Why Chastity Isn’t out of Date

By: Kelly

So many girls today complain that men just aren’t willing to commit the way they used to. I would counter this by suggesting that it isn’t male attitudes that have changed, but the actions of women. Men have always been consistent in their sexual drives and incredible ability to cave in when tempted. However, it used to be that women were expected to remain pure until marriage or else they would lose all respectability. Nowadays, women have a lot more freedom in all aspects of life, including sexuality. However, ironically enough, when these expectations and these “restrictions” were lifted, women actually lost much of their power. This is because now, there is a greater pool of women that are willing to put out than before. Men used to have to be pretty desperate to go to prostitutes if they wanted to get laid but now they can do it for much cheaper through the concept of friends with benefits. Men are now able to “shop around” and categorize women among two categories- “fun for a fling” and “long-term material”. As a result, many women have felt an increased pressure to have sex because they don’t want their love interests to turn to more than willing women. What these women fail to realize is that they are only feeding the vicious circle by jumping on the bandwagon.

Chastity is a solution. Think about it: if women don’t respect their bodies, why should men? Refraining from sex serves as a natural filter. From the male’s point of view, it immediately puts you in the “serious potential” category for the good guys and the “prude” for the bad. If a guy’s number one goal is scoring with you right off the bat without taking the time to get to know you, you don’t want to be with him anyway and he won’t want to be with you. It keeps you out of damaging relationships because for a good 90% of women, there is no such thing as friends with benefits- women just aren’t genetically made to compartmentalize.

Many women argue, as I have before, that it is a cruel double standard to suggest that men can sleep around without losing respectability and women can’t. (which is why I hold men to the same standard that society sets for women- there is such thing as a man whore in my book) However, while I recognize that this is unfair I also recognize that it is necessary and not such a bad social standard. Think about the Rule of Three I mentioned in a previous post. Why is it that women downplay the number of men they’ve slept with? I would argue that it isn’t because society dictates it, but because oftentimes they are intrinsically ashamed- subconsciously deep down, they suspect they made a few mistakes. When women fight for the right to be sexually free, so many times they are fighting for something they don’t really want. Most women just want one man who will commit to them and love them, and the easiest way to find that is by holding out for the right guy. For the women out there who are anomalies to this rule and can have one night stands with no guilt or regret, more power to them- they should consider themselves lucky to be able to indulge in casual sex. However, I would argue that eventually as they age, they WILL want more and might find it difficult to break old habits and established reputations.

I’ve spoken before about the awesome power of a woman’s sex appeal. Men know they can’t control themselves and they fear this same lack of control in women. That is why they (the worthy ones anyway) have so much respect for women who don’t sleep around. Think about it- an object that is passed around by the hands of many loses much of its value, and thus its bargaining power. It’s the same with women. So really, when women complain about the way men objectify them, I would argue that they really objectify themselves. Every time a woman gives in to casual sex she is allowing herself to be used if she doesn’t get as much out of it as the man does (and a woman almost never does get as much out of casual sex as she would in a committed relationship).

Without the bait, you lose all leverage. If a man can’t take the challenge and goes for the easier fish in the sea, what kind of fisherman is he really? Respectable, valuable men love a challenge and will work for it. Men like that recognize that beauty fades and passion subsides, leaving nothing but each other’s flaws. Men such as that, look for women who will be faithful, respectful, and loving. The saying really is true that goes, “The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.”

If you still aren’t sold, here are three concrete benefits of waiting to have sex:
1. She'll appreciate herself a lot more, and in turn the man will gain more respect for her and realize that he has a valuable treasure.
2. The man who had to work hard and commit in order to bed a woman will appreciate her more. After all, time was invested in her.
3. The sex will be brought to a whole new passionate level when she finally makes love to the man who fought for her -- by being patient.

How long should you wait? Obviously, until you are in a committed relationship and I truly believe that it should not be until you have graduated from high school and have moved out of your parents’ house. Other than that, it will vary from couple to couple. Many “experts” say that if a girl gives in within the first three months of a relationship, the guy will probably not take it very seriously and will have a lessened respect for her. So exercise your own judgment as to when it is right- if you don’t trust your own, trust God’s and wait until marriage.

On a final note, it might sound like I’m only trying to sell chastity to girls and women, but in reality, much of this applies to men as well. There are a few men out there who don’t deserve the low expectations set for their gender and can control themselves. If you really want to elevate yourself to the status of a demigod in your future partner, you should wait too. Show that you are above the contests of masculinity that go on to see who can “tap that” first. A truly virtuous man would stand up to the challenge and would realize the hypocrisy that dictates most sexual relations. Nothing will melt a girl’s heart faster than the line “I waited for you.” So while no one expects men to “be the better person”, if you do abstain, I honestly do not believe you will regret it.

Source of inspiration: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42c_dating_advice.html