By: Monica
My second day on campus went something like this:
I woke up at the bright time of 7:30 and took a shower (the showers here are one of my favorite places to be because the water runs so hot, it feels like it’s burning your skin). I then went to the Orientation check in where they nicely showed me where to go pick up my campus ID card and handed mea map. This sounds simple enough, except I ran around the entire campus for three whole hours looking for this building that ended up being by the freeway outside one side of the campus. In this time frame, it managed to be 102 degrees outside and start pouring rain. I had no umbrella. I was miserable. So, finally after finding this diamond in the rough, I waited in a line and had my picture taken for my ID. You can bet I looked absolutely stunning with frizzy hair, a tired face, and sticky skin. Just gorgeous.
Anyway, I made my way to the dining hall and ate breakfast while reading over the pamphlet I had just received. At the very bottom of the page in small letters I notice the sentence Music Business meeting. Mandatory. 8:30AM. I glanced at the wall clock over head which read 9:42. My next reaction went something like, “SHIT!” as I rushed out the door to the music building and ran around to five different places before someone sent me to the right building. Later, I found out I had to take a two hour, forty-five minute Theory test (which I did and feel pretty good about, by the way).
The rest of the day was less hectic until seven, when we went to the “Kick-Off”. Let’s just say, it was big and loud. Much like everything else at this school. The entire time, through the noise, a girl Kelly and I will now call “Marie” (After Marie Curie, the female scientist) was bragging how slutty and beautiful people think she is. I just sat back and nodded to everything she had to say, thoroughly disgusted. When we met boys, she would tell them she was willing to give them blow jobs. When we introduced ourselves to our floor and had to state a weird fact about us, she exclaimed proudly, “I’m a toooooooooootal slut.” And when none of that was going on, all she was talking about was how little she eats or how much her ex-boyfriend is in love with her. If I wasn’t listening to her ranting, I was forced to focus my attention on the teachers on the podium, listing all the lists we have beat Kelly’s school in. And I was told I couldn’t be friends with her because it would hinder my allegiance. This was told to me by the psychology professor. Though, I think our school should get some credit for our President’s last name being Shalala. That is pretty bizarre, you must admit.
After this Kick Off, we were sent to the “Ice Cream Social” where they locked us out of our dorm building for 3 and a half hours (in the dark, humid air, might I add) to mingle. Now, I don’t know about all of you, but I do not want to be forced to mingle. I’d much rather meet genuine people by accident rather than staring at someone with a fake smile for twenty minutes. Regardless of my dissatisfaction, there was nothing I could do and, therefore, discussed the Florida weather and the oil situation with a guy from Wisconsin for an hour. He was eye candy, let me tell you, but if you ask me questions like, “So, no one got cancer from being exposed to too much oil?”, don’t expect me to hold you in high regard.
That night (around 12) my roommate brought her two Chinese friends into our dorm so they could talk. I had no problem with this since I was chatting with others on Facebook, but I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation. Once the topic landed on Harry Potter slash fan fiction, I put my headphones on and tuned them out with some Hawk Nelson (Yes Kelly, its true). However, I wasn’t fast enough putting them on. Apparently Jacob Black from Twilight and Draco Malfoy from HP would be a “sexy combination”. EW.
The next day, we went to hear Fareed Zakaria speak. Now, I must say, he is a phenomenal speaker. He also had a great speech. Maybe I would have focused more on the context of what he said, less than the actual words, if he hadn’t ripped off the graduation speech I wrote and performed at my Graduation. That’s right; Fareed Zakaria stole my graduation speech. He talked about how our generation is a box and how it can be shaped into anything we want. He talked about our generation’s resiliency and innovation (my exact words). He spoke about texting and Faceook and how it is a positive impact though parents frown upon it. Yes, he even mentioned a Kindle. Throw a John Green reference in there and it was entirely my speech. Kelly knows.
After the speech, I overheard (yes, there is a lot of overhearing in college. I overheard a Hecht student [rival building] telling a newcomer that Stanford [my building] was where they put all the computer nerds. Kelly knows that I am the farthest thing from a computer nerd. I have no idea how the internet actually makes sense, it’s just there and I use it. I don’t ask questions. Give me a broken laptop and I’ll stare at it and walk away. I don’t even twitter.) A college female gush to her mom, “…and, like, OMG! He was talking about, like, political connectivity and whatever!” and the mom replied, “See, honey? This is why I’m going to miss you so terribly much! Who else am I going to have intelligent conversations with?!” At this point I burst out laughing and the both looked at me. I just pointed to the stage and said, “The cable guy tripped” (referring to the guy fixing the microphone). The next speech was relayed by the professor of religious studies, and boy was that a speech! His sentences were filled with innuendos such as, “You will be growing yourselves, guys!” (At which point the men looked down toward their groin areas) and “We like to learn because we get sexually aroused when we understand things.” It was interesting. But the fun was cut short when they decided to threaten us with death.
Speaker: “There once was a girl who did very well in college, but the last year she began to slack off. She died two weeks before graduating because her boyfriend attacked her.” I see, and that is supposed to make me want to work more diligently? Okay.
In case you were wondering how I remembered all of this (because my memory is shot), I shall tell you. I wrote it down on a K-Mart coupon advertisement while the speakers were talking. An RA even gave me a dirty look for not paying attention.
(I would like to apologize for the choppiness of this post. It was currently 2AM when I wrote it.)
Positive things about college:
1. They played John Mayer nonstop for three hour in the bookstore. (Yes, I spent three hours in the bookstore and did not buy a single thing.)
2. There is more eye candy here than the total population of boys at my high school.
3. Most of them are nice. (I was walking to the bookstore at 8 AM and every guy I passed was jogging and greeted me J)
4. I went and saw a hypnotist. I am a believer. And it was the funniest thing I have ever seen. I can’t even explain it in writing because it would be too long and the retelling wouldn’t be the same but, take my word for it, it was AWESOME.
5. I went to a Salsa party. I was hot. And sweaty. But I liked it.
6. I made three friends. YAY! (These don’t count the ones I was forced to meet and hang out with.) It just makes sense that one is from Queens, NY and dances hip hop, one is a gangster, and one has a Slovak last name.
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