Why you can never "give your heart away"

By: Kelly

One of my favorite sources of inspiration for this blog is literature. Before you scoff at me for using Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte as learning material, let me just say I don’t form my opinions based off of the stories, because I fully admit they are idealistic. However, the general themes of the books are hugely applicable to real life. I take those themes and examine the world around me to flesh them out and see if they hold any water. Many times they do, and many times they don’t.

Today I was rereading Wuthering Heights for a second time and I reviewed a part when one of the characters, Isabella, is talking about how she "gave her heart" to Heathcliff and I had to literally stop and reread it a few times. To set it up a little bit, in the story, Isabella falls madly in love with “Heathcliff”. I put his name in quotations because it is not really him she falls in love with, but her false perceptions of who he is. She becomes overwhelmed and blinded by the context she put up around him. When I read the line when she claimed she “gave her heart” to him, I realized that that is a phrase people use all the time but is actually very misleading. This is because real love is never a choice. You cannot give your heart away because everyone does act out of self-interest and anyone who chooses to give their heart away would always subconsciously keep a huge portion of it to themselves. We're no more capable of figuratively giving our hearts away than we are capable of literally giving them away. In true love, your heart can only be stolen from you.

It is true that many girls who wear their hearts on their sleeves are always looking for a chance to "give their hearts away”. They conjure up allusions of giving their hearts away because they like the idea that they are bestowing a precious gift on someone else and also because they do want that fairy tale relationship in which their prince always protects them. However, that is never actually love, even if it feels as if their hearts are breaking when they face rejection. While they are making themselves vulnerable by exposing their weaknesses, hopes and expectations, they aren't giving away their hearts or actual love. It's the context thing all over again- it's an example of building up a fantasy and expectations in your mind but it isn't actually giving your heart away. This "fake love" bypasses the heart- it's completely a product of your mind even if the symptoms are felt elsewhere. It’s like brain cancer- the root of the problem is in your brain but the effects are felt all throughout the body, causing many to falsely label the disease as a broken heart rather than a broken brain. That might be cold and harsh, but it is the truth.

However, I do believe in unrequited love. Unrequited love is very difficult to distinguish between the false love I mentioned before. This is because in both instances, the symptoms are very similar- heart ache and rejection. The difference is that unrequited love is real love- the person in love actually sees the other person as they truly are, in their entirety, and falls head over heels for those qualities. In the “fake love” example I listed before, the person in love does not actually see the subject of their admiration in a true light. Unrequited love is a far scarier scenario to be involved in because in that case, your heart truly is stolen, but the person who stole it either a) isn't even aware that they did so, in which case they are wielding a weapon unknowingly or b) they stole it without wanting it and are truly that evil. In unrequited love, you are at the other person’s complete mercy and recovery cannot occur until you stop loving them or they start loving you- neither of which you control.

At this point, you’re probably thinking, “Oh my God, I should guard my heart closer than a fat boy would guard cake. If I don’t, I run the risks of letting context consume me and falling into false love, or I might become a slave to unrequited love.” If you are thinking that, you are right- you should guard your heart as closely as you can. Even though I spoke about it somewhat callously and sarcastically before, it is true that your heart is the most precious thing you have (apart from your pride). However, while you should never try to give your heart away, you shouldn’t be afraid of having your heart stolen. It’s pretty much inevitable. As I said before, real love never is a choice.

This is why the best methods in winning someone over are always the subtle, sly ways. A guy or girl should never be able to see it coming because if they do, not only does it make your job as the pursuer harder but it lessens the experience for them. It’s like going to see a movie where you can predict the ending within the first five minutes- sure it might be an ending you like but it’s never as satisfying as one of those movies with a shocker twist at the end that leaves you mind-blown. The chase really is the most important part because without it, there is no catch. The chase is such a fleeting part of most relationship but it is the part the two of you will always look back on with fondness and imitate in little ways. Because it is so limited, you want to do it right. Girls and guys alike might claim that they like it straight, with no games or surprises, but all evidence shows this isn’t true. People run from predictability because it is boring. If you feel as if you are making a decision to love someone, or feel as if you are bestowing a gift (in the form of your heart) upon them, chances are your relationship will be lacking and isn’t based off of anything substantial. So guard your heart, look for the big picture, try to avoid getting caught up in context, but realize at the end of the day, we are all slaves to love and if we want to experience true love, at one point, we’ll wake up and realize our hearts belong to someone else. And that will be the best plot twist you’ll probably ever experience.