The Power of Influence

By: Monica

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy... [But] there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else. " - Killing Yourself To Live

This is an excerpt from a book I have yet to read (which, in turn, gives me the opportunity to view it unbiasedly out-of-context). Upon reading this, my first reaction was "Whoa." It's the kind of idea you stumble upon and gain that "Aha!" moment where you knew the concept was there, but you could never form it into words, or even pinpoint it within the thousands of other subconscious thoughts floating around in your head. The second surprise came when I found out that the author of this idea was in fact a male. And suddenly I was surprised that I was surprised. Confusing, huh? As my train of thought always is. But bare with me for just a second. Would you not be dumbfounded that an individual of the male species could possibly be so open with how much a person can influence us? This man admits that we are all vulnerable creatures and affect each other in ways we cannot fathom. That, in a way, the people we interact with (certain people) have a sort of hold on us. Reaks of femininity, right? Wrong. That was my initial reaction. But think of it this way. I believe men can see ideas more clearly than women. After all, mens' brains are like waffles, womens' are like spaghetti.

Side note explanation:">
(I apologize for the lameness of this video, but it does the job.)

Therefore, an eloquent man would be able to take notice of and voice the distinctual ties humans create with one another and how this affects our personas as we develop into the people we become.

So, back on topic. I felt this excerpt embodies a great amount of topics in just a few sentences. And it all makes sense. The first half is self explanatory. I can, on one hand, count the people that have influenced me in a way I cannot understand. And they are not family members either. One is a random kid I saw almost everyday throughout high school. Just his presence and the way he acted influenced me, even if it did not directly relate to me at all. Now I will always look for nonchalance in a man. I will always look for confidence and sarcasm and overanalyzation, even callousness and pessimism. I will always look for that "bad boy" image. Now that I think about it, why is it that women are so attracted to bad boys? Could part of it be that he was the first to break her heart? That he had the largest impact on her? That he seemed untouchable except with her? Quite possibly.
The second thing to address is the concept of context. Context is the part of a person you completely concoct yourself. No one knows 100% of another person. We can only assume what a person would do in a situation, or how they think. But we do not know. Context also includes who we want that person to be. Maybe your school has a well known "bad boy", the type of "bad boy" that sleeps around, cheats on his girlfriends, and parties non stop. And yet when he whispers sweet nothings into your ear you are sure that you are special to him. These are just two examples yet context is so general. That is the sole reason it is difficult to explain and, sometimes, difficult to grasp.

So now I am off to finish reading this wonderful book. It is not a "Love for Dummies" by any means. Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman. Check it out. I'm on page 4 and I already recommend it.