Jake's Dick and Too Many White People

Aghh! I wish I was in Miami right now just so I could talk to you; text just isn't the same :( I'm going to a UM-UF soccer game tonight and I got irrationally excited when I realized we were playing UM until I realized there was no conceivable way you would be there. Monica trust me, I know exactly what you mean when about the "Ohmygosh, Hi!" girls. (Also, there are way too many white people here. It makes me uncomfortable which is kind of hilarious when you think about it. I feel so much more at home around people from other places) I am already so sick of all the fake niceness. Maybe some people can genuinely enjoy "getting to know" people, but I know I never will. I tend to instantly connect with people I end up being friends with, even though I know it rarely works like that and you have to put a little effort in. Still, all of the awkwardness is killing me too, but hey I guess all we can do is embrace it. I think I'm somewhat lucky because this is something like the fifth time I've had a roommate at a college and all of the stupid horrible programs prepared me for this new stage of torture a lot. As long as you remember that EVERYONE feels as stupid as you THINK you look, you will be okay. Remember that spotlight effect in psychology? It isn't exaggerated. I don't mean to "give you advice" because obviously I have no idea what I'm doing either, but seeing as I can't talk to you in person, I come off as sounding like a parent. Sigh. You are amazing and soon everyone at UM will know that too.

I am soooo sorry if you felt insignificant in any way by me not emailing you! I figured you would be really busy with move-in and I've hardly had a minute to really relax yet. I feel like I have two lives- my physical life and my internet life and I am failing miserably at juggling them already. I miss you so much though and you're WRONG. You can do anything (okay not anything but you can do so much more than you give yourself credit for)! Fake confidence, I know you can do it :) I just heard at Convocation from a guy who built a windmill from SCRATCH by looking off of a picture of a book in Africa while the entire village was suffering from a famine. So like, our hurdles are a tiny bit lower than that at least.

Anyway, now I feel really bad blogging about everything I did yesterday when I know you don't know anyone (YET!) but maybe it will be entertaining anyway? I'll try to keep it brief (HA! Because we know THAT will happen).

I'll skip what happened during the day because none of it was all that interesting and just tell you about last night. Jake (a mutual friend of ours from high school) texted me and said he, Justin, and Paul wanted to do something so they picked me up and we went to Chipotle (it's about as good as Moe's). Jake got a haircut by the way; it looks a lot better short (God I hope people from school don't read this and mock me). But let me tell you Monica, Jake boosted my self esteem about ten notches when it comes to driving. He is HORRIBLE. Every two minutes Justin and I would be yelling out directions and screaming, "LEFT! I said left! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU CAN'T TURN THERE THAT IS A TREE!" The saddest part is, Justin and I have been here for about two days and Jake has been here all summer, and already I am correcting him on street names. He named his GPS Dick (after Richard of course) which of course led to about a hundred penis jokes. Later on, Helga joined us and was offering to let us use her google map on her phone or whatever, and I said "it's okay, we have Jake's dick to guide us", completely forgetting she had no idea what I was talking about. Oh, college humor. So while we are on the topic of sausage-fests, Jake, Paul, Justin and I then went to see the Expendables which takes every component from every action movie you have ever seen and squeezes it into one film. There was nothing original or surprising about it, but I still really liked it despite the fact that I was there with three guys.

Then we were going to meet Destiny for mochi, which happened about 45 minutes later after we had to park Jake's car really far away due to his inability to parallel park (obviously) and had to walk. Add on to that the fact that Destiny drove across town to the Mochi place near the movie theater thinking we were at that one, and you'll understand how long we were sitting outside. After we got some (not sex, mochi- which was good but nothing spectacular since I prefer my creamy chocolate-laden ice cream to fruity pansy stuff that tastes like trail mix and yogurt) we went and saw Racquel's apartment. At this point I should mention that Helga was with Destiny when we met up for mochi. There were six of us and only five seats in Destiny's car, so she jumped at the opportunity to sit on Justin's lap in the front seat. You could totally tell he wasn't crazy about the idea so he scooted over as much as possible and made her sit awkwardly next to him. This led to a bunch of really uncomfortable sex jokes from Destiny and Helga. Destiny went on and on about how we have to go to X-mart which is a sex toy shop and about how much she wishes she had a penis so she could play with this book where you put "it" through a hole that makes it look like a dragon puppet. Helga chimed in with "Yeah and chapter 13 shows ALL the sexxx positionsss" which was met with complete silence. I said the word "textual" a few minutes later and Helga actually giggled. Grow up. It's not like you see ME going around making penis and that's what she said jokes.

It was sort of awkward at Racquel's but we only stayed for about five minutes and during that five minutes, I was very grateful I don't live in an apartment. (Although at that time I realized I was missing Jersey Shore and became very disappointed, and then disappointed in myself for being disappointed) The lifestyle is the typical college lifestyle which I have no interest in. It warmed my heart (as lame as this sounds) to see our three guy friends rubbing their eyes and complaining about how tired they were when it was only like ten o'clock at night. I am a homebody myself as you know, so I harbor a soft spot for them and completely understand what you meant when you said the best part of your day was sitting in your dorm alone. I agree 90% of the time.

Then since Destiny hadn't eaten since 2, we went through the drive-thru at Steak-N-Shake. Justin wasn't going to put up with the Helga thing anymore so Paul offered to sit in the trunk (it was a hatchback so it was kind of okay). You know Paul though, so he immediately began assessing the trunk's ability to hold dead bodies and assault rifles and whatever else. We had that giddy late-night-out-with-friends-high at the time so we decided to pretend the window was stuck and couldn't roll down and made Helga pay for the meal through the sunroof. This resulted in one of the best that's what she said jokes of all time (which is saying something since I say about five on a daily basis). She couldn't get out of the sunroof so someone yelled, "Just push your head through! Yeah, at an angle!" at which point I victoriously started yelling what is basically my catch phrase.

Then when the guy reappeared with her change, Destiny rolled down the window to accept it. It was retarded but hilarious at the time. Then as we were driving away, Paul goes "Haha the funny thing is the guy just waved at me back here!" A minute later we realized that was because Destiny forgot her cheesy fries, and the guy came running out after us to give them to us. He probably went home and killed himself, I swear.

Anyway, my roommate wants to go eat lunch so I have to go. I apologize soo much if it sounded like I was rubbing anything in. In all honestly, what you're doing is better. It's the equivalent of jumping in a freezing cold pool instead of inching your way in the way I'm doing. Sure, I love hanging with all our old friends because it's comfortable but it's only going to make it harder for me to make new friends once everyone else already knows each other. Your way is much faster even if it is painful. Sorry too if this was confusing or way too long; I don't have time to proofread right now so I'll edit later. Miss you and keep me updated!!!!! I want to know what is going on. Do you have wireless? Also, get texting! Or should I say, "textual communication" ;)