Posted by: Kelly
The problem with almost every woman I have ever met is that their expectations are way too high. They want a man who will “pay attention” to them and make them feel “special”. They want a guy who will listen to them, respect them, and be a gentleman. I’m sorry to break it to you, but I’m fairly certain there is no such thing as a gentleman, only really good actors who have mastered the art of politeness. The only gentlemen out there are gay and it is only their homosexuality that allows them to be gentlemen. I would ask women, do you really want to be with someone who is constantly placating and flattering you to get on your good side, or would you rather be with someone who is 100% real with you? Most women think they would choose the second one, but they almost always choose the first one which is why most guys have to keep their thoughts to themselves around women. Ever wonder why guys are so much more “crude, vulgar, and barbaric” around their friends? It’s because they are being themselves without the barrier women build that men respect because they don’t want it to be broken with high levels of screechiness and bitching that could have knocked down the Berlin Wall.
Women complain about how complicated men are, but they aren’t at all. They’re incredibly simple. Women just don’t like to recognize this because they like to think that guys are capable of being sweet, sensitive poetic demigods who aren’t thinking about sex in some form every time they’re around women. The faster that girls realize this is a pipe dream, the sooner they will stop being constantly disappointed. I’ve never been able to picture my “future husband”, the way other girls see themselves marrying the smooth, debonair doctors or lawyers. I think the whole thing is sort of gag-worthy in the same way that I roll my eyes at movies where everything turns out happily-ever-after. Life is so much more interesting and complex than that and so are relationships. Many women need to learn to distinguish between the fantasies that they read about in romance novels and the realities that exist in life. It might sound cute and sweet on paper, but I can guarantee that if a real-life Edward Cullen figure tried some of those lines on you in real life, you would laugh your ass off at the corniness and sheer unrealistic nature he encompasses.
The most dangerous thing you can do is idolize a person and this is a trap women fall into so often. This happens with both genders in many cases, actually. One person, let’s say the female, creates this idea of who the guy they are interested in is. They then spend a long period of time worshipping this false ideal until they are disillusioned and realize the person they so admire is actually a complete stranger. Then they have to go through the process that really matters in which the couple gets to know each other as they really are, and recognize that every person looks better from a distance. For some couples, the initial “false ideal” period lasts five minutes, for others it lasts five years. Sometimes relationships are so superficial that they never truly leave that stage.
It is much better to recognize from the beginning that men are every bit as fantastically human as women are, with no exceptions. Isn’t it so much more exciting to have a partner than a superior or a slave? So often women expect their boyfriends or husbands to be both superior and servile, in different ways of course. They expect their men to be superior in kindness, respect, humor, and the overall way they treat women. They want someone incredible who treats them better than they deserve. At the same time that they want this superior being, they want their guy to cater to their will i.e. servant-like. This is an impossible contradiction. If you are with a guy who is better than you, you will probably always feel inferior and therefore it is not a good match. If you are with a guy who is below you, you are going to get fed up pretty quickly and lose interest so clearly this is not a good match either. It’s all about balance and finding your equal.
The best thing to do when looking for a guy is to not just look for someone with the positive traits you most admire, but the negative traits that you can embrace the most easily. Just as I love unconventional, sad, or shocking endings to movies, I like to see faults in guys. I like to see people who are willing to be themselves without being insecure about it or hiding things to look better. Likewise, girls should lighten up and learn to laugh at the mistakes their guys make, because God knows they are going to laugh at yours. This isn’t to say that you should be a pushover or a doormat and let a guy treat you badly; like I said, you have to find the imperfect balance.
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One thing I find at fault with this post (since we are educating women for a change) is the definition of a gentleman. So then here it is. It is a balance between a guy who wants and loves to take care of you while at the same time knows whats best for you. Now some people may think this is the same thing but its not. When they love to take care of you they will indulge in what YOU want to do, say, think, ect.. Whe they know whats best for you is when they aren't afraid to disagree with you and flat out tell you shut up stupid we are doing this my way. Got it? .....Everything else....I don't know what women think so that's your area.
ReplyDeleteHey Albert.
ReplyDeleteTo clarify, when I said "There's no such thing as a gentleman" I was referring to my own implied definition of a gentleman: the ideal man who is pure in thought and action; always kind, caring, and respectful with the woman he loves. The scary thing is, women actually dream and hope for a man like this which is why they so often set themselves up for disappointment. No one is perfect, which is why I said there is no such thing as a gentleman, only good actors. It came off as more cynical than it was meant.
While the definition you described is not my definition of a gentleman, it is my definition of a "keeper" if that makes sense. I agree that what one person thinks is best for them and what is actually best for them can vary widely and it is crucial in relationships for one partner to have the other's back and inform them when they are being stupid or making a mistake. Many women, myself included, recognize this. We want men who will placate us and let us boss them around, but when it comes down to it, we also want to know that they will always be there to protect us and give us advice when we need it. You described a man who knows how to compromise- to spoil and to scold. And that is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Also, I fear the wrath any woman would turn upon a man who flat out says "shut up stupid, we're doing this my way"; I'm assuming that was a generalization and you would expect a man to operate with a little more tact than that if he hopes to gain anything from the situation, or stay with his girlfriend at all for that matter.
Well that really depends on the relationship. Ofcourse i was generalizing when I said "shut up stupid, we're doing this my way," but dont be surprised to see that some relationships actually work out that way. So maybe for a change instead of cateorizing men and giving advice to woemn, the next subject should be categorizing different types of relationships. Who knows, might be an interesting though to think about.
ReplyDeleteThere are, actually, way too many relationship types to categorize in one blog post (or even several).
ReplyDeletePlus Albert, you don't have to worry about getting surprised. We don't get surprised.