Mind yo' Business

By: Kelly

So, let’s address the elephant in the room. I have been avoiding you, blog. Not intentionally, but with everything that has been going on, some things had to go and this blog was one of them. What has been going on? Well…I’m in a relationship. K bye!

…Just kidding. Honestly, that’s all I really want to say about the subject because I am spectacularly incapable of verbalizing the things that matter most to me. Ask me about my outlook on life or about my beliefs or plans for the future, and I get completely tongue-tied. Seriously, I have resorted to telling people that I am going into covert operations and that I am a Wiccan to avoid these types of discussions. Plus, in this situation, it’s even more weird because writing about someone and posting it on a blog without telling them is creepy, On THAT note, I am going to go back and delete all of my previous posts about said person! That’s right, I have talked about him before. Anyway, this doesn’t really change anything. My views are the same. My brain did NOT turn to mush. Although I will admit that I’ve already found myself succumbing to grinning about really cheesy things I normally would have gagged over. Even if I lost my objectivity, I still have my rationality and my cynicism. As always, I’ll write about situations that are relevant to my life but in an impersonal fashion so they apply to everyone.

So let’s do that. Today’s topic is people’s reactions to changed relationship statuses. Until the information becomes public, it isn’t really real. There is a lot of romance surrounding forbidden or secret relationships but I would argue that secret relationships aren’t really relationships at all. While being able to be yourself around someone is key to a relationship, it also equally important that you can be yourselves with each other AROUND other people. So even the most private of people eventually have to “go public.” Having said that, society does not make this easy! The second the news is out, the poor couple is swarmed by their friends, family, and acquaintances for more details. PEOPLE. IT IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Girls, as usual, I am mostly talking to you. Guys react much more rationally in my opinion. Their reactions are usually one of two things: a) “My condolences, dude. Your life just ended.” or b) “Congrats man, she’s a 9. Way out of your league.” But in all honesty, they’re genuinely happy for their friend and respect them enough to wish them congratulations and leave it at that. Girls demand so much more. So let’s get a few things straight:

1. I understand that girls get offended when they find out about their friends’ changed relationship statuses through facebook. I mean, I would hope that being in a relationship is big enough news that you would want to share it with the people you care about as soon as possible. But at the same time, new relationships are weird. The couple needs time to get their bearings and they can’t do that if they feel like they have an audience. Also, if a friend’s changed relationship status comes as a surprise to you, don’t be mad she didn’t tell you about it sooner. Maybe she didn’t know if it was going anywhere and didn’t want to get her hopes up by talking about it. Maybe it was a surprise to her as well. No matter what, it is not your god-given right to know every detail of a relationship. Don’t accuse a friend of keeping secrets from you because she didn’t tell you about a guy sooner. She really didn’t have to.

2. If you don’t know the person well, leave them alone! The day we “went public”, every single girl I had met in college and no longer talked to managed to find me and say a "friendly" hello. Even those who didn't ask about my boyfriend could not hide the prying curiosity in their eyes. I also got a coincidentally large number of friend requests that week. If you didn’t take an interest in me before I was in a relationship, I am sure as hell not going to take an interest in you now.

3. This one is probably just me, but don’t “congratulate” couples for getting together. No one congratulates people for making a new friend. Why do we have this idea that romantic love is some kind of transcendental goal to achieve? To congratulate someone for being in a relationship implies that they are more successful than they were when they were single. Lies and slander. If anything, they’re going to be less successful because instead of devoting their time to worthwhile causes like hobbies or school, they’re going to waste a portion of every day daydreaming and making out. Congratulations you selfish bitch, you just chose happiness over independence and ambition. THAT is what people should say in all honesty.

4. But in all seriousness, you should be happy for your friends. Ultimately, they made the decision to be with someone and as their friend, you owe it to them to trust their judgment and support them. I’ve seen too many friendships ruined because of relationships. I tend to see the friend that is in the relationship as the culprit because they are usually the ones who cut off contact to spend more time with their boyfriends/girlfriends. However, it can also go the other way. Sometimes a friend gets preemptively jealous and assumes their friend will no longer have time for them, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or sometimes they just feel weird about the situation for whatever reason, and the two friends drift apart. Please don't let this happen. Prove that friendship love is every bit as powerful and important as romantic love.

By showing your support for your friend but also giving them some respectable distance, you will be doing everyone involved a favor.