By: Monica
Anyone seen the Ugly Truth with Gerard Butler? Though it's a (romantic) comedy, the movie does have some good lines. Take these for example:
Abby Richter: [gushing about Colin] He's such a great guy.
Mike Chadway: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, he's dreamy.
Abby Richter: And he ticks numbers 1 to 10 on my list.
Mike Chadway: Although, weren't points 1 to 9 pretty much about him being gay?
As a woman, most would expect me to scoff at Mike's blunt and degrading humor. But I don't. In fact, I completely and utterly agree with him. Why? Because he is right. It's as simple as that. Whether written on paper or just pictured in their minds, women DO in fact have lists. Well, most do. But 90% of the lists are full of bullshit. And they are all useless. Let's take a look:
This is what one of those so-called "Men molding" lists might look like:
1. He is a handsome brunette with a strong jawline and nice pecks.
2. He treats me like a lady: holds doors open, buys me flowers, buys me chocolate...etc.
3. His salary is over $100,000.
4. He drinks wine. NO BEER.
5. He drives a car who's model is atleast within a 3 year range.
6. He can cook.
7. He does not live with his parents.
8. He loves children.
9. My parents love him.
10. He can help me shop and tell me if I look good in a dress/bathing suit.
That is just one example. Depending on the girl, she might have specifications, such as "He takes me dancing" or "He loves beach picnics and horseback riding". But, in reality, none of it matters because the person that woman ends up with will most likely shred her list to pieces. Women set these impossible standards for men, forcing them to contort into people they are not. The media tricks them into thinking that, because women squeal at a movie screen where a man is singing his wife to sleep, that THAT is what they have to be. But that is completely FALSE. Now, we have men in this world thinking that women want them to walk right up and say, "You are beautiful. Why don't we go gaze up at the stars together?" When in fact, Ladies, you must admit that this would be nothing short of creepy. Moves like that (if you are going to make them) need to feel natural, not forced. If you're going to get her to watch the stars with you, don't ask her right off the bat. First off, get to know her. You don't want to look like the mushy perv. That's not a good reputation to have. Next, make sure you think she is the type of person that would enjoy something like that. If she has told you time and time again that she would rather go to a hockey game than a fancy restaurant, she means it. This is called listening to her. A good quality to have when you are a guy. After you have done the previous, you may now proceed to the act. But, here's a vital tip: DON'T ASK HER, SHOW HER. Please, for the love of all that is holy, I beg you not to make a fool of yourself by asking her. This gives her a chance to think about it as well as a chance to say "no". Maybe she would think it too awkward, or too personal, or it would simply give her time to think up another excuse. Instead, take her there and show her. If she likes that kind of thing, she'll be thrilled. Females enjoy the element of surprise, no matter how much we state otherwise. Why do you think proposals are surprises? Why do we love that bouquet of flowers so much more when you bring it home on a random day instead of on Valentine's when it's expected?
The point is, women don't want the guys that are cookie cutter to their lists. No. They want a guy who:
1. They are attracted to.
2. They understand and one who understands them.
3. Who makes them feel special (in whichever way he chooses to).
THIS should be a woman's list. Nothing more. Why? Because love is not a formula. Therefore, there are many solutions to the problem and they can come in all shapes, sizes, forms, colors, etc. Women write off so many guys for the pure reason that they are missing some key points of the list. When they think the list is helping them upgrade, it is actually causing them to settle for whoever they meet that fits that mold. It's like being lactose intolerant and not being able to touch the chocolate ice cream. So, if you have learned anything form today's lesson, Ladies, let it be this:
The "Perfect Man" is boring. Rip up your lists and let nature take it's course.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Fate? A Response
By: Kelly
One of my favorite bloggers, Hayley Hoover, recently wrote about fate and asked her readers their opinions on the topic. Unable to resist any sort of philosophical debate, I’m going to try to express my opinion in less than five thousand words. I’m confident I’ll use three times as many words as she did, and come off as much less eloquent. You should read her blog first though: http://www.hayleyghoover.blogspot.com
My issue with fate is that it implies there are aspects of our lives that are 100% out of our control. According to fate, some things are simply predestined to happen. I do not believe anything is inevitable. There is always a choice, even if it is slim and bleak. Even if it is the choice between living or dying, it is there. As a WASP, I whole-heartedly believe in the power of free will, hard work, and determination. However, I’m not naïve enough to think that the Protestant work ethic is powerful enough to overcome any obstacle, environment, or situation. Life is filled with so many different variables. While some are obvious, there are many that will slip past us before we ever see the enormous ways they affect our lives. So little of who we are as people comes down to, well, who we are.
This is why I always found it odd that psychologists were so caught up over the nature versus nurture argument. If most of our personality traits are predisposed to us at birth because of the genetic lottery, then that proves we have little control. If we are shaped as people by the environment lottery early on in life, then we still have little control. Why does it matter which side of the spectrum controls our development more? Either way, we are pretty powerless, right? Wrong. This could instill a sense of helplessness in me but instead, I choose to see it as liberating. Our collective lack of power means we never have to judge other people for the “wrong” decisions that they make because through their eyes, it was right. If we had been in their position, we probably would have made the same choices. However, while we have little control over the people we become, we do have some control. This is what separates us from animals- we do always have a choice. The nature-nurture argument makes it easier for us to understand why people make the decisions that they make but nevertheless, there are decisions being made. Sure, tough situations are thrust upon us every day, some more than others. But we get to do our best with the hand that has been dealt us. There is strategy involved as well as luck. This is why I don’t believe in fate.
My other issue with fate and determinism (the philosophy that every event, thought, and action is caused by environment) is that no matter how helpless a situation seems, if you give a person hope and the belief that things can in fact change, many times they will. It’s been proven in medical studies among cancer patients that had zero chance of living. It’s been proven in failing classrooms when attitudes were changed and the kids had someone who believed in them. I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in fighting the odds and I do believe in miracles. I just happen to be more likely to view these “miracles” as flukes, or crazy coincidences than divine intervention or destiny. This is coming from a person who is both spiritual and scientific. I believe miracles happen, and I thank God for them, but I do not question them or try to find greater meaning in them. The greatest meaning we can derive from miracles is that they happened. To try to explain the great mysteries takes away the magic.
People use fate to create deeper meaning out of happenstance. When people say that everything happens for a reason, I think they have it backwards. To say that everything happens for a reason, implies that the events are caused by the reason. I do not believe this is true. I think things do just happen. They happen because of scientific occurrences and because of the interdependent nature of our world. They happen because of chains of events, the butterfly effect, individual decisions. The why really is not that important. Free will trumps fate every time- we determine the reason that “everything” happens for. We get to decide if we want to attribute meaning to things or if we want to dismiss them as “just things”. Even if you were to sit back and accept the hand that has been dealt you without trying to change it, you made that decision. Fate didn’t happen to you, you decided it would. That’s what they call a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is about the time in the blog post when I direct you to a John Green video…but I am above that sort of predictability! So here is a, uh, related Hank Green video (fast forward to about two minutes in and listen until about 3:24)
I think that when people use fate to explain why we do the things that we do, they are making the same mistake made when we explain things with the hierarchy of needs. Both sort of dehumanizes people and strips us of our ability to be more than just machines. So Hayley, when you brought up the question, “How can two people with such fundamentally different beliefs be right for each other?” and answered it with: “Maybe it's because we were both at the right points in our lives to narrow down the options and choose people with complementary attributes, and our relationship is all math. Maybe we work because we were supposed to”, I think it’s both. As a woman of science and of faith, I have to say both. Sure, there are many psychological and behavioral principles that explain why you and Mike are in a relationship. But you are also together because you decided that you were supposed to be. That is the reasoning that you have attributed to your relationship. Basically, I think that there is no easy way out- no one gets a free pass and forgiveness for making bad choices because of fate, or because of their lack of control over a situation. However, it’s also not as simple as just “trying hard enough” and all your dreams will come true. Like everything in life, it is somewhere in the middle. But what do I know- we each make our own meaning. Some choose fate, some choose science, I choose something in between.
One of my favorite bloggers, Hayley Hoover, recently wrote about fate and asked her readers their opinions on the topic. Unable to resist any sort of philosophical debate, I’m going to try to express my opinion in less than five thousand words. I’m confident I’ll use three times as many words as she did, and come off as much less eloquent. You should read her blog first though: http://www.hayleyghoover.blogspot.com
My issue with fate is that it implies there are aspects of our lives that are 100% out of our control. According to fate, some things are simply predestined to happen. I do not believe anything is inevitable. There is always a choice, even if it is slim and bleak. Even if it is the choice between living or dying, it is there. As a WASP, I whole-heartedly believe in the power of free will, hard work, and determination. However, I’m not naïve enough to think that the Protestant work ethic is powerful enough to overcome any obstacle, environment, or situation. Life is filled with so many different variables. While some are obvious, there are many that will slip past us before we ever see the enormous ways they affect our lives. So little of who we are as people comes down to, well, who we are.
This is why I always found it odd that psychologists were so caught up over the nature versus nurture argument. If most of our personality traits are predisposed to us at birth because of the genetic lottery, then that proves we have little control. If we are shaped as people by the environment lottery early on in life, then we still have little control. Why does it matter which side of the spectrum controls our development more? Either way, we are pretty powerless, right? Wrong. This could instill a sense of helplessness in me but instead, I choose to see it as liberating. Our collective lack of power means we never have to judge other people for the “wrong” decisions that they make because through their eyes, it was right. If we had been in their position, we probably would have made the same choices. However, while we have little control over the people we become, we do have some control. This is what separates us from animals- we do always have a choice. The nature-nurture argument makes it easier for us to understand why people make the decisions that they make but nevertheless, there are decisions being made. Sure, tough situations are thrust upon us every day, some more than others. But we get to do our best with the hand that has been dealt us. There is strategy involved as well as luck. This is why I don’t believe in fate.
My other issue with fate and determinism (the philosophy that every event, thought, and action is caused by environment) is that no matter how helpless a situation seems, if you give a person hope and the belief that things can in fact change, many times they will. It’s been proven in medical studies among cancer patients that had zero chance of living. It’s been proven in failing classrooms when attitudes were changed and the kids had someone who believed in them. I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in fighting the odds and I do believe in miracles. I just happen to be more likely to view these “miracles” as flukes, or crazy coincidences than divine intervention or destiny. This is coming from a person who is both spiritual and scientific. I believe miracles happen, and I thank God for them, but I do not question them or try to find greater meaning in them. The greatest meaning we can derive from miracles is that they happened. To try to explain the great mysteries takes away the magic.
People use fate to create deeper meaning out of happenstance. When people say that everything happens for a reason, I think they have it backwards. To say that everything happens for a reason, implies that the events are caused by the reason. I do not believe this is true. I think things do just happen. They happen because of scientific occurrences and because of the interdependent nature of our world. They happen because of chains of events, the butterfly effect, individual decisions. The why really is not that important. Free will trumps fate every time- we determine the reason that “everything” happens for. We get to decide if we want to attribute meaning to things or if we want to dismiss them as “just things”. Even if you were to sit back and accept the hand that has been dealt you without trying to change it, you made that decision. Fate didn’t happen to you, you decided it would. That’s what they call a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is about the time in the blog post when I direct you to a John Green video…but I am above that sort of predictability! So here is a, uh, related Hank Green video (fast forward to about two minutes in and listen until about 3:24)
I think that when people use fate to explain why we do the things that we do, they are making the same mistake made when we explain things with the hierarchy of needs. Both sort of dehumanizes people and strips us of our ability to be more than just machines. So Hayley, when you brought up the question, “How can two people with such fundamentally different beliefs be right for each other?” and answered it with: “Maybe it's because we were both at the right points in our lives to narrow down the options and choose people with complementary attributes, and our relationship is all math. Maybe we work because we were supposed to”, I think it’s both. As a woman of science and of faith, I have to say both. Sure, there are many psychological and behavioral principles that explain why you and Mike are in a relationship. But you are also together because you decided that you were supposed to be. That is the reasoning that you have attributed to your relationship. Basically, I think that there is no easy way out- no one gets a free pass and forgiveness for making bad choices because of fate, or because of their lack of control over a situation. However, it’s also not as simple as just “trying hard enough” and all your dreams will come true. Like everything in life, it is somewhere in the middle. But what do I know- we each make our own meaning. Some choose fate, some choose science, I choose something in between.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Let's Get Physical...Part 2!
By: Kelly
So the last post was mainly geared towards guys, so here's some kissing advice for girls in four parts:
Part One: Video Disclaimer. Watch this until 0:49-
Seriously, Mr. John Green is right. Don't rush or force anything. You will undoubtedly regret it. When it's the right time with the right person, you'll know.
Part Two. The following Q/A section comes from one of the Princess Diaries books, which although fiction, has some good advice.
1. Can a boy tell if the person he is with is inexperienced? How does an inexperienced kisser kiss (so I can avoid that)?
The guy may sense a feeling of nervousness coming from you, or that you are uneasy, but everyone is nervous when they are kissing someone new. It's natural! But kissng is easy to catch on to- believe me! An inexperienced kisser might break away too soon because he or she is scared or whatever. But that is normal. It's SUPPOSED to be weird. That's what makes it fun.
2. Is there such thing as a great kisser? If so, what are the qualifications? (So I know what to practice.)
Yes, there is such a thing as a great kisser. A great kisser is always affectionate and gentle and patient and not demanding.
3. How much pressure do you exert on his lips? I mean, do you push, or like in a handshake, are you just supposed to be firm? Or are you just supposed to stand there and let him do all the work?
If you want a gentle kiss (a caring one) don't apply too much pressure (this is also true if he is wearing braces- you don't want to cause any lacerations). If you give a guy a "harsh" kiss (too much pressure), he might think you are desperate or that you want to go further than you probably do.
Of course you aren't supposed to just stand there and let him do all the work: kiss him back! But always kiss him the way YOU want to be kissed. That is how guys learn. If we didn't show them how to do everything, we'd never get anywhere!
4. How do you know when it's time to stop?
Stop when he stops, or when you feel like you've had enough, or don't want to go any further. Just gently (so you don't freak him out) move your head back, or if the moment is right, you can change the kiss into a hug, then step back.
5. If you are in love with him, is it still gross?
Of course not! Kissing is always better with someone you actually like. Of course, even with someone you really like, kissing can be gross. Once Dave licked me on the chin and I was all, Get away. But I think that was by accident (the licking).
6. If he is in love with you, does he even care if you are bad? (Define bad kisser.)
If the guy likes/loves you, he won't care if you are a good kisser or not. In fact, even if you are a bad kisser, he will probably think you are a good one. And vice versa. He should like you for what you are- not how you kiss.
DEFINITION OF A BAD KISSER: A bad kisser is someone who gets your face all wet, slobbers on you, sticks his tongue in when you're not ready, has bad breath, OR sometimes there can be kissers whose tongues are all dry and prickly like a cactus but I have never experiences one of those, just heard about them.
7. When do you know if it's time to open your mouth (thus turning it into a French)?
You will probably feel his tongue touch your lips. If you want to pursue the idea, open your lips a little. If not, keep them closed.
Part Three. The Details. Let's see what John has to say one more time (1:06-1:38)
Part Four. Other random hypothetical questions. No one asked me these, but I know personally everyone asks them. I'll even formulate them as my younger self asking my older self:
Younger Kelly: Which way do you tilt your head?
Older Kelly: Well there's no specific right or wrong way but I googled it for you (bless your soul, you probably don't even know what google is) and apparently about 70% of people tilt their head to the right. To avoid nose collisions, just wait and see which direction your partner moves in. As long as you go slowly, it will probably feel natural. It probably won't ever even cross your mind.
Younger Kelly: Eyes closed or open? Isn't it kind of hard to do it with your eyes closed?
Older Kelly: CLOSED. I repeat, CLOSED. There is nothing more creepy than kissing someone and having them staring at you with their eyes wide open. It's not hard to do, don't worry. Again, it feels natural for most people to close their eyes and it won't require effort.
Younger Kelly: Is it awkward or weird?
Older Kelly: The first time, a little bit. But not for long.
Younger Kelly: How long do you kiss them?
Older Kelly: As long as you want. It's an efficient way to waste time.
Younger Kelly: Does practicing help?
Older Kelly: It can make you feel more confident beforehand. Technique-wise, no preparation except actual experience is going to help.
Younger Kelly: Is French kissing gross? It seems absolutely disgusting.
Older Kelly: Surprisingly, no. Not with someone you like.
So the last post was mainly geared towards guys, so here's some kissing advice for girls in four parts:
Part One: Video Disclaimer. Watch this until 0:49-
Seriously, Mr. John Green is right. Don't rush or force anything. You will undoubtedly regret it. When it's the right time with the right person, you'll know.
Part Two. The following Q/A section comes from one of the Princess Diaries books, which although fiction, has some good advice.
1. Can a boy tell if the person he is with is inexperienced? How does an inexperienced kisser kiss (so I can avoid that)?
The guy may sense a feeling of nervousness coming from you, or that you are uneasy, but everyone is nervous when they are kissing someone new. It's natural! But kissng is easy to catch on to- believe me! An inexperienced kisser might break away too soon because he or she is scared or whatever. But that is normal. It's SUPPOSED to be weird. That's what makes it fun.
2. Is there such thing as a great kisser? If so, what are the qualifications? (So I know what to practice.)
Yes, there is such a thing as a great kisser. A great kisser is always affectionate and gentle and patient and not demanding.
3. How much pressure do you exert on his lips? I mean, do you push, or like in a handshake, are you just supposed to be firm? Or are you just supposed to stand there and let him do all the work?
If you want a gentle kiss (a caring one) don't apply too much pressure (this is also true if he is wearing braces- you don't want to cause any lacerations). If you give a guy a "harsh" kiss (too much pressure), he might think you are desperate or that you want to go further than you probably do.
Of course you aren't supposed to just stand there and let him do all the work: kiss him back! But always kiss him the way YOU want to be kissed. That is how guys learn. If we didn't show them how to do everything, we'd never get anywhere!
4. How do you know when it's time to stop?
Stop when he stops, or when you feel like you've had enough, or don't want to go any further. Just gently (so you don't freak him out) move your head back, or if the moment is right, you can change the kiss into a hug, then step back.
5. If you are in love with him, is it still gross?
Of course not! Kissing is always better with someone you actually like. Of course, even with someone you really like, kissing can be gross. Once Dave licked me on the chin and I was all, Get away. But I think that was by accident (the licking).
6. If he is in love with you, does he even care if you are bad? (Define bad kisser.)
If the guy likes/loves you, he won't care if you are a good kisser or not. In fact, even if you are a bad kisser, he will probably think you are a good one. And vice versa. He should like you for what you are- not how you kiss.
DEFINITION OF A BAD KISSER: A bad kisser is someone who gets your face all wet, slobbers on you, sticks his tongue in when you're not ready, has bad breath, OR sometimes there can be kissers whose tongues are all dry and prickly like a cactus but I have never experiences one of those, just heard about them.
7. When do you know if it's time to open your mouth (thus turning it into a French)?
You will probably feel his tongue touch your lips. If you want to pursue the idea, open your lips a little. If not, keep them closed.
Part Three. The Details. Let's see what John has to say one more time (1:06-1:38)
Part Four. Other random hypothetical questions. No one asked me these, but I know personally everyone asks them. I'll even formulate them as my younger self asking my older self:
Younger Kelly: Which way do you tilt your head?
Older Kelly: Well there's no specific right or wrong way but I googled it for you (bless your soul, you probably don't even know what google is) and apparently about 70% of people tilt their head to the right. To avoid nose collisions, just wait and see which direction your partner moves in. As long as you go slowly, it will probably feel natural. It probably won't ever even cross your mind.
Younger Kelly: Eyes closed or open? Isn't it kind of hard to do it with your eyes closed?
Older Kelly: CLOSED. I repeat, CLOSED. There is nothing more creepy than kissing someone and having them staring at you with their eyes wide open. It's not hard to do, don't worry. Again, it feels natural for most people to close their eyes and it won't require effort.
Younger Kelly: Is it awkward or weird?
Older Kelly: The first time, a little bit. But not for long.
Younger Kelly: How long do you kiss them?
Older Kelly: As long as you want. It's an efficient way to waste time.
Younger Kelly: Does practicing help?
Older Kelly: It can make you feel more confident beforehand. Technique-wise, no preparation except actual experience is going to help.
Younger Kelly: Is French kissing gross? It seems absolutely disgusting.
Older Kelly: Surprisingly, no. Not with someone you like.
Let's Get Physical
By: Kelly
JK Olivia Newton John, let's not. But seriously, I figured we should dedicate at least one post to the subject. After all, without the physical attraction, you've got nothing. So below are ten general tips on "kissing". I put kissing in quotations because you could pretty much replace any physical action with kiss and the advice still stands.
1.Never ask for a girl’s permission before kissing her I don’t care what your Momma told you or what any girl has told you on this subject for that matter-now is not the time to be a gentleman. If you have to ask, something is wrong. If you do your job right, she’ll kiss you before you go in for the kill yourself. There are several reasons you shouldn’t ask. One, um hello, what if she says no? Wouldn’t you rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission? And two, even if she were to say yes, chances are she would be hugely turned off by you asking. We don’t want predictable, we don’t even really want polite. So just go for it if the timing is right. You don’t need to ask with words, because she doesn’t need them to answer you. If she’s saying no, it’ll take less than three seconds for you to realize that with a simple turn of her head.
2.Never inform a girl that you are going to kiss her. This is really an offshoot of number two. Like I said, we are turned off by predictability. Here’s an analogy. Remember when you first learned to write essays in elementary school and your teacher would tell you to list your reasons and purpose in your introduction? It always sounded something like, “My favorite Disney princess is Ariel. In this essay, I am going to tell you why she is my favorite. She is my favorite because she is a mermaid, has a beautiful singing voice, and combs her hair with a fork.” Actually, I hope you (if you are a guy reading this) did not write an essay like this, but it’s just an example. It’s not as if I took this excerpt from my own writing or anything…THE POINT IS, that was elementary school. Hopefully as you progressed, your writing became more mature and you didn’t have to spell everything out so mechanically. Your writing was sophisticated enough to carry the reader from one point to the next. Kissing should be the same.
3.Never apologize to a girl for kissing her. Why? Well, are you sorry? Chances are, you aren’t. When given a list of choices at just about any time of day, a guy would pick making out with a girl over most other things. If you took the risk of rejection by kissing her, you decided it was worth it. She will respect you more if you don’t apologize. Look her in the eye to show that she doesn’t control you or embarrass you and honestly say “Well, I’m not sorry I tried.” If she’s semi-attracted to you, it will send a shiver down her spine and make her regret her actions. If she’s repulsed by you, at least you still have your pride.
4.Never ask a girl- “So, how was I?” I’ve heard a lot of people say when giving advice about the physical nature of relationships how important “open communication” is. I’ve heard that you should have earnest discussions about how the sex was, and “what you each can do to improve for next time”. I’m sorry, but every time I hear this I want to gag. I don’t think I can fathom a more efficient way to suck the magic and romance out of a relationship than to systematically dissect your most passionate/intimate moments. You should never have to do that. Learn by experience, trial and error, monkey see monkey do- anything- but good Lord, don’t choose NOW of all times to talk about your feelings. Yes girls want you to talk to them but if you turn into a chatterbox the second you stop kissing you are going to take away from the experience. It’s okay to be quiet and let the moment speak for itself. I once heard someone say, ”the worst response you can ever get from a girl is a kiss because it means her words would only hurt your feelings”. But this just isn’t true. Think about it, in general girls love to talk. So if you’ve managed to shut her up for more than two minutes and you’ve gotten her to kiss you on her own, you can probably call it a success.
5.Never tell a girl how she was. Unless she asks, I suppose. Otherwise, it will make you look like a jerk bestowing this almighty compliment upon her or it will be awkward. And if she sucked (literally, or figuratively) spare her feelings and give her another chance. Experience is the best teacher.
6.Learn to multitask- The next four tips show the difference between the experienced and the inexperienced. Sometimes guys feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to do with their hands while kissing a girl. For the inexperienced, PG-rated scenario, I’ll say touch the back of her head, caress her face, rub her back, hold her hands. The possibilities are endless. For the PG-13 to R-rated scenarios, I repeat: the possibilities are endless. In a not-so-rare moment in which I betray my gender, I’ll let you in on a little secret. We will let you get away with a lot more when you are kissing us than we would otherwise. One reason for this is because we aren’t so good at multitasking. Use it to your advantage.
7.Learn variety. Don’t fall into a pattern because it will inevitably become boring. This is the mistake people make that leads to that awful advice I mentioned earlier about “open communication”. Your partner shouldn’t have to tell you how and when to mix it up, you should be doing it all along. If it becomes second nature and mindless, you aren’t trying hard enough.
8.Let her lead- Pretty much speaks for itself. This is one way of mixing it up and it's like Monica's last post said: "What men desire is a virgin who is a whore." Let her be in charge for a while, you'll both enjoy it.
9.Don’t forget the power of a simple hug. While guys are always pushing for the next step, girls like to reminisce in beginnings. We're more likely to remember the excitement we felt when you held our hands the first time than everything else that came after. Remember that for our sake even as we "move past that stage" for yours.
10. Groom yourself. Technically this should have been number one, because without it, you'll never need any of this advice. I wasn't even planning on adding it because I thought it was so obvious but I think that would be putting too much stock in mankind. So, bathe please. And invest in some good-smelling cologne that isn't too strong. It will drive her wild if you smell good and she'll come home smiling because she can still smell you on her clothing and body. There's no better way to stay in a girl's head.
JK Olivia Newton John, let's not. But seriously, I figured we should dedicate at least one post to the subject. After all, without the physical attraction, you've got nothing. So below are ten general tips on "kissing". I put kissing in quotations because you could pretty much replace any physical action with kiss and the advice still stands.
1.Never ask for a girl’s permission before kissing her I don’t care what your Momma told you or what any girl has told you on this subject for that matter-now is not the time to be a gentleman. If you have to ask, something is wrong. If you do your job right, she’ll kiss you before you go in for the kill yourself. There are several reasons you shouldn’t ask. One, um hello, what if she says no? Wouldn’t you rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission? And two, even if she were to say yes, chances are she would be hugely turned off by you asking. We don’t want predictable, we don’t even really want polite. So just go for it if the timing is right. You don’t need to ask with words, because she doesn’t need them to answer you. If she’s saying no, it’ll take less than three seconds for you to realize that with a simple turn of her head.
2.Never inform a girl that you are going to kiss her. This is really an offshoot of number two. Like I said, we are turned off by predictability. Here’s an analogy. Remember when you first learned to write essays in elementary school and your teacher would tell you to list your reasons and purpose in your introduction? It always sounded something like, “My favorite Disney princess is Ariel. In this essay, I am going to tell you why she is my favorite. She is my favorite because she is a mermaid, has a beautiful singing voice, and combs her hair with a fork.” Actually, I hope you (if you are a guy reading this) did not write an essay like this, but it’s just an example. It’s not as if I took this excerpt from my own writing or anything…THE POINT IS, that was elementary school. Hopefully as you progressed, your writing became more mature and you didn’t have to spell everything out so mechanically. Your writing was sophisticated enough to carry the reader from one point to the next. Kissing should be the same.
3.Never apologize to a girl for kissing her. Why? Well, are you sorry? Chances are, you aren’t. When given a list of choices at just about any time of day, a guy would pick making out with a girl over most other things. If you took the risk of rejection by kissing her, you decided it was worth it. She will respect you more if you don’t apologize. Look her in the eye to show that she doesn’t control you or embarrass you and honestly say “Well, I’m not sorry I tried.” If she’s semi-attracted to you, it will send a shiver down her spine and make her regret her actions. If she’s repulsed by you, at least you still have your pride.
4.Never ask a girl- “So, how was I?” I’ve heard a lot of people say when giving advice about the physical nature of relationships how important “open communication” is. I’ve heard that you should have earnest discussions about how the sex was, and “what you each can do to improve for next time”. I’m sorry, but every time I hear this I want to gag. I don’t think I can fathom a more efficient way to suck the magic and romance out of a relationship than to systematically dissect your most passionate/intimate moments. You should never have to do that. Learn by experience, trial and error, monkey see monkey do- anything- but good Lord, don’t choose NOW of all times to talk about your feelings. Yes girls want you to talk to them but if you turn into a chatterbox the second you stop kissing you are going to take away from the experience. It’s okay to be quiet and let the moment speak for itself. I once heard someone say, ”the worst response you can ever get from a girl is a kiss because it means her words would only hurt your feelings”. But this just isn’t true. Think about it, in general girls love to talk. So if you’ve managed to shut her up for more than two minutes and you’ve gotten her to kiss you on her own, you can probably call it a success.
5.Never tell a girl how she was. Unless she asks, I suppose. Otherwise, it will make you look like a jerk bestowing this almighty compliment upon her or it will be awkward. And if she sucked (literally, or figuratively) spare her feelings and give her another chance. Experience is the best teacher.
6.Learn to multitask- The next four tips show the difference between the experienced and the inexperienced. Sometimes guys feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to do with their hands while kissing a girl. For the inexperienced, PG-rated scenario, I’ll say touch the back of her head, caress her face, rub her back, hold her hands. The possibilities are endless. For the PG-13 to R-rated scenarios, I repeat: the possibilities are endless. In a not-so-rare moment in which I betray my gender, I’ll let you in on a little secret. We will let you get away with a lot more when you are kissing us than we would otherwise. One reason for this is because we aren’t so good at multitasking. Use it to your advantage.
7.Learn variety. Don’t fall into a pattern because it will inevitably become boring. This is the mistake people make that leads to that awful advice I mentioned earlier about “open communication”. Your partner shouldn’t have to tell you how and when to mix it up, you should be doing it all along. If it becomes second nature and mindless, you aren’t trying hard enough.
8.Let her lead- Pretty much speaks for itself. This is one way of mixing it up and it's like Monica's last post said: "What men desire is a virgin who is a whore." Let her be in charge for a while, you'll both enjoy it.
9.Don’t forget the power of a simple hug. While guys are always pushing for the next step, girls like to reminisce in beginnings. We're more likely to remember the excitement we felt when you held our hands the first time than everything else that came after. Remember that for our sake even as we "move past that stage" for yours.
10. Groom yourself. Technically this should have been number one, because without it, you'll never need any of this advice. I wasn't even planning on adding it because I thought it was so obvious but I think that would be putting too much stock in mankind. So, bathe please. And invest in some good-smelling cologne that isn't too strong. It will drive her wild if you smell good and she'll come home smiling because she can still smell you on her clothing and body. There's no better way to stay in a girl's head.
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