The Simplicity of Men: Category One

Posted By: Monica

There is one thing you should know before I begin my "lesson".

I consider myself a dating expert.

I am the Date Doctor and the stubborn journalist morphed into one body. For those of you who have seen the movie Hitch, you know exactly what I'm talking about. For those who have not yet seen it, you might want to take a look at it because I will be referencing it quite often when talking about relationships.

You should also probably know that I have not had a single steady relationship in all seventeen years of my life. My friends often question me, "You haven't been in one yourself, yet you feel qualified to lecture us on healthy relationships? You don't even have the experience". And they are perfectly right. I do not have the experience, but I do feel I am qualified; even more so than those who have outdone me in the world of dating, and there is a simple reason as to why:

I choose to be single. I am an observer and I can observe from the outside with an unbiased opinion. What others may be blinded to, I can pick up on, and THAT is why I am best at what I do. Now, let's get started with an insight to the world of men:

There are three types of men in this world. Those who know what they are doing, those who think they know what they are doing, and those who fully admit they have no clue as to what they are doing when it comes to women. Ladies, smirking at this one because you know it’s true? Considering women only fit into two categories (the former and the latter) there is really nothing to smirk about, but in this case, that is irrelevant. The point is, all men can be sorted into three categories. Ladies just need to figure out what category their men fit into. True, there are many subcategories that define every man, but in the end, they always end up falling into one or the other. Don’t believe it? Take a look.

For sheer mercy onto your eyes, today I will be addressing only the first category of men:

Those almighty few who get it: Let’s start with those select few who understand the game. The female species holds a mutual understanding that there are only a handful of guys out there who actually grasp the concept. However, there are even fewer than you may think. And they hide in places where you least expect to find them with disguises that blend them in with the rest of society. That is why they are so difficult to discover. A perfect example of this type of man is a so called “player” in a nightclub. Now, I am not saying that every guy that has learned the trade of throwing around the wink is worthy of this title. Nor am I saying that he who cheats on his girlfriend and has a different chick in his bed every night fits into this category. In fact, a very miniscule percentage of them have the knowledge to bear this label. The rest usually crowd into Category Two. However, a large percentage of those talented few that manage to pass the test and rise to this level fit the description of a “player”. This is because they are aware of what they want and how to get it. The combination of these two elements creates the All Knowing Man. Knowing only the first half will put men in Category Three and the second half, in Category Two. Now, these men are not sleazy perverts who take advantage of what they have learned. They have simply figured out the tricks of the trade and indulge in the benefits from time to time. However, do not mistake these for Category Two Qualifiers, for there is a significant difference between the two. Men who fall into the second category use little tips they’ve picked up throughout their “trial and error” days to find a fling for the night. To be the bringer of the ugly truth, those men are willing to “settle” for something other than what they truly want. By this, I do not mean that they settle for the B cup Blondie instead of striving for the sexy Latina, for every male has a different palate and every female has a certain quality that different men might find enticing. The bottom line is, though a man might not be particularly drawn to a woman, if he is a Category Two Qualifier, he’ll go for it anyway. The All Knowing Man, on the other hand, would not. At least, not as often and to the extent of the formerly mentioned. This is for the fact that, though both Category One and Two Qualifiers may welcome a challenge, the former do not take the easy way-out. The Challenge is part of the fun, part of the game, part of proving yourselves to each other, and a true player finds the hidden attraction within this game. Therefore, very rarely, if ever, is he willing to “settle”.

Examples are always helpful but, let me tell you, it was difficult to find one for this category since I am only seventeen years old and probably have not met "one of these" yet. However, this is where the Date Doctor, Alex Hitchens (Will Smith) comes into play once again. He is the All Knowing Man, able to educate the uneducated about the world of love. Some of you may counter me and point out that he slipped up a few times while trying to woo Eva Mendes's character. This is true. However, Category One qualifiers are still human. Sure, he made a fool of himself quite often throughout the course of the movie but the game between the two of them was always there and that is the important part. Hitchens knew what he wanted and how to get it. He knew how to play the game, and had mastered it to the point where he could predict the outcome of other relationships and aid in the creation of them.