mutual ones, but I avoided relationships because it's the idea that I really like, not the reality. The thought of being in a relationship had definite appeal, but the thought of giving up my privacy appalled me (and it had already begun--the guy and I had only hung out once or twice before I had people who were only acquaintances sitting me down and begging for all the details of my fledgling love life). The cons vastly outweighed the pros.
But I've also realized that there are MANY different kinds of attraction, and trying to lump them all into either "sexual" or "romantic" only compounds the confusion. Looking back, I honestly don't know if I have ever experienced true romantic attraction. But I have experienced intellectual attraction, and aesthetic attraction, and hero-worship, and a sort of maternal attraction when someone is feeling badly and I desperately want to comfort them. The symptoms might be similar to those of romantic attraction, so much so that I presumed I was feeling romantic attraction when really I was just flattered that someone cute, nice, and smart was giving me the time of day. :P But when I thought about it, I realized that romance really wasn't what I wanted.
I don’t crave that type of arrangement, I only see it as a possibility and not one that’s very likely, as there aren’t many people who would be compatible with me, or that I would feel I wanted that type of relationship with."
And so I have atleast a somewhat understanding of my thoughts and actions: my lack of interest in an exclusive relationship, my happiness in others' relationship successes, my bipolar personality towards those I am attracted to, and my extremely diverse "taste" in guys.
Just hoping this will maybe help some of you understand yourselves, as well as others, more deeply. If someone doesn't see themselves in a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean they are afraid.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Neil Strauss: Hire Me
By: Monica
For those of you unfamiliar with Neil Strauss's The Game, go check it out. Go check it out because I think it is both true and false at the exact same time. Neil Strauss claims to have learned the ins and outs of picking up women. Here you have it, Ladies! The Classic Pick-Up Artist!
HOLD IT.
Everyone who reads this book hails it's genius. Applying mathematics to the dating life makes sense to me, too. In fact, I agree with a good chunk of the book. HOWEVER, you know me and I have to call bullshit. Here's why:
The other day, SoThenShe-- a blog I religiously follow-- posted about having dinner with Neil Strauss and asked him a few questions. When asked how women can pick up men, Mr. Strauss introduced the idea of approaching a man with a question where he can offer his opinion and then, once he seems interested in the conversation, decking out to reverse the roles of the food chain. In the world of dating, women want to be the prey.
I fully agree with all of the above. But it all goes downhill from there because he is asked to offer an example and supposedly THIS is what he says,
"[R]emark that your male cousin doesn’t have the best skin complexion, a bit of an oily face, and you heard about this male makeup kit. Say it won’t look like he’s actually wearing makeup, but it’ll take off some of the shine and oil on his face and it’ll make him look a little better. Then you finish with, ‘I know he has problems meeting women and I think this’ll help him, so the question is, if you had subtle makeup that would make you look better, would you wear it?’ From there you can start a conversation with him."
Mr. Neil, Sir. You cannot be serious. I thought you were a pick-up expert! Here you have the chance to set women straight on how to properly approach your own sex and you come up with that?! I would assume that, while out at a bar on a Friday night, the last thing a guy wants to be discussing is your cousin's acne. That's one of the last topics I'd want to bring up. If you're going for the shock factor, there are many, MANY other ways and examples. But acne and make-up? Oy.
So, I would like to know, dear Neil Strauss, when you introduce such great concepts to the public (because I really do agree with most of them), why, oh why, must you spoil them with the crappy examples? you think people are going to hear that and go, "Oh my God, he's right! Cousin Albert's acne it is!" or, when a couple is approached as to how they met, the husband starts with, "Well Judy here came up to me and asked if I would wear men's make-up if I had acne. I was so intrigued, I asked her to go out with me that Saturday!"
No. Just no.
I know, I know, this was only one poor example, right? Well, if you're interested, you can check out his work and explanations with Mystery, his mentor. Again, great concepts, horrible examples. But entertaining nonetheless.
P.S. Neil Strauss, you should hire me. Face it, you need me. I can provide you with good examples and then all will be well with the world. I'll be sure to run my resume past you.
For those of you unfamiliar with Neil Strauss's The Game, go check it out. Go check it out because I think it is both true and false at the exact same time. Neil Strauss claims to have learned the ins and outs of picking up women. Here you have it, Ladies! The Classic Pick-Up Artist!
HOLD IT.
Everyone who reads this book hails it's genius. Applying mathematics to the dating life makes sense to me, too. In fact, I agree with a good chunk of the book. HOWEVER, you know me and I have to call bullshit. Here's why:
The other day, SoThenShe-- a blog I religiously follow-- posted about having dinner with Neil Strauss and asked him a few questions. When asked how women can pick up men, Mr. Strauss introduced the idea of approaching a man with a question where he can offer his opinion and then, once he seems interested in the conversation, decking out to reverse the roles of the food chain. In the world of dating, women want to be the prey.
I fully agree with all of the above. But it all goes downhill from there because he is asked to offer an example and supposedly THIS is what he says,
"[R]emark that your male cousin doesn’t have the best skin complexion, a bit of an oily face, and you heard about this male makeup kit. Say it won’t look like he’s actually wearing makeup, but it’ll take off some of the shine and oil on his face and it’ll make him look a little better. Then you finish with, ‘I know he has problems meeting women and I think this’ll help him, so the question is, if you had subtle makeup that would make you look better, would you wear it?’ From there you can start a conversation with him."
Mr. Neil, Sir. You cannot be serious. I thought you were a pick-up expert! Here you have the chance to set women straight on how to properly approach your own sex and you come up with that?! I would assume that, while out at a bar on a Friday night, the last thing a guy wants to be discussing is your cousin's acne. That's one of the last topics I'd want to bring up. If you're going for the shock factor, there are many, MANY other ways and examples. But acne and make-up? Oy.
So, I would like to know, dear Neil Strauss, when you introduce such great concepts to the public (because I really do agree with most of them), why, oh why, must you spoil them with the crappy examples? you think people are going to hear that and go, "Oh my God, he's right! Cousin Albert's acne it is!" or, when a couple is approached as to how they met, the husband starts with, "Well Judy here came up to me and asked if I would wear men's make-up if I had acne. I was so intrigued, I asked her to go out with me that Saturday!"
No. Just no.
I know, I know, this was only one poor example, right? Well, if you're interested, you can check out his work and explanations with Mystery, his mentor. Again, great concepts, horrible examples. But entertaining nonetheless.
P.S. Neil Strauss, you should hire me. Face it, you need me. I can provide you with good examples and then all will be well with the world. I'll be sure to run my resume past you.
Masculine/Feminine Attraction
By: Monica
Here is an article from the UK's The Telegraph which introduces the idea that the more masculine a man is, the more he is attracted to an extremely feminine female. It also claims that hormone levels fluxuate day to day so, depending on how high or low your estrogen/testosterone level is that day, you would be attracted to someone who is the exact reverse of your hormone ratio.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with it. I am attracted to a diverse amount of men. One day I will fawn over gentle Diego Luna and the next I will ditch him because I need a tough man like Eminem. Usually though, I will stay middle of the road with someone like... like... I don't know, everyone else.
Anyhoo, here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2964139/Men-with-high-testosterone-attracted-to-women-with-feminine-faces.html
Here is an article from the UK's The Telegraph which introduces the idea that the more masculine a man is, the more he is attracted to an extremely feminine female. It also claims that hormone levels fluxuate day to day so, depending on how high or low your estrogen/testosterone level is that day, you would be attracted to someone who is the exact reverse of your hormone ratio.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with it. I am attracted to a diverse amount of men. One day I will fawn over gentle Diego Luna and the next I will ditch him because I need a tough man like Eminem. Usually though, I will stay middle of the road with someone like... like... I don't know, everyone else.
Anyhoo, here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2964139/Men-with-high-testosterone-attracted-to-women-with-feminine-faces.html
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Relationships: A Short Film Definition
By: Monica
Thought this was a clever/heartfelt/melancholy way of portraying the beauty and the tragedy of relationships. Beauty in the ugly, anybody?
Thought this was a clever/heartfelt/melancholy way of portraying the beauty and the tragedy of relationships. Beauty in the ugly, anybody?
Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.
">Wednesday, March 30, 2011
You're Never Too Old To...
By: Monica
As you all know, I'm not one for romance but things like this make me smile.
As you all know, I'm not one for romance but things like this make me smile.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Mind yo' Business
By: Kelly
So, let’s address the elephant in the room. I have been avoiding you, blog. Not intentionally, but with everything that has been going on, some things had to go and this blog was one of them. What has been going on? Well…I’m in a relationship. K bye!
…Just kidding. Honestly, that’s all I really want to say about the subject because I am spectacularly incapable of verbalizing the things that matter most to me. Ask me about my outlook on life or about my beliefs or plans for the future, and I get completely tongue-tied. Seriously, I have resorted to telling people that I am going into covert operations and that I am a Wiccan to avoid these types of discussions. Plus, in this situation, it’s even more weird because writing about someone and posting it on a blog without telling them is creepy, On THAT note, I am going to go back and delete all of my previous posts about said person! That’s right, I have talked about him before. Anyway, this doesn’t really change anything. My views are the same. My brain did NOT turn to mush. Although I will admit that I’ve already found myself succumbing to grinning about really cheesy things I normally would have gagged over. Even if I lost my objectivity, I still have my rationality and my cynicism. As always, I’ll write about situations that are relevant to my life but in an impersonal fashion so they apply to everyone.
So let’s do that. Today’s topic is people’s reactions to changed relationship statuses. Until the information becomes public, it isn’t really real. There is a lot of romance surrounding forbidden or secret relationships but I would argue that secret relationships aren’t really relationships at all. While being able to be yourself around someone is key to a relationship, it also equally important that you can be yourselves with each other AROUND other people. So even the most private of people eventually have to “go public.” Having said that, society does not make this easy! The second the news is out, the poor couple is swarmed by their friends, family, and acquaintances for more details. PEOPLE. IT IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Girls, as usual, I am mostly talking to you. Guys react much more rationally in my opinion. Their reactions are usually one of two things: a) “My condolences, dude. Your life just ended.” or b) “Congrats man, she’s a 9. Way out of your league.” But in all honesty, they’re genuinely happy for their friend and respect them enough to wish them congratulations and leave it at that. Girls demand so much more. So let’s get a few things straight:
1. I understand that girls get offended when they find out about their friends’ changed relationship statuses through facebook. I mean, I would hope that being in a relationship is big enough news that you would want to share it with the people you care about as soon as possible. But at the same time, new relationships are weird. The couple needs time to get their bearings and they can’t do that if they feel like they have an audience. Also, if a friend’s changed relationship status comes as a surprise to you, don’t be mad she didn’t tell you about it sooner. Maybe she didn’t know if it was going anywhere and didn’t want to get her hopes up by talking about it. Maybe it was a surprise to her as well. No matter what, it is not your god-given right to know every detail of a relationship. Don’t accuse a friend of keeping secrets from you because she didn’t tell you about a guy sooner. She really didn’t have to.
2. If you don’t know the person well, leave them alone! The day we “went public”, every single girl I had met in college and no longer talked to managed to find me and say a "friendly" hello. Even those who didn't ask about my boyfriend could not hide the prying curiosity in their eyes. I also got a coincidentally large number of friend requests that week. If you didn’t take an interest in me before I was in a relationship, I am sure as hell not going to take an interest in you now.
3. This one is probably just me, but don’t “congratulate” couples for getting together. No one congratulates people for making a new friend. Why do we have this idea that romantic love is some kind of transcendental goal to achieve? To congratulate someone for being in a relationship implies that they are more successful than they were when they were single. Lies and slander. If anything, they’re going to be less successful because instead of devoting their time to worthwhile causes like hobbies or school, they’re going to waste a portion of every day daydreaming and making out. Congratulations you selfish bitch, you just chose happiness over independence and ambition. THAT is what people should say in all honesty.
4. But in all seriousness, you should be happy for your friends. Ultimately, they made the decision to be with someone and as their friend, you owe it to them to trust their judgment and support them. I’ve seen too many friendships ruined because of relationships. I tend to see the friend that is in the relationship as the culprit because they are usually the ones who cut off contact to spend more time with their boyfriends/girlfriends. However, it can also go the other way. Sometimes a friend gets preemptively jealous and assumes their friend will no longer have time for them, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or sometimes they just feel weird about the situation for whatever reason, and the two friends drift apart. Please don't let this happen. Prove that friendship love is every bit as powerful and important as romantic love.
By showing your support for your friend but also giving them some respectable distance, you will be doing everyone involved a favor.
So, let’s address the elephant in the room. I have been avoiding you, blog. Not intentionally, but with everything that has been going on, some things had to go and this blog was one of them. What has been going on? Well…I’m in a relationship. K bye!
…Just kidding. Honestly, that’s all I really want to say about the subject because I am spectacularly incapable of verbalizing the things that matter most to me. Ask me about my outlook on life or about my beliefs or plans for the future, and I get completely tongue-tied. Seriously, I have resorted to telling people that I am going into covert operations and that I am a Wiccan to avoid these types of discussions. Plus, in this situation, it’s even more weird because writing about someone and posting it on a blog without telling them is creepy, On THAT note, I am going to go back and delete all of my previous posts about said person! That’s right, I have talked about him before. Anyway, this doesn’t really change anything. My views are the same. My brain did NOT turn to mush. Although I will admit that I’ve already found myself succumbing to grinning about really cheesy things I normally would have gagged over. Even if I lost my objectivity, I still have my rationality and my cynicism. As always, I’ll write about situations that are relevant to my life but in an impersonal fashion so they apply to everyone.
So let’s do that. Today’s topic is people’s reactions to changed relationship statuses. Until the information becomes public, it isn’t really real. There is a lot of romance surrounding forbidden or secret relationships but I would argue that secret relationships aren’t really relationships at all. While being able to be yourself around someone is key to a relationship, it also equally important that you can be yourselves with each other AROUND other people. So even the most private of people eventually have to “go public.” Having said that, society does not make this easy! The second the news is out, the poor couple is swarmed by their friends, family, and acquaintances for more details. PEOPLE. IT IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Girls, as usual, I am mostly talking to you. Guys react much more rationally in my opinion. Their reactions are usually one of two things: a) “My condolences, dude. Your life just ended.” or b) “Congrats man, she’s a 9. Way out of your league.” But in all honesty, they’re genuinely happy for their friend and respect them enough to wish them congratulations and leave it at that. Girls demand so much more. So let’s get a few things straight:
1. I understand that girls get offended when they find out about their friends’ changed relationship statuses through facebook. I mean, I would hope that being in a relationship is big enough news that you would want to share it with the people you care about as soon as possible. But at the same time, new relationships are weird. The couple needs time to get their bearings and they can’t do that if they feel like they have an audience. Also, if a friend’s changed relationship status comes as a surprise to you, don’t be mad she didn’t tell you about it sooner. Maybe she didn’t know if it was going anywhere and didn’t want to get her hopes up by talking about it. Maybe it was a surprise to her as well. No matter what, it is not your god-given right to know every detail of a relationship. Don’t accuse a friend of keeping secrets from you because she didn’t tell you about a guy sooner. She really didn’t have to.
2. If you don’t know the person well, leave them alone! The day we “went public”, every single girl I had met in college and no longer talked to managed to find me and say a "friendly" hello. Even those who didn't ask about my boyfriend could not hide the prying curiosity in their eyes. I also got a coincidentally large number of friend requests that week. If you didn’t take an interest in me before I was in a relationship, I am sure as hell not going to take an interest in you now.
3. This one is probably just me, but don’t “congratulate” couples for getting together. No one congratulates people for making a new friend. Why do we have this idea that romantic love is some kind of transcendental goal to achieve? To congratulate someone for being in a relationship implies that they are more successful than they were when they were single. Lies and slander. If anything, they’re going to be less successful because instead of devoting their time to worthwhile causes like hobbies or school, they’re going to waste a portion of every day daydreaming and making out. Congratulations you selfish bitch, you just chose happiness over independence and ambition. THAT is what people should say in all honesty.
4. But in all seriousness, you should be happy for your friends. Ultimately, they made the decision to be with someone and as their friend, you owe it to them to trust their judgment and support them. I’ve seen too many friendships ruined because of relationships. I tend to see the friend that is in the relationship as the culprit because they are usually the ones who cut off contact to spend more time with their boyfriends/girlfriends. However, it can also go the other way. Sometimes a friend gets preemptively jealous and assumes their friend will no longer have time for them, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or sometimes they just feel weird about the situation for whatever reason, and the two friends drift apart. Please don't let this happen. Prove that friendship love is every bit as powerful and important as romantic love.
By showing your support for your friend but also giving them some respectable distance, you will be doing everyone involved a favor.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Scientific Attraction
By: Monica
Just a piece of thought-provoking information from someone I highly respect both as an actor and as a person (the handsome Ian Somerhalder).
I personally cut the video so it would get to the point but the entire interview is worth watching (or maybe I am just biased but who can blame me?). You can easily find it on YouTube.
Just a piece of thought-provoking information from someone I highly respect both as an actor and as a person (the handsome Ian Somerhalder).
I personally cut the video so it would get to the point but the entire interview is worth watching (or maybe I am just biased but who can blame me?). You can easily find it on YouTube.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
By: Kelly
Beautiful words by David Foster Wallace:
"This is another paradox, that many of the most important impressions and thoughts in a person's life are ones that flash through your head so fast that fast isn't even the right word, they seem totally different from or outside of the regular sequential clock time we all live by, and they have so little relation to the sort of linear, one-word-after-another word English we all communicate with each other with that it could easily take a whole lifetime just to spell out the contents of one split-second's flash of thoughts and connections, etc. -- and yet we all seem to go around trying to use English (or whatever language our native country happens to use, it goes without saying) to try to convey to other people what we're thinking and to find out what they're thinking, when in fact deep down everybody knows it's a charade and they're just going through the motions. What goes on inside is just too fast and huge and all interconnected for words to do more than barely sketch the outlines of at most one tiny part of it at any given instant."
"The truth is you already know what it's like. You already know the difference between the size and speed of everything that flashes through you and the tiny inadequate bit of it all you can ever let anyone know. As though inside you is this enormous room full of what seems like everything in the whole universe at one time or another and yet the only parts that get out have to somehow squeeze out through one of those tiny keyholes you see under the knob in older doors. As if we are all trying to see each other through these tiny keyholes.
But it does have a knob, the door can open. But not in the way you think...The truth is you've already heard this. That this is what it's like. That it's what makes room for the universes inside you, all the endless inbent fractals of connection and symphonies of different voices, the infinities you can never show another soul. And you think it makes you a fraud, the tiny fraction anyone else ever sees? Of course you're a fraud, of course what people see is never you. And of course you know this, and of course you try to manage what part they see if you know it's only a part. Who wouldn't? It's called free will, Sherlock. But at the same time it's why it feels so good to break down and cry in front of others, or to laugh, or speak in tongues, or chant in Bengali--it's not English anymore, it's not getting squeezed through any hole.
Beautiful words by David Foster Wallace:
"This is another paradox, that many of the most important impressions and thoughts in a person's life are ones that flash through your head so fast that fast isn't even the right word, they seem totally different from or outside of the regular sequential clock time we all live by, and they have so little relation to the sort of linear, one-word-after-another word English we all communicate with each other with that it could easily take a whole lifetime just to spell out the contents of one split-second's flash of thoughts and connections, etc. -- and yet we all seem to go around trying to use English (or whatever language our native country happens to use, it goes without saying) to try to convey to other people what we're thinking and to find out what they're thinking, when in fact deep down everybody knows it's a charade and they're just going through the motions. What goes on inside is just too fast and huge and all interconnected for words to do more than barely sketch the outlines of at most one tiny part of it at any given instant."
"The truth is you already know what it's like. You already know the difference between the size and speed of everything that flashes through you and the tiny inadequate bit of it all you can ever let anyone know. As though inside you is this enormous room full of what seems like everything in the whole universe at one time or another and yet the only parts that get out have to somehow squeeze out through one of those tiny keyholes you see under the knob in older doors. As if we are all trying to see each other through these tiny keyholes.
But it does have a knob, the door can open. But not in the way you think...The truth is you've already heard this. That this is what it's like. That it's what makes room for the universes inside you, all the endless inbent fractals of connection and symphonies of different voices, the infinities you can never show another soul. And you think it makes you a fraud, the tiny fraction anyone else ever sees? Of course you're a fraud, of course what people see is never you. And of course you know this, and of course you try to manage what part they see if you know it's only a part. Who wouldn't? It's called free will, Sherlock. But at the same time it's why it feels so good to break down and cry in front of others, or to laugh, or speak in tongues, or chant in Bengali--it's not English anymore, it's not getting squeezed through any hole.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Attention Future Suitors:
By: Monica
... If you ever end up being my Valentine at one point, know that I WANT THIS more than any box of chocolates and bouquet of roses. If you get me this, I will love you. I will love the pizza more.
... If you ever end up being my Valentine at one point, know that I WANT THIS more than any box of chocolates and bouquet of roses. If you get me this, I will love you. I will love the pizza more.
The Day of A Man Who Died For His Religion
By: Monica
As much as I love Love and dating and relationships, I'm not Valentine's Day's biggest fan. I'm not bitter about it either, you could say I am just indifferent. Sure, you celebrate your love for one day. Not that Anniversaries don't already cover that. But, okay, I get it. It gives you a chance to show your affection in cheesy ways to your spouse. You bring her a rose or a box of chocolates and tell her how much you love her and how happy you are that she is in your life. Not that you could not do it randomly through out the year and surprise her. You're right, I don't understand, I'm single. My view of this commercial-oriented holiday is biased because I have no one to share it with *please, PLEASE, pick up on the heavy sarcasm here*. Because, you know, naming it after a Saint who became a martyr for his religion is really a romantic concept. But, nonetheless, it has evolved into a day of love and I guess I really have no problem with that. Well, only when it causes problems for couples who, otherwise, wouldn't have any. So, guys, don't forget to bring her a rose or two and a box of something sweet, not because I told you to, but because it will put a smile on her face.
As much as I love Love and dating and relationships, I'm not Valentine's Day's biggest fan. I'm not bitter about it either, you could say I am just indifferent. Sure, you celebrate your love for one day. Not that Anniversaries don't already cover that. But, okay, I get it. It gives you a chance to show your affection in cheesy ways to your spouse. You bring her a rose or a box of chocolates and tell her how much you love her and how happy you are that she is in your life. Not that you could not do it randomly through out the year and surprise her. You're right, I don't understand, I'm single. My view of this commercial-oriented holiday is biased because I have no one to share it with *please, PLEASE, pick up on the heavy sarcasm here*. Because, you know, naming it after a Saint who became a martyr for his religion is really a romantic concept. But, nonetheless, it has evolved into a day of love and I guess I really have no problem with that. Well, only when it causes problems for couples who, otherwise, wouldn't have any. So, guys, don't forget to bring her a rose or two and a box of something sweet, not because I told you to, but because it will put a smile on her face.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Yahoo! Over-Complicates Valentine's
By: Monica
He got you: A heart-shaped box of chocolates from the supermarket.
He’s saying: "I forgot it’s Valentine's Day."
... Or he thinks you like chocolate?
He got you: Jewelry or a watch.
He’s saying: "I'm not super-creative, but hey, I tried. Don't worry, I probably won't notice if you exchange it for something that's more your style."
... Or he thinks it will help you stay on time OR he thinks you'll like it?
He got you: A surprise weekend getaway to a quaint little bed-and-breakfast.
He’s saying: "I'm hoping you like me enough to deal with being in the same room as my snoring — I know I like you enough to put up with yours."
... Or he wants to spend quality time with you and/or he thinks you'll like it?
He got you: Every season of your favorite guilty-pleasure TV show.
He’s saying: "I like you more than I hate Ross and Rachel."
... Or he likes it as well and/or he thinks you'll like it?
He got you: Anything homemade.
He’s saying: "I'm crazy about you — and I've got the Krazy Glue-splattered furniture and staple scars on my hands to prove it."
... Or he'll give you furniture not splattered with glue with unscarred hands (which will be just as sweet and cute but maybe more table/mantel appropriate and he thinks you'll like it?
Are we seeing a trend here, ladies?
He got you: A greeting card.
He’s saying: "I don’t think it’s worth spending money on a Hallmark holiday, but, ironically, this Hallmark card is the cheapest thing I could find."
... Okay, yes, he could have gotten you a rose, as well.
He got you: A relationship scrapbook, complete with photos of you together and ticket stubs from all the shows you've seen.
He’s saying: "I’m a cheesy romantic."
... Uhmmm, okay, true, AND slightly creepy.
'He got you: A pet for the two of you.
He’s saying: "Let's pick a name together — I want to make sure you don't choose one that I've reserved for our future children."
... Hopefully atleast a year into your relationship and you are living together... and I am sure that no man has had that specific thought. EVER.
He got you: Kitchen appliances you didn't request.
He’s saying: "These spatulas are as close to a bouquet of flowers as you'll ever get from me."
... Or he thinks you'll like it? He's not good at this romantic bullshit, give him a break!
He got you: A voicemail on Feb. 15, apologizing for forgetting about Valentine's Day.
He’s saying: "When you're done bad-mouthing me to all your friends, please, please give me a call back so I can grovel."
... Uhmm, I assume you are not dating him. Unless he is a buysbusybusybusybeemoneymakerCEO, I don't understand why he even called.
He got you: A heart-shaped box of chocolates from the supermarket.
He’s saying: "I forgot it’s Valentine's Day."
... Or he thinks you like chocolate?
He got you: Jewelry or a watch.
He’s saying: "I'm not super-creative, but hey, I tried. Don't worry, I probably won't notice if you exchange it for something that's more your style."
... Or he thinks it will help you stay on time OR he thinks you'll like it?
He got you: A surprise weekend getaway to a quaint little bed-and-breakfast.
He’s saying: "I'm hoping you like me enough to deal with being in the same room as my snoring — I know I like you enough to put up with yours."
... Or he wants to spend quality time with you and/or he thinks you'll like it?
He got you: Every season of your favorite guilty-pleasure TV show.
He’s saying: "I like you more than I hate Ross and Rachel."
... Or he likes it as well and/or he thinks you'll like it?
He got you: Anything homemade.
He’s saying: "I'm crazy about you — and I've got the Krazy Glue-splattered furniture and staple scars on my hands to prove it."
... Or he'll give you furniture not splattered with glue with unscarred hands (which will be just as sweet and cute but maybe more table/mantel appropriate and he thinks you'll like it?
Are we seeing a trend here, ladies?
He got you: A greeting card.
He’s saying: "I don’t think it’s worth spending money on a Hallmark holiday, but, ironically, this Hallmark card is the cheapest thing I could find."
... Okay, yes, he could have gotten you a rose, as well.
He got you: A relationship scrapbook, complete with photos of you together and ticket stubs from all the shows you've seen.
He’s saying: "I’m a cheesy romantic."
... Uhmmm, okay, true, AND slightly creepy.
'He got you: A pet for the two of you.
He’s saying: "Let's pick a name together — I want to make sure you don't choose one that I've reserved for our future children."
... Hopefully atleast a year into your relationship and you are living together... and I am sure that no man has had that specific thought. EVER.
He got you: Kitchen appliances you didn't request.
He’s saying: "These spatulas are as close to a bouquet of flowers as you'll ever get from me."
... Or he thinks you'll like it? He's not good at this romantic bullshit, give him a break!
He got you: A voicemail on Feb. 15, apologizing for forgetting about Valentine's Day.
He’s saying: "When you're done bad-mouthing me to all your friends, please, please give me a call back so I can grovel."
... Uhmm, I assume you are not dating him. Unless he is a buysbusybusybusybeemoneymakerCEO, I don't understand why he even called.
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