College Killed My Self- Esteem

By: Monica

What I wrote in the heat of fury last night. It gets better (in both the negative and positive sense of the word.) I'll let you know later tonight.
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I’m not going to lie to you. College sucks balls. I know, I know, it’s only my first day, but I’m allowed to make preemptive assumptions, right? This is how sad and pathetic it is: the best part is being alone in my dorm because my roommate moves in tomorrow. I wish I had the room to myself every night because it is my favorite part of today. Like I said before, the rest sucks balls. Why, you ask? Here’s a list.

8AM - I woke up to finish packing my plethora of college material (books and a pencil sharpener). Then I called the scholarship office which informed me that I am officially financially registered (Yay me!). (Good part of the day).

12PM- As expected of my family, we embarked on the journey one hour late. My mother did not allow me to turn my iPod on, so that we could talk. This counted as my mother telling me, “You will like it” and, “Be smart and make money” in as many different ways as could possibly fit in that two hour car ride. I had to teach my mother how to work a GPS the day we had to make a two hour journey to a place we have only been twice before (with Map Quest directions which we lacked this time) and she kept insisting the machine was lying to us.

GPS: “Exit 56 coming up. Stay on the current road. Do not take exit.”

Mother *passes Exit 56*: Weren’t we supposed to turn there? Last time we turned there. I’m sure we were supposed to turn there. We did it last time and it was right. Jesus, we just missed an exit! How the hell am I supposed to turn around on a highway! I don’t even know my way around Miami! I DON’T KNOW WHERE WE ARE!”

Me: “Mom, the GPS said not to take the exit. We’re fine. Just do what it says”.
Side note: I know my Mother all too well to expect her to follow commands. I don’t know what I was thinking.

GPS: “Stay to the right. Take Exit 58.”

Mother: “Exit 58?! I’ve never been down Exit 58! Where is this thing taking us?! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE EXIT 56!”

Needless to say, she grumbled the entire way there and we arrived in Miami in record time.

3PM- My mother yelled at a student holding the elevator for a large cart because she was in the way. I pretended not to know her.

5PM- Five trips under the sweaty Sun later, my dorm is put together. It looks like I’m staying here temporarily.

6PM- I am cordially invited to dinner by the girls on my floor. My parents leave. I realize I never received my meal plan card and now have to run back up to my room, and pay $9.50 for a small bowl of hardened pasta. By the time I join the other girls at the table, they are all done eating but insist to wait for me and so I am awkwardly eating while nine other girls watch me.

The conversation went something like this:

*Silence*

Girl #1: So, since you just got back, we discussed our majors. What are you majoring in?”

Me: “Um, Music Business. Most people don’t know what it is. I even hardly know what it is. Pretty much, though, it’s a mix of business in the music world. You know, record labels, artists, iTunes… *this is where I make a fool of myself by ranting*”

Girls stare at me, blankly.

*Silence*

Me: So… what about you guys?”

Each girl goes around and states their major.

Me: “Oh, that’s cool.”

*Silence*

Girl #5: “Anyone minoring in a language?”

All nine girls shake their heads.

*Silence*

And that, my dear readers, is college speed friend-ing. As Kelly knows, I cannot stand fake people, personalities, or façades. Now, take every single girl from this school, stick them in Jamaica, and you’ve got the largest population of heated fakers in the world. If I hear another, “Ohmygosh, HI!” I will stab that unlucky female in the eye with my newly sharpened college pencils.

ANYWAY, after dinner, the girls went back to a room to play UNO. I called my parents because I would rather hang out with them than these people. I know, it’s that bad. Turns out, my parents were still on campus at Szbarro’s. I went to join them. Everything is fine for the first ten minutes or so. Then my mother brings up the, “You will like it, just be smart and make money” speech again and, suddenly, the girls didn’t seem so bad.

8PM- My parents left. Really, this time. They left me to walk back from the parking lot to my dorm tower by myself. A fifteen minute walk, may I add. All by myself.

8:30PM- I’m invited, yet a second time, to a game of UNO. I politely decline.

8:45PM- I find out I completely missed the Orientation Check-In today. Now I have to go tomorrow at 8 AM. Great.

9PM- I walk 23 minutes to the closest Internet connection because my withdrawal is unbearable and I’m just bored. I check my Facebook and my E-mail. No one has written me. I feel unimportant. I’m just about to vent to Kelly via E-mail when a girl sits next to me and suddenly I feel self- conscious. I always have that fear that someone is looking over my shoulder, reading everything I’m writing, even if they couldn’t give less of a damn about me complaining to a friend about the less-than-decent-and-unnecessarily-expensive cafeteria food. I leave and go back to my dorm.

9:52PM- I have noticed there is a lot of eye candy here. Like, a lot. I am overwhelmed. And, if that cannot make my day better, you know it sucks.

10PM- I am currently writing this post in a Word Document to be copied and pasted tomorrow. I’m also currently lying atop a hard mattress in a 60 degree prison cell of a room, wearing a sweater and sweat pants in the middle of the Summer while it’s 100 degrees outside. I hear people laughing, bonding, and being happy. Meanwhile, I am trying to enjoy every bit of privacy I have before tomorrow when my roommate moves in. I prefer being alone. Oh, how I shall miss this.

Why does College kill my self-esteem? Because, before this, I thought I could do anything I put my mind to. I believed everyone who ever told me that and, clearly, they were mistaken. I am not cut out for this. This is not who I am.

In conclusion: College sucks balls. If this description changes, I’ll let you know.