Why You Don't Have to Be a Wallflower

Posted By: Kelly

Okay, so if you got anything out of Monica's last post it should be: Chasing boys is very bad. It is ineffective, makes you look pathetic, and generally drives them away. However, the extreme message that can be taken from this is that girls should never make the first move- they should be satisfied just standing off to the side near the punch bowl at the metaphoric dance, waiting for their prince to come and sweep them off their feet. This is a very old-fashioned idea and I don't think it has much merit. You don't have to be a wallflower. Guys are flattered when they think a girl is interested in the same way that girls are flattered when approached by guys. How you express this interest however, should have varying levels of subtlety depending on the category you are pursuing.

-Category Three guys can be very shy and sometimes oblivious, so it's okay to give them a little nudge here and there to get the ball rolling, so to speak. This is the category it is most acceptable to be "forward" with because, let's face it, most of them aren't used to it. What females may view as obvious signs may be obscure hints to them. So with Cat. 3, sometimes you really have to spell it out. They will grow to worship you and admire your confidence.

-Category Two guys- This is generally the category you won't need to be forward with. Category Two guys are the arrogant woman-lovers, so chances are, they will come to you before you come to them. They probably will say yes to you if you make the first move, but this is a very bad idea because it gives them leverage. They gain the dominant role, and it is never good to put power in the hands of the already arrogant. They respect you less and view you as "easy" and good for a hook-up, but not a relationship. The more you play hard to get, the crazier they will be about you. However, you have to know your own limits because the distinguishing characteristic between Cat. 1 and Cat. 2 is that Cat. 2 guys DO give up and DO move on if they sense a situation is hopeless. So know when to run and when to let them catch you.

Category One guys are the prince charmings that are worth waiting for, for every girl who plays The Game. Interacting with guys like these require insanely subtle hints from both sides. In general, it's not good to be forward with Cat. 1, because by definition, they are used to being pursued and you will not help yourself by being part of the crowd. Do something to stand out- ignore him when every other girl is throwing themselves all over him, treat him like a casual friend, or even call him out on something he does that might be stupid or wrong. (Think Gigi in He's Just Not That Into You). This last trick also works really well on Category Two guys- for some reason they love it when you're mean to them.

Every category has a small handful of guys who are blind to the perfect opportunity (you) that is in front of them (In the majority of cases however, he really isn't that into you because you aren't right for each other. Knowing the difference is crucial but so few people can recognize it). The Category Three "nerd" might be too absorbed in his textbooks to ever expect a girl to be interested in him. The Category Two "player" might be busy chasing other girls for all the wrong reasons. The Category One master might just be so out of practice with real love, and might have become so jaded to it, that he can't even recognize it when it's right in front of his face. The best thing to do in all three of these cases, is to get the guy's attention long enough for him to focus on you, and then drop it- leave, make an excuse to go to the bathroom, turn and talk to another friend. He will wonder what just happened and start scheming ways to see you again. Guaranteed.