By: Monica
Since Kelly is the one that (almost) always comes off as a feminist in her writing, I have decided to give her a break and take on the role myself. For today only. To me, men and women truly are equal; I do not believe that one presides over the other. However, I do believe that men are the more sensitive sex. Sure, there are emotional wrecks on both sides but, in general, men tend to be more vulnerable. That is why they are so introverted when it comes to their emotions. While browsing online, I have stumbled upon some extremely witty remarks that, in a way, idolize women. Or, if not idolize, empower. For, even when women are being poked fun at, the butt of the joke is usually their resilience, their confidence, or their domination. Check these out:
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. ~Author Unknown
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ~Author Unknown
Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness. ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, Letters to Voltaire
Men really prefer reasonably attractive women; they go after the sensational ones to impress other men. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton
The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy. ~Ellery Queen
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown
Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage. ~Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. ~Oscar Wilde
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~Author Unknown
Women really do rule the world. They just haven't figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we're all in big big trouble. ~"Doctor Leon," drleons.com
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Men who don't like girls with brains don't like girls. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm. ~Ogden Nash
It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. ~Oscar Wilde
It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils
No woman wants to see herself too clearly. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason. ~Stanley Baldwin
Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination. ~Marcel Proust, Albertine disparue, 1925
The man's desire is for the woman; but the woman's desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man. ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge
What men desire is a virgin who is a whore. ~Edward Dahlbert
A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
A man chases a woman until she catches him. ~American Proverb
Through sources, we have obtained the following alien assessment of the human species: The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
How to Train Your Dragon
By: Kelly
Psst. I have a secret. Girls are dragons. No, really. About a week ago I saw the movie How to Train Your Dragon
(Highly recommend it, best movie I’ve seen in ages) and while I was watching it, I had a bit of a revelation. Bear with me while I ramble about the movie for a while, and then I will connect it back to girls.
The movie followed a pretty common plot line- kid finds wild animal, kid and animal form a special bond and learn to trust one another, blah blah blah. We’ve seen it before in Free Willy, Flicka, Two Brothers, and tons of other movies. The animal in these types of movies is always wild and scared and lashes out at people because it has been mistreated or simply because that is its natural instinct. In the movie, when Hiccup first approached the dragon, it would bare its teeth at him and threaten to kill him. But Hiccup persevered patiently and acted with caution, allowing the dragon to come to him. He took the time to observe the dragon to learn what would upset it so he could avoid those actions. While the rest of the Vikings in the movies viewed dragons as evil beasts that had to be killed, Hiccup learned to train them. While everyone else was brandishing axes and slingshots, he found their weaknesses- their blind spots, pressure points, favorite types of fish, etc. In doing so, he learned to “train” them. I put the word train in quotations because as we all know, no wild beasts can ever actually be tamed, as Shamu has tragically proven…However, if we are careful and respectful, it is possible for humans and animals to coexist. You just have to learn the animal’s rules. It’s the exact same with girls.
For all of you guys who say girls are confusing and impossible to understand, you are just like the Vikings in the movie. Repeat after me: “Everything we know about them is wrong.” You fail to see the true nature of the “dragons”. Many girls have trust issues because of their histories, and as I always say, as a member of the male species, you are responsible for every dick move another guy has taken against a girl. Just like a wild animal that has been chased by a hunter and is now afraid of every human it comes across, girls will be wary of all guys if they’ve been hurt badly enough. Plus, just as some animals are natural predators or fear humans to preserve their own survival, some girls are wired to be defensive or shy. It’s your job to get them to open up. Be like Hiccup, not the other Vikings. Brute force and other boyish methods will not work. You can’t take shortcuts- you have to try and get in their head and prove yourself to them. Hiccup showed his dragon, Toothless, that he was trustworthy by always acting consistently, moving slowly, and respecting Toothless. Guess what- those three steps work on “Dragon Girls” too. Oh, and to anyone out there who is offended by me comparing girls to beasts, don't be because I am the definition of a "Dragon Girl" and therefore have earned the right to call myself whatever names I want. Moving right along.
Two literary examples of “Dragon Girls” are Jo March from Little Women and Lena from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Here is a description of Jo as spoken by her love interest Laurie:
“You won’t give any one a chance,” said Laurie, with a side long glance and a little more colour than before in his sunburnt face. “You won’t show the soft side of your character; and if a fellow gets a peep at it by accident, and can’t help showing that he likes it, you treat him as Mrs. Gummidge did her sweetheart- throw cold water over him- and get so thorny no one dares touch or look at you.”
Laurie’s mistake was the same that so many guys make- he moved too quickly and too rashly. With girls like Jo who bristle up at anything even slightly romantic, you can’t be that straightforward. You have to learn to tread lightly and be subtle. Find her blind spots, just as Hiccup did. This isn’t a form of deceit or trickery, because trust is still the underlying force of the friendship. However, as we’ve said, the Game does involve some tactics that can be used to your advantage. You have to be a challenge. Don’t come on too strong, or she will run or bite back. Let the dragon come to you, as Kostos, Lena’s love interest did:
(This scene takes place in the middle of the night when Lena went to the house Kostos was staying at and woke him up. This was extremely out of the tentative Lena’s character.)
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked.
“What could I have said?”
“You could have been happy to see me or told me you still cared about me,” she suggested.
He laughed his rueful laugh again. “Lena, I know how you are.”
Lena wished she knew. “How am I?”
“If I come close, you run away. If I stay still then maybe, slowly, you might come.”
Was she like that?
“And Lena?”
“Yes?”
“I am happy to see you and I still care about you” he said.
That ladies and gentlemen, is how you train your dragon. If you fall for a Dragon Girl and grow frustrated because she is so “wild” and unpredictable, and impossible to catch, don’t be discouraged. Think about it- sure, it might have been easier to just buy a dog but where would be the fun in that? All great things come with a price. Normal girls are boring and predictable but dragons- you can fly with dragons. Don’t let the fiery girls scare you off; they're huge softies on the inside. That's why they work twice as hard to protect their hearts- they fall harder and feel more deeply than anyone else. Once you do gain their trust, they make the best of lovers. But maybe I'm a little biased.
Psst. I have a secret. Girls are dragons. No, really. About a week ago I saw the movie How to Train Your Dragon
(Highly recommend it, best movie I’ve seen in ages) and while I was watching it, I had a bit of a revelation. Bear with me while I ramble about the movie for a while, and then I will connect it back to girls.
The movie followed a pretty common plot line- kid finds wild animal, kid and animal form a special bond and learn to trust one another, blah blah blah. We’ve seen it before in Free Willy, Flicka, Two Brothers, and tons of other movies. The animal in these types of movies is always wild and scared and lashes out at people because it has been mistreated or simply because that is its natural instinct. In the movie, when Hiccup first approached the dragon, it would bare its teeth at him and threaten to kill him. But Hiccup persevered patiently and acted with caution, allowing the dragon to come to him. He took the time to observe the dragon to learn what would upset it so he could avoid those actions. While the rest of the Vikings in the movies viewed dragons as evil beasts that had to be killed, Hiccup learned to train them. While everyone else was brandishing axes and slingshots, he found their weaknesses- their blind spots, pressure points, favorite types of fish, etc. In doing so, he learned to “train” them. I put the word train in quotations because as we all know, no wild beasts can ever actually be tamed, as Shamu has tragically proven…However, if we are careful and respectful, it is possible for humans and animals to coexist. You just have to learn the animal’s rules. It’s the exact same with girls.
For all of you guys who say girls are confusing and impossible to understand, you are just like the Vikings in the movie. Repeat after me: “Everything we know about them is wrong.” You fail to see the true nature of the “dragons”. Many girls have trust issues because of their histories, and as I always say, as a member of the male species, you are responsible for every dick move another guy has taken against a girl. Just like a wild animal that has been chased by a hunter and is now afraid of every human it comes across, girls will be wary of all guys if they’ve been hurt badly enough. Plus, just as some animals are natural predators or fear humans to preserve their own survival, some girls are wired to be defensive or shy. It’s your job to get them to open up. Be like Hiccup, not the other Vikings. Brute force and other boyish methods will not work. You can’t take shortcuts- you have to try and get in their head and prove yourself to them. Hiccup showed his dragon, Toothless, that he was trustworthy by always acting consistently, moving slowly, and respecting Toothless. Guess what- those three steps work on “Dragon Girls” too. Oh, and to anyone out there who is offended by me comparing girls to beasts, don't be because I am the definition of a "Dragon Girl" and therefore have earned the right to call myself whatever names I want. Moving right along.
Two literary examples of “Dragon Girls” are Jo March from Little Women and Lena from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Here is a description of Jo as spoken by her love interest Laurie:
“You won’t give any one a chance,” said Laurie, with a side long glance and a little more colour than before in his sunburnt face. “You won’t show the soft side of your character; and if a fellow gets a peep at it by accident, and can’t help showing that he likes it, you treat him as Mrs. Gummidge did her sweetheart- throw cold water over him- and get so thorny no one dares touch or look at you.”
Laurie’s mistake was the same that so many guys make- he moved too quickly and too rashly. With girls like Jo who bristle up at anything even slightly romantic, you can’t be that straightforward. You have to learn to tread lightly and be subtle. Find her blind spots, just as Hiccup did. This isn’t a form of deceit or trickery, because trust is still the underlying force of the friendship. However, as we’ve said, the Game does involve some tactics that can be used to your advantage. You have to be a challenge. Don’t come on too strong, or she will run or bite back. Let the dragon come to you, as Kostos, Lena’s love interest did:
(This scene takes place in the middle of the night when Lena went to the house Kostos was staying at and woke him up. This was extremely out of the tentative Lena’s character.)
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked.
“What could I have said?”
“You could have been happy to see me or told me you still cared about me,” she suggested.
He laughed his rueful laugh again. “Lena, I know how you are.”
Lena wished she knew. “How am I?”
“If I come close, you run away. If I stay still then maybe, slowly, you might come.”
Was she like that?
“And Lena?”
“Yes?”
“I am happy to see you and I still care about you” he said.
That ladies and gentlemen, is how you train your dragon. If you fall for a Dragon Girl and grow frustrated because she is so “wild” and unpredictable, and impossible to catch, don’t be discouraged. Think about it- sure, it might have been easier to just buy a dog but where would be the fun in that? All great things come with a price. Normal girls are boring and predictable but dragons- you can fly with dragons. Don’t let the fiery girls scare you off; they're huge softies on the inside. That's why they work twice as hard to protect their hearts- they fall harder and feel more deeply than anyone else. Once you do gain their trust, they make the best of lovers. But maybe I'm a little biased.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Story of That Girl
By: Kelly
I always used to say, I will never be "That Girl". The one who constantly second guesses herself and is always whispering deep inside: “Am I good enough?” I've learned the hard way however, that we can hide the truth with our contempt for weaklings like Bella Swan, but every single one of us has the capacity to allow a scumbag make us feel unworthy. This is a story about That Girl, who every girl has been, is, or will be.
Once upon a time That Girl fell for a boy. She fell hard and fast and saw the whole thing coming, but couldn’t stop it even if she’d wanted to. She felt her stomach drop at the first sight, the first word, the first touch. It screamed, “Watch out! You think this hurts? Just wait- this is only the beginning.” But That Girl ignored her poor stomach and ignored her brain, and followed her heart- the one organ that was rebelling against her. He made her feel alive and young and beautiful and smart and fun and free. When they were together, they clicked like they were born for each other- all the grooves and flaws fit the way they were supposed to. Together, they were invincible and content and well, perfect in each other’s imperfections (Or so it seemed. And when it seems, it is so)
But then, the inevitable happened. The scumbag remained a scumbag and revealed his scummy character. Maybe it wasn’t even his fault. Maybe they were just a couple of children playing at the playground. She would let him chase her and would stop long enough for him to snake his arms around her waist before she would take off giggling with mirth again. When she finally did decide she wasn’t afraid of cooties anymore, she realized he had left her at the jungle gym for a girl with freckles who was swinging on the swings. Thus is life.
That Girl now knew firsthand what her stomach had been warning her about. She was like the little girl who jumps in the deep end of the pool, despite the fact that her mom told her it wasn’t safe. She felt the water rush in over her head and her body filled with panic. That Girl was performing open heart surgery on herself- that’s how confusing and scary and real it felt. The colors disappeared and everything was black and white, contrasting between the two so quickly that all she could see was a blur of gray. That Girl fought to keep her head above the water, and fought to keep her hand steady as she held the tools that could fix her own bleeding heart, but she couldn’t tell if the world was more black or white or maybe it was actually gray after all. Without that knowledge, she was stuck treading water and gasping for breath.
Eventually, That Girl got so used to the treading and the gasping while everyone else around her continued to swim; performing lovely breaststrokes and backstrokes while she continued to flounder her way through the doggy paddle. The routine grew as comfortable as was possible, and for the most part, she adapted out of necessity. She had never shared her true experiences with him to anyone else, not out of secrecy but because there were no words to describe them. So now she waded through the gray and red water alone, and it was mostly okay. She could laugh with friends, feel joy and excitement, be proud and happy and normal. But every time That Girl “stopped caring”, Scumbag would swim by and her insides would feel hollow all over again when she saw him glide through the water with presumably not a care in the world. Despite it all, she missed him. It wasn’t even him she actually missed -but the hope- the optimism that the two of them had a chance together. It was the pain of seeing a once beautiful opportunity slip through her hands like the water she couldn’t keep a firm grasp on. Even if it’s just a lie and an illusion she concocted in her head, she knew in some ways, at some time, he dreamt it too. But now it is just a dream left in Dreamworld and all that is left is awkward, purposeful separation.
The worst part for That Girl is having to tread the gray waters with feigned indifference. She is a horrible actor because she’s so good. She can never just yell and scream and cry for a life boat to come save her. She can never just confront the scumbag and push and curse him for the heaven and the hell he put her through. Instead, she pretends she feels nothing and as a result, she feels less. It numbs and weakens the pain and nearly convinces her that she truly doesn’t care- except for the times when it comes rushing back out unexpectedly and takes full control of her body.
Now That Girl feels like an old woman and wishes for the time when she was the little girl running on the playground. At that moment, if felt so good being the female who is not expected to initiate the games but whose only job is to run and get caught. What happens when you’re the fish who isn’t getting caught? The one fish who needs to be caught because you can’t even swim anymore? Sure there are other fish in the sea, but the salt in the water is hurting That Girl’s heart and all the while the other, fitter fish are being caught. That Girl is so tired of waiting by the jungle gym. “Why can’t you get it together?” she asks him and herself. “I don’t ask for much.” The worst moments are those when she blames herself. Maybe if she had run a little slower, or offered to swing with him, he would have stayed. Maybe she pushed him away.
Remember That Girl. Remember where you come from, even if you’ve never been her. When you are about to be caught up in the emotional swells and carried away in the “high of the moment”, don’t just swim away. Sure, be happy. There isn’t anything wrong with that- it’s important to soak in every drop of joy that you can from a good experience. Nothing feels better than those moments when you literally can’t keep yourself from screaming and jumping up and down because you just feel GOOD and can’t even contain yourself. The world is so big and beautiful, and it is swelling up inside of you, and you don’t feel like your body is able to hold it all for even one more second. You can’t stop grinning and energy is pulsating through your body and nothing else matters except NOW.
But you don’t stop at Now. Realize that Now is a fickle bitch that doesn’t last forever. When you are happier than you ever remember being, remember the times when you thought you were going to die. Remember the times you felt as if you were the only person alive because nobody in the world was there for you. The times when it hurt to breathe, when waking up was a laborious, impossible task. When you felt the blood pumping through your veins and every step and sight was a painful reminder of how small you were.
Or better yet, remember the times you felt as if you were the only person dead because you didn’t feel anything at all. It became easier to just turn it all off and you became legitimately afraid that you would never feel again. You would blindly press on, going through the motions and would vaguely register the emotions you should feel in a certain situation. You would remember to laugh when society dictated you were supposed to laugh, but always a few seconds too late. The moments when you were in the hole like a trapped animal, with the bell jar suspended over your head ready to fall at any second and isolate you from the world again. Never forget these places because to forget is selfish. To move on from that pain completely and to disregard it is unforgiveable.
It’s unforgiveable because it is not exclusive to only you. Every single day you pass That Girl. Yes, she might have to fight her battles alone as you did, but you can at least do her the favor of not exacerbating her pain. To see someone else in a place of bliss when you feel like you are dying is one of the worst feelings in the world. It has nothing to do with jealousy. You want to be happy for the person, but how can you be when you can’t even be happy for yourself? Even though you don’t want it to, seeing such purity in other people’s lives is like the salt water in the cut. It stings. People who can be happy without singing and shouting about their Wonderful Lives to the whole world are the ones people will want to help the most when the tide turns against them. People who exert some control over their actions and restrain themselves out of respect for those suffering will receive the gratitude and support they have earned when they need it most. Be happy quietly, for their sakes.
Temper your joy with compassion for those who are still left behind in the deep end. Don’t be the best friend who gets into their dream school, or makes the cheerleading squad and is so caught up in her own success that she abandons those who supported her when she had braces and her grandma died and her boyfriend broke up with her. In the words of Sirius Black, "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." When you are feeling superior, don’t. Because you aren’t. Fortune might be smiling upon you Now, but that is never fully to your own merit. That is chance. Rejoice quietly and channel compassion- it will be a blessing to the people all around you who, for that instant, won’t feel quite so alone.
I always used to say, I will never be "That Girl". The one who constantly second guesses herself and is always whispering deep inside: “Am I good enough?” I've learned the hard way however, that we can hide the truth with our contempt for weaklings like Bella Swan, but every single one of us has the capacity to allow a scumbag make us feel unworthy. This is a story about That Girl, who every girl has been, is, or will be.
Once upon a time That Girl fell for a boy. She fell hard and fast and saw the whole thing coming, but couldn’t stop it even if she’d wanted to. She felt her stomach drop at the first sight, the first word, the first touch. It screamed, “Watch out! You think this hurts? Just wait- this is only the beginning.” But That Girl ignored her poor stomach and ignored her brain, and followed her heart- the one organ that was rebelling against her. He made her feel alive and young and beautiful and smart and fun and free. When they were together, they clicked like they were born for each other- all the grooves and flaws fit the way they were supposed to. Together, they were invincible and content and well, perfect in each other’s imperfections (Or so it seemed. And when it seems, it is so)
But then, the inevitable happened. The scumbag remained a scumbag and revealed his scummy character. Maybe it wasn’t even his fault. Maybe they were just a couple of children playing at the playground. She would let him chase her and would stop long enough for him to snake his arms around her waist before she would take off giggling with mirth again. When she finally did decide she wasn’t afraid of cooties anymore, she realized he had left her at the jungle gym for a girl with freckles who was swinging on the swings. Thus is life.
That Girl now knew firsthand what her stomach had been warning her about. She was like the little girl who jumps in the deep end of the pool, despite the fact that her mom told her it wasn’t safe. She felt the water rush in over her head and her body filled with panic. That Girl was performing open heart surgery on herself- that’s how confusing and scary and real it felt. The colors disappeared and everything was black and white, contrasting between the two so quickly that all she could see was a blur of gray. That Girl fought to keep her head above the water, and fought to keep her hand steady as she held the tools that could fix her own bleeding heart, but she couldn’t tell if the world was more black or white or maybe it was actually gray after all. Without that knowledge, she was stuck treading water and gasping for breath.
Eventually, That Girl got so used to the treading and the gasping while everyone else around her continued to swim; performing lovely breaststrokes and backstrokes while she continued to flounder her way through the doggy paddle. The routine grew as comfortable as was possible, and for the most part, she adapted out of necessity. She had never shared her true experiences with him to anyone else, not out of secrecy but because there were no words to describe them. So now she waded through the gray and red water alone, and it was mostly okay. She could laugh with friends, feel joy and excitement, be proud and happy and normal. But every time That Girl “stopped caring”, Scumbag would swim by and her insides would feel hollow all over again when she saw him glide through the water with presumably not a care in the world. Despite it all, she missed him. It wasn’t even him she actually missed -but the hope- the optimism that the two of them had a chance together. It was the pain of seeing a once beautiful opportunity slip through her hands like the water she couldn’t keep a firm grasp on. Even if it’s just a lie and an illusion she concocted in her head, she knew in some ways, at some time, he dreamt it too. But now it is just a dream left in Dreamworld and all that is left is awkward, purposeful separation.
The worst part for That Girl is having to tread the gray waters with feigned indifference. She is a horrible actor because she’s so good. She can never just yell and scream and cry for a life boat to come save her. She can never just confront the scumbag and push and curse him for the heaven and the hell he put her through. Instead, she pretends she feels nothing and as a result, she feels less. It numbs and weakens the pain and nearly convinces her that she truly doesn’t care- except for the times when it comes rushing back out unexpectedly and takes full control of her body.
Now That Girl feels like an old woman and wishes for the time when she was the little girl running on the playground. At that moment, if felt so good being the female who is not expected to initiate the games but whose only job is to run and get caught. What happens when you’re the fish who isn’t getting caught? The one fish who needs to be caught because you can’t even swim anymore? Sure there are other fish in the sea, but the salt in the water is hurting That Girl’s heart and all the while the other, fitter fish are being caught. That Girl is so tired of waiting by the jungle gym. “Why can’t you get it together?” she asks him and herself. “I don’t ask for much.” The worst moments are those when she blames herself. Maybe if she had run a little slower, or offered to swing with him, he would have stayed. Maybe she pushed him away.
Remember That Girl. Remember where you come from, even if you’ve never been her. When you are about to be caught up in the emotional swells and carried away in the “high of the moment”, don’t just swim away. Sure, be happy. There isn’t anything wrong with that- it’s important to soak in every drop of joy that you can from a good experience. Nothing feels better than those moments when you literally can’t keep yourself from screaming and jumping up and down because you just feel GOOD and can’t even contain yourself. The world is so big and beautiful, and it is swelling up inside of you, and you don’t feel like your body is able to hold it all for even one more second. You can’t stop grinning and energy is pulsating through your body and nothing else matters except NOW.
But you don’t stop at Now. Realize that Now is a fickle bitch that doesn’t last forever. When you are happier than you ever remember being, remember the times when you thought you were going to die. Remember the times you felt as if you were the only person alive because nobody in the world was there for you. The times when it hurt to breathe, when waking up was a laborious, impossible task. When you felt the blood pumping through your veins and every step and sight was a painful reminder of how small you were.
Or better yet, remember the times you felt as if you were the only person dead because you didn’t feel anything at all. It became easier to just turn it all off and you became legitimately afraid that you would never feel again. You would blindly press on, going through the motions and would vaguely register the emotions you should feel in a certain situation. You would remember to laugh when society dictated you were supposed to laugh, but always a few seconds too late. The moments when you were in the hole like a trapped animal, with the bell jar suspended over your head ready to fall at any second and isolate you from the world again. Never forget these places because to forget is selfish. To move on from that pain completely and to disregard it is unforgiveable.
It’s unforgiveable because it is not exclusive to only you. Every single day you pass That Girl. Yes, she might have to fight her battles alone as you did, but you can at least do her the favor of not exacerbating her pain. To see someone else in a place of bliss when you feel like you are dying is one of the worst feelings in the world. It has nothing to do with jealousy. You want to be happy for the person, but how can you be when you can’t even be happy for yourself? Even though you don’t want it to, seeing such purity in other people’s lives is like the salt water in the cut. It stings. People who can be happy without singing and shouting about their Wonderful Lives to the whole world are the ones people will want to help the most when the tide turns against them. People who exert some control over their actions and restrain themselves out of respect for those suffering will receive the gratitude and support they have earned when they need it most. Be happy quietly, for their sakes.
Temper your joy with compassion for those who are still left behind in the deep end. Don’t be the best friend who gets into their dream school, or makes the cheerleading squad and is so caught up in her own success that she abandons those who supported her when she had braces and her grandma died and her boyfriend broke up with her. In the words of Sirius Black, "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." When you are feeling superior, don’t. Because you aren’t. Fortune might be smiling upon you Now, but that is never fully to your own merit. That is chance. Rejoice quietly and channel compassion- it will be a blessing to the people all around you who, for that instant, won’t feel quite so alone.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Dating Mistakes Women Make
By: Monica
SURPRISE! Yahoo! has done it again! They are in the right one more time, ladies and gentlemen. Check it out:
Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.
ME: Memorize the above and keep it only second to the Bible.
Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy
Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.
ME: I agree except I cringe at the use of the word "Bad Boy". A Bad Boy isn't necessarily an abuser or a crappy boyfriend. Those are called abusers or crappy boyfriends. A Bad Boy is just a Category 1 or 2 that is a bit of a rebel. Girls like that and it isn't a bad thing.
Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection
Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade.
ME: Kelly once put it best. You can't just accept a guy's flaws; you have to embrace them.
Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.
ME: Single is the one word that gives you a plate of freedom served with a side of opportunities. Take advantage until you find the person that makes you full and want to empty that plate right into the garbage.
Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.
Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.
ME: This one is a "whatever floats your boat". Just some off-the-shoulder advice.
Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”
ME: I'd rather see someone smile because of something I did for them than recieve a gift myself. Maybe that's just me (and Kelly).
Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.
Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.
ME: Though I personally don't, you can believe in soulmates or "the one". There is nothing wrong with that. However, the point is not to go out searching for him/her and narrowing your choices to a Prince Charming. Usually the person is not who you expect it to be.
Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.
“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”
ME: I'm a firm believer in manners. This shouldn't just apply to dating life, but to all aspects of life in general. Believe it or not, it will take you farther than you expect.
SURPRISE! Yahoo! has done it again! They are in the right one more time, ladies and gentlemen. Check it out:
Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.
ME: Memorize the above and keep it only second to the Bible.
Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy
Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.
ME: I agree except I cringe at the use of the word "Bad Boy". A Bad Boy isn't necessarily an abuser or a crappy boyfriend. Those are called abusers or crappy boyfriends. A Bad Boy is just a Category 1 or 2 that is a bit of a rebel. Girls like that and it isn't a bad thing.
Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection
Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade.
ME: Kelly once put it best. You can't just accept a guy's flaws; you have to embrace them.
Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.
ME: Single is the one word that gives you a plate of freedom served with a side of opportunities. Take advantage until you find the person that makes you full and want to empty that plate right into the garbage.
Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.
Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.
ME: This one is a "whatever floats your boat". Just some off-the-shoulder advice.
Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”
ME: I'd rather see someone smile because of something I did for them than recieve a gift myself. Maybe that's just me (and Kelly).
Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.
Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.
ME: Though I personally don't, you can believe in soulmates or "the one". There is nothing wrong with that. However, the point is not to go out searching for him/her and narrowing your choices to a Prince Charming. Usually the person is not who you expect it to be.
Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.
“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”
ME: I'm a firm believer in manners. This shouldn't just apply to dating life, but to all aspects of life in general. Believe it or not, it will take you farther than you expect.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Rambling Through the Avenues of Time
By: Kelly
Here's a clip from one of my favorite shows, Flight of the Conchords that pokes fun at the idea of romantic context:
Quote directly after this part:
Jemaine: "So your excuse for not getting the bread is because you were on a fantasy date? Why don't you go on a real date?"
Brett: "Well cause they're never as good as fantasy dates."
Here's a clip from one of my favorite shows, Flight of the Conchords that pokes fun at the idea of romantic context:
Quote directly after this part:
Jemaine: "So your excuse for not getting the bread is because you were on a fantasy date? Why don't you go on a real date?"
Brett: "Well cause they're never as good as fantasy dates."
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Why you can never "give your heart away"
By: Kelly
One of my favorite sources of inspiration for this blog is literature. Before you scoff at me for using Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte as learning material, let me just say I don’t form my opinions based off of the stories, because I fully admit they are idealistic. However, the general themes of the books are hugely applicable to real life. I take those themes and examine the world around me to flesh them out and see if they hold any water. Many times they do, and many times they don’t.
Today I was rereading Wuthering Heights for a second time and I reviewed a part when one of the characters, Isabella, is talking about how she "gave her heart" to Heathcliff and I had to literally stop and reread it a few times. To set it up a little bit, in the story, Isabella falls madly in love with “Heathcliff”. I put his name in quotations because it is not really him she falls in love with, but her false perceptions of who he is. She becomes overwhelmed and blinded by the context she put up around him. When I read the line when she claimed she “gave her heart” to him, I realized that that is a phrase people use all the time but is actually very misleading. This is because real love is never a choice. You cannot give your heart away because everyone does act out of self-interest and anyone who chooses to give their heart away would always subconsciously keep a huge portion of it to themselves. We're no more capable of figuratively giving our hearts away than we are capable of literally giving them away. In true love, your heart can only be stolen from you.
It is true that many girls who wear their hearts on their sleeves are always looking for a chance to "give their hearts away”. They conjure up allusions of giving their hearts away because they like the idea that they are bestowing a precious gift on someone else and also because they do want that fairy tale relationship in which their prince always protects them. However, that is never actually love, even if it feels as if their hearts are breaking when they face rejection. While they are making themselves vulnerable by exposing their weaknesses, hopes and expectations, they aren't giving away their hearts or actual love. It's the context thing all over again- it's an example of building up a fantasy and expectations in your mind but it isn't actually giving your heart away. This "fake love" bypasses the heart- it's completely a product of your mind even if the symptoms are felt elsewhere. It’s like brain cancer- the root of the problem is in your brain but the effects are felt all throughout the body, causing many to falsely label the disease as a broken heart rather than a broken brain. That might be cold and harsh, but it is the truth.
However, I do believe in unrequited love. Unrequited love is very difficult to distinguish between the false love I mentioned before. This is because in both instances, the symptoms are very similar- heart ache and rejection. The difference is that unrequited love is real love- the person in love actually sees the other person as they truly are, in their entirety, and falls head over heels for those qualities. In the “fake love” example I listed before, the person in love does not actually see the subject of their admiration in a true light. Unrequited love is a far scarier scenario to be involved in because in that case, your heart truly is stolen, but the person who stole it either a) isn't even aware that they did so, in which case they are wielding a weapon unknowingly or b) they stole it without wanting it and are truly that evil. In unrequited love, you are at the other person’s complete mercy and recovery cannot occur until you stop loving them or they start loving you- neither of which you control.
At this point, you’re probably thinking, “Oh my God, I should guard my heart closer than a fat boy would guard cake. If I don’t, I run the risks of letting context consume me and falling into false love, or I might become a slave to unrequited love.” If you are thinking that, you are right- you should guard your heart as closely as you can. Even though I spoke about it somewhat callously and sarcastically before, it is true that your heart is the most precious thing you have (apart from your pride). However, while you should never try to give your heart away, you shouldn’t be afraid of having your heart stolen. It’s pretty much inevitable. As I said before, real love never is a choice.
This is why the best methods in winning someone over are always the subtle, sly ways. A guy or girl should never be able to see it coming because if they do, not only does it make your job as the pursuer harder but it lessens the experience for them. It’s like going to see a movie where you can predict the ending within the first five minutes- sure it might be an ending you like but it’s never as satisfying as one of those movies with a shocker twist at the end that leaves you mind-blown. The chase really is the most important part because without it, there is no catch. The chase is such a fleeting part of most relationship but it is the part the two of you will always look back on with fondness and imitate in little ways. Because it is so limited, you want to do it right. Girls and guys alike might claim that they like it straight, with no games or surprises, but all evidence shows this isn’t true. People run from predictability because it is boring. If you feel as if you are making a decision to love someone, or feel as if you are bestowing a gift (in the form of your heart) upon them, chances are your relationship will be lacking and isn’t based off of anything substantial. So guard your heart, look for the big picture, try to avoid getting caught up in context, but realize at the end of the day, we are all slaves to love and if we want to experience true love, at one point, we’ll wake up and realize our hearts belong to someone else. And that will be the best plot twist you’ll probably ever experience.
One of my favorite sources of inspiration for this blog is literature. Before you scoff at me for using Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte as learning material, let me just say I don’t form my opinions based off of the stories, because I fully admit they are idealistic. However, the general themes of the books are hugely applicable to real life. I take those themes and examine the world around me to flesh them out and see if they hold any water. Many times they do, and many times they don’t.
Today I was rereading Wuthering Heights for a second time and I reviewed a part when one of the characters, Isabella, is talking about how she "gave her heart" to Heathcliff and I had to literally stop and reread it a few times. To set it up a little bit, in the story, Isabella falls madly in love with “Heathcliff”. I put his name in quotations because it is not really him she falls in love with, but her false perceptions of who he is. She becomes overwhelmed and blinded by the context she put up around him. When I read the line when she claimed she “gave her heart” to him, I realized that that is a phrase people use all the time but is actually very misleading. This is because real love is never a choice. You cannot give your heart away because everyone does act out of self-interest and anyone who chooses to give their heart away would always subconsciously keep a huge portion of it to themselves. We're no more capable of figuratively giving our hearts away than we are capable of literally giving them away. In true love, your heart can only be stolen from you.
It is true that many girls who wear their hearts on their sleeves are always looking for a chance to "give their hearts away”. They conjure up allusions of giving their hearts away because they like the idea that they are bestowing a precious gift on someone else and also because they do want that fairy tale relationship in which their prince always protects them. However, that is never actually love, even if it feels as if their hearts are breaking when they face rejection. While they are making themselves vulnerable by exposing their weaknesses, hopes and expectations, they aren't giving away their hearts or actual love. It's the context thing all over again- it's an example of building up a fantasy and expectations in your mind but it isn't actually giving your heart away. This "fake love" bypasses the heart- it's completely a product of your mind even if the symptoms are felt elsewhere. It’s like brain cancer- the root of the problem is in your brain but the effects are felt all throughout the body, causing many to falsely label the disease as a broken heart rather than a broken brain. That might be cold and harsh, but it is the truth.
However, I do believe in unrequited love. Unrequited love is very difficult to distinguish between the false love I mentioned before. This is because in both instances, the symptoms are very similar- heart ache and rejection. The difference is that unrequited love is real love- the person in love actually sees the other person as they truly are, in their entirety, and falls head over heels for those qualities. In the “fake love” example I listed before, the person in love does not actually see the subject of their admiration in a true light. Unrequited love is a far scarier scenario to be involved in because in that case, your heart truly is stolen, but the person who stole it either a) isn't even aware that they did so, in which case they are wielding a weapon unknowingly or b) they stole it without wanting it and are truly that evil. In unrequited love, you are at the other person’s complete mercy and recovery cannot occur until you stop loving them or they start loving you- neither of which you control.
At this point, you’re probably thinking, “Oh my God, I should guard my heart closer than a fat boy would guard cake. If I don’t, I run the risks of letting context consume me and falling into false love, or I might become a slave to unrequited love.” If you are thinking that, you are right- you should guard your heart as closely as you can. Even though I spoke about it somewhat callously and sarcastically before, it is true that your heart is the most precious thing you have (apart from your pride). However, while you should never try to give your heart away, you shouldn’t be afraid of having your heart stolen. It’s pretty much inevitable. As I said before, real love never is a choice.
This is why the best methods in winning someone over are always the subtle, sly ways. A guy or girl should never be able to see it coming because if they do, not only does it make your job as the pursuer harder but it lessens the experience for them. It’s like going to see a movie where you can predict the ending within the first five minutes- sure it might be an ending you like but it’s never as satisfying as one of those movies with a shocker twist at the end that leaves you mind-blown. The chase really is the most important part because without it, there is no catch. The chase is such a fleeting part of most relationship but it is the part the two of you will always look back on with fondness and imitate in little ways. Because it is so limited, you want to do it right. Girls and guys alike might claim that they like it straight, with no games or surprises, but all evidence shows this isn’t true. People run from predictability because it is boring. If you feel as if you are making a decision to love someone, or feel as if you are bestowing a gift (in the form of your heart) upon them, chances are your relationship will be lacking and isn’t based off of anything substantial. So guard your heart, look for the big picture, try to avoid getting caught up in context, but realize at the end of the day, we are all slaves to love and if we want to experience true love, at one point, we’ll wake up and realize our hearts belong to someone else. And that will be the best plot twist you’ll probably ever experience.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Girl Paradox
By: Monica
Whoever denies this to be atleast 98% accurate needs a serious reality check. This, coming from a girl who wholeheartedly admits to preferring the "bad boys" over some of the nicest guys I know- who bear the title of JUST FRIENDS.
Whoever denies this to be atleast 98% accurate needs a serious reality check. This, coming from a girl who wholeheartedly admits to preferring the "bad boys" over some of the nicest guys I know- who bear the title of JUST FRIENDS.
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