By: Kelly
I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news in response to this question. The good news is that no, rejection doesn’t always mean she’s not interested. The bad news is that, if she agrees to go out with you it doesn’t necessarily mean she IS interested either. Discouraged? Wondering why girls are so messed up in the head? Don’t worry; I’m going to explain.
First off, let me clarify what I mean by rejection. I see rejection as any negative response to a romantic advance by a guy. Here are a few examples:
Example 1: It could be a girl turning her head away when a guy tries to kiss her.
Explanation: When girls reject physical advances, there are two possible reasons- 1) she rejects you because she doesn't want to look easy and feels like the respectable thing to do is to show some restraint or 2) she's just not ready. Either way, you should never push a girl because you think she might secretly want it- we pretty much have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to feeling pressured for sexual advances. If the timing doesn't feel right to us, we'll make it obvious so don't worry yourself about our reasoning or our intentions- just be patient. Girls know guys have no self-restraint, but they also know relationships are all the more special when you take your time getting to know a person- if you put everything out there (emotionally and physically) right away, it's not as special.
Example 2: It could be a girl ignoring a guy at a party who is clearly trying to catch her eye, and she talks to her girl friends instead. This form of rejection can have multiple meanings- sometimes girls do things like this because they really aren't interested and sometimes she does them because she's almost TOO interested (aka playing hard to get). I'll get to a better explanation about why girls play hard to get after this last example.
Example 3:Then there are the more obvious rejections- a girl turning down a guy's offer for a date. A verbal "no" always means no. Girls don't turn down dates with guys they really like unless they have to because of prior engagements- and then they will make that very clear to the guy and usually try to reschedule. So if a girl turns you down for a date with little explanation, she means it, so do yourself a favor and move on.
Okay, now let’s deal with a rejection along the lines of the less-obvious Example 2- Like I said, this form of rejection doesn't always mean she doesn't like you. This is usually the case, but not always. Sometimes a girl feels like she has to hide her interest because she thinks it is so obvious already. She thinks that her intense feelings for you shows every time she looks at you, or thinks you’d have to be deaf to not hear her heart pounding every time you are around. Girls sometimes forget that boys aren’t as observant as they are so they feel like they have to hide their feelings twice as well. Why can’t she just tell you she likes you, or at least be brave enough to show it? There are several possibilities. One is that she is worried that you don’t like her as much as she likes you and is afraid of driving you away. Again, she doesn’t want to look too easy. Another is that she doesn’t trust you yet and is scared of being rejected. She finds herself falling for you hard, but isn’t ready to be vulnerable around you because she’s scared you’ll exploit it and take advantage of her. Remember, you are just as responsible for every move any other guy has made against a girl- if someone has treated her like crap, you’re going to have to work twice as hard to prove that all guys aren’t like that. It isn’t fair, but that’s the way it is. Sometimes she hides her true feelings to protect her heart. And sometimes she does it because she's testing YOUR devotion to her- sometimes girls are selfish and want to know that you'll fight for them and won't give up. I know, we are mean.
Now for the second situation- you DON'T get rejected: She accepts your offer to go out sometime and you are immediately transported to cloud nine, believing that her acceptance means she’s into you. Not always the case. There are a million different reasons why a girl might accept an offer to go out on a date. Doc Love outlines some of them through a hypothetical situation with the imaginary couple Tom and Caprice. Read on:
“Tom, like most men, believes that only the first scenario from the list of possibilities below applies to him. With his inflated Interest Level rocketing through the ozone, Tom can't see any other scenario being possible.
The First Date Possibility Factor (as applied to Tom and Caprice):
1.Caprice wants to marry Tom and overpopulate the earth with his offspring
2.Caprice wants Tom to fill in for her boyfriend who is in Hawaii for six weeks
3.Tom's brother is a carpenter and Caprice needs a new roof
4.Caprice cannot stand to be alone
5.Caprice wants to go to a 'Stones concert with Tom - Tom's first and last date
6.Everybody who is anybody will be at the party Tom is taking Caprice
7.Caprice loves trendy restaurants
8.Caprice loves Porsches
9.Tom has the best dope in town
10.Tom's brother is the busiest casting director in Hollywood
11.While she is out with Tom, she might meet someone else she likes with a newer Porsche
12.Caprice can only have one date with Tom because she just received her Ph.D. in Loving Relationships and she is moving to New York in three days to start a new career as a radio talk show host. She will tell him all this after her belly is full of lobster and Dom Perignon. By the way, the name of her radio show is "Why Do Men Play Games and Use Women?" - this title sounds fair and objective to a man-hater.”
As we’ve said before, a woman’s greatest asset is her sex appeal and women do use it to their advantage, even for the most unromantic, practical purposes. However, they can't be vilified for this because men do it too, in different ways. They use every cheap trick they can to get what they want. One of my friends has a male friend who is a doctor and after a long day of work, he "forgets" to take off his lab coat when stopping at the local bar to get a drink on the way home. Why? It is a chick magnet- same as babies and puppy dogs. Neither men nor women are above using every trick in the book to get what they want.
I would also add that sometimes girls just want a chance to get out and do something fun and don’t view dating as such a serious thing as other people do. For some girls, it isn’t a make-or-break, let’s find the love of my life, situation. It’s more casual than that. And some girls might say yes out of pity- they aren’t interested at all but they know you’re a nice guy so they decide the right thing to do is to give you a chance. I’m not sure if this is the “right” thing to do or not, because I think 9 times out of 10 the guy just ends up disappointed and it’s almost a form of leading him on. But on the other hand, if a guy is THAT interested in a girl, he generally won’t care if he’s being viewed as a charity case as long as he’s given a chance to make her think differently. Regardless of whether girls should say yes out of pity, they do it sometimes and it’s important for guys to remember that so that they aren’t blinded by their egos when date night rolls around.
So what’s a guy to do? How can he tell if a girl means what she says? Unfortunately, it’s one of those things you usually have to learn the hard way. Don’t give up on her so quickly if you really think the two of you are good together- she might just think so too. But you also have to be ready to have your ego take a hit if she really just isn’t that into you. Don’t assume anything with girls; they love to prove you wrong and surprise you. It’s how we keep you on your toes ;) Can’t live with us and can’t live without us…
Articles of inspiration:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/2.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/4.html
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Let's Get This Straight...
By: Monica
A couple of posts ago, I mentioned the faultiness of the Yahoo! Personals section; feeding the public the assumed answers to people's general questions about relationships. But what good is wrong advice? It's not, so I have decided to correct it.
Below, I will post excerpts from an article designed to help you stay away from "bad men" and then state as to why the information is complete bogus:
"You go out with the girls in hopes of catching the eye of your future Prince Charming and securing that fairytale ending, but sometimes dating trials run amuck, leaving you with an experience that you wish you could have skipped out on."
Me: I go out with the girls to have a fun time. I go out with the girls to spend time with them. I go out with the girls thinking the night is about us and, if some guy catches my eye (not the other way around), I can figure if I'm invested enough to give it a shot. Once I give it a shot, I never regret it. What I do not do is go out with the girls thinking I'm going to meet my future husband and, when some random guy hits on me (the type that didn't catch my attention first), immediately change my Facebook status to "in a relationship" and go steady with him before I even know what his last name is. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.
"The Cheater
This guy plans dates with multiple girls at a time even when you've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks at minimum. He claims he's keeping his options open, but what that really means is that he has commitment issues and that he's somewhat of a player. This guy definitely is not ready to be in a monogamous relationship, so get out before you get hurt. Keep your eyes peeled for his constant checking of text messages and any smirks that may cross his face while he responds."
Me: First off, if a guy tells you he's keeping his options open while you're in a relationship with him, he's not cheating. He's being honest. It's your decision whether to stay wih him or not. He is not going through the effort of hiding it from you or making you think you are the only girl he likes. Secondly, if a guy has commitment issues and is a "player", that does not qualify him as a cheater. True, he's not ready for a monogamous relationship, but the guy described above doesn't have a problem telling you that. Finally, if he indiscretely smirks when text messaging another girl in front of you then, again, he's not hiding it. In that case, he's not a cheater, just an asshole.
"The Liar
Like the cheater, this guy won't be straight up with you. He'll ignore certain topics you bring up and will try to immediately change the subject. If he can't look you in the eyes when you ask him what he did that day, then there's a problem. This should send you running in the opposite direction before he ends up lying about something much more serious than his daily routine. Obviously this guy has major skeletons in his closet, and you won't want to stick around long enough to find out what they might be. "
Me: For a guy to be labeled a "Liar", in my book at least, he has to be a good one. A guy that makes obvious mistakes while lying, such as avoiding eye contact and immediately changing the subject, is definitely not a pro. Therefore, he has probably only lied in this manner to you. This is a bad thing because he is being untruthful, but on the bright side, if he didn't care he either would not bother hiding it, or would not be as nervous around you when in the act of lying. Bottom line, to be called a "Liar" he needs to know how to lie.
The rest of the categories that I do agree with, such as "Poor Hygiene", "Mama's Boy", the "Cheapskate", and "Innaproriate Commentary", are so painstakingly obvious that it is almost insulting to women's judgement to even mention them.
At least Yahoo! got one thing in this article right, "Confidence is the ultimate form of sexiness."
A couple of posts ago, I mentioned the faultiness of the Yahoo! Personals section; feeding the public the assumed answers to people's general questions about relationships. But what good is wrong advice? It's not, so I have decided to correct it.
Below, I will post excerpts from an article designed to help you stay away from "bad men" and then state as to why the information is complete bogus:
"You go out with the girls in hopes of catching the eye of your future Prince Charming and securing that fairytale ending, but sometimes dating trials run amuck, leaving you with an experience that you wish you could have skipped out on."
Me: I go out with the girls to have a fun time. I go out with the girls to spend time with them. I go out with the girls thinking the night is about us and, if some guy catches my eye (not the other way around), I can figure if I'm invested enough to give it a shot. Once I give it a shot, I never regret it. What I do not do is go out with the girls thinking I'm going to meet my future husband and, when some random guy hits on me (the type that didn't catch my attention first), immediately change my Facebook status to "in a relationship" and go steady with him before I even know what his last name is. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.
"The Cheater
This guy plans dates with multiple girls at a time even when you've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks at minimum. He claims he's keeping his options open, but what that really means is that he has commitment issues and that he's somewhat of a player. This guy definitely is not ready to be in a monogamous relationship, so get out before you get hurt. Keep your eyes peeled for his constant checking of text messages and any smirks that may cross his face while he responds."
Me: First off, if a guy tells you he's keeping his options open while you're in a relationship with him, he's not cheating. He's being honest. It's your decision whether to stay wih him or not. He is not going through the effort of hiding it from you or making you think you are the only girl he likes. Secondly, if a guy has commitment issues and is a "player", that does not qualify him as a cheater. True, he's not ready for a monogamous relationship, but the guy described above doesn't have a problem telling you that. Finally, if he indiscretely smirks when text messaging another girl in front of you then, again, he's not hiding it. In that case, he's not a cheater, just an asshole.
"The Liar
Like the cheater, this guy won't be straight up with you. He'll ignore certain topics you bring up and will try to immediately change the subject. If he can't look you in the eyes when you ask him what he did that day, then there's a problem. This should send you running in the opposite direction before he ends up lying about something much more serious than his daily routine. Obviously this guy has major skeletons in his closet, and you won't want to stick around long enough to find out what they might be. "
Me: For a guy to be labeled a "Liar", in my book at least, he has to be a good one. A guy that makes obvious mistakes while lying, such as avoiding eye contact and immediately changing the subject, is definitely not a pro. Therefore, he has probably only lied in this manner to you. This is a bad thing because he is being untruthful, but on the bright side, if he didn't care he either would not bother hiding it, or would not be as nervous around you when in the act of lying. Bottom line, to be called a "Liar" he needs to know how to lie.
The rest of the categories that I do agree with, such as "Poor Hygiene", "Mama's Boy", the "Cheapskate", and "Innaproriate Commentary", are so painstakingly obvious that it is almost insulting to women's judgement to even mention them.
At least Yahoo! got one thing in this article right, "Confidence is the ultimate form of sexiness."
Monday, January 25, 2010
Why Women Love Men
By: Kelly
I’m feeling grateful today so I think I’ll make a list (this will be my last list-y post for a while, I promise) outlining why I am eternally thankful God made men (for many other reasons apart from the obvious ones). So here is a list of the things I love about men that women are sorely lacking in (I kept it personality-wise because I think it applies to more women that way. Each girl has her own physical preferences but these are pretty universal):
1. Men don’t really complain. This is my absolute FAVORITE thing about men. I pity them so much for having to marry women who almost always turn into complete wives. You’re probably thinking, umm duh if a woman gets married she becomes a wife. But a while back, a friend of mine and I deemed any woman who bitches about the littlest things and loses all sense of fun in a relationship a “wife”. This is a theme that TV show and movie creators understand all too well because plot lines and jokes center around this ALL the time. Just look for it next time you’re watching a sitcom or a chick flick- I guarantee it will come into play. But it really isn’t funny- women really do bitch way too much. Men, on the other hand, suck it up and deal with their problems without whining about it.
2. Men love to spoil their women. When they fall, they fall hard and really do treat their partners like they are the center of the universe whereas many women remain self-centered. Women have a sense of entitlement about them that makes them expect men to fawn over them and worship them while men usually have a quiet humbleness about them. Even the most prideful players and big shots out there are often “conquered” by a woman that they treat with the upmost respect and love.
3. Men tell it like it is and are drama-free for the most part. They don’t really beat around the bush. This sometimes comes across as insincerity and offends more sensitive women but it’s just their nature, and frankly, it makes a lot more sense than the twisted way women think. Women tell more white lies and twist the truth, causing all kinds of problems in friendships and relationships. Men don’t do this and that’s probably why you see catfights so much more often than you see men fight with each other. Men get over things by hitting each other, beating each other in games, or having a good yelling match. Once the situation is resolved, it’s forgotten. Women on the other hand, hold grudges and keep secrets; they spread gossip and hide their feelings. Women complain that men don’t know how to express their feelings but oftentimes women just don’t want to see what’s right in front of their faces.
4. All the chivalrous things they do- holding doors open for women, paying for meals, driving women places. Sure this stuff is less common now as women have proven they should pull equal weight in relationships, but the fact that most men still offer to do these things is what matters.
5. Making us laugh- guys are just funny. Women in general are more uptight while men see the world with a simplicity that allows them to make light out of any situation. They aren’t afraid to look foolish in public and they make jokes out of themselves- something most women will never do.
6. The way they make us feel- women hide their admiration of men while men are pretty open about it- sometimes too open with strangers. However, in general women love the attention men give them. It makes us feel valued, special, beautiful, young, and full of life and love to offer. They take the initiative and usually have to be the first to bear their souls and risk getting hurt or embarrassed- and that’s no easy thing to do. Some girls take advantage of this or underestimate how hard it can be, but I know I’m very thankful of it and always take it into consideration when “letting someone down easy”.
7. Doing all the stuff I would never do- changing tires, mowing the lawn, fixing things around the house. Thank God they know how to do those things because I would be totally lost on my own.
8. They are easy to please. They live for the simple pleasures in life and don’t ask for much. They’re pretty easily satisfied and will show you their appreciation in the best ways. Women are much pickier and harder to please. We are more likely to use our biting words to hurt than to praise and don’t always think before we speak. But men seem to understand this and always forgive us and welcome us back with open arms.
9. Protecting us- whether it be through their jobs as soldiers, policemen, or firefighters, or just as the “man of the house” all women love to feel safe because of the strong men around them. It warms our hearts to see their self-sacrificing brave natures come into play.
10. Okay, so like I said- there’s also the obvious reasons.
I’m feeling grateful today so I think I’ll make a list (this will be my last list-y post for a while, I promise) outlining why I am eternally thankful God made men (for many other reasons apart from the obvious ones). So here is a list of the things I love about men that women are sorely lacking in (I kept it personality-wise because I think it applies to more women that way. Each girl has her own physical preferences but these are pretty universal):
1. Men don’t really complain. This is my absolute FAVORITE thing about men. I pity them so much for having to marry women who almost always turn into complete wives. You’re probably thinking, umm duh if a woman gets married she becomes a wife. But a while back, a friend of mine and I deemed any woman who bitches about the littlest things and loses all sense of fun in a relationship a “wife”. This is a theme that TV show and movie creators understand all too well because plot lines and jokes center around this ALL the time. Just look for it next time you’re watching a sitcom or a chick flick- I guarantee it will come into play. But it really isn’t funny- women really do bitch way too much. Men, on the other hand, suck it up and deal with their problems without whining about it.
2. Men love to spoil their women. When they fall, they fall hard and really do treat their partners like they are the center of the universe whereas many women remain self-centered. Women have a sense of entitlement about them that makes them expect men to fawn over them and worship them while men usually have a quiet humbleness about them. Even the most prideful players and big shots out there are often “conquered” by a woman that they treat with the upmost respect and love.
3. Men tell it like it is and are drama-free for the most part. They don’t really beat around the bush. This sometimes comes across as insincerity and offends more sensitive women but it’s just their nature, and frankly, it makes a lot more sense than the twisted way women think. Women tell more white lies and twist the truth, causing all kinds of problems in friendships and relationships. Men don’t do this and that’s probably why you see catfights so much more often than you see men fight with each other. Men get over things by hitting each other, beating each other in games, or having a good yelling match. Once the situation is resolved, it’s forgotten. Women on the other hand, hold grudges and keep secrets; they spread gossip and hide their feelings. Women complain that men don’t know how to express their feelings but oftentimes women just don’t want to see what’s right in front of their faces.
4. All the chivalrous things they do- holding doors open for women, paying for meals, driving women places. Sure this stuff is less common now as women have proven they should pull equal weight in relationships, but the fact that most men still offer to do these things is what matters.
5. Making us laugh- guys are just funny. Women in general are more uptight while men see the world with a simplicity that allows them to make light out of any situation. They aren’t afraid to look foolish in public and they make jokes out of themselves- something most women will never do.
6. The way they make us feel- women hide their admiration of men while men are pretty open about it- sometimes too open with strangers. However, in general women love the attention men give them. It makes us feel valued, special, beautiful, young, and full of life and love to offer. They take the initiative and usually have to be the first to bear their souls and risk getting hurt or embarrassed- and that’s no easy thing to do. Some girls take advantage of this or underestimate how hard it can be, but I know I’m very thankful of it and always take it into consideration when “letting someone down easy”.
7. Doing all the stuff I would never do- changing tires, mowing the lawn, fixing things around the house. Thank God they know how to do those things because I would be totally lost on my own.
8. They are easy to please. They live for the simple pleasures in life and don’t ask for much. They’re pretty easily satisfied and will show you their appreciation in the best ways. Women are much pickier and harder to please. We are more likely to use our biting words to hurt than to praise and don’t always think before we speak. But men seem to understand this and always forgive us and welcome us back with open arms.
9. Protecting us- whether it be through their jobs as soldiers, policemen, or firefighters, or just as the “man of the house” all women love to feel safe because of the strong men around them. It warms our hearts to see their self-sacrificing brave natures come into play.
10. Okay, so like I said- there’s also the obvious reasons.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Zits
By: Monica
I have grown up reading the Sunday comics and, throughout the years, Zits and I have become best friends. Through all my awkward pubescent years, embarrassing moments, typically "crazy" parents, and high school drama, Jeremy was always there experiencing the same things. Due to our close relationship, he has agreed to help me explain some aspects of teenage life using his as an example.
One thing that drives people like me crazy is when teenagers think their relationship is "grown up". You are in HIGH SCHOOL. Despite the example Romeo and Juliet set, deep love is very rare. So, assume yours is not an exception. This means that, unless you are in a private setting and your partner is up for it as well, heavy make-out sessions are not advised.
Ladies, wonder why guys always say we're complicated? Maybe this will give you a hint. Any girl that denies she does this to ANY extent at all is lying. It's not a bad thing. Girls just like to over-analyze everything. That's what we do.
This goes with the PDA in front of friends and others. There is a reason people procriate in the privacy of their own home, or, atleast somewhere where no one else can see them. Other people DO NOT want to see it. Plain and simple. Friends might not tell you that your make-out sessions are gag worthy but be assured that when you're not around they make sure to voice how revolting it truly is.
Now, anyone else notice that it's ten times more interesting talking to someone through technology whether it be texting, AIM, or MySpace? Talking in person can be awkward and choppy, especially when your mind is searching for "chat worthy" topics to discuss. However, when conversing through some form of texting, the conversation is almost always engaging and entertaining, often lasting for hours on end.
I have already established that "love" is usually not actual LOVE in high school. However, infatuation does happen every so often. All of us have had that crush that you secretly steal glances at during the boring lecture in math class, or take a certain route in the hallway just so you can pass them, or put that extra "umph!" in the outfit you're wearing to a party when you know they're going to be there. But, again, it's not LOVE. Teenagers, mostly guys, think with their "other head". Check out the comic strip below and notice where Jeremy's "heart" is kept. That's right, in his pants. Enough said.
I have grown up reading the Sunday comics and, throughout the years, Zits and I have become best friends. Through all my awkward pubescent years, embarrassing moments, typically "crazy" parents, and high school drama, Jeremy was always there experiencing the same things. Due to our close relationship, he has agreed to help me explain some aspects of teenage life using his as an example.
One thing that drives people like me crazy is when teenagers think their relationship is "grown up". You are in HIGH SCHOOL. Despite the example Romeo and Juliet set, deep love is very rare. So, assume yours is not an exception. This means that, unless you are in a private setting and your partner is up for it as well, heavy make-out sessions are not advised.
Ladies, wonder why guys always say we're complicated? Maybe this will give you a hint. Any girl that denies she does this to ANY extent at all is lying. It's not a bad thing. Girls just like to over-analyze everything. That's what we do.
This goes with the PDA in front of friends and others. There is a reason people procriate in the privacy of their own home, or, atleast somewhere where no one else can see them. Other people DO NOT want to see it. Plain and simple. Friends might not tell you that your make-out sessions are gag worthy but be assured that when you're not around they make sure to voice how revolting it truly is.
Now, anyone else notice that it's ten times more interesting talking to someone through technology whether it be texting, AIM, or MySpace? Talking in person can be awkward and choppy, especially when your mind is searching for "chat worthy" topics to discuss. However, when conversing through some form of texting, the conversation is almost always engaging and entertaining, often lasting for hours on end.
I have already established that "love" is usually not actual LOVE in high school. However, infatuation does happen every so often. All of us have had that crush that you secretly steal glances at during the boring lecture in math class, or take a certain route in the hallway just so you can pass them, or put that extra "umph!" in the outfit you're wearing to a party when you know they're going to be there. But, again, it's not LOVE. Teenagers, mostly guys, think with their "other head". Check out the comic strip below and notice where Jeremy's "heart" is kept. That's right, in his pants. Enough said.
10 Tips for Guys
By: Kelly
Alright so now it is time for me to give some advice to the guys out there. Some of these tips were hard for me to write because many of them seem counterintuitive to many women. We THINK we like a lot of these things, but when we actually experience them in real life, the outcome is very different. So here are some things that, while they may be commonly used ways to "get a girl", are still very flawed. This could almost be seen as a how-to list for a guy who wants to be in Category 1, because no Category 1 guy would do any of the following things (with the possible exception of #8). However, I don't think anyone can really "become" a Category 1, you just are one. Regardless, if you want to up your game (by which I do not mean get with more chicks, but rather have a more nuanced understanding of The Game), read on.
1.Don’t stare. Eye contact is very important and is definitely an effective way to show your interest in a girl, but it has to be used wisely. It’s a powerful tool but it loses any effectiveness when it is over-used. Sure, it can be flattering to know a guy is looking at you but it can also make us really uncomfortable. If we aren’t interested in you, it can actually be really annoying and I know it’s harsh, but even a little creepy. The only exception is if you’re drop dead gorgeous. Just kidding (well kind of). Otherwise, it just comes off as stalker-ish. So play it cool, don’t look at us too much. It makes us interested when a guy seems to be ignoring us. Actually, it drives us kind of crazy. And then when you finally DO look at us, it is 100 times more satisfying than being looked at by the guys who stare all the time.
2.Don’t rely on the internet. Especially when you’re first getting to know the girl. It might seem a lot easier to do it when you have some time to think about what you’re going to say and less intimidating to risk getting rejected by a screen then a pretty girl but it messes things up in the long run. Think about it, what if that girl ends up being “the one”? Maybe guys don’t think about “the one” as much as girls do, but still, what if she is? Do you really want to have to say you first got to know her through something as lame as AIM? Talk to her in person. Otherwise you look kind of cowardly and it might make it awkward when you finally do see her in person. She’ll have a much stronger emotional connection with you if you strike up a conversation in real life and not through a text message.
3.Do not pretend to be interested in the things we like just to impress us- we can usually tell when you’re just trying to placate us. Obviously the football player isn’t all of a sudden interested in Japanese anime. It might seem like an easy “in” with a girl, but it can backfire later when she gets to know you better. Tell us you think it’s cool that we’re interested in the things we like but admit you don’t know anything about it. We’ll respect you so much more for it.
4.Do not call us pet names like baby, hun, sweetheart, or gorgeous unless it is done in the context of mindless flirting or joking. It positively screams player which is not a good thing to us. It shows us you’re used to sweet-talking women and means you’re underestimating our intelligence. Sure, if you like her, you can compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful but you better make sure to do it in a creative/funny/genuine way that won’t come across as something that’s going to be followed up with a “so my place or yours?”. Even if that’s what you’re thinking, don’t let on. Don’t tell us we look “good”. It makes us feel like a piece of meat or makes us think you aren’t smart enough to come up with a better adjective.
5.For the love of all that is holy- please, please, please do not wear Axe. All those years since you hit puberty, the commercials lied to you. Women do not throw themselves at you when you smell like B.O. or a middle school locker room (trust me, no girl wants to relive this memory). Do yourself a favor and buy something a little less over the top and a little manlier.
6.Don’t lie to us. We will find out and then the trust is gone and can almost never be earned back. This is THE worst thing you can ever do to a girl.
7.Don’t brag about your social life or immediately start sniggering away like an idiot with your friends as soon as you see us. It’s so obvious that you’re trying to look like you’re the life of the party or always busy. And if you have to make it look like you are, that implies you clearly aren’t.
8.Don’t tell us we’re wrong. Remember a bunch of posts back when I accused men of always needing their egos stroked? Well I might have forgotten to mention that women are the same way in different words. Men need to feel strong, competent, and in control. Women need to feel loved, intelligent, and beautiful. We ALWAYS think we’re right. Okay, maybe we need to feel in control too. So just go along with it even if we’re way off base. Unless you’ve got a really good comeback of course; those should never go to waste.
9.I really shouldn’t even have to say this but I still see it ALL the time. Don’t use really immature ways to tell a girl you like her. Don’t ever do it through a friend and don’t tell her about “this girl you just can’t seem to stop thinking about” and then think you’re revealing this big romantic secret when she realizes it’s her. If she doesn’t ask you who it is, you know you’re screwed because she’s already figured it out and is postponing the inevitable because she’s less than thrilled. Even if she does ask, there is still a high possibility she’s just trying to get it over with quick, like ripping off a band aid. Sorry, but that is just never a good way to tell a girl you like her.
10.Don’t be all up in her grill, yo. I don’t care who you are or how much you like her- give her time to miss you. If you call, text, or visit her all the time she’ll lose interest really fast and perceive you as “easy”. You’re probably thinking, “Wait- I thought men were the hunters.” Yes, they are, but so are women to an extent, especially the really good ones *Sleazy wink* It’s just that paradox of The Game that you have to play it cool and not let on how infatuated you really are because it drives women away. We aren’t nice when you give us power so if you hand over the reins, we will try to break you. I wish we knew better but we just don’t. So give shawty some space. (I have never spoken in this gangster slang in my life, btw. I’m using it partly for comedic effect, and partly because I’ve been listening to Drake. Regardless, that is clearly a sign that this post is getting way too long. Sayonara. Or should I say, peace up, A town down. The kids still say that, right?)
Alright so now it is time for me to give some advice to the guys out there. Some of these tips were hard for me to write because many of them seem counterintuitive to many women. We THINK we like a lot of these things, but when we actually experience them in real life, the outcome is very different. So here are some things that, while they may be commonly used ways to "get a girl", are still very flawed. This could almost be seen as a how-to list for a guy who wants to be in Category 1, because no Category 1 guy would do any of the following things (with the possible exception of #8). However, I don't think anyone can really "become" a Category 1, you just are one. Regardless, if you want to up your game (by which I do not mean get with more chicks, but rather have a more nuanced understanding of The Game), read on.
1.Don’t stare. Eye contact is very important and is definitely an effective way to show your interest in a girl, but it has to be used wisely. It’s a powerful tool but it loses any effectiveness when it is over-used. Sure, it can be flattering to know a guy is looking at you but it can also make us really uncomfortable. If we aren’t interested in you, it can actually be really annoying and I know it’s harsh, but even a little creepy. The only exception is if you’re drop dead gorgeous. Just kidding (well kind of). Otherwise, it just comes off as stalker-ish. So play it cool, don’t look at us too much. It makes us interested when a guy seems to be ignoring us. Actually, it drives us kind of crazy. And then when you finally DO look at us, it is 100 times more satisfying than being looked at by the guys who stare all the time.
2.Don’t rely on the internet. Especially when you’re first getting to know the girl. It might seem a lot easier to do it when you have some time to think about what you’re going to say and less intimidating to risk getting rejected by a screen then a pretty girl but it messes things up in the long run. Think about it, what if that girl ends up being “the one”? Maybe guys don’t think about “the one” as much as girls do, but still, what if she is? Do you really want to have to say you first got to know her through something as lame as AIM? Talk to her in person. Otherwise you look kind of cowardly and it might make it awkward when you finally do see her in person. She’ll have a much stronger emotional connection with you if you strike up a conversation in real life and not through a text message.
3.Do not pretend to be interested in the things we like just to impress us- we can usually tell when you’re just trying to placate us. Obviously the football player isn’t all of a sudden interested in Japanese anime. It might seem like an easy “in” with a girl, but it can backfire later when she gets to know you better. Tell us you think it’s cool that we’re interested in the things we like but admit you don’t know anything about it. We’ll respect you so much more for it.
4.Do not call us pet names like baby, hun, sweetheart, or gorgeous unless it is done in the context of mindless flirting or joking. It positively screams player which is not a good thing to us. It shows us you’re used to sweet-talking women and means you’re underestimating our intelligence. Sure, if you like her, you can compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful but you better make sure to do it in a creative/funny/genuine way that won’t come across as something that’s going to be followed up with a “so my place or yours?”. Even if that’s what you’re thinking, don’t let on. Don’t tell us we look “good”. It makes us feel like a piece of meat or makes us think you aren’t smart enough to come up with a better adjective.
5.For the love of all that is holy- please, please, please do not wear Axe. All those years since you hit puberty, the commercials lied to you. Women do not throw themselves at you when you smell like B.O. or a middle school locker room (trust me, no girl wants to relive this memory). Do yourself a favor and buy something a little less over the top and a little manlier.
6.Don’t lie to us. We will find out and then the trust is gone and can almost never be earned back. This is THE worst thing you can ever do to a girl.
7.Don’t brag about your social life or immediately start sniggering away like an idiot with your friends as soon as you see us. It’s so obvious that you’re trying to look like you’re the life of the party or always busy. And if you have to make it look like you are, that implies you clearly aren’t.
8.Don’t tell us we’re wrong. Remember a bunch of posts back when I accused men of always needing their egos stroked? Well I might have forgotten to mention that women are the same way in different words. Men need to feel strong, competent, and in control. Women need to feel loved, intelligent, and beautiful. We ALWAYS think we’re right. Okay, maybe we need to feel in control too. So just go along with it even if we’re way off base. Unless you’ve got a really good comeback of course; those should never go to waste.
9.I really shouldn’t even have to say this but I still see it ALL the time. Don’t use really immature ways to tell a girl you like her. Don’t ever do it through a friend and don’t tell her about “this girl you just can’t seem to stop thinking about” and then think you’re revealing this big romantic secret when she realizes it’s her. If she doesn’t ask you who it is, you know you’re screwed because she’s already figured it out and is postponing the inevitable because she’s less than thrilled. Even if she does ask, there is still a high possibility she’s just trying to get it over with quick, like ripping off a band aid. Sorry, but that is just never a good way to tell a girl you like her.
10.Don’t be all up in her grill, yo. I don’t care who you are or how much you like her- give her time to miss you. If you call, text, or visit her all the time she’ll lose interest really fast and perceive you as “easy”. You’re probably thinking, “Wait- I thought men were the hunters.” Yes, they are, but so are women to an extent, especially the really good ones *Sleazy wink* It’s just that paradox of The Game that you have to play it cool and not let on how infatuated you really are because it drives women away. We aren’t nice when you give us power so if you hand over the reins, we will try to break you. I wish we knew better but we just don’t. So give shawty some space. (I have never spoken in this gangster slang in my life, btw. I’m using it partly for comedic effect, and partly because I’ve been listening to Drake. Regardless, that is clearly a sign that this post is getting way too long. Sayonara. Or should I say, peace up, A town down. The kids still say that, right?)
Friday, January 22, 2010
Overrated vs. Underrated
By: Monica
As we all know, the dating advice Yahoo! provides in the "Personal" column usually does not qualify as "top- notch". Yet, I read them anyway for the pure sake of entertainment. Today, however, was one of the few days I agreed with what some random person conjured up about what men like. So, here I am, sharing my entertainment of the day with you; courtesy of Yahoo! Personals.
"Dating 101: What Do Men Find Romantic?
Guys Reveal What's Overrated vs. What's Underrated
Overrated: Love letters
Underrated: Romantic texts
If a guy sits down to write you an actual love letter, he's doing it to impress you. If he sends you a text out of nowhere telling you he's thinking about you, he's doing it because he can't help himself.
Overrated: The smell of your perfume
Underrated: The smell of your hair
There's nothing wrong with the subtle application of the right perfume, but catching a whiff of that clean-yet-flowery girl-hair smell beats any fragrance.
Overrated: Humoring him by watching the game
Underrated: Doing your own thing while he watches the game
If you truly enjoy gorging on hot dogs while watching sports, that's great. But if you're doing it solely for his sake, there's no need to bother -- he knows that you're a girl. And he likes that.
Overrated: Ballroom-dancing lessons
Underrated: Surfing lessons
Most any guy would love being active and learning new things with you. But if he has to worry about his footwork and balance, he'd rather not have to be wearing shimmery shirts while doing it.
Overrated: Double dates
Underrated: Going to parties together
Double dates are often a little awkward. Seeing an entire party's worth of guys look jealous when he walks in with you is always totally awesome."
As we all know, the dating advice Yahoo! provides in the "Personal" column usually does not qualify as "top- notch". Yet, I read them anyway for the pure sake of entertainment. Today, however, was one of the few days I agreed with what some random person conjured up about what men like. So, here I am, sharing my entertainment of the day with you; courtesy of Yahoo! Personals.
"Dating 101: What Do Men Find Romantic?
Guys Reveal What's Overrated vs. What's Underrated
Overrated: Love letters
Underrated: Romantic texts
If a guy sits down to write you an actual love letter, he's doing it to impress you. If he sends you a text out of nowhere telling you he's thinking about you, he's doing it because he can't help himself.
Overrated: The smell of your perfume
Underrated: The smell of your hair
There's nothing wrong with the subtle application of the right perfume, but catching a whiff of that clean-yet-flowery girl-hair smell beats any fragrance.
Overrated: Humoring him by watching the game
Underrated: Doing your own thing while he watches the game
If you truly enjoy gorging on hot dogs while watching sports, that's great. But if you're doing it solely for his sake, there's no need to bother -- he knows that you're a girl. And he likes that.
Overrated: Ballroom-dancing lessons
Underrated: Surfing lessons
Most any guy would love being active and learning new things with you. But if he has to worry about his footwork and balance, he'd rather not have to be wearing shimmery shirts while doing it.
Overrated: Double dates
Underrated: Going to parties together
Double dates are often a little awkward. Seeing an entire party's worth of guys look jealous when he walks in with you is always totally awesome."
Thursday, January 21, 2010
It Takes Two
By: Kelly
Now there are many different types of couples out there- many more categories than there are for men or women as separate genders. Each relationship is unique, but each fits in at least one category and probably several. Here is a list of some of them with examples either from people I know or from movies:
“The Best Friends” An example of this couple is my friend Ciara and her boyfriend Jacob. He will always be her best friend first and her boyfriend second. They love to do silly childish things together: play-wrestle, call each other names, bake, etc. just like best friends might do. Another good example of this type is Lorelai and Luke from Gilmore Girls. In one episode, despite the fact that they’ve broken up and are mad at each other, Lorelai goes to Luke in desperation because he is the one she always went to when she had a broken heart. Like the best friend he was, he comforted her no matter what happened between them.
“The Private Couple” This is the couple that seems reserved in public- the opposite of The Lovebirds. The fact that they don’t display their affections publicly however, does not mean that they are any less in love. Quite the opposite. If anything, they consider their love too intimate and special to be displayed just anywhere. They don’t need to always be touching one another to have a strong connection. In fact, this is the type of couple who can just look into one another’s eyes and feel the heat just as much as other couples would feel by kissing. The best example I have for this one is (don’t shoot me) Alice and Jasper from Twilight. There is a scene in one of the books where the Cullens are reunited. The different couples greet each other in similar ways- by embracing. Alice and Jasper stand out however, because they simply look at each other. It is an intense scene and one gets the impression that they have the most interesting relationship out of all the couples in the books.
“The Lovebirds” This is the passionate couple every high school student has had the misfortune to have a locker next to (think Josh and Lana in The Princess Diaries). They are so wrapped up in each other that they are oblivious to everyone else around them and continue to suck face much to everyone else’s chagrin. Basically, a PDA alert should follow them wherever they go.
“The Newlyweds” This is the couple who is in that initial lovey-dovey stage where their partner is all they seem to care about. They isolate themselves unintentionally by being completely wrapped up in each other. They idolize one another and are, quite frankly, revolting to outsiders. They call each other pet names, talk in baby voices, and refuse to even imagine that their partner could ever be wrong. They are the couple who has the phone conversations “No, you hang up first”. An example of this category would be Ron and Lavender in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Newlyweds and Lovebirds are two categories that almost always overlap.
“The Classic Couple” This is a couple that is very difficult to describe because the only distinguishing feature is that they seem to be made for each other. This is the ideal relationship where they can ask “Where have you been all my life?” without sounding cheesy. Their relationship just seems to have a flow and rhythm to it and they make love look completely effortless. They bring out the best in each other and compensate for each other’s weaknesses. Many couples fall into this category, particularly couples that end up getting married.
“The Fighters” This is the couple that loves to fight simply to fight. They scream at one another and pick each other apart, but it seems to add excitement to the relationship because it ends up bringing them closer together in the end every time. Think of the make-up sex jokes associated with this couple and it starts to make some sense. This is the couple where, after a heated fight, the negative energy just seems to completely dissipate and they can go to one another without a single word and know that the other is sorry. The best example is Holly and Gerry in P.S. I Love You.
“The Competitors” This is a very difficult category to explain and could be easily confused with “The Fighters” although they are completely different types of couples. A couple falls into this category if both partners are naturally “competitors” when it comes to romance. So, the male is going to be in Category 1 or a high Category 2 and the woman is going to be the equivalent of that. (Women can only be Category 1 or 3 because women don’t put on fronts about “having game” the way Category 2 males do. They don’t fake expertise when it comes to relationship issues- either they have it or they don’t.) This is any couple who finds the chase more exciting than the kill. In order to keep their relationship interesting, they are constantly exercising a battle of wits and take turns “fighting” for power. The terms used for this category are bound to sound warped and insane to any outsiders, but for insiders, it makes total sense. An example of this couple, in my opinion anyway, would be Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or possibly the Date Doctor and Eva Mendez’s character in Hitch.
“The Star-crossed Lovers” This is the couple that seems to have all odds stacked against them and doesn’t seem to be meant to be, yet they keep getting drawn back together. They break up and get back together constantly and their best friends learn to just roll their eyes and ignore the drama. These couples may take years to get it together but sometimes it does happen. The best example I have for this category is one of my English teachers and her husband. They were high school sweethearts but had some problems and continually broke up over the course of ten years. She never would have dreamed he was “the one” but in the end, their relationship stood the test of time and now they are happily married with their first child.
“The Old Married Couple” This one needs little explanation. This is the couple who either is old and married or just acts like it. They know each other well enough to anticipate the other’s every move and bicker with each other on a daily basis. Yet they love each other dearly and always become those cute old couples in the rocking chairs at Cracker Barrel that everyone “awws” about.
“The Unequal Couple” Barring the moral implications of the name, this is a couple where one person is “better” than the other who is “undeserving”. This can come in many different forms- one partner can be far superior physically, as far as wealth goes, intellectually, or as far as maturity levels go. For whatever reason, one partner has the upper hand and would normally not consider dating said partner. This is not a good pairing because it always leaves one person feeling inadequate and insecure about the relationship. My example for this one is more obscure, but it comes from the book An Abundance of Katherines which is about a nerdy boy who is constantly dumped by girls named Katherine, essentially because they aren’t “on his level”. However, this couple is not the same as the pretty cheerleader who falls for the math geek- because in some cases, these relationships are equal. What one lacks in appearance, they might make up for in wit. As long as the relationship is balanced and each person’s strengths and weaknesses are roughly equal, this relationship is not “unequal”.
“The Blind Couple” This is the couple that isn’t actually together yet but everyone knows they should be and eventually will be. It is so completely obvious to the rest of the world but they are blind to the possibilities so they continue to be friends, coworkers, etc. This is used all the time in television shows and a good example is Jim and Pam from The Office.
“The Abusive Couple” This is obviously not a good couple. This can either be physically abusive or mentally. Either way, it is essentially the opposite of The Classic Couple in that they bring out the worst in each other and tear each other down instead of building each other up. Rather than compensate for each other’s weaknesses, they exploit them.
Now there are many different types of couples out there- many more categories than there are for men or women as separate genders. Each relationship is unique, but each fits in at least one category and probably several. Here is a list of some of them with examples either from people I know or from movies:
“The Best Friends” An example of this couple is my friend Ciara and her boyfriend Jacob. He will always be her best friend first and her boyfriend second. They love to do silly childish things together: play-wrestle, call each other names, bake, etc. just like best friends might do. Another good example of this type is Lorelai and Luke from Gilmore Girls. In one episode, despite the fact that they’ve broken up and are mad at each other, Lorelai goes to Luke in desperation because he is the one she always went to when she had a broken heart. Like the best friend he was, he comforted her no matter what happened between them.
“The Private Couple” This is the couple that seems reserved in public- the opposite of The Lovebirds. The fact that they don’t display their affections publicly however, does not mean that they are any less in love. Quite the opposite. If anything, they consider their love too intimate and special to be displayed just anywhere. They don’t need to always be touching one another to have a strong connection. In fact, this is the type of couple who can just look into one another’s eyes and feel the heat just as much as other couples would feel by kissing. The best example I have for this one is (don’t shoot me) Alice and Jasper from Twilight. There is a scene in one of the books where the Cullens are reunited. The different couples greet each other in similar ways- by embracing. Alice and Jasper stand out however, because they simply look at each other. It is an intense scene and one gets the impression that they have the most interesting relationship out of all the couples in the books.
“The Lovebirds” This is the passionate couple every high school student has had the misfortune to have a locker next to (think Josh and Lana in The Princess Diaries). They are so wrapped up in each other that they are oblivious to everyone else around them and continue to suck face much to everyone else’s chagrin. Basically, a PDA alert should follow them wherever they go.
“The Newlyweds” This is the couple who is in that initial lovey-dovey stage where their partner is all they seem to care about. They isolate themselves unintentionally by being completely wrapped up in each other. They idolize one another and are, quite frankly, revolting to outsiders. They call each other pet names, talk in baby voices, and refuse to even imagine that their partner could ever be wrong. They are the couple who has the phone conversations “No, you hang up first”. An example of this category would be Ron and Lavender in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Newlyweds and Lovebirds are two categories that almost always overlap.
“The Classic Couple” This is a couple that is very difficult to describe because the only distinguishing feature is that they seem to be made for each other. This is the ideal relationship where they can ask “Where have you been all my life?” without sounding cheesy. Their relationship just seems to have a flow and rhythm to it and they make love look completely effortless. They bring out the best in each other and compensate for each other’s weaknesses. Many couples fall into this category, particularly couples that end up getting married.
“The Fighters” This is the couple that loves to fight simply to fight. They scream at one another and pick each other apart, but it seems to add excitement to the relationship because it ends up bringing them closer together in the end every time. Think of the make-up sex jokes associated with this couple and it starts to make some sense. This is the couple where, after a heated fight, the negative energy just seems to completely dissipate and they can go to one another without a single word and know that the other is sorry. The best example is Holly and Gerry in P.S. I Love You.
“The Competitors” This is a very difficult category to explain and could be easily confused with “The Fighters” although they are completely different types of couples. A couple falls into this category if both partners are naturally “competitors” when it comes to romance. So, the male is going to be in Category 1 or a high Category 2 and the woman is going to be the equivalent of that. (Women can only be Category 1 or 3 because women don’t put on fronts about “having game” the way Category 2 males do. They don’t fake expertise when it comes to relationship issues- either they have it or they don’t.) This is any couple who finds the chase more exciting than the kill. In order to keep their relationship interesting, they are constantly exercising a battle of wits and take turns “fighting” for power. The terms used for this category are bound to sound warped and insane to any outsiders, but for insiders, it makes total sense. An example of this couple, in my opinion anyway, would be Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or possibly the Date Doctor and Eva Mendez’s character in Hitch.
“The Star-crossed Lovers” This is the couple that seems to have all odds stacked against them and doesn’t seem to be meant to be, yet they keep getting drawn back together. They break up and get back together constantly and their best friends learn to just roll their eyes and ignore the drama. These couples may take years to get it together but sometimes it does happen. The best example I have for this category is one of my English teachers and her husband. They were high school sweethearts but had some problems and continually broke up over the course of ten years. She never would have dreamed he was “the one” but in the end, their relationship stood the test of time and now they are happily married with their first child.
“The Old Married Couple” This one needs little explanation. This is the couple who either is old and married or just acts like it. They know each other well enough to anticipate the other’s every move and bicker with each other on a daily basis. Yet they love each other dearly and always become those cute old couples in the rocking chairs at Cracker Barrel that everyone “awws” about.
“The Unequal Couple” Barring the moral implications of the name, this is a couple where one person is “better” than the other who is “undeserving”. This can come in many different forms- one partner can be far superior physically, as far as wealth goes, intellectually, or as far as maturity levels go. For whatever reason, one partner has the upper hand and would normally not consider dating said partner. This is not a good pairing because it always leaves one person feeling inadequate and insecure about the relationship. My example for this one is more obscure, but it comes from the book An Abundance of Katherines which is about a nerdy boy who is constantly dumped by girls named Katherine, essentially because they aren’t “on his level”. However, this couple is not the same as the pretty cheerleader who falls for the math geek- because in some cases, these relationships are equal. What one lacks in appearance, they might make up for in wit. As long as the relationship is balanced and each person’s strengths and weaknesses are roughly equal, this relationship is not “unequal”.
“The Blind Couple” This is the couple that isn’t actually together yet but everyone knows they should be and eventually will be. It is so completely obvious to the rest of the world but they are blind to the possibilities so they continue to be friends, coworkers, etc. This is used all the time in television shows and a good example is Jim and Pam from The Office.
“The Abusive Couple” This is obviously not a good couple. This can either be physically abusive or mentally. Either way, it is essentially the opposite of The Classic Couple in that they bring out the worst in each other and tear each other down instead of building each other up. Rather than compensate for each other’s weaknesses, they exploit them.
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