Q and A

By: Kelly

I'm feeling very lazy and uninspired so I am going to use a series of hypothetical questions that I always see people ask and I'll answer them myspace survey style. Taking it old school.

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: No but I absolutely love the concept so much that I wish I did. I also tend to dislike those people who say, "you've only been together for three weeks, you aren't in love!" because I think it varies from case to case. Some people will go all their lives knowing each other and one day they wake up and realize they love each other. And then I've known old couples who met, fell in love, and got married all in one week. Sometimes people are lucky and initial attraction slips flawlessly and quickly into love, but that still isn't love at first sight. You can't love someone without knowing them, because as we've said a million times, that would just be being in love with your idea of them. But if I had only known someone for a week or three, I would err on the side of caution and wouldn't rush it just because of the passion and romance of the moment. The old couples who experienced "love at first sight" and have been married for 50 years just wouldn't happen today because divorce is so accepted and widespread. It was normal back then for people to marry young and stay together no matter what. Also, even if I felt like I fell in love very quickly, I would wait until it was painfully obvious before even saying anything. I'd want my partner to be able to just give me a smart ass remark like "Yeah I know", but his eyes would show me he meant it ;)

Q: How do you balance your attention between your friends and your boyfriend/girlfriend?
A: I've never understood what was so difficult about this. Devote equal time to both of them because they're equally important. If they aren't, one or both of the relationships has something wrong with it. This one should be a no brainer; I have zero tolerance for people who ditch their friends once they are in a relationship, and vice versa.

Q: What should I know about texting a boy/girl?
A: There is actually pretty strict etiquette for texting believe it or not. You never send more than one text to the same person in a day without getting a response. It's a very strict back and forth medium, unlike normal conversation or even IM. If the same person is always the first and last to end a conversation, it means something. It means they are willing to put more effort in, for whatever reason. If that is you, maybe you are texting too often or you aren't contributing anything worthwhile to the conversation. Don't just text open-ended questions like "what's up?" but go for something more substantial. A good conversation will have one person introduce a topic and after exhausting that one (or before it gets to that point if it flows well) and then the other person will introduce a topic. No one wants to have to carry the entire conversation, especially in texting. Texting is probably the slowest medium you can use and because the messages are so short, try to make them meaningful. What you say in a text is going to stick in someone's head much longer than an IM because there is so much time between exchanges. Don't be the person who instantly texts back every single time. It's too predictable and suggests you don't have a life. But don't be unreliable and always text back two hours later. 10 minutes is a happy medium, but it can deviate between 2 minutes and an hour or more depending on what else you have going on. Also, call me old fashioned but I was raised to cringe at the thought of a girl calling a guy first and I think that tradition has passed on to texting. Unless you have something important or really interesting to say, save it for when he texts you.

Q: Should I take back a cheater?
A: I personally would never take back a cheater if he had had the reputation of being a player before we dated and it ended up coming true because that would show me it wasn't even close to being an accident. But if he was a "good guy" with a clean record and a good reputation, I would take him back if he was the one who told me he cheated. If I found out from somebody else, forget it. But if he had the balls to fess up and make amends, I would take him back if it had been a one time thing and somewhat accidental (since it never fully is). Even then, only if he was a really special guy who had always been trustworthy before and I couldn't imagine living without him. But that's just me.

Q: How long should I wait for him/her?
A: Okay hypothetical question, you are awfully vague! Unless you are writing about a spouse/partner that is overseas serving their country or something similar, you should never "wait" for anyone. Waiting implies sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Sitting by the phone will never make him call and being obviously available will not interest him. Don't waste years of your life hoping a tease will finally grow up and commit to a relationship. Date around and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Literally ;) Okay, okay just kidding.

Q: I just changed my hairstyle and got highlights and my boyfriend hates it. Should I change it for him? I did really like it, but once he said that I had second thoughts.
A: I overheard a lady say this the other day at the airport and I thought it was really sad. She turned to me and jokingly said, "See what men do to us?!" I wish I could just scoff and say, "To hell with his opinion! Wear your hair the way you want to!" But when you love somebody, you want to look good for them. I take my friends advice when it comes to clothes and stuff so why not a boyfriend's? We should stop being so sensitive and maybe then men would stop lying to us all the time. But then again, insecurities are basically a requirement of the gender. What I would honestly do if I really did like how it looked, would be to buy a hideous wig or some temporary pink hair dye and come home looking like a clown just to freak him out for a little while. I'd innocently say, "What? I know you didn't like it before so I thought I'd try something a little bit more carefree. You don't like this either?" That would show him what bad really looks like.

Q: Do age differences matter?
A: Not really. It's pretty much just a number. But I think it's a factor that helps make it easier to relate to the person if you're closer in age.

Q: Is long distance worth it?
A: In my opinion, it depends what stage of life you are in. If you are right out of high school or college, no way. You are going to have so many more opportunities to meet people and you do not want to be held back and miserable because you're always missing your boyfriend or girlfriend. You haven't fully matured into the person you're going to be so there is no point in holding on. But if you're out of school and have been dating someone for several years and they have to go away for six months or something to work, that's more plausible. For me, if it was a longer period of time than that, the best situation would be to take it casually and see how it goes. Still keep in touch but if you feel it becomes work, decide as a couple it's okay to take a break and see other people. When they come back, you can always pick things up where you left off if you want to.