Posted By: Kelly
This is a post about nature’s cruelest double standard- that women have to be the bearers of morality when it comes to sex. They are the ones who aren’t supposed to have dirty thoughts while it’s not only accepted in men, but to be expected. Girls are “whores” and “sluts” while guys are “players”. Why? Because girls are supposed to be the responsible ones who can exercise self-restraint and temptation. This isn’t unfounded- it’s unfair but it makes sense. That’s just the way we are; it’s our genetic make-up. Guys brag about their sexual escapades like they are telling about the number of free throws they made while girls hide them in shame, along with the STDs. This is explained perfectly by the Rule of Three which is described in American Pie 2:
Kevin: "Hey, Vicky only slept with one guy since we went out. I mean, that like makes me 50% of her entire guy related life."
Stifler: "You *******. She didn't sleep with one guy. She slept with at least three."
Kevin: "What?"
Stifler: "When a girl tells you how many guys she slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you ******* learn anything at college?"
New scene:
Jessica: "Look, he did not sleep with three girls, okay. Much like Sly and the Family Stone aren't gonna dance on in here and gang bang me between the Afros and the bell bottoms, okay. It's not gonna happen. Kevin Meyers did not sleep with three girls at Michigan."
Vicky Lathum: "But why would he lie to me?"
Jessica: "It's not a lie. It's an adjustment. Alright, it's the rule of three."
Vicky: "The rule of what?"
Jessica: "Three."
Vicky: "A guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three. Then you get the real total. So if Kevin's saying it's been three girls, it's more like one, or none."
Jessica: "None?"
Vicky: "Rule of three. It's an exact science, consistent as gravity."
If there is a video out there that describes the sad, sad nature of this societal fact, it is collegehumor’s The March of Shame (sorry, embedding was disabled):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MM3KkF5urY&feature=fvst
But still, there are women out there who fight the current and argue that women shouldn’t have to be the holy, righteous ones. They admit that they have dirty thoughts and don’t think sex is anything for them to be ashamed of. An example is Denise, from the movie P.S. I Love You:
Denise Hennessey: [Denise is admiring Ted as he walks by] Ooohhh, he's delicious isn't he? I'd serve coffee on that ass.
John McCarthy: Do you have to be so vulgar about men? Like they're pieces of meat?
Denise Hennessey: I'm sorry, John. I forgot you're sensitive about your flat ass.
John McCarthy: You know, Denise, that's why you're not married. Women act like men. Then they complain men don't want them.
Denise Hennessey: Oh, is that why? 'Cause I thought it was something different. I thought that it was 'cause I deserved the best and he's out there. He's just with all the wrong women. And let me be clear. After CENTURIES of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the *DIVINE* right to stare at a man's BACKSIDE with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to!
Essentially Denise is saying, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
John Green and Science is Sexy
Posted By: Kelly
In an earlier blog, Monica alluded to the fact that the two most commonly made mistakes in relationships are being overly clingy and trying too hard. Normally, I associate these mistakes more with girls but it can work for either gender. John Green explains them both in about a minute in this video. You should definitely check it out from about 1:24 to 2:40:
That clip is made of pure win.
On a completely different note, I’ve always viewed romance as more of a science than an art form. I know this exposes me as someone who is clearly not a romantic, in the typical sense of the word at least. I understand that calling romance a science somewhat defies the very definition of romance, because people don’t normally correlate say, biology to sexiness. But it’s true in the sense that masters of relationships become experts through observation, noticing and analyzing patterns, experimentation, etc. The following is a short list of things I think every healthy relationship is built upon, in the form of horrible science metaphors. Bear in mind that I never learned a single thing in chemistry so these have no validity whatsoever. Enjoy.
1.“The spark” or if we really want to use a science metaphor, energy. Some people are critics of “the spark” and say that it doesn’t exist and isn’t necessary for a good relationship. However, I think it’s absolutely vital. It’s what draws you in to another person, and makes you focus on them above anyone else. This is the first step in any relationship, what creates the intrigue. Even after old friends become lovers, they make this transition because of a new spark that they didn’t see or have before.
To further divide this, there are two types of romantic energy- potential and kinetic. If someone sees potential energy in a prospective partner, it means they can see many positive signs that indicate that that person might be good for them. Said person might possess a good amount of “turn ons” or they might have interests, mindsets, or a background that you find intriguing.
The problem with potential energy however, is that it doesn’t always evolve into kinetic energy the way it is supposed to. This is the example of the couple that just can’t seem to make it work- they have too many differences that divide them that one or both aren’t willing/are unable to reconcile to make the relationship work. Both people see the way things could be, and sometimes are, but at the end of the day both are dissatisfied because they are essentially searching for an ideal that just cannot be found in each other. Or, one partner is not willing to step up to the plate and truly commit to the relationship. A relationship like that will never have anything more than potential energy.
In successful relationships, kinetic energy develops where the couple learns how to exercise healthy give-and-take in a symbiotic relationship that is in perfect harmony- or at equilibrium.
2. The second thing necessary for a healthy relationship is the one everyone always quotes- trust. To go along with my ridiculous science metaphor, we’ll say that trust is like a covalent bond that holds molecules together. Or do those hold atoms together? Whatever. The point is, once a relationship begins, trust quickly becomes absolutely essential and is the glue that holds people together.
There's more to my list but this post is long enough for one day :)
Part three of this blog is a quote someone posted on facebook that I liked that also pertains to this blog:
Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal! Under the arm to be protected, & next to the heart to be loved.
In an earlier blog, Monica alluded to the fact that the two most commonly made mistakes in relationships are being overly clingy and trying too hard. Normally, I associate these mistakes more with girls but it can work for either gender. John Green explains them both in about a minute in this video. You should definitely check it out from about 1:24 to 2:40:
That clip is made of pure win.
On a completely different note, I’ve always viewed romance as more of a science than an art form. I know this exposes me as someone who is clearly not a romantic, in the typical sense of the word at least. I understand that calling romance a science somewhat defies the very definition of romance, because people don’t normally correlate say, biology to sexiness. But it’s true in the sense that masters of relationships become experts through observation, noticing and analyzing patterns, experimentation, etc. The following is a short list of things I think every healthy relationship is built upon, in the form of horrible science metaphors. Bear in mind that I never learned a single thing in chemistry so these have no validity whatsoever. Enjoy.
1.“The spark” or if we really want to use a science metaphor, energy. Some people are critics of “the spark” and say that it doesn’t exist and isn’t necessary for a good relationship. However, I think it’s absolutely vital. It’s what draws you in to another person, and makes you focus on them above anyone else. This is the first step in any relationship, what creates the intrigue. Even after old friends become lovers, they make this transition because of a new spark that they didn’t see or have before.
To further divide this, there are two types of romantic energy- potential and kinetic. If someone sees potential energy in a prospective partner, it means they can see many positive signs that indicate that that person might be good for them. Said person might possess a good amount of “turn ons” or they might have interests, mindsets, or a background that you find intriguing.
The problem with potential energy however, is that it doesn’t always evolve into kinetic energy the way it is supposed to. This is the example of the couple that just can’t seem to make it work- they have too many differences that divide them that one or both aren’t willing/are unable to reconcile to make the relationship work. Both people see the way things could be, and sometimes are, but at the end of the day both are dissatisfied because they are essentially searching for an ideal that just cannot be found in each other. Or, one partner is not willing to step up to the plate and truly commit to the relationship. A relationship like that will never have anything more than potential energy.
In successful relationships, kinetic energy develops where the couple learns how to exercise healthy give-and-take in a symbiotic relationship that is in perfect harmony- or at equilibrium.
2. The second thing necessary for a healthy relationship is the one everyone always quotes- trust. To go along with my ridiculous science metaphor, we’ll say that trust is like a covalent bond that holds molecules together. Or do those hold atoms together? Whatever. The point is, once a relationship begins, trust quickly becomes absolutely essential and is the glue that holds people together.
There's more to my list but this post is long enough for one day :)
Part three of this blog is a quote someone posted on facebook that I liked that also pertains to this blog:
Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal! Under the arm to be protected, & next to the heart to be loved.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
If You Like It Then You Should've Put A Ring On It
By: Monica
Contrary to the title of this post, sometimes men just don't want to put a ring on it. Period. And it's not because they don't like you.
How many ladies out there have a guy that swears she is his world and loves her like no other, yet he refuses to "make it official"? Let's just say, many. This leaves most women completely confused as to what the guy can possibly be thinking. Plus, with their friends insisting this means he's with another woman and that they desrve better yadda yadda, the guy doesn't have a chance to explain. Ladies, you have to be patient. Most of them are not that great with words and emotions to begin with. Throw the ingredient of hurting the girl they love into the mix and you bake them a cake of disaster. They just need time to work through the batter.
So, let me dispel a myth: If a man loves you but doesn't want to marry you, it does not mean he's having an affair.
Now, don't get me wrong. That could very well be the reason, but don't instantly jump to a conclusion and go around pointing the finger because if you are afraid of losing him, that's a sure way to do it.
Now, what are those other reasons that keep a man from marrying his anxious fiancee?
Well, for one, fear. Not fear of spending the rest of his life with the one he loves, but for not being able to spend the rest of his life with the one he loves. Everyone hears of those couples that date happily for seven years and then decide to tie the knot. Four months later, they're not happy and they're not a couple.
Another reason could be two things: Either his parents did not have a good marriage and he does not want to encounter the same problems, or his parents had a very successful marriage that he doesn't want to have to try and live up to. He'd rather set his own barlines without his family comparing his older family to his newer one.
Then there is the classic reason that most guys in this position give: "Everything is good now, why change it?" This reason pretty much relates to the first one except that fear is not the dominant emotion. Many men just don't like change. Plain and simple.
Depending on how long the female is willing to wait, guys will take advantage of the extension of time. It's like when a paper is due and you forgot to finish so your teacher extends the deadline another week. Then you end up waiting until the night before to actually finish up. This is the same deal. They know it's for the better but can't get themselves to take that step. Therefore, it's up to the ladies. What will the confused fiancee do? Go with the flow? Leave him? Present an ultimatum? Personally, I believe the last one is not a good idea. I see it as forcing the guy into marriage. If he's not completely for it, why go through with it? It's a recipe for disaster. I can almost gurantee that if he agrees, it's because he doesn't want to lose you. Therefore, that is a HUGE sacrifice on his part. But do you really want to put him through that? I wouldn't. Marriage for the sake of being married as a title means nothing unless both people are 100% thrilled and determined that it is what they want.
Contrary to the title of this post, sometimes men just don't want to put a ring on it. Period. And it's not because they don't like you.
How many ladies out there have a guy that swears she is his world and loves her like no other, yet he refuses to "make it official"? Let's just say, many. This leaves most women completely confused as to what the guy can possibly be thinking. Plus, with their friends insisting this means he's with another woman and that they desrve better yadda yadda, the guy doesn't have a chance to explain. Ladies, you have to be patient. Most of them are not that great with words and emotions to begin with. Throw the ingredient of hurting the girl they love into the mix and you bake them a cake of disaster. They just need time to work through the batter.
So, let me dispel a myth: If a man loves you but doesn't want to marry you, it does not mean he's having an affair.
Now, don't get me wrong. That could very well be the reason, but don't instantly jump to a conclusion and go around pointing the finger because if you are afraid of losing him, that's a sure way to do it.
Now, what are those other reasons that keep a man from marrying his anxious fiancee?
Well, for one, fear. Not fear of spending the rest of his life with the one he loves, but for not being able to spend the rest of his life with the one he loves. Everyone hears of those couples that date happily for seven years and then decide to tie the knot. Four months later, they're not happy and they're not a couple.
Another reason could be two things: Either his parents did not have a good marriage and he does not want to encounter the same problems, or his parents had a very successful marriage that he doesn't want to have to try and live up to. He'd rather set his own barlines without his family comparing his older family to his newer one.
Then there is the classic reason that most guys in this position give: "Everything is good now, why change it?" This reason pretty much relates to the first one except that fear is not the dominant emotion. Many men just don't like change. Plain and simple.
Depending on how long the female is willing to wait, guys will take advantage of the extension of time. It's like when a paper is due and you forgot to finish so your teacher extends the deadline another week. Then you end up waiting until the night before to actually finish up. This is the same deal. They know it's for the better but can't get themselves to take that step. Therefore, it's up to the ladies. What will the confused fiancee do? Go with the flow? Leave him? Present an ultimatum? Personally, I believe the last one is not a good idea. I see it as forcing the guy into marriage. If he's not completely for it, why go through with it? It's a recipe for disaster. I can almost gurantee that if he agrees, it's because he doesn't want to lose you. Therefore, that is a HUGE sacrifice on his part. But do you really want to put him through that? I wouldn't. Marriage for the sake of being married as a title means nothing unless both people are 100% thrilled and determined that it is what they want.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Playboy Controversy
Posted By: Kelly
I'm not a huge hater of Playboy. I do think it degrades women, but I personally am not about to go burn a copy of it ceremonially in the name of feminism. However, I do admire the feminists out there who speak out against it.I came across this article and a criticism of it on http://www.feministing.com. The faulty logic used in that article was begging to be called out on, so I can’t help but add my two cents. Below are excerpts from the article, some really amusing commentary other people had to say, and a bit of my own thoughts. You should probably read the article before the rest though, to grasp the big picture.
www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/11/03/exclusive-joanna-krupa-posing-naked-playboy-new-form-feminism/
The magazine's December cover girl, bikini model and "DWTS" star Joanna Krupa says, “I think they suffer from lack of knowledge and tunnel vision. How many of those self-important, so-called ‘feminists’ have been on the set when a celebrity shot a Playboy spread? There you go. What is feminist about discriminating a photo shoot just because it involves female (partial) nudity that happens to give men pleasure? Pathetic”
Perfect responses from commenters on feministing.com:
“Let me unbunch my panties so I can effectively debunk this idea that feminists are too uptight to see how empowering posing for magazines like, Playboy and Maxim are for women.” –Samhita
“Oh it HAPPENS to give men pleasure. i get it. so like...the nudity isn't the POINT of why it's in playboy, DUH! It just is this accident that men happen to be pleasured by it. I get it. -djkb
“There are several great reasons why female celebs line up to shoot Playboy: finally a woman gets paid more than a man for comparable work, she gets to set the rules, gets to be in a real team work with other women, as many key positions at Playboy are in fact held by women!" Krupa adds.
“Yes, as long as you're naked and objectified, you are equal and can 'set the rules'! Pardon me if I don't break out the 'Feminism: Mission Accomplished' banner and the noisemakers.” –ak33yu
“Women hold some of the key positions in Playboy? THAT IS SO COOL AND FUTURISTIC. I bet Playboy thought of hiring women in senior positions all by themselves, too. No thanks to those mean feminists bitching about their job equality and workplace dynamics.” -jumpcannon
“Women make the rules when they pose, do they? So if I wanted to pose in my plaid, flannel jammy bottoms in my unmade bed with my cat, that would fly? Right-o. Sign me up.” -FrumiousB
The women in the photo shoots might feel empowered by their work but the women who are married to men who read Playboy sure as hell don't. While men have the right to complain about the idealistic standards set for men in Twilight, women also have the right to complain about the unrealistic, idealistic standards set for women in Playboy. And sorry, but at least Twilight has about a hundred more words in it than Playboy does. Plus, like, a plot.
So is it hypocritical that actresses like Kate Winslet and Halle Berry can win Oscars after having performed intense sex scenes, and yet nobody seems to attack them with the anti-feminist tag?
Oh no you didn’t just touch Kate Winslet *snaps in z formation*
“Kate Winslet and Halle Berry are incredible actresses who have a great ability at doing a variety of roles. Yes, they've done sex scenes, they've done nudity, but that alone is not the reason they won Oscars. They are extraordinarily talented.” -dame_elphaba
“Our society is used to judging content by its package and label. The word 'Playboy' alone doesn't exactly give most women a warm, fuzzy feeling, yet many of the Playboy photos end up in the most praised photo and art magazines and in critically acclaimed photo exhibitions,” Krupa said.
Right, and that’s great. But Playboy doesn’t exist to be artistic. That’s not why it sells and that isn’t its purpose. Its purpose is to sell sex appeal in its most narrow form with cookie cutter models with absolutely no variety. Beauty is diverse and comes in all kinds of packages but Playboy only recognizes one package. This is a horrible mindset and eating disorders, plastic surgery, and low self-esteem all result from it. Is this Playboy’s purpose? Probably not intentionally, but it is supporting the mindset nonetheless. Put a big girl on the cover of Playboy. Just once. Prove me wrong.
“It simply comes down to ‘sex sells.’ Same goes for fashion magazines. You see A-list celebs and models already going topless in European fashion mags like Vogue.”
So is America behind the times?
“Every country has its own culture and sensitivities. It is obvious the Europeans are less sensitive to nudity in the media but more sensitive to violence instead, and in America it appears to be the other way around,” she added. “I’ve never heard of children being psychologically scarred by looking at a naked body, but we all know that watching violence has a desensitizing impact on children. Nudity is natural, after all.”
I agree that America is behind the times and that nudity is natural. For some reason, America never got past the “Victorian era” of its own that Europe was able to move on from. Sexuality is one of the most hypocritical topics in America. We have scantily clad women in every single movie and television show, yet we support abstinence in all of our health classes without even teaching about contraception. Women of every age, size, and shape in Europe are comfortable with themselves enough to go to the beach practically naked but this isn’t the case in America. I think this is partly because of the mindset that Playboy fuels. Women are ashamed of their bodies because everywhere they go, they only see the one “ideal” type being promoted. In Europe, nudity doesn’t discriminate- it’s everywhere and in every form so it's dealt with maturely and tastefully. It's the same scenario as the differences in drinking in Europe and America.
I’ll end this post with a comment by Nicole that really sums up my thoughts on the topic eloquently:
“Please tell me when the rest of the population will FINALLY understand that this is what is incompatible with feminism - the beauty standard, NOT the beauty? I love the female form (and the male). I think erotic art can be beautiful. I watch porn. I'm a member of a feminist burlesque troupe - I think burlesque is hot and love to participate in it. I'm very sex-positive, I'm for all things sexy and think our media is f***ing starved of real sexuality.
What isn't hot is when pornography caters to the straight white male fatphobic ageist gaze, and THAT's what sucks about Playboy. Not the models. We have no problem with them. We support their right to get naked and yes, we understand why they do it and think they should be allowed.”
I'm not a huge hater of Playboy. I do think it degrades women, but I personally am not about to go burn a copy of it ceremonially in the name of feminism. However, I do admire the feminists out there who speak out against it.I came across this article and a criticism of it on http://www.feministing.com. The faulty logic used in that article was begging to be called out on, so I can’t help but add my two cents. Below are excerpts from the article, some really amusing commentary other people had to say, and a bit of my own thoughts. You should probably read the article before the rest though, to grasp the big picture.
www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/11/03/exclusive-joanna-krupa-posing-naked-playboy-new-form-feminism/
The magazine's December cover girl, bikini model and "DWTS" star Joanna Krupa says, “I think they suffer from lack of knowledge and tunnel vision. How many of those self-important, so-called ‘feminists’ have been on the set when a celebrity shot a Playboy spread? There you go. What is feminist about discriminating a photo shoot just because it involves female (partial) nudity that happens to give men pleasure? Pathetic”
Perfect responses from commenters on feministing.com:
“Let me unbunch my panties so I can effectively debunk this idea that feminists are too uptight to see how empowering posing for magazines like, Playboy and Maxim are for women.” –Samhita
“Oh it HAPPENS to give men pleasure. i get it. so like...the nudity isn't the POINT of why it's in playboy, DUH! It just is this accident that men happen to be pleasured by it. I get it. -djkb
“There are several great reasons why female celebs line up to shoot Playboy: finally a woman gets paid more than a man for comparable work, she gets to set the rules, gets to be in a real team work with other women, as many key positions at Playboy are in fact held by women!" Krupa adds.
“Yes, as long as you're naked and objectified, you are equal and can 'set the rules'! Pardon me if I don't break out the 'Feminism: Mission Accomplished' banner and the noisemakers.” –ak33yu
“Women hold some of the key positions in Playboy? THAT IS SO COOL AND FUTURISTIC. I bet Playboy thought of hiring women in senior positions all by themselves, too. No thanks to those mean feminists bitching about their job equality and workplace dynamics.” -jumpcannon
“Women make the rules when they pose, do they? So if I wanted to pose in my plaid, flannel jammy bottoms in my unmade bed with my cat, that would fly? Right-o. Sign me up.” -FrumiousB
The women in the photo shoots might feel empowered by their work but the women who are married to men who read Playboy sure as hell don't. While men have the right to complain about the idealistic standards set for men in Twilight, women also have the right to complain about the unrealistic, idealistic standards set for women in Playboy. And sorry, but at least Twilight has about a hundred more words in it than Playboy does. Plus, like, a plot.
So is it hypocritical that actresses like Kate Winslet and Halle Berry can win Oscars after having performed intense sex scenes, and yet nobody seems to attack them with the anti-feminist tag?
Oh no you didn’t just touch Kate Winslet *snaps in z formation*
“Kate Winslet and Halle Berry are incredible actresses who have a great ability at doing a variety of roles. Yes, they've done sex scenes, they've done nudity, but that alone is not the reason they won Oscars. They are extraordinarily talented.” -dame_elphaba
“Our society is used to judging content by its package and label. The word 'Playboy' alone doesn't exactly give most women a warm, fuzzy feeling, yet many of the Playboy photos end up in the most praised photo and art magazines and in critically acclaimed photo exhibitions,” Krupa said.
Right, and that’s great. But Playboy doesn’t exist to be artistic. That’s not why it sells and that isn’t its purpose. Its purpose is to sell sex appeal in its most narrow form with cookie cutter models with absolutely no variety. Beauty is diverse and comes in all kinds of packages but Playboy only recognizes one package. This is a horrible mindset and eating disorders, plastic surgery, and low self-esteem all result from it. Is this Playboy’s purpose? Probably not intentionally, but it is supporting the mindset nonetheless. Put a big girl on the cover of Playboy. Just once. Prove me wrong.
“It simply comes down to ‘sex sells.’ Same goes for fashion magazines. You see A-list celebs and models already going topless in European fashion mags like Vogue.”
So is America behind the times?
“Every country has its own culture and sensitivities. It is obvious the Europeans are less sensitive to nudity in the media but more sensitive to violence instead, and in America it appears to be the other way around,” she added. “I’ve never heard of children being psychologically scarred by looking at a naked body, but we all know that watching violence has a desensitizing impact on children. Nudity is natural, after all.”
I agree that America is behind the times and that nudity is natural. For some reason, America never got past the “Victorian era” of its own that Europe was able to move on from. Sexuality is one of the most hypocritical topics in America. We have scantily clad women in every single movie and television show, yet we support abstinence in all of our health classes without even teaching about contraception. Women of every age, size, and shape in Europe are comfortable with themselves enough to go to the beach practically naked but this isn’t the case in America. I think this is partly because of the mindset that Playboy fuels. Women are ashamed of their bodies because everywhere they go, they only see the one “ideal” type being promoted. In Europe, nudity doesn’t discriminate- it’s everywhere and in every form so it's dealt with maturely and tastefully. It's the same scenario as the differences in drinking in Europe and America.
I’ll end this post with a comment by Nicole that really sums up my thoughts on the topic eloquently:
“Please tell me when the rest of the population will FINALLY understand that this is what is incompatible with feminism - the beauty standard, NOT the beauty? I love the female form (and the male). I think erotic art can be beautiful. I watch porn. I'm a member of a feminist burlesque troupe - I think burlesque is hot and love to participate in it. I'm very sex-positive, I'm for all things sexy and think our media is f***ing starved of real sexuality.
What isn't hot is when pornography caters to the straight white male fatphobic ageist gaze, and THAT's what sucks about Playboy. Not the models. We have no problem with them. We support their right to get naked and yes, we understand why they do it and think they should be allowed.”
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Women Bend, Men Break
Posted By: Monica
Every now and again I will run into someone who "Gets it". Or, atleast part of it. Yet, they are also able to view the world from a different perspective than me. Whether it is because they are older, the opposite gender, living under different situations, I always manage to learn something new. Yesterday was one of those days.
I am an avid viewer of the Tyra Banks Show. She is an extremely good representation of how powerful a woman can be. As it so happened, Jamie Foxx (who I believe is phenomenal in all the facets of his career) was a guest on the show. The two began conversing about intuition and how it plays a major role in women's lives. This is when Jamie Foxx introduced the concept that "Women bend, Men break". "Aha!" moment, anyone?
Check this out: (from 3:00- 4:35)
I will take that concept farther and say that you can only bend something to a certain extent. What happens when it bends too far? It snaps back with full force!
Every now and again I will run into someone who "Gets it". Or, atleast part of it. Yet, they are also able to view the world from a different perspective than me. Whether it is because they are older, the opposite gender, living under different situations, I always manage to learn something new. Yesterday was one of those days.
I am an avid viewer of the Tyra Banks Show. She is an extremely good representation of how powerful a woman can be. As it so happened, Jamie Foxx (who I believe is phenomenal in all the facets of his career) was a guest on the show. The two began conversing about intuition and how it plays a major role in women's lives. This is when Jamie Foxx introduced the concept that "Women bend, Men break". "Aha!" moment, anyone?
Check this out: (from 3:00- 4:35)
I will take that concept farther and say that you can only bend something to a certain extent. What happens when it bends too far? It snaps back with full force!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Why You Don't Have to Be a Wallflower
Posted By: Kelly
Okay, so if you got anything out of Monica's last post it should be: Chasing boys is very bad. It is ineffective, makes you look pathetic, and generally drives them away. However, the extreme message that can be taken from this is that girls should never make the first move- they should be satisfied just standing off to the side near the punch bowl at the metaphoric dance, waiting for their prince to come and sweep them off their feet. This is a very old-fashioned idea and I don't think it has much merit. You don't have to be a wallflower. Guys are flattered when they think a girl is interested in the same way that girls are flattered when approached by guys. How you express this interest however, should have varying levels of subtlety depending on the category you are pursuing.
-Category Three guys can be very shy and sometimes oblivious, so it's okay to give them a little nudge here and there to get the ball rolling, so to speak. This is the category it is most acceptable to be "forward" with because, let's face it, most of them aren't used to it. What females may view as obvious signs may be obscure hints to them. So with Cat. 3, sometimes you really have to spell it out. They will grow to worship you and admire your confidence.
-Category Two guys- This is generally the category you won't need to be forward with. Category Two guys are the arrogant woman-lovers, so chances are, they will come to you before you come to them. They probably will say yes to you if you make the first move, but this is a very bad idea because it gives them leverage. They gain the dominant role, and it is never good to put power in the hands of the already arrogant. They respect you less and view you as "easy" and good for a hook-up, but not a relationship. The more you play hard to get, the crazier they will be about you. However, you have to know your own limits because the distinguishing characteristic between Cat. 1 and Cat. 2 is that Cat. 2 guys DO give up and DO move on if they sense a situation is hopeless. So know when to run and when to let them catch you.
Category One guys are the prince charmings that are worth waiting for, for every girl who plays The Game. Interacting with guys like these require insanely subtle hints from both sides. In general, it's not good to be forward with Cat. 1, because by definition, they are used to being pursued and you will not help yourself by being part of the crowd. Do something to stand out- ignore him when every other girl is throwing themselves all over him, treat him like a casual friend, or even call him out on something he does that might be stupid or wrong. (Think Gigi in He's Just Not That Into You). This last trick also works really well on Category Two guys- for some reason they love it when you're mean to them.
Every category has a small handful of guys who are blind to the perfect opportunity (you) that is in front of them (In the majority of cases however, he really isn't that into you because you aren't right for each other. Knowing the difference is crucial but so few people can recognize it). The Category Three "nerd" might be too absorbed in his textbooks to ever expect a girl to be interested in him. The Category Two "player" might be busy chasing other girls for all the wrong reasons. The Category One master might just be so out of practice with real love, and might have become so jaded to it, that he can't even recognize it when it's right in front of his face. The best thing to do in all three of these cases, is to get the guy's attention long enough for him to focus on you, and then drop it- leave, make an excuse to go to the bathroom, turn and talk to another friend. He will wonder what just happened and start scheming ways to see you again. Guaranteed.
Okay, so if you got anything out of Monica's last post it should be: Chasing boys is very bad. It is ineffective, makes you look pathetic, and generally drives them away. However, the extreme message that can be taken from this is that girls should never make the first move- they should be satisfied just standing off to the side near the punch bowl at the metaphoric dance, waiting for their prince to come and sweep them off their feet. This is a very old-fashioned idea and I don't think it has much merit. You don't have to be a wallflower. Guys are flattered when they think a girl is interested in the same way that girls are flattered when approached by guys. How you express this interest however, should have varying levels of subtlety depending on the category you are pursuing.
-Category Three guys can be very shy and sometimes oblivious, so it's okay to give them a little nudge here and there to get the ball rolling, so to speak. This is the category it is most acceptable to be "forward" with because, let's face it, most of them aren't used to it. What females may view as obvious signs may be obscure hints to them. So with Cat. 3, sometimes you really have to spell it out. They will grow to worship you and admire your confidence.
-Category Two guys- This is generally the category you won't need to be forward with. Category Two guys are the arrogant woman-lovers, so chances are, they will come to you before you come to them. They probably will say yes to you if you make the first move, but this is a very bad idea because it gives them leverage. They gain the dominant role, and it is never good to put power in the hands of the already arrogant. They respect you less and view you as "easy" and good for a hook-up, but not a relationship. The more you play hard to get, the crazier they will be about you. However, you have to know your own limits because the distinguishing characteristic between Cat. 1 and Cat. 2 is that Cat. 2 guys DO give up and DO move on if they sense a situation is hopeless. So know when to run and when to let them catch you.
Category One guys are the prince charmings that are worth waiting for, for every girl who plays The Game. Interacting with guys like these require insanely subtle hints from both sides. In general, it's not good to be forward with Cat. 1, because by definition, they are used to being pursued and you will not help yourself by being part of the crowd. Do something to stand out- ignore him when every other girl is throwing themselves all over him, treat him like a casual friend, or even call him out on something he does that might be stupid or wrong. (Think Gigi in He's Just Not That Into You). This last trick also works really well on Category Two guys- for some reason they love it when you're mean to them.
Every category has a small handful of guys who are blind to the perfect opportunity (you) that is in front of them (In the majority of cases however, he really isn't that into you because you aren't right for each other. Knowing the difference is crucial but so few people can recognize it). The Category Three "nerd" might be too absorbed in his textbooks to ever expect a girl to be interested in him. The Category Two "player" might be busy chasing other girls for all the wrong reasons. The Category One master might just be so out of practice with real love, and might have become so jaded to it, that he can't even recognize it when it's right in front of his face. The best thing to do in all three of these cases, is to get the guy's attention long enough for him to focus on you, and then drop it- leave, make an excuse to go to the bathroom, turn and talk to another friend. He will wonder what just happened and start scheming ways to see you again. Guaranteed.
Friday, January 1, 2010
He's Just Not That Into You
Posted By: Monica
I apologize in advance for the length of this post. Most of it is dialogue though, so it shouldn't be that hard to get through.
A couple of nights ago I sat down to write today’s post while the television created aimless noise in the background. The title of the movie caught my attention as the words appeared on the screen: He’s Just Not That Into You. Immediately I was intrigued. The title sounded like something pulled right out of my ramblings, so I tuned in to see what this film was about. Needless to say that by the end I had deleted all my previous work on the post and was furiously typing away with a cheeky grin spread across my face. This is why:
(Warning: If you have not seen the movie, watch it now or this post will not make sense.)
Alex and Gigi. Two people cannot possibly have more opposite personas.
Side Note: Kelly and I were ecstatic that we had finally found a perfect example of a Category One.
Alex is a man who knows how to work the ladies. His knowledge allows him to move from female to female without truly getting attached because his match has not walked into his life as of yet. He willingly shares his advice with others in hopes of saving them from becoming love sick fools. Gigi, on the other hand, is the epitome of a love sick fool. She dates around in order to find her perfect match. However, she finds that men run from her, or avoid commitment, but she does not understand why. How is it possible that such butting personalities become perfect for each other? Well, I for one am a firm believer in the theory that opposites attract. This is one of those ideal cases. But this discussion is for another entry. Right now, I want to tend to Alex and his beautifully quotable phrases.
I see a bit of Alex in myself. The way he dissected the behavior of the “Tom Cruise” at the bar and the interaction between the female who would not give the light of day to the man who, in turn, gave her everything. Alex is the guy who just doesn’t do relationships. He’s too good for them. He can anticipate every move the female makes and, in turn, becomes bored as each relationship becomes monotonous. In accordance, I feel that he and I would see eye to eye. Perhaps that is the very reason each word he spoke held such truth to me. Let’s have some examples:
*Gigi went to a bar where she expected to see Conor, a guy she had a date with a week prior to going to the bar but instead, she gets some advice from his friend, Alex*
Alex: Look. You seem like a good girl so I'm just going to be honest with you. Conor is never going to call you.
Gigi: Oh really? How do you know?
Alex: Because I'm a guy. And it's just how we do it.
Gigi: But he said it was nice meeting me.
Alex: Ha- I don't care if he said you're his favorite female since his mommy and Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by. Okay, Gigi? And he didn't call you.
Gigi: But maybe he did call, and I? didn't get the message. or maybe he lost my number, or is out of town, or got hit by a cab, or his grandma died?
Alex: Or maybe, he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again.
Gigi: Yeah... but my friend Terri once went out with a guy who never called. And she totally wrote him off. Over a year goes by--
Alex: Right.
Gigi: --and she ran into him, and it ended up that they--
Alex: Your friend Terri's an idiot. And she's also the exception. By the way. The rare exception.
Gigi: Okay. Okay. But what if I'm the exception?
Alex: No, you're not. You're not at all. In fact, you're the rule. And the rule is this--if a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Yeah.
Gigi: Always?
Alex: Yeah, always. Look. I know what blowing off a woman looks like, okay? And trust me, I do it early and I do it often. So trust me when I say, if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, then he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.
*silence*
Gigi: Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about.
*The next day when Gigi is talking about her epiphany with her co-workers/girlfriends*
Gigi: All of my friends used to tell me these stories about how things might work out with these dipshits because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dipshit just like mine and that girl ended up married and living happily ever after. But, that's the exception, and we're not the exception. We're the rule.
As you can see, Alex tells it like it is. In turn, females can learn how men truly think in these situations.
Here is another one of my favorites which also handily confirms my explanation of Clinginess:
*Phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi is asking Alex for advice about a guy named Gerald.*
Gigi: So we meet at happy hour, and he is completely charming.
Alex: Let me guess, he said, "the only thing happy about this hour is you."
Gigi: He might have used some derivative of that. Uh. Um. So he said that he's going to call. But then he gives me his card, and he says--
Alex: Oh, he's not interested.
Gigi: You don't even know if he's called.
Alex: Well, did he?
Gigi: No! But, I honestly think that--
Alex: Okay. Gig. He-is-not-interested. If a guy gives you his phone number instead of taking yours, he's not interested.
Gigi: Oh, he took mine first. But then he gave--
Alex: And also, if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he WILL see you. Heh. I, I once called fifty-five Lauren Bells until I got the right one.
Gigi: That's cute. What happened?
Alex: Oh, as it turned out, her ass looked really huge in the daylight.
Gigi: Aha is it your sensitivity that makes you so popular with women?
Alex: Don't call him. He doesn't like you.
Gigi: Well, don't tip-toe around my feelings.
Alex: Ah, well, I'm just trying to help.
Gigi: I know. Thank you.
Moral of the story: If a guy is INTO you, he will make it happen. Though I must say there is ONE exception to this rule. The Extreme Category Three. But, unless the love of your life is the guy who sits in the corner analyzing black holes in space, you are the rule. Not the exception.
Next. Guys make up the lamest excuses to be with a girl for one night. As long as she doesn't call him on his bluff THAT night, he's good to go. That's why it's handy to have an Alex in any woman's life.
*Another phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi was making out with this guy and when she asked about the second date, he said he was leaving the next day and would be out of touch. SO she decides to run into the guy's bathroom and call Alex to ask him about it*
Gigi: Okay, I'm making out with this guy--uh PG stuff--and he mentioned that he's going out of town so he's going to be out of touch.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: But maybe he IS going out of town.
Alex: To where, New Guinea? Where's he going that he's going to be out of touch?
*Gigi opens the door and asks him where he's going out of town when he answered a little hesitantly*
Gigi: Pittsburgh.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: So what, now I'm just supposed to run from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh, yeah.
Gigi: Well, I mean, I'm in his bathroom right now. So what should I do?
Alex: Well, you've gotta get out eventually but, uh, I'd take my time in there. I'd let him sweat.
Finally, the last crucial scene (pertaining to Alex's helpful hints).
*Talking about a girl and two guys a few feet away from them at the bar when the hotter guy walks away*
Alex: Now, check out droopy dog on the other side. This guy's going to be buying her drinks all night and she's going to insist that there's no "spark".
Gigi: Maybe there's not. You need a spark.
Alex: No, the "spark" thing is shit.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Bull shit.
Gigi: Enlighten me.
Alex: Guys invented the "spark" so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a "spark". And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: Oh really? So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or phone bill because secretly you kind of love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're going to make it?
Gigi: May...be?
Alex: And let me guess. When you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling, constantly pacing back and forth and staring at your phone for days even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Ha. Okay, yeah?
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama! But you've got to be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her. Probably one with smaller pores and bigger implants.
So Ladies, if you walk away with anything from this post let it be these wise words from Alex: "If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will." and "Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone."
I apologize in advance for the length of this post. Most of it is dialogue though, so it shouldn't be that hard to get through.
A couple of nights ago I sat down to write today’s post while the television created aimless noise in the background. The title of the movie caught my attention as the words appeared on the screen: He’s Just Not That Into You. Immediately I was intrigued. The title sounded like something pulled right out of my ramblings, so I tuned in to see what this film was about. Needless to say that by the end I had deleted all my previous work on the post and was furiously typing away with a cheeky grin spread across my face. This is why:
(Warning: If you have not seen the movie, watch it now or this post will not make sense.)
Alex and Gigi. Two people cannot possibly have more opposite personas.
Side Note: Kelly and I were ecstatic that we had finally found a perfect example of a Category One.
Alex is a man who knows how to work the ladies. His knowledge allows him to move from female to female without truly getting attached because his match has not walked into his life as of yet. He willingly shares his advice with others in hopes of saving them from becoming love sick fools. Gigi, on the other hand, is the epitome of a love sick fool. She dates around in order to find her perfect match. However, she finds that men run from her, or avoid commitment, but she does not understand why. How is it possible that such butting personalities become perfect for each other? Well, I for one am a firm believer in the theory that opposites attract. This is one of those ideal cases. But this discussion is for another entry. Right now, I want to tend to Alex and his beautifully quotable phrases.
I see a bit of Alex in myself. The way he dissected the behavior of the “Tom Cruise” at the bar and the interaction between the female who would not give the light of day to the man who, in turn, gave her everything. Alex is the guy who just doesn’t do relationships. He’s too good for them. He can anticipate every move the female makes and, in turn, becomes bored as each relationship becomes monotonous. In accordance, I feel that he and I would see eye to eye. Perhaps that is the very reason each word he spoke held such truth to me. Let’s have some examples:
*Gigi went to a bar where she expected to see Conor, a guy she had a date with a week prior to going to the bar but instead, she gets some advice from his friend, Alex*
Alex: Look. You seem like a good girl so I'm just going to be honest with you. Conor is never going to call you.
Gigi: Oh really? How do you know?
Alex: Because I'm a guy. And it's just how we do it.
Gigi: But he said it was nice meeting me.
Alex: Ha- I don't care if he said you're his favorite female since his mommy and Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by. Okay, Gigi? And he didn't call you.
Gigi: But maybe he did call, and I? didn't get the message. or maybe he lost my number, or is out of town, or got hit by a cab, or his grandma died?
Alex: Or maybe, he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again.
Gigi: Yeah... but my friend Terri once went out with a guy who never called. And she totally wrote him off. Over a year goes by--
Alex: Right.
Gigi: --and she ran into him, and it ended up that they--
Alex: Your friend Terri's an idiot. And she's also the exception. By the way. The rare exception.
Gigi: Okay. Okay. But what if I'm the exception?
Alex: No, you're not. You're not at all. In fact, you're the rule. And the rule is this--if a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Yeah.
Gigi: Always?
Alex: Yeah, always. Look. I know what blowing off a woman looks like, okay? And trust me, I do it early and I do it often. So trust me when I say, if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, then he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.
*silence*
Gigi: Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about.
*The next day when Gigi is talking about her epiphany with her co-workers/girlfriends*
Gigi: All of my friends used to tell me these stories about how things might work out with these dipshits because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dipshit just like mine and that girl ended up married and living happily ever after. But, that's the exception, and we're not the exception. We're the rule.
As you can see, Alex tells it like it is. In turn, females can learn how men truly think in these situations.
Here is another one of my favorites which also handily confirms my explanation of Clinginess:
*Phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi is asking Alex for advice about a guy named Gerald.*
Gigi: So we meet at happy hour, and he is completely charming.
Alex: Let me guess, he said, "the only thing happy about this hour is you."
Gigi: He might have used some derivative of that. Uh. Um. So he said that he's going to call. But then he gives me his card, and he says--
Alex: Oh, he's not interested.
Gigi: You don't even know if he's called.
Alex: Well, did he?
Gigi: No! But, I honestly think that--
Alex: Okay. Gig. He-is-not-interested. If a guy gives you his phone number instead of taking yours, he's not interested.
Gigi: Oh, he took mine first. But then he gave--
Alex: And also, if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he WILL see you. Heh. I, I once called fifty-five Lauren Bells until I got the right one.
Gigi: That's cute. What happened?
Alex: Oh, as it turned out, her ass looked really huge in the daylight.
Gigi: Aha is it your sensitivity that makes you so popular with women?
Alex: Don't call him. He doesn't like you.
Gigi: Well, don't tip-toe around my feelings.
Alex: Ah, well, I'm just trying to help.
Gigi: I know. Thank you.
Moral of the story: If a guy is INTO you, he will make it happen. Though I must say there is ONE exception to this rule. The Extreme Category Three. But, unless the love of your life is the guy who sits in the corner analyzing black holes in space, you are the rule. Not the exception.
Next. Guys make up the lamest excuses to be with a girl for one night. As long as she doesn't call him on his bluff THAT night, he's good to go. That's why it's handy to have an Alex in any woman's life.
*Another phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi was making out with this guy and when she asked about the second date, he said he was leaving the next day and would be out of touch. SO she decides to run into the guy's bathroom and call Alex to ask him about it*
Gigi: Okay, I'm making out with this guy--uh PG stuff--and he mentioned that he's going out of town so he's going to be out of touch.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: But maybe he IS going out of town.
Alex: To where, New Guinea? Where's he going that he's going to be out of touch?
*Gigi opens the door and asks him where he's going out of town when he answered a little hesitantly*
Gigi: Pittsburgh.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: So what, now I'm just supposed to run from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh, yeah.
Gigi: Well, I mean, I'm in his bathroom right now. So what should I do?
Alex: Well, you've gotta get out eventually but, uh, I'd take my time in there. I'd let him sweat.
Finally, the last crucial scene (pertaining to Alex's helpful hints).
*Talking about a girl and two guys a few feet away from them at the bar when the hotter guy walks away*
Alex: Now, check out droopy dog on the other side. This guy's going to be buying her drinks all night and she's going to insist that there's no "spark".
Gigi: Maybe there's not. You need a spark.
Alex: No, the "spark" thing is shit.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Bull shit.
Gigi: Enlighten me.
Alex: Guys invented the "spark" so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a "spark". And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: Oh really? So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or phone bill because secretly you kind of love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're going to make it?
Gigi: May...be?
Alex: And let me guess. When you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling, constantly pacing back and forth and staring at your phone for days even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Ha. Okay, yeah?
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama! But you've got to be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her. Probably one with smaller pores and bigger implants.
So Ladies, if you walk away with anything from this post let it be these wise words from Alex: "If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will." and "Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone."
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