By: Kelly
I could never top Monica in her last "tribute" post, so I won't bother except to say that I am terrified of going to college without her and am SO HAPPY we have facebook, email, AIM, and of course, this blog. I was thinking about it today, and I actually propose that we branch out with it because sometimes you feel a little less like this* and a little more like this.
When you're depressed or worried or annoyed, it's hard to give advice or write in an entertaining/comical manner. But sometimes you want to write anyway, just about what you're going through because it's a form of cathargy (This is a word Monica invented accidentally that is a combination of catharsis and lethargy that I am now doing my best to use at every opportunity because it is awesome). Anyway, since Monica and I are going to be five hours away from each other and probably won't see one another in person until Thanksgiving, I know we're going to be communicating A LOT online. Even now when we can see each other whenever we want, we generally exchange at least 10 messages a day minimum. So rather than type all of our entire stories or rants on facebook or email, I propose we write some of them on here as well. I haven't run this by her yet, so we'll see what she thinks. We can still offer insight on relationships when we feel like it, but it'll allow us to talk about whatever we want to. Plus it's not like anyone reads this anyway, so it's really no different than using facebook or whatever when it comes to privacy. We can be like the blogfriends (really bad knock off of the vlogbrothers). So Monica, yay or nay?
*I was going to go ahead and write a post about my feelings about college and growing up, but after seeing this "Secret Flirting Tips" video I have no choice but to list all of the things going through my head upon viewing.
0:09: My finger was hovering over the track pad about to click on another video. I was trying to find one of some cheesy, peppy lady giving relationship advice but once I saw the horrible graphics/music of this one, 3:42 was beginning to feel like 3 hours and 42 minutes.
0:10: "OH CRAP she looks like a combination of Meg Cabot (I'm sorry Meg Cabot), my freshman Spanish teacher if she went on weight watchers and lost 80 pounds, and my ancient English teacher from junior year. Also, is that a DOG?
0:35: Really? This is what doctors do? Remind me to NEVER major in psychology.
0:50: "Love in 90 Days? That's the title? Why would you ever use a time bracket for something as slippery and unpredictable as love? BS.
1:16: GOOD LORD this is getting awkward. Who DOES that? You can massage your bf/gf or your husband/wife but that isn't FLIRTING. If you barely know the person, it's more like molestation.
1:36: Oxytocin, eh? Big word. now I believe you are a doctor....
2:02: What are you laughing at, your horrible advice?
2:22: At this point I glanced at how many views the video had. OVER 200,000. WTF.
2:39: Anyone who uses this technique deserves to be drop kicked in the face.
3:05: ALL THIS LADY IS DOING IS TREATING HER DOG LIKE A DOG. MADSTER? WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FLIRTING? *calms self* Moving on.
3:07: See, the dog yawned. She was probably widening her mouth to see if it were conceivable to fit this lady's entire head in her mouth to get her to shut up.
3:30: "I know it's scary and I know it's hard" That's what he said.
3:33: "But you can try it out and see what happens" ...that's what he said cont'd.
3:37: "And you will be very very pleasantly surprised." Wow. It's like she knows my perverted mind.
Follow this advice, and maybe you'll end up like her! Making videos...with your pet...
Favorite comment:
"this is the most obvious advice ever.
your first tip is a massage?
girls, you want guys to notice you?
get your fat ass to the gym."
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Tribute
By: Monica
As you all know, Kelly and I began this blog as two seniors, in hopes that we could reach out to those who wanted a bit of advice on relationships and everything else covered in the Love Department. And, I must say, this has been a great year. Now we are going off to college and I would like to say that, I know one thing from experience. A good friend is a good thing to have. I would also like to thank Kelly for being that good friend to me because it has helped me in more ways than imaginable. She is my translator when no one else understands, always has an ear to lend when I won't shut up, and never fails to encourage me when I have an idea. It is because of her that my posts exist. Kelly, my most memorable moments were all shared with you and I could not think of someone I would want to share them with more. You know how I like to stick my nose in people's love lives and, I am just warning you in advance, I will be there to stick my nose in yours every step of the way. Save me a seat at your wedding.
"Are we not like two volumes of one book?" ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." ~Flavia Weedn
"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." ~Lois Wyse
"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~Elisabeth Foley
"True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable." ~Dave Tyson Gentry
"There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one's self, the very meaning of one's soul." ~Edith Wharton
"In my friend, I find a second self." ~Isabel Norton
As you all know, Kelly and I began this blog as two seniors, in hopes that we could reach out to those who wanted a bit of advice on relationships and everything else covered in the Love Department. And, I must say, this has been a great year. Now we are going off to college and I would like to say that, I know one thing from experience. A good friend is a good thing to have. I would also like to thank Kelly for being that good friend to me because it has helped me in more ways than imaginable. She is my translator when no one else understands, always has an ear to lend when I won't shut up, and never fails to encourage me when I have an idea. It is because of her that my posts exist. Kelly, my most memorable moments were all shared with you and I could not think of someone I would want to share them with more. You know how I like to stick my nose in people's love lives and, I am just warning you in advance, I will be there to stick my nose in yours every step of the way. Save me a seat at your wedding.
"Are we not like two volumes of one book?" ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." ~Flavia Weedn
"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." ~Lois Wyse
"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~Elisabeth Foley
"True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable." ~Dave Tyson Gentry
"There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one's self, the very meaning of one's soul." ~Edith Wharton
"In my friend, I find a second self." ~Isabel Norton
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Intelligence in a Sentence
By: Monica
I was having an interesting evening tonight, caked with mounds of drama and a heap of sloppy cover-ups. Sometimes I feel that the behaviors and workings that Kelly and I notice are only a burden to us. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. But tonight, just as I was moping in my own puddle of self pity, I stumbled upon this quote. And, I must say, it is quotes such as this one that reinvigorate my zest for what we do in Life. I thought I would share it with all of you and hope that it inspires you as it inspired me.
"Ideas pull the trigger, but Instict loads the gun." - Don Marquis
I was having an interesting evening tonight, caked with mounds of drama and a heap of sloppy cover-ups. Sometimes I feel that the behaviors and workings that Kelly and I notice are only a burden to us. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. But tonight, just as I was moping in my own puddle of self pity, I stumbled upon this quote. And, I must say, it is quotes such as this one that reinvigorate my zest for what we do in Life. I thought I would share it with all of you and hope that it inspires you as it inspired me.
"Ideas pull the trigger, but Instict loads the gun." - Don Marquis
Thursday, August 5, 2010
sorry guys...
By: Kelly
Via a TIME online article:
"According to a new study, men are more -- that's right, MORE -- affected by romance-related drama than women.
Women: for every romantic comedy, Chris Rock performance, and season of The Bachelor that's given you a bad relationship rap, celebrate alongside me our redemption! A sociology professor at Wake Forest University surveyed over 1,000 unmarried young adults between the ages of 18 and 23. After parsing the data, Robin Simon concluded men are far more likely to be emotionally affected than women of the same age by relationship turmoil.
Why? Simon provides, “for young men, their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy, whereas young women are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.”
Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/08/05/drama-kings-men-take-breakups-harder/#ixzz0vkAC3lrd"
I love how pointless all these "studies" are. I called that without research. Women have a whole support system built in to take care of them when a guy breaks up with them, while guys have to suffer it alone and not talk about their feelings. Women actually visibly go through the grieving process because it's socially acceptable, which allows them to move on faster.
Or maybe not:
"The study also concluded that while men are more emotionally affected by the quality of their relationship, women are more emotionally affected by whether or not they are in a relationship."
There very well may be no hope for any of us.
Via a TIME online article:
"According to a new study, men are more -- that's right, MORE -- affected by romance-related drama than women.
Women: for every romantic comedy, Chris Rock performance, and season of The Bachelor that's given you a bad relationship rap, celebrate alongside me our redemption! A sociology professor at Wake Forest University surveyed over 1,000 unmarried young adults between the ages of 18 and 23. After parsing the data, Robin Simon concluded men are far more likely to be emotionally affected than women of the same age by relationship turmoil.
Why? Simon provides, “for young men, their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy, whereas young women are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.”
Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/08/05/drama-kings-men-take-breakups-harder/#ixzz0vkAC3lrd"
I love how pointless all these "studies" are. I called that without research. Women have a whole support system built in to take care of them when a guy breaks up with them, while guys have to suffer it alone and not talk about their feelings. Women actually visibly go through the grieving process because it's socially acceptable, which allows them to move on faster.
Or maybe not:
"The study also concluded that while men are more emotionally affected by the quality of their relationship, women are more emotionally affected by whether or not they are in a relationship."
There very well may be no hope for any of us.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A look at feminism through children's cartoons and why Bella Swan is Jesus
By: Kelly
We all know how Hollywood brainwashes children into having premarital sex and murdering people in cold blood. But in the last few years, it has also become the culprit behind a plot to rid females of their girlish charms (which include giggling and being a completely helpless airhead). For a while, the media had the right idea. Disney was manufacturing princesses so pure of heart that it seemed every girl in America would grow up to into absolute perfection. After watching Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, I saw nothing odd or wrong about princes traipsing through forests, slaying witches and dragons to save the loves of their lives. I of course, assumed that the princesses had tricked their princes into believing they couldn't do it themselves, thereby giving them times to take a break from the needy men in their lives. I figured that they had mastered "playing hard to get" so well that they literally made men risk their lives to earn them. I imagined Sleeping Beauty walking up to that sewing machine and saying "Screw this! I don't want to sew I want to go watch some UFC. I'll just pretend to prick my finger and fall into a deep sleep so this hot dude will feel bad for me and go fight a dragon in my honor. Then I can take a nice nap and wake up to a kiss. Easy as pie!" Rapunzel probably had it made chilling up in that tower watching television and eating cheese doodles all day long. Those Disney princesses knew what they were doing, I'm telling you.
But then 2D animation went out the door, and with it went all of its glorious role models and quirky little animals. Instead, the mainstream media moved on to bigger and grittier things such as Shrek and the Cheetah Girls. All over, little girls were now looking up to Princess Fiona who, at the end of the movie, abandoned superficiality and not only married an ogre but became one as well (Devolution, I'm telling you. Hidden racist meanings abound, find them if you can.) Fiona far surpassed Shrek at marital arts and ripped apart the merry men while also ripping to shreds the collective identity of the perfect woman.
Even worse, after Shrek came the Cheetah Girls, four hard gangster chicks in New York, only one of which was white! I mean, Disney had been creating princesses since 1937 and not once did they make a black one. Pressure from the Disney Channel in the form of the Proud Family forced Disney's hand and 72 years later, we had our first gumbo-making black princess (of course, they remedied this by turning her into a frog). But I digress. Besides abandoning the Aryan image of perfection, the Cheetah Girls also departed from the ideal of docile woman. All of a sudden, girls were no longer singing “I’m wishing for the one I love to find me” but “I can slay my own dragons/I can dream my own dreams/ My knight in shining armor is me/ So I’m gonna set me free”. Are those lyrics loaded, or what?! (If you read that verse again, this time in terms of rejecting sex and embracing the notion of “pleasing yourself”-I don’t know if there is a delicate ladylike word for masturbation the way women “glisten” rather than sweat, so whatever- it takes on an entirely different meaning.) After watching Galleria and her friends belt it out, I and every other girl across the country would look at women like Mary Jane in Spiderman with upmost contempt. I mean really, did she not have use of her legs? When the Green Goblin was attacking Peter, could she really do nothing but scream? I know she’s a ginger, but still!
So for several years, I continued on under this delusion that I should be distressed by damsels in distress. But then along came today’s savior for women everywhere. She hopped into the hearts and minds of every girl from the age of 11 to 45. With her vapid chocolate brown eyes and heart full of passionate and empty love to give, she had America hooked again on what it means to be female- all encompassing passivity and meekness. Who could I be speaking of, if not Bella Swan? She, like the good Mormon who birthed her, reacquainted us with the idea that the most important thing a girl can ever do is marry successfully. Although Mrs. Stephanie Meyer was smart enough to trick many of the feminists by frequently having Bella attempt to save Edward, she always stayed true to her roots and reversed the situation. For example, when Bella tried to go save Edward in Italy, he ended up being tortured trying to save her from an evil band of vampires while she once again screamed in that manly voice of hers, “No! Edward don’t!” How funny is that? This completely average girl bewitched a mythical creature into falling so madly in love with her, that upon believing she died, he attempts to kill himself. So Bella hops on a plane and gets a nice vacation in Italy where she got her boyfriend back after crying enough (Every girl knows that if you throw a big enough fit, you can get anything you want). And then she stands idly by as his entire family is put in danger. She really is the mastermind Sleeping Beauty reincarnated.
She tricks Edward into thinking her head is so empty that he cannot even read her thoughts. Bella was showing us the light. If we women pretend to be completely helpless morons, we can get guys to do pretty much anything we want. They’ll swim across entire oceans to save us because we pretend we can’t do it ourselves. They won't question our motives because they'll assume we're too stupid and weak to ever plot against them (which is of course, what we've done since the beginning of time. Literally. Eve got Adam to eat the forbidden fruit after all, as I mentioned in my first blog post ever). And Bella conned Edward into making her into a vampire so now she can live forever, look incredibly beautiful, and have insane speed and strength, all while acting like the lovable and completely dense girl he loves and doesn’t feel threatened by. Oh, and her power in Breaking Dawn? The ability to “shield”? If that isn’t a throwback to good old womanly submissiveness, I don’t know what is. There isn’t even a battle in that book. Bella is so good at playing the role of the idiot, she even gets Edward to practically beg her to have sex with washboard abs Jacob. Well, those Mormons do love their polygamy. Except now it’s the women who have the upper hand, with multiple guy partners. I knew Bella could bring us back to our proper morals.
We all know how Hollywood brainwashes children into having premarital sex and murdering people in cold blood. But in the last few years, it has also become the culprit behind a plot to rid females of their girlish charms (which include giggling and being a completely helpless airhead). For a while, the media had the right idea. Disney was manufacturing princesses so pure of heart that it seemed every girl in America would grow up to into absolute perfection. After watching Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, I saw nothing odd or wrong about princes traipsing through forests, slaying witches and dragons to save the loves of their lives. I of course, assumed that the princesses had tricked their princes into believing they couldn't do it themselves, thereby giving them times to take a break from the needy men in their lives. I figured that they had mastered "playing hard to get" so well that they literally made men risk their lives to earn them. I imagined Sleeping Beauty walking up to that sewing machine and saying "Screw this! I don't want to sew I want to go watch some UFC. I'll just pretend to prick my finger and fall into a deep sleep so this hot dude will feel bad for me and go fight a dragon in my honor. Then I can take a nice nap and wake up to a kiss. Easy as pie!" Rapunzel probably had it made chilling up in that tower watching television and eating cheese doodles all day long. Those Disney princesses knew what they were doing, I'm telling you.
But then 2D animation went out the door, and with it went all of its glorious role models and quirky little animals. Instead, the mainstream media moved on to bigger and grittier things such as Shrek and the Cheetah Girls. All over, little girls were now looking up to Princess Fiona who, at the end of the movie, abandoned superficiality and not only married an ogre but became one as well (Devolution, I'm telling you. Hidden racist meanings abound, find them if you can.) Fiona far surpassed Shrek at marital arts and ripped apart the merry men while also ripping to shreds the collective identity of the perfect woman.
Even worse, after Shrek came the Cheetah Girls, four hard gangster chicks in New York, only one of which was white! I mean, Disney had been creating princesses since 1937 and not once did they make a black one. Pressure from the Disney Channel in the form of the Proud Family forced Disney's hand and 72 years later, we had our first gumbo-making black princess (of course, they remedied this by turning her into a frog). But I digress. Besides abandoning the Aryan image of perfection, the Cheetah Girls also departed from the ideal of docile woman. All of a sudden, girls were no longer singing “I’m wishing for the one I love to find me” but “I can slay my own dragons/I can dream my own dreams/ My knight in shining armor is me/ So I’m gonna set me free”. Are those lyrics loaded, or what?! (If you read that verse again, this time in terms of rejecting sex and embracing the notion of “pleasing yourself”-I don’t know if there is a delicate ladylike word for masturbation the way women “glisten” rather than sweat, so whatever- it takes on an entirely different meaning.) After watching Galleria and her friends belt it out, I and every other girl across the country would look at women like Mary Jane in Spiderman with upmost contempt. I mean really, did she not have use of her legs? When the Green Goblin was attacking Peter, could she really do nothing but scream? I know she’s a ginger, but still!
So for several years, I continued on under this delusion that I should be distressed by damsels in distress. But then along came today’s savior for women everywhere. She hopped into the hearts and minds of every girl from the age of 11 to 45. With her vapid chocolate brown eyes and heart full of passionate and empty love to give, she had America hooked again on what it means to be female- all encompassing passivity and meekness. Who could I be speaking of, if not Bella Swan? She, like the good Mormon who birthed her, reacquainted us with the idea that the most important thing a girl can ever do is marry successfully. Although Mrs. Stephanie Meyer was smart enough to trick many of the feminists by frequently having Bella attempt to save Edward, she always stayed true to her roots and reversed the situation. For example, when Bella tried to go save Edward in Italy, he ended up being tortured trying to save her from an evil band of vampires while she once again screamed in that manly voice of hers, “No! Edward don’t!” How funny is that? This completely average girl bewitched a mythical creature into falling so madly in love with her, that upon believing she died, he attempts to kill himself. So Bella hops on a plane and gets a nice vacation in Italy where she got her boyfriend back after crying enough (Every girl knows that if you throw a big enough fit, you can get anything you want). And then she stands idly by as his entire family is put in danger. She really is the mastermind Sleeping Beauty reincarnated.
She tricks Edward into thinking her head is so empty that he cannot even read her thoughts. Bella was showing us the light. If we women pretend to be completely helpless morons, we can get guys to do pretty much anything we want. They’ll swim across entire oceans to save us because we pretend we can’t do it ourselves. They won't question our motives because they'll assume we're too stupid and weak to ever plot against them (which is of course, what we've done since the beginning of time. Literally. Eve got Adam to eat the forbidden fruit after all, as I mentioned in my first blog post ever). And Bella conned Edward into making her into a vampire so now she can live forever, look incredibly beautiful, and have insane speed and strength, all while acting like the lovable and completely dense girl he loves and doesn’t feel threatened by. Oh, and her power in Breaking Dawn? The ability to “shield”? If that isn’t a throwback to good old womanly submissiveness, I don’t know what is. There isn’t even a battle in that book. Bella is so good at playing the role of the idiot, she even gets Edward to practically beg her to have sex with washboard abs Jacob. Well, those Mormons do love their polygamy. Except now it’s the women who have the upper hand, with multiple guy partners. I knew Bella could bring us back to our proper morals.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Power of Influence
By: Monica
"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy... [But] there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else. " - Killing Yourself To Live
This is an excerpt from a book I have yet to read (which, in turn, gives me the opportunity to view it unbiasedly out-of-context). Upon reading this, my first reaction was "Whoa." It's the kind of idea you stumble upon and gain that "Aha!" moment where you knew the concept was there, but you could never form it into words, or even pinpoint it within the thousands of other subconscious thoughts floating around in your head. The second surprise came when I found out that the author of this idea was in fact a male. And suddenly I was surprised that I was surprised. Confusing, huh? As my train of thought always is. But bare with me for just a second. Would you not be dumbfounded that an individual of the male species could possibly be so open with how much a person can influence us? This man admits that we are all vulnerable creatures and affect each other in ways we cannot fathom. That, in a way, the people we interact with (certain people) have a sort of hold on us. Reaks of femininity, right? Wrong. That was my initial reaction. But think of it this way. I believe men can see ideas more clearly than women. After all, mens' brains are like waffles, womens' are like spaghetti.
Side note explanation:">
(I apologize for the lameness of this video, but it does the job.)
Therefore, an eloquent man would be able to take notice of and voice the distinctual ties humans create with one another and how this affects our personas as we develop into the people we become.
So, back on topic. I felt this excerpt embodies a great amount of topics in just a few sentences. And it all makes sense. The first half is self explanatory. I can, on one hand, count the people that have influenced me in a way I cannot understand. And they are not family members either. One is a random kid I saw almost everyday throughout high school. Just his presence and the way he acted influenced me, even if it did not directly relate to me at all. Now I will always look for nonchalance in a man. I will always look for confidence and sarcasm and overanalyzation, even callousness and pessimism. I will always look for that "bad boy" image. Now that I think about it, why is it that women are so attracted to bad boys? Could part of it be that he was the first to break her heart? That he had the largest impact on her? That he seemed untouchable except with her? Quite possibly.
The second thing to address is the concept of context. Context is the part of a person you completely concoct yourself. No one knows 100% of another person. We can only assume what a person would do in a situation, or how they think. But we do not know. Context also includes who we want that person to be. Maybe your school has a well known "bad boy", the type of "bad boy" that sleeps around, cheats on his girlfriends, and parties non stop. And yet when he whispers sweet nothings into your ear you are sure that you are special to him. These are just two examples yet context is so general. That is the sole reason it is difficult to explain and, sometimes, difficult to grasp.
So now I am off to finish reading this wonderful book. It is not a "Love for Dummies" by any means. Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman. Check it out. I'm on page 4 and I already recommend it.
"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy... [But] there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else. " - Killing Yourself To Live
This is an excerpt from a book I have yet to read (which, in turn, gives me the opportunity to view it unbiasedly out-of-context). Upon reading this, my first reaction was "Whoa." It's the kind of idea you stumble upon and gain that "Aha!" moment where you knew the concept was there, but you could never form it into words, or even pinpoint it within the thousands of other subconscious thoughts floating around in your head. The second surprise came when I found out that the author of this idea was in fact a male. And suddenly I was surprised that I was surprised. Confusing, huh? As my train of thought always is. But bare with me for just a second. Would you not be dumbfounded that an individual of the male species could possibly be so open with how much a person can influence us? This man admits that we are all vulnerable creatures and affect each other in ways we cannot fathom. That, in a way, the people we interact with (certain people) have a sort of hold on us. Reaks of femininity, right? Wrong. That was my initial reaction. But think of it this way. I believe men can see ideas more clearly than women. After all, mens' brains are like waffles, womens' are like spaghetti.
Side note explanation:">
(I apologize for the lameness of this video, but it does the job.)
Therefore, an eloquent man would be able to take notice of and voice the distinctual ties humans create with one another and how this affects our personas as we develop into the people we become.
So, back on topic. I felt this excerpt embodies a great amount of topics in just a few sentences. And it all makes sense. The first half is self explanatory. I can, on one hand, count the people that have influenced me in a way I cannot understand. And they are not family members either. One is a random kid I saw almost everyday throughout high school. Just his presence and the way he acted influenced me, even if it did not directly relate to me at all. Now I will always look for nonchalance in a man. I will always look for confidence and sarcasm and overanalyzation, even callousness and pessimism. I will always look for that "bad boy" image. Now that I think about it, why is it that women are so attracted to bad boys? Could part of it be that he was the first to break her heart? That he had the largest impact on her? That he seemed untouchable except with her? Quite possibly.
The second thing to address is the concept of context. Context is the part of a person you completely concoct yourself. No one knows 100% of another person. We can only assume what a person would do in a situation, or how they think. But we do not know. Context also includes who we want that person to be. Maybe your school has a well known "bad boy", the type of "bad boy" that sleeps around, cheats on his girlfriends, and parties non stop. And yet when he whispers sweet nothings into your ear you are sure that you are special to him. These are just two examples yet context is so general. That is the sole reason it is difficult to explain and, sometimes, difficult to grasp.
So now I am off to finish reading this wonderful book. It is not a "Love for Dummies" by any means. Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman. Check it out. I'm on page 4 and I already recommend it.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Q and A
By: Kelly
I'm feeling very lazy and uninspired so I am going to use a series of hypothetical questions that I always see people ask and I'll answer them myspace survey style. Taking it old school.
Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: No but I absolutely love the concept so much that I wish I did. I also tend to dislike those people who say, "you've only been together for three weeks, you aren't in love!" because I think it varies from case to case. Some people will go all their lives knowing each other and one day they wake up and realize they love each other. And then I've known old couples who met, fell in love, and got married all in one week. Sometimes people are lucky and initial attraction slips flawlessly and quickly into love, but that still isn't love at first sight. You can't love someone without knowing them, because as we've said a million times, that would just be being in love with your idea of them. But if I had only known someone for a week or three, I would err on the side of caution and wouldn't rush it just because of the passion and romance of the moment. The old couples who experienced "love at first sight" and have been married for 50 years just wouldn't happen today because divorce is so accepted and widespread. It was normal back then for people to marry young and stay together no matter what. Also, even if I felt like I fell in love very quickly, I would wait until it was painfully obvious before even saying anything. I'd want my partner to be able to just give me a smart ass remark like "Yeah I know", but his eyes would show me he meant it ;)
Q: How do you balance your attention between your friends and your boyfriend/girlfriend?
A: I've never understood what was so difficult about this. Devote equal time to both of them because they're equally important. If they aren't, one or both of the relationships has something wrong with it. This one should be a no brainer; I have zero tolerance for people who ditch their friends once they are in a relationship, and vice versa.
Q: What should I know about texting a boy/girl?
A: There is actually pretty strict etiquette for texting believe it or not. You never send more than one text to the same person in a day without getting a response. It's a very strict back and forth medium, unlike normal conversation or even IM. If the same person is always the first and last to end a conversation, it means something. It means they are willing to put more effort in, for whatever reason. If that is you, maybe you are texting too often or you aren't contributing anything worthwhile to the conversation. Don't just text open-ended questions like "what's up?" but go for something more substantial. A good conversation will have one person introduce a topic and after exhausting that one (or before it gets to that point if it flows well) and then the other person will introduce a topic. No one wants to have to carry the entire conversation, especially in texting. Texting is probably the slowest medium you can use and because the messages are so short, try to make them meaningful. What you say in a text is going to stick in someone's head much longer than an IM because there is so much time between exchanges. Don't be the person who instantly texts back every single time. It's too predictable and suggests you don't have a life. But don't be unreliable and always text back two hours later. 10 minutes is a happy medium, but it can deviate between 2 minutes and an hour or more depending on what else you have going on. Also, call me old fashioned but I was raised to cringe at the thought of a girl calling a guy first and I think that tradition has passed on to texting. Unless you have something important or really interesting to say, save it for when he texts you.
Q: Should I take back a cheater?
A: I personally would never take back a cheater if he had had the reputation of being a player before we dated and it ended up coming true because that would show me it wasn't even close to being an accident. But if he was a "good guy" with a clean record and a good reputation, I would take him back if he was the one who told me he cheated. If I found out from somebody else, forget it. But if he had the balls to fess up and make amends, I would take him back if it had been a one time thing and somewhat accidental (since it never fully is). Even then, only if he was a really special guy who had always been trustworthy before and I couldn't imagine living without him. But that's just me.
Q: How long should I wait for him/her?
A: Okay hypothetical question, you are awfully vague! Unless you are writing about a spouse/partner that is overseas serving their country or something similar, you should never "wait" for anyone. Waiting implies sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Sitting by the phone will never make him call and being obviously available will not interest him. Don't waste years of your life hoping a tease will finally grow up and commit to a relationship. Date around and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Literally ;) Okay, okay just kidding.
Q: I just changed my hairstyle and got highlights and my boyfriend hates it. Should I change it for him? I did really like it, but once he said that I had second thoughts.
A: I overheard a lady say this the other day at the airport and I thought it was really sad. She turned to me and jokingly said, "See what men do to us?!" I wish I could just scoff and say, "To hell with his opinion! Wear your hair the way you want to!" But when you love somebody, you want to look good for them. I take my friends advice when it comes to clothes and stuff so why not a boyfriend's? We should stop being so sensitive and maybe then men would stop lying to us all the time. But then again, insecurities are basically a requirement of the gender. What I would honestly do if I really did like how it looked, would be to buy a hideous wig or some temporary pink hair dye and come home looking like a clown just to freak him out for a little while. I'd innocently say, "What? I know you didn't like it before so I thought I'd try something a little bit more carefree. You don't like this either?" That would show him what bad really looks like.
Q: Do age differences matter?
A: Not really. It's pretty much just a number. But I think it's a factor that helps make it easier to relate to the person if you're closer in age.
Q: Is long distance worth it?
A: In my opinion, it depends what stage of life you are in. If you are right out of high school or college, no way. You are going to have so many more opportunities to meet people and you do not want to be held back and miserable because you're always missing your boyfriend or girlfriend. You haven't fully matured into the person you're going to be so there is no point in holding on. But if you're out of school and have been dating someone for several years and they have to go away for six months or something to work, that's more plausible. For me, if it was a longer period of time than that, the best situation would be to take it casually and see how it goes. Still keep in touch but if you feel it becomes work, decide as a couple it's okay to take a break and see other people. When they come back, you can always pick things up where you left off if you want to.
I'm feeling very lazy and uninspired so I am going to use a series of hypothetical questions that I always see people ask and I'll answer them myspace survey style. Taking it old school.
Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: No but I absolutely love the concept so much that I wish I did. I also tend to dislike those people who say, "you've only been together for three weeks, you aren't in love!" because I think it varies from case to case. Some people will go all their lives knowing each other and one day they wake up and realize they love each other. And then I've known old couples who met, fell in love, and got married all in one week. Sometimes people are lucky and initial attraction slips flawlessly and quickly into love, but that still isn't love at first sight. You can't love someone without knowing them, because as we've said a million times, that would just be being in love with your idea of them. But if I had only known someone for a week or three, I would err on the side of caution and wouldn't rush it just because of the passion and romance of the moment. The old couples who experienced "love at first sight" and have been married for 50 years just wouldn't happen today because divorce is so accepted and widespread. It was normal back then for people to marry young and stay together no matter what. Also, even if I felt like I fell in love very quickly, I would wait until it was painfully obvious before even saying anything. I'd want my partner to be able to just give me a smart ass remark like "Yeah I know", but his eyes would show me he meant it ;)
Q: How do you balance your attention between your friends and your boyfriend/girlfriend?
A: I've never understood what was so difficult about this. Devote equal time to both of them because they're equally important. If they aren't, one or both of the relationships has something wrong with it. This one should be a no brainer; I have zero tolerance for people who ditch their friends once they are in a relationship, and vice versa.
Q: What should I know about texting a boy/girl?
A: There is actually pretty strict etiquette for texting believe it or not. You never send more than one text to the same person in a day without getting a response. It's a very strict back and forth medium, unlike normal conversation or even IM. If the same person is always the first and last to end a conversation, it means something. It means they are willing to put more effort in, for whatever reason. If that is you, maybe you are texting too often or you aren't contributing anything worthwhile to the conversation. Don't just text open-ended questions like "what's up?" but go for something more substantial. A good conversation will have one person introduce a topic and after exhausting that one (or before it gets to that point if it flows well) and then the other person will introduce a topic. No one wants to have to carry the entire conversation, especially in texting. Texting is probably the slowest medium you can use and because the messages are so short, try to make them meaningful. What you say in a text is going to stick in someone's head much longer than an IM because there is so much time between exchanges. Don't be the person who instantly texts back every single time. It's too predictable and suggests you don't have a life. But don't be unreliable and always text back two hours later. 10 minutes is a happy medium, but it can deviate between 2 minutes and an hour or more depending on what else you have going on. Also, call me old fashioned but I was raised to cringe at the thought of a girl calling a guy first and I think that tradition has passed on to texting. Unless you have something important or really interesting to say, save it for when he texts you.
Q: Should I take back a cheater?
A: I personally would never take back a cheater if he had had the reputation of being a player before we dated and it ended up coming true because that would show me it wasn't even close to being an accident. But if he was a "good guy" with a clean record and a good reputation, I would take him back if he was the one who told me he cheated. If I found out from somebody else, forget it. But if he had the balls to fess up and make amends, I would take him back if it had been a one time thing and somewhat accidental (since it never fully is). Even then, only if he was a really special guy who had always been trustworthy before and I couldn't imagine living without him. But that's just me.
Q: How long should I wait for him/her?
A: Okay hypothetical question, you are awfully vague! Unless you are writing about a spouse/partner that is overseas serving their country or something similar, you should never "wait" for anyone. Waiting implies sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Sitting by the phone will never make him call and being obviously available will not interest him. Don't waste years of your life hoping a tease will finally grow up and commit to a relationship. Date around and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Literally ;) Okay, okay just kidding.
Q: I just changed my hairstyle and got highlights and my boyfriend hates it. Should I change it for him? I did really like it, but once he said that I had second thoughts.
A: I overheard a lady say this the other day at the airport and I thought it was really sad. She turned to me and jokingly said, "See what men do to us?!" I wish I could just scoff and say, "To hell with his opinion! Wear your hair the way you want to!" But when you love somebody, you want to look good for them. I take my friends advice when it comes to clothes and stuff so why not a boyfriend's? We should stop being so sensitive and maybe then men would stop lying to us all the time. But then again, insecurities are basically a requirement of the gender. What I would honestly do if I really did like how it looked, would be to buy a hideous wig or some temporary pink hair dye and come home looking like a clown just to freak him out for a little while. I'd innocently say, "What? I know you didn't like it before so I thought I'd try something a little bit more carefree. You don't like this either?" That would show him what bad really looks like.
Q: Do age differences matter?
A: Not really. It's pretty much just a number. But I think it's a factor that helps make it easier to relate to the person if you're closer in age.
Q: Is long distance worth it?
A: In my opinion, it depends what stage of life you are in. If you are right out of high school or college, no way. You are going to have so many more opportunities to meet people and you do not want to be held back and miserable because you're always missing your boyfriend or girlfriend. You haven't fully matured into the person you're going to be so there is no point in holding on. But if you're out of school and have been dating someone for several years and they have to go away for six months or something to work, that's more plausible. For me, if it was a longer period of time than that, the best situation would be to take it casually and see how it goes. Still keep in touch but if you feel it becomes work, decide as a couple it's okay to take a break and see other people. When they come back, you can always pick things up where you left off if you want to.
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